| Who's a drunken, futuristic, space character? | |
|---|---|
| Season | 3 |
| Season Episode | 1 (Season Premiere) |
| Air date | 1/1/22 |
| Written by | HyperSsonic |
| Episode guide | |
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Futurama VS Rick and Morty! You love these two alcoholic criminals, but only one will come out victorious. Will Bender bend away at Rick's chances of winning? Or will Rick get risky and use whatever it takes to beat Bender?
Intro:[]
(Cue: Invader)
Wiz: Technology, one of mankind's best achievements.
Boomstick: But one of these two basically just take it beyond anything we have ever done! With the other being the creation of what we've done in the future!
Wiz: Bender, the bending unit of the Planet Express crew.
Boomstick: And Rick Sanchez, the crazed scientist from Earth C-137. He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills too see who would win a Death Battle!
Bender wants to kill all humans in Death Battle!:[]
(Cue: Futurama Main Theme)
Wiz: The future, there are many ideas on what it’ll be like.
Boomstick: But this idea has got to be one of the weirdest ones around!
Wiz: Meet Philip J. Fry, a pizza delivery boy from the year 1999.
Boomstick: Just a second before 2000, he was frozen. He then finds himself in the year 2999. After escaping the chance of becoming a pizza delivery boy again, he then finds a suicide booth. Man, that got dark real quick. Anyway, after waiting in line, an inpatience robot tries doing a 2 in 1, but Fry ends up stopping it, and the two of them end up friends. That robot is the one we’re talking about today.
Wiz: This is Bender Bending Rodriguez, a Bending Unit 22 robot.
Boomstick: I wonder why he was going into it anyway.
Wiz: He literally said that he was made to bend metals and stuff to make sucide booths.
Boomstick: I know that! What do you take me for? An idiot?
Wiz: I... Anyway, after the two get to know each other, the two run from Turanga Leela, the future captain of the Planet Express ship, as according to a chip, Fry would be a delivery boy again.
Boomstick: Wow, reality does hate him a lot! Anyway, after her failed attempt at capturing them, they find a sort of agreement, and end up working under Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth at Planet Express. And what did Fry become? A fucking delivery boy, and he’s excited about it? I don’t understand it.
Wiz: I don’t either, but hey, he is dumber than you, so at least you know something. At least you are smarter than Fry. Which is honestly scary to think about.
Boomstick: That’s reality for ya! Anyway, the two of them have gone on many crazy adventures together, and have had many... Interesting moments.
It shows moments of Bender and Amy in the tornado, and Fry learning he’s his own grandfather.
Boomstick: Very interesting moments, and yet they have also have some actual *sniffs* touching moments.
It shows Fry’s dog, Seymour, waiting for him for a long time, and Bender being accepted by Hermes even though he was defective.
It then cuts to Wiz and Boomstick crying.
Wiz: *sniffs and wipes away tears* So, anyway, they have had many adventures, and even when not with Fry, Bender has had many more adventures, well, crime sprees would be the more appropriate word for it.
Boomstick: He’s a very good role model! Anyway, now that we’ve gotten that stuff out of the way, let’s talk about what this bending unit can do!
Wiz: Alright, first of all, being a bending unit, he can bend many things with relative ease, and even bending stuff that were literally stated to be unbendable!
Pop-Up: Although he did bend it, he did use some oil to make it a bit easier.
Boomstick: And he can even burp up fire!
Wiz: And one of his best features is that he is, well, a robot, meaning that he can endure much more than a normal human, and he also has extendable arms and legs.
Boomstick: And the bot has his chest compartment, which holds many fun things! Like hammers/mallets, spare beer bottles, laser guns, knives, bombs, and a gaydar! What’s a gaydar you ask? Well, it’s a device like a radar, but instead, it tells you if someone is gay or not!
Wiz: Yeah, that is an interesting machine. However, it is nothing compared to his Banach-Tarski Dupla-Shrinker. Which is a machine that makes it where when he eats something, he makes two mini versions of himself! And if they all keep going and going, the planet would’ve likely been destroyed!
Boomstick: Eh, it ain’t that bad compared to other stuff that has happened in the show. And hell, one of his laser guns is literally called the Planetary Annihilator! Though it wasn’t as big as an actual planet, but did slowly become bigger, so it could’ve become bigger. And did I mention that Bender has broken the fourth wall before?!
Wiz: You haven’t, but Bender has indeed broken the fourth wall before. And with his chest cavity it can be used for busting stuff out, but Bender can also store stuff inside, like all the priceless treasures he stole when he traveled back in time with the Time Sphere. And he was even able to drag a wolly mamoth!
Boomstick: Wiz, did you forget he can literally lift Dark Matter? Which has been said to have about the weight of "as much as a thousand suns"! That's like 2 nonillion tons!
Wiz: No, I was going to get to that, but he did indeed do that.
Boomstick: Hell, he can shoot fire out of his ass, and shoot lasers from his eyes! That’s some true sci-fi stuff right there! And Bender is also quite durable as he survived a point-blank explosion from inside of him from a Doomsday Device! The D.D Devices made by Farnsworth can range from destroying ships to stars! Hell, besides that, he even moved a planet! With some help of course. But still, he moved a goddamn planet! Which would actually require a force of almost 6 ninatons of TNT.
Wiz: Then there is the fact that he actually became God basically. All because he was able to get his processing unit upgraded, and he then kept upgrading it until he had the entire at minimum 4D Futurama universe as his processor, which in the end, he became omniscient, omnipresent, and then had precognition of everything! However, at the end of that episode, he did lose his godly powers, but he did end up getting the answers to some questions.
Pop-Up: Bender has also actually shown to be quite smart when it comes to technology
Boomstick: And even after all that stuff, he still has some defects
Wiz: Those being that he was made without a back-up unit, so unlike other robots who can come back in a new body, once he dies, he dies. Then there is his addictive personality and his impulsiveness when it comes to committing felonies which makes it hard for him to work people. Then if he comes in contact with a magnet, he’ll... Start singing folk songs.
Pop-Up: Even though Bender can’t return to his normal body after dying, he will become a ghost and be able to possess any metalic object.
Booomstick: And somewhat like humans, if he comsumes too much alcohol somehow, he will enter a drunken state. However, he is truly one of the greatest influencers in history!
Bender: I'm gonna go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers! In fact, forget the park!
Rick Sanchez is smarter than Wiz from Death Battle!:[]
(Cue: Rick and Morty Main Theme)
Wiz: Hey! Who made that the title card?
DUMMI: Ha ha ha.
Boomstick: I don’t see why you don’t torture him more often. We have used weapons on other things like the ERROR!Sans string things, so why not use more stuff on DUMMI?
Wiz: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but thanks, Boomstick!
Boomstick: What can I say except, you’re welcome? Now, let’s talk about this crazed scientist.
Wiz: Right. The mulltiverse is an infinite amount of worlds that have it where each is unique in one way or another. However, there is one similarity between each one.
Boomstick: That being Rick Sanchez, the actually smart smartass with a drinking problem!
Wiz: And throughout each one, they all almost have the exact same backstory. However, we are going to go over the most known one which is C-137 the “Rick-est” of all the Ricks. The story of this one is that he was born with unfathomably high intelligence, where he became the smartest person in the universe! Not even that, but of the smartest of all the Ricks!
Boomstick: And after getting bored of his life on Earth, he took off to the worlds beyond the moon. Though, he did eventually come back to get himself a sidekick in the form of his grandson, Morty.
Wiz: In a time period of around 20 or so years, he had explorded many different universes, made inventions that even I am impressed with, and sadly ended up doing so many crimes that he ended up becoming the number 1 terrorist throughout the multiverse.
Boomstick: Yet again, another beautiful role model! And now that I think of it, many people always wondered what a fusion of the two of us would be like, well, it’d likely end up being Rick!
Wiz: And now, he is still going on random adventures to this day! Now, let us talk about his multitude of weapons that could help me in some future experiments.
Boomstick: And most of those weapons are guns! Like I said, he’s the fusion of us, I don’t care what others say, he is the two of us in one! Anyway, like other Ricks, he has a laser gun, which is basically one of the main kinds of weapons a character related to space has.
Wiz: Besides that, Rick has an adhesive-shooting gun, a memory erasing gun, a potion that let’s him get new arms that have more guns, an electrical gun, a bo staff, different kinds of explosives, a sentient jacket, and boots that basically let’s him be Spider-Man while allowing him to fly, invisibility belts, teleporters, an energy pulse that repels anyone nearby,and absorb energy or other metals to make into his own robot, or do the same thing to walls but they turn to murdering drones, a time travel watch, and...
Boomstick: And a gun that protects his weiner and not to be squeezed stress balls! Yes, he has that.
Wiz: But his favorite of them all has to be his Portal Gun, a weapon that let’s him get around the multiverse, or just to another part of the city, it really can just let him go wherever he wants.
Boomstick: Not just that, but it can even retrieve things, make portals to worlds that will kill you in practically an instant, and if you open it where it’s inbetween someone, it will cut them in half! Here, let me show you how to torture a robot, Wiz! Hey, DUMMI!
DUMMI: What is it that yo-
Before DUMMI finishes, Boomstick uses the Portal Gun to open right inbetween DUMMI, and slices him in half.
Boomstick: See? That is how easy it is to torture a robot, Wiz!
Wiz: I have no words, but still, Rick has many more things that can help him from escaping death, like a wound healing gun, a gun that injects his DNA into someone else which, if Rick dies, he is turned into a clone that rapidly ages and then explodes out of someone. Then he also has a taser that freezes someone completely, steals one’s DNA and makes them basically just a slame puddle, and a particle beam on his wristwatch. He can even see invisible people, and then... Turn himself into a pickle.
Boomstick: Truly, the funniest shit I have ever seen. Then he basically has Nanomachines, son, that protects his organs, robot limbs that he can use, a fucking samurai body with a sword! Then also a giant robot of himself, and a purge-like armor that has guns, rocket launchers, rocket boots, flamethrowers, and other shit! He also has force fields that can alter other’s size and shape for whether he needs a small shield or mobile orb to run around in, or basically a force field ball or something around him so that if someone or thing touches him, they die. They just straight up fucking die, no blood or anything, which honestly kind of sucks.
Wiz: Then, he has his most powerful weapon, Crystallized Xanthenite, which can break reality! It can also let Rick attack people from different universes, and freeze time on people or worlds!
Boomstick: Though, using the Za Warudo effect can possibly be the cause of dimension-destroying paradoxes! But does Rick give a shit? NOPE!
Wiz: And finally, he has his U.F.O Space Cruiser, a dark matter fueled ship that can travel from planet to planet with ease, and has many weapons if it’s own, including multiple laser weapons, an energy pulse, chemical gases, and then a Neutrino Bomb that Rick states can wipe out all life on a planet.
Boomstick: Hell, Rick's dodged lasers, making him able to react to things that can go around the speed of light! Then of course is his giant pain tolorance where he can basically shrug off most pain! Though, finally, we have his weaknesses.
Wiz: Those being that he is still human, though, he has all those machines that let him basically be above that of a human, and his horrible mental state like many scientists.
Pop-Up: Though he may seem heartless, he will do almost anything to help his family.
Boomstick: However, Rick is still one of the best influences of this generation with the will to do everything the infinite multiverse can offer him. Although, he does constantly say he’s in great pain.
Rick: Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub!
Intermission:[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set, we've run the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: And now... IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!
Pre-Fight:[]
It is yet another day for Rick and his grandson Morty as they are in their garage. “Now, Morty, *belches* we are going to try out this new machine I made that’ll take us to a new universe and time period that I haven’t even been to,” Rick says as he screws a bolt. “B- but Rick, you still haven’t told me what happened yesterday, and what happened to that random guy y- you had me bury!” Morty exclaims as he points to a grave in the backyard. “Morty, I al- *belches* ready told you that a random cop with an axe fucking came in and attacked me, so I went around and found different universes and shit. Though, I did die, that is why I had put a shot inside of that random guy. I also had to replicate you, and give you most of your memorys back, except for yesterday’s memories which were corrupted. That’s why you *belches* don’t remember yesterday,” Rick says as he starts going into the new machine.
“S- still, I don’t know if this is gonna be a good idea. What even happened in those universes?” Morty asks Rick. “A bunch of different fuckers came around and for the most part me and that axe cop beat the *belches* shit out of them. What I find actually interesting is that there were no alternate versions of me in any of *belches* them. So, I want to see what I can find if I try this again,” Rick says as he grabs Morty and throws him onto a chair in the machine. “W- whatever you say Rick, but if something happens, I’m blaming you,” Morty says as he grabs onto the chair. “M- *belches* Morty, does it look like I really care? You’ve basically already said it multiple times. Besides, this will be maybe a 20 minute adventure, tops. If it’s not past that, then the meme is ruined” Rick says as he starts the machine as it dissapears in a flash.
‘’’Meanwhile in the Futurama universe:’’’
Bender is seen running into the Planet Express building holding a bag as the cop car chasing them stops as URL (pronounced Earl) and Smitty both poke their heads out and look around. “Should we check that building? I am sure that I saw a robot run into there with a bag of something,” Smitty says as he is ready to get out. “Nah, a robot wouldn’t put himself into a closed building after a robbery. Besides, that little British orphan robot kid is acting too nice, and being a peace officer, we can’t allow that,” URL says as he stares at Tinny Tim. “Right,” Smitty says as he and URL both then go and walk towards Tinny Tim holding their energy batons. “Oh bother, this is a very unfortunate day for me,” Tinny Tim says as the sound of the energy batons start hitting something as the camera then zooms into the Planet Express building.
It cuts to the conference room as everyone except Bender is there. Then Bender runs in, throwing his bag onto the table with a giant stash of cash falling from the insides of it. “Oh Lord, Bender, what happened to your ‘I’m gonna stop robbing for a season’ oath?” Leela asks Bender as she holds up a dollar. “Hey, that was last season! You all just couldn’t see it because it wasn’t on camera! Now, I can finally build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers! In fact, forget the theme park! I can just build my own blackjack AND hookers,” Bender says as he lights a cigar. “C’mon mon, we’ve had the police come here multiple times because of you trying to rob places, and Scruffy has had to make so many excuses that if they were to see how many times he has made up a story, it would last eternally,” Hermes states as he sneakily slides a few of the dollars into his hand and puts it into his shirt. “Scruffy’s sorry mama,” Scruffy says as he takes off his hat and puts it on his chest as he gets on one knee while looking up.
“Well, listen, I don’t care! All you people can do is bite my shiny metal a- Whoa, what the hell is this?” Bender questions as the ground around them starts shaking. All of them grab onto the table as a machine appears behind Farnsworth’s chair. All of the Planet Express crew walk towards it as Rick and Morty walk out of it. “See, Morty? Here is a new universe I don’t recall going to in the fight with that axe cop guy,” Rick states as he pulls out a beer bottle and drinks it. “Oh, wow, strangers from another universe! Ummm, hello. We. Are. Not. Foes. We. Friends,” Fry slowly says as he does hand motions. “Oh, shut up, Fry, they know how to speak English, they just spoke it!” Leela exclaims as she slaps Fry on the back of the head. “Well, how do we know their words are the same? Fry could mean dumbass for all we know!” Fry tells Leela as he rubs his head.
“With the w- *belches* with the way you are, it honestly should be,” Morty’s drunken grandpa says as he points at him. “Now, now, no need to be rude, but go ahead, because it’s true,” Farnsworth says as he starts walking towards Rick’s machine. “But I must say, this is one extraordinary machine, perhaps if I could get the technology from this, I could show off to Wernstrom and show why I am simply superior,” Farnsworth says to himself. “Agh, sh- *belches* It, out of beer, anyone know a place to get some *belches* more?” Rick says as he throws his beer bottle onto the ground. “A place that sells booze is what you need? Well then follow me! I know basically every place there is! Beer is basically my middle name, next to Bending, after Bender, and before Rodriguez,” Bender exclaims as he starts heading out the door with Rick shrugging with Fry and Morty following behind them.
“Fry, listen, I know you’re my beer buddy, but I got to show this man the wonders of the universe without anything disrupting his drink, ok?” Bender tells Fry as he stops Fry. “Same with you, *belches* Morty, I want to see what kind of crap these people got,” Rick says as he looks at Morty with a drunken but stern face. “B- but Rick! Why can’t I come?” Morty says as he watches Bender tap his foot. “M- Morty, I don’t think you can recall this, but I’ve... Or was it another version of us? I don’t know, but all I know is that a Rick has sent a Morty through a portal to get laid in another verse with some random dude’s self-inserted OC that was a female version of his already made OC. I don’t care if you want to go, all I am doing is stopping you from getting laid, trust me, you don’t want to have k- *belches* kids, Morty,” Rick tells Morty as he and Bender go through the door. Morty then turns around to see Fry. “Ya wanna play video games?” Fry asks Morty as he pulls out a controller. “S- sure!” Morty excitedly exclaims.
‘’’Now with Bender and Rick at O'Zorgnax's Pub:’’’
Bender is now drinking a beer with Rick next to him who is also drinking a beer. “I gotta *belches* say, these are some nice beers, robot!” Rick says as he downs the rest of his current beer. “I know right? And please, call me Bender *belches with fire*” Bender says as he also down his drink, he then reaches into his chest to grab a stolen wallet. As Bender opens it, it shows Fry’s ID. “So, you took that from your *belches* friend?” Rick asks him as Bender then looks at him. “Yeah, got a problem with that? Because I have a problem with people who have a problem with me,” Bender states as he puts Fry’s wallet into his chest. “Nah, besides, I can do you o- one better,” Rick says as he opens up his lab coat revealing multiple stolen wallets. “*Gasps* Another criminal! Ya wanna go rob some banks around the universe?” Bender tells Rick while grabbing another beer. “Eh, sure, why the hell not?” Rick responds to Bender as he then grabs a beer himself.
It now does a quick montage of pictures of the two of them committing crimes or just having fun across the universe. One being Bender and Rick running from a bank with bags of cash as the cops chase them. Another one being the two of them, drunk, getting a mugshot together. Another being the two of them blowing up a bank with an explosion behind them, but they don’t look as they down some beers. Then another of the two of them partying with a bunch of chicks. Then it does a final one where the two of them are about to steal a giant diamond while there are multiple security lasers around them, where it goes in and resumes the animation part.
“This is it, Rick! After only a few hours, we have already committed so many crimes, I am sure that we are already some of the most known criminals! All we need to do is steal this giant diamond and we are gonna be the most wanted ones around,” Bender tells Rick as Rick puts a portal on the glass which opens up onto the inside of the glass. Bender then opens a beer, and downs it, then just drops it on the ground. Rick grabs the diamond and turns around as Bender rubs his hands together, but then Rick slips on Bender’s empty beer bottle. Causing Rick to throw the diamond into the air, with the beer bottle rolling into the security laser, causing the building to go into a lockdown. All the doors shut with metal doors, as the diamond then falls, shattering into basically a million pieces. “Welp, we’re done for,” Bender says, but then Rick opens a portal on the ground and he jumps into it. “Not me, only you, Bender!” Rick tells Bender as he flips him off. Bender quickly reacts and jumps in before the portal closes.
The two of them are now falling down towards the ground from the sky on a random planet. “Well, aren’t you just a nice friend,” Bender says with his arms crossed. “Hey, it’s not my fa- ault you ruined it,” Rick tells Bender as he points at him. “It wasn’t my fault you decided to fall!” Bender yells at Rick. “Yeah, and it wasn’t my f- *belches* ucking fault you put your bottle on the ground,” Rick tells Bender. “Hey, how come you can say that stuff, but my limit is stuff like damn and ass?” Bender says angeredly and confusedly. “Because my show has a higher rating when not including the censored version, besides, we’re on a *belches* internet show where characters fight to the death, well, not really a show, but currently being written by a random fan from Texas of that show on a fanon version site for that show,” Rick tells Bender as he pulls out his flask. “Oh yeah, I forgot, well, Imma just stay true to my character and limit myself because hey, I might get an award for it, and another trophy wouldn’t hurt! If I do lose at getting the award, I will recall this event and change my words in my memory,” Bender says as he also downs another beer. “Well, still, it was your fault,” Rick tells Bender as he puts up his flask. “Now, I always thought you’d be one of the few humans I’d put onto my do not kill list, but now, you’re on the top of my kill list, and that you can go and bite my shiny metal ass!” Bender says as he points at his ass.
“Oh, is this what it is now? Well, it’s not my fault you’re about to go to hell,” Rick tells Bender as he opens a portal while Bender doesn’t see it as he has his eyes closed and is upside down. “Eh, I’ve gone to hell multiple times, it isn’t as bad as you’d th- *grunts*” Before he could finish, he lands on the ground with his head going through it. Bender pulls his head out of the ground, with a new portal opening as Rick walks out. “Ok, that’s it, I’m tired of this pre-fight being so fucking *belches* long, if anything, the fight will likely be shorter than this, but I don’t mind, so can we just fight now?” Rick asks as Bender shakes his head. “Yeah, guess so, but can we at least down one more before one of us dies?” Bender asks. “Eh, sure, why the hell not?” Rick says as the two of them pull out a beer, down it, throw it down, then both of them ready themselves for the fight that is about to happen.
Fight!:[]
(Cue: Bending Reality)
Bender pulls out a machine gun from his chest and starts firing at Rick, but Rick continues to dodge all of the bullets. Rick then pulls out his laser gun and starts firing it at Bender, who dodges it, but destroys the machine gun Bender was holding. Bender then extends his arms towards Rick, and ends up taking his laser gun, and brings it back to him. He then shoots at Rick with it, actually causing Rick’s arm to be shot off. “I guess you need a hand, Rick? *Silence* I amuse myself,” Bender says as he then puts the laser gun into his chest. “And I thought I had bad jokes, but wanna know what I actually have?” Rick says as he pulls out a potion. “What?” Bender replies as Rick drinks the potion which gives him a new arm, and guns. “Guns, bitch,” Rick tells Bender as he aims the guns at Bender. “Ah crap.” Bender says as he then runs around while flailing his arms around as he dodges the bullets.
Bender then continues to run around, but while doing so, he ends up slowly getting closer to Rick. He then grabs Rick and tries to snap him in half, but suddenly, Rick teleports away from Bender as Bender is shocked. “Where did you go?” Bender asks as Rick pulls out another gun. “I was gonna say a line from Terminator, but eh, I don’t f- *belches* eel like it,” Rick states as he starts shooting at Bender as Bender ends up getting hit by a few of them, but doesn’t seem too fazed by it. “Huh, how aren’t you dead yet?” Rick asks Bender. “I’m 40% titanium, that’s why,” Bender responds as he punches his chest as it makes a metallic bang noise. “Oh, is that so? Well, I don’t care, your titanium was likely pulled out of some random scrap heap,” Rick tells Bender as Bender shrugs. “Eh, I’m also 40% scrap metal, so you're partially right,” Bender says as he then pulls out another machine gun and starts shooting at Rick.
“Ok, this isn’t going to be fun, so, I’m just gonna *belches* leave this place,” Rick says as he pulls out his Portal Gun. “Oh, no you dont!” Bender yells as he runs at Rick making both of them go through the portal. “It doesn't matter how hard you make it, every way is the easy way for me,” Axe Cop says as he is ready to take Rick Sanchez to justice. Just then, a portal appears near them as Rick (this version, not the Rick Sanchez vs Axe Cop version) and Bender come out of it. “What the actual *belches* fuck,” F.R (Former Rick) states as P.R (Present Rick) and Bender dust themselves off. “Hey, not my fault this dumbass decided to make a portal to here,” Bender states as he pulls out a cigar and starts to smoke it. “You! You are Bender Bending Rodriguez, you are also wanted by many different people! You will be coming with me along with these Ricks so I can take you all to justice,” Axe Cop tells Bender but Bender doesn’t care. “Hey, if you want there to be justice for all or something, then you can bite my shiny metal ass,” Bender tells Axe Cop as he points at his ass. Axe Cop, angered by this, chases Bender around as the two Ricks start talking to each other. “So, are you from the future or something?” F.R asks as P.R pulls out a bottle of beer. “Sorta, I’m meant to be you, but I’m written by some other random motherfucker, and techtically, since that one quote cop boy said when we appeared was when he took that quote and then changed it to his style and started writing us here,” P.R tells F.R. “Oh, so, did I win?” F.R asks as P.R starts laughing. “Ha, no, you fucking died. However, you got multiple awards from it, so yeah, maybe I can get some as well or something,” P.R states as he throws his now empty beer bottle onto the ground. Then P.R looks at the camera and puts a hand over it to talk to the audience, "We did win a first place and a second place."
“So, should you go and fight that robot or something? If I am meant to be fighting the cop?” F.R questions as P.R thinks for a bit. “I mean, yeah, we should b- *belches* but the writer of this one doesn’t know what to do, and if it wasn’t for your writer’s little cameo here, the fight would likely have been way more boring, so, with this, he is trying to make this at least last almost as long as the pre-fight as the pre-fight on this one was a legit fanfiction,” P.R states as he then looks at Bender and Axe Cop fighting in the distance. “Ok, yeah, I see, but if anything, people wouldn’t want to just read one single cameo, so maybe just use your Portal Gun some more so the writer can have some actual f- *belches* ucking ideas for it,” F.R states as P.R pulls out his Portal Gun. “Yeah, good point, ok, Bender, we need to go so we can actually fight and shit and to allow these two to continue their fight,” P.R states as he opens a portal from his Portal Gun. “Finally, that took longer than I was hoping. Ok, you random Mary Sue of a cop, I got ants in my butt, and I need to strunt on out of here,” Bender tells Axe Cop as he then runs away and dives headfirst into Present Rick's portal. Present Rick walks through it as Axe Cop stops and then looks at Former Rick. “I’ll go after those two later, but for now, I am going make sure at least your head is chopped off,” he tells F.R as F.R just shrugs his shoulders. “Eh, I know I die, but hey, at least I will try and do good in this shit,” F.R says as he pulls out his laser gun ready to continue his fight.
A portal opens inside of a McDonald’s where there was a multitude of people inside of it. Then, Rick and Bender land inside, resulting in most people leaving, but with some people staying just to see what happens. “Yo, does anyone here have some szechuan sauce?” Rick asks the few remaining people as one guy raises his hand. “Uhh, yeah, I do.” some random guy says while holding up a few packets of szechuan sauce as Rick then walks up towards him. “Yeah, thanks, pal,” Rick says as he shoots the guy with a dart and then breaks his neck resulting in the other people running out. “Now, I can finally have some szechuan sauce, but I still got to kill y- Wait, where the hell did you *belches* go?” Rick asks as he puts the packets inside of his coat pocket while looking around for Bender. “Eat chicken nuggets!” Bender says while coming from behind a counter while throwing multiple chicken nuggets at Rick. Rick is unfazed by them. Then Bender throws a giant clump of them that Rick catches and has the idea to try the szechuan sauce. He pulls out a packet and takes off a nugget from the clump and is about to eat it, but he hears a hissing noise coming from the clump. Suddenly, the rest of the clump falls apart as it reveals a bomb under all of the nuggets. Before Rick can react, the bomb explodes, killing Rick in a bloody mess. “Ha! I knew it! I am Bender, the greatest criminal of all ti- What the hell is happening to that corpse?” Bender asks as he sees the corpse that Rick shot start going nuts.
All of a sudden it stops moving and Bender is puzzled, he is about to walk closer, but then a baby Rick comes out and ages rapidly to an adult. “I’ve seen some weird things being a robot, especially from building suicide booths, going to hell, and other crap, but that was just something else,” Bender says as Rick quickly opens a portal, grabs clothes, and puts them on while closing the portal. “Trust me, if you were *belches* in my universe, or well, multiverse, it’d be a hell of a lot weirder and shit,” Rick says as he grabs the somehow barely damaged szechaun sause from the bloody mess that was his old body and puts it in his current coat pocket. “Besides, why the hell are we even here? Did you just randomly think of a McDonald’s or something?” Bender asks as he starts stuffing the cash from the cash register into his chest. “Nah, the writer was eating McDonald’s while writing this, so he decided to try and use this location to make the fight still work in a way,” Rick says as he then opens another portal. “So, this little non-sponsored part has just ran it’s course, so, come on, let’s go somewhere else,” Rick tells Bender as Bender just takes the register and puts it into his chest. “Alright, let’s go,” Bender responds as he then tackles Rick into the portal.
The two of them then tumble into Rick’s garage. Bender looks around as Rick smiles. “Oh man, now you’re in for a treat, Bender,” Rick tells Bender as he holds a familiar looking blue box. “And why is that?” Bender asks as Rick smirks. “Because of this,” Rick responds as a Mr. Meeseeks appears out of thin air. “I’m Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!” Mr. Meeseeks states as Rick then points at Bender. “Kill him,” Rick tells Mr. Meeseeks as he does an anime-like pose because why not? Mr. Meeseeks growls as he starts charging at Bender, who starts shaking, but then pulls out a mallet and swings it at Mr. Meeseeks with so much force that it knocks his head off. “That was the best thing you got Rick?” Bender laughs as Rick simply puts his hand on top of the button that’s on the box. “Yeah, but I think we can take you,” he taunts as Bender simply pulls out another cigar. “Yeah? You and what kind of army? Wait, that was a dumbass thing to say,” Bender says as he puffs out some smoke from his cigar. “Yeah, it was kinda stupid, you just did a random movie cliche thing,” Rick states as he shakes his head. “Hey, it’s not my fault I can’t be written by my actual writers! I try my best damnit!” Bender responds as Rick then rapidly presses the button. “Anyway, as the cliche goes, this is my army,” Rick tells Bender as multiple Mr. Meeseeks appear with all of them saying the same thing. “I’m Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!” they all say as they look at Rick. “Kill the defected robot, before I kill y’all my- *belches* fucking self,” Rick tells them all as they all look at Bender.
“O’ cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones as it bones for thee,” Bender tells himself before he starts running from the Meeseeks. Bender is able to get away as the Meeseeks look around for him, conveniently, he lands in the middle of a bunch of scrap metal. “This gives me an idea that I definitely had planned out beforehand,” Bender tells himself as he starts eating the scrap metal. Suddenly, the ground shakes as a wave of smaller Benders appear and wash away the Meeseeks causing a full on out war between all of them. It then shows Meeseeks tearing apart Benders limb by limp. As smaller atom size Benders completely disintegrating some Meeseeks. As others are just having actual one on one fights with some Meeseeks winning and some Benders winning. The actual Bender just stands atop of a building as he lets out his signature evil laugh. “Mwah ha ha ha ha! I am Bender, the greatest robot that has ever lived!” Bender states as he then looks down at all of the smaller Benders have just killed all the Meeseeks and have also somehow gotten the box from Rick. “What about us?” Bender, half size of the original, asks. “Yeah, what about us, jackass?” Bender, one-fourth the size of the original, follows up. “Now, you’re all also great, but without me, you guys wouldn’t even be alive!” Bender, the real one, states as the smaller Benders start arguing.
Just then, all the smaller Benders start to get sucked toward Rick as Rick then uses all the metal to make into a robot. “Oh, so you try to attack me? Well, other mes? That’s it, no more Mr. Nice Bender,” Bender states as he goes up to the robot and tries to bend it, but as soon as he does, a portal opens under him as Rick then readies himself and is about to jump through. “If some random *belches* bullshit happens, make sure to keep the people here safe, ok?” Rick says as he jumps into the portal. The two of them land on the same (unnamed) planet that they started their fight on. Bender lands as he then sees Rick hold out his arm as a red anime-like armour covers him as he then pulls out a sword. “Welp, that looks like something that someone would use when a writer is nearing the end of something, so let’s finish this, Rick,” Bender tells Rick as Rick readies his sword. “Ok, let’s dance, Bender,” Rick responds as the mask on the armour goes above his mouth (reminiscent of Jetstream Sam). The two of them run at each other as Bender pulls out hammer and instead of swinging it, he throws it, knocking the face mask part of Rick’s armour to fall off as he then stretches his arm into Rick’s chest and tries to grab his heart, but the Nanomachine-like thing stops Bender from grabbing Rick’s heart. Bender doesn’t know what to do, so he tries using his leg to try and kick Rick in the balls, but a gun comes out shooting his leg off.
Bender, then out of options, tries to pull out his Planetary Annihilator, but instead pulls out his gaydar. “What the fuck is that?” Rick asks as Bender realizes his mistake as Rick then puts the sword up above his head. “Aww man, I’m so embarrassed that I wished everyone else was dead,” Bender says as Rick slices the sword down the center of Bender, killing him. “Li- li- lick my balls,” Rick taunts as he has just defeated his opponent. Rick, satisfied with his work, puts his sword away, but suddenly, he feels as if his heart is getting attacked. Inside of him, the Nanomachine-like thing is still active, but is slowly compacting, causing Rick’s heart to spew out blood. “What the fuck is happening?!?” Rick screams in agony as it continues to compact more and more until it is nothing but a metal ball, as blood spews out of Rick’s chest. Rick collapses as he sees his Portal Gun flying, as it turned out, Bender’s ghost had possessed the Nanomachine-like thing to protect Rick’s heart, and his Portal Gun, but Rick couldn’t see it. A portal opens as Bender’s ghost then takes over Rick’s anime armour and pushes Rick’s head into the portal. Rick tries to escape, but it is no use. Rick’s head returns from the portal and has a blank stare for a second. Suddenly, it splits into multiple pieces, Rick’s body falls to the ground in a bloody mess as Bender’s ghost leaves the armour.
“Man, I thought it said Bender Dimension, not Blender Dimension. Welp, time to try and find a way to use that Portal Gun to find a way home,” Bender’s ghost says as he possesses Rick’s Portal Gun, he then opens a portal and walks through it as the Portal Gun, he goes through and lands right next to Flexo. “What the hell is that thing?” Flexo asks as the Portal Gun (Bender’s ghost) opens another portal infront of him on the ground. Then, Bender’s ghost takes over Flexo, and removes the goatee. “Ahh, that’s much better,” Bender says in his new body. He then does a pimp walk into the portal as he throws the Portal Gun into the air above the portal, and does a backflip in the air while coming out the otherside. He lands in his chair in the conference room where he puts both his legs on the table while crossing one over the other, pulls out a cigar, grabs the Portal Gun from midair and puts it into his chest, then lights his cigar and puffs out some smoke. “I’m back, baby,” Bender says as Leela, the Professor, Fry, and Morty were sitting there.
“Wh- where is Rick?” Morty asks as Bender puffs out some more smoke. “Oh, uh, he went to go get some milk or something,” Bender lies without remorse. “Oh, okay, ummm, wanna play some more games, Fry?” Morty asks Fry. “Sure!” Fry responds happily, as the two leave the room. “So, what actually happened to Rick?” Leela asks Bender as he holds his cigar in one hand and pulls out an alcohol bottle with the other. “What? You don’t believe me? I actually try to be sincere sometimes, damnit!” Bender responds as he throws his now empty bottle into his mouth as the sound of glass shattering is heard from his chest. “Alright, sorry for asking,” Leele says as she gets up and walks away. Then Bender turns his head away from her and laughs. “Heheheheheheh, idiot,” Bender says as he then sits back in the chair and contineus to smoke his cigar.
K.O![]
Results:[]
(Cue: Futurama Main Theme)
Boomstick: That’s what I love about alcohol, Wiz. It makes everything better. But I find it weird how it started out as an actual fanfiction. Anyway, ignoring that, why did Bender win?
Wiz: Well, this fight is easily the definition of brains vs brawn. Starting out with speed, many will assume Rick has the advantage here due to his reaction to ligh speed lasers and such. While Bender has at best dodged vehicles in the Futurama verse that have been stated to go at 99% light speed. So, many will think Rick has the advantage.
Boomstick: Hahahaha WRONG! You see, in 2208, scientists somehow raised the speed of light. And if anything, it had to have been by a good margin, besides, the Planet Express ship can make it to the edge of the universe in just an afternoon or so! Hell, it did it multiple times as well!
Wiz: Given that the edge of the universe is about 46.5 billion lightyears away, and we say that it took them about, I don’t know, 12 hours to get there, so a half a day trip, the Planet Express ship can move at around 33.9 trillion times the speed of light! And that’s just if we say it took half a day, if anything, it is likely way faster!
Pop-Up: If one doesn’t like this calculation, the Planet Express ship also made it from Earth to Neptune in around 35 seconds. This results in the Planet Express ship almost going at 290 billion mph, or a little more than 430 times the speed of light. Which is still a lot faster than anything Rick has moved or reacted to.
Boomstick: Jesus, they really amped up the speed of light! And here we have Rick who does have his UFO that can also go across the universe in a good bit of time making it also massively faster than light, but Rick has never had to actually try and keep up or dodge it, so yeah, Bender takes the speed categories by a lot.
Pop-Up: Rick's UFO has however, traveled 800 lightyears in a sort amount of time. So, while Rick's ship might be faster, Bender still takes it as he has actually reacted to the ship. Well, other cars, but all the cars and such in the Futurama universe has been shown to move at around the same speed.
Wiz: Then strength and durability also goes to Bender as he is able to not only pick up dark matter, but can move a planet! Yes, Rick can possibly create a machine that can destroy a universe, but as I said, he can POSSIBLY do that, basically saying, he might not be able to do that. Even then, just Rick by himself is far weaker than anything he could create, if anything, best we can really give is something like how he went through the mutiple floors, but even then, that is far below anything Bender can do.
Pop-Up: If anything, none of Rick's weapons could actually hurt Bender, except for the possible universal/multiversal ones that he says he could maybe make.
Boomstick: Then with intelligence, it does indeed go to Rick as while Bender is smart himself, shockingly enough, however, as everyone knows, Rick is the smartest man around, so yeah, it isn’t a competition… UNTIL we bring in Overclocked Bender, then he is easily WAY smarter than Rick due to showing knowledge on everything, ranging from Fry and Leela’s future all the way up to the meaning of life. However, yeah, we didn’t find a way to get him to work in the fight, but eh, it’s fine, it had McDonald’s in it, so it’s all good.
Wiz: Then there’s hax, which does indeed go to Rick. All that Bender truly has going for him is his immortality, but Rick has all the abilities to overwhelm Bender. Now, some may wonder what about Rick's Crystallized Xanthenite, couldn't that beat Bender? Well, no, mainly due to his speed edge and strength edge, kinda just making the Xanthenite pointless.
Pop-Up: While both have been shown to be quite reckless, Bender has shown to be far more reckless and that is a huge downfall in this fight.
Boomstick: And honestly, he could destroy Bender due to his recklessness. So, after that, there’s stamina, which does go to Bender as being a robot, well, he’s a robot, he easily has more stamina than a human.
Pop-Up: However, while Rick can likely destroy Bender, he has no way to destroy Bender’s ghost, while Bender can take over any metalic object Rick has, which is almost anything he has.
Wiz: In the end, while Rick was truly the smarter man, he just couldn’t handle Bender’s overwhealming strength and drunken power.
Boomstick: I guess Rick just couldn’t bend the rules in his favor, as in the end, he ended up biting the shiny metal ass of defeat.
Wiz: The winner is Bender Rodriguez.
Death Battle Score (Bending Reality):[]
Trivia:[]
- The connection between Bender and Rick are that they're both two futuristic, alcoholics that travel across space.
- The fight would be hand drawn.
- Also props to Professor Mewtwo for intro/winner gifs