| Bee vs Luke | |
|---|---|
| Air date | 16th December 2023 |
| Written by | SpeedyHedgehog91 |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Walter White vs Light Yagami |
Next Harry & Marv vs The Neighbor |
Description[]
The Babysitter vs Better Watch Out! Babysitting was already painful enough but it would get worse when one of those people happens to be a remorseless murderer. Who would win between the killer babysitter and the killer child?
Intro[]
Wiz: Bee, the babysitter leading a cult dedicated to the Devil.
Boomstick: Luke Lerner, the murderous child desperate to win his babysitter's love.
Wiz: Taking care of children is far from being the easiest task but it will truly become a living hell when a murderer could be in the very same house. This may even be the babysitter themself or even the child you're taking care of while they're parents are gone.
Boomstick: Now let's see what would happen if we put Cole's bloodthirsty babysitter and Ashley's lovesick nightmare in this horror movie version of Home Alone. However you should probably not show this version to your kids. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
Bee[]
Wiz: Cole Johnson was nothing special. He was just a typical 12 year old dork you'd see on your way to class.
Boomstick: Not only was he a dork but he's mostly a wimp when it came to driving and standing up for himself.
Wiz: Thankfully he wouldn't need to try and stand up to his bullies. He seemed to already have someone he saw as his guardian angel.
Boomstick: That guardian angel of his would be Bee who comes by and defends Cole from the bullies. She's one of the very few people that aren't complete assholes to him.
Wiz: Bee takes the role of Cole's babysitter for the night while his parents head out which the two have a great time re-enacting fight sequences from movies and throwing a little dance party of their own.
Boomstick: Oh and they also talk a lot about pop culture stuff. You might as well get used to it. This movie has a lot of references.
Wiz: Long after being put into bed, Cole wakes up to notice that Bee has invited a few friends for a game of spin the bottle.
Boomstick: It was time for Bee and a guy named Samuel to step up and partake in the game which ends with the poor guy getting two daggers to the head. I don't think that's how the game works.
Wiz: It turns out Bee and her high school buddies are a cult dedicated to Satan and plans on using Cole's blood on the Devil's Bible which would give her anything she wants as long as she kills someone and receives the blood of an innocent.
Boomstick: Which is why she was acting all friendly and sweet towards Cole. All she ever wanted was his blood in order for the Bible to grant her wishes. In fact, she was often moving from town to town and babysitting children for the Bible to work.
Wiz: Cole however wasn't going down without a fight even if he was facing five killer teenagers and couldn't defend himself from people his own age.
Boomstick: Somehow, he did a way better job at keeping himself alive than almost any other horror movie protagonist. However, his satanic babysitter wasn't going to make it easy.
Wiz: Bee is equipped with the very same daggers that she used on Samuel and a shotgun. However, she usually doesn't rely on any form of proper combat to get the job done.
Boomstick: She's surprisingly stealthy such as when she hid herself from Cole's sight while he attempted to escape from the window and when she slit a police officer's throat with a knife but the real power is from the Devil Bible.
Wiz: While it's power to grant Bee's wishes is incredible, it can only work as long as she has the blood of an innocent person for it to do its thing.
Boomstick: So yeah, kind of a bummer when you think about it. At least she makes up for it with her strength.
Wiz: Not only did she show that she was able to stab someone in the head with ease but one bullet from her shotgun was enough to blow up Allison's head into pieces. Speaking of which, it does seem like that Bee can be killed by any normal attacks such as stabbings and getting shot.
Boomstick: We've seen it happen to her other cult members. John fell from the second floor and was stabbed in the neck by a pointy award, Sonya was trapped under the bottom of the house where she died in a explosion and Max was unintentionally hung after the floorboards below him broke. Needless to say that the same could potentially happen to Bee.
Wiz: However, it doesn't seem permanent since all of those fellow members came back to chase Cole down in the future so it will probably keep her down for a while.
Boomstick: It's no big deal though because after a failed attempt at sweet-talking Cole out of burning the Devil Bible, the kid retaliates by hitting her with a frickin' car that strikes her down yet still survives. In fact, she lifted herself out of the crash and managed to stab an unexpecting firefighter right through the skull.
Wiz: Even before that, Bee was able to remove any evidence of the night's events while Cole was being chased by the others and kept everything the same way as it was before.
Boomstick: Until it all came crumbling down thanks to the car crash that would be enough for Cole to live to tell the tale...which led to him getting more bullied and having everyone think he's crazy. Why is just about everyone such a dick to this kid? Max at least tried helping him when it came to beating up one of his bullies.
Wiz: Two years later, Bee came back and revealed to have betrayed her fellow cult members and defend Cole who's blood was no longer deemed innocent and was lethal towards the other cult members that had already drank it.
Boomstick: So if regular causes don't do the trick, just do something that will make you innocent no more and have the cult member drink it.
Wiz: Bee made sure to give Cole and his new girlfriend Phoebe a happy ending by drinking the blood herself, killing her in the process.
Boomstick: So after the hell he went through, Cole was no longer picked on by his peers but he couldn't have done it without his Satanic babysitter and the countless pop culture references.
Luke Lerner[]
Wiz: Christmas is coming in soon and everyone is getting excited for the big day... unless you're a certain Dr. Seuss character of course.
Boomstick: But I highly doubt looking after someone's child would be anyone's Christmas list.
Wiz: 17 year old Ashley is about to move to a different town but she was kind enough to make one last call for the Lerners who needed a babysitter for their child Lucas.
Boomstick: Wait a second. Is that kid's dad being played by Patrick Warburton? Joe! You can walk.
Wiz: Luke's been catching feelings for Ashley and wants to try and impress her before she leaves despite the 4 year age gap between the two.
Boomstick: Good luck with that because he's still pretty immature for a 12 year old but I guess that's not stopping him from drinking a bottle of whine. Might need to get rid of those voice cracks while he's at it.
Wiz: Things were perfectly fine for Luke and Ashley, well...kind of, but it turns out danger was close by. Phone calls with no answer on the other side, doors being wide open on their own and...a pizza delivery that wasn't even ordered? Maybe Luke's parents ordered the pizza for them.
Boomstick: Kind of loss the creepy tone there Wiz. It only gets worse when they get a knock on the door- oh wait. Nevermind. It's Luke's buddy Garrett dropping in to say "Hi". It's alright.
Wiz: Well not really. It only gets worse as the sound of broken windows occur upstairs. Eventually, Garrett gets scared enough to make a run for it only to get shot in the arm.
Boomstick: Welp. That kid's a goner. Just kidding. We're lying about all of that. The whole breaking and entering stuff was just a complete setup the boys caused in hopes of making Luke seem like a tough guy in front of Ashley. As for the result, it didn't turn out well.
Wiz: As Ashley makes her way back downstairs, Luke gives her a special gift. Not a kiss or even an apology for scaring her but a slap to the face that will be followed by her falling down the stairs. Next thing you know, she wakes up tied to a chair and held at gunpoint by Luke. That's right. No robbers or masked slashers in this horror comedy. The villain of this movie is the kid all along.
Boomstick: This won't be your average Home Alone parody though. Get ready to witness a more menacing take on Kevin McCallister.
Wiz: Behind the face of a douchebag is far worse and Luke's surprisingly no pushover. He's shown to been capable of fighting teenagers such as Ashley's boyfriend Ricky. Her age appropriate boyfriend if I might add.
Boomstick: Luke was even able to knock him out with the help of a baseball bat. Seriously, the kid's 12 and is kind of pathetic despite what he's doing at the moment. It can't be that hard to beat him up. I guess it would be kind of hard if he's equipped with his dad's pistol under his bed and a paintball gun attached to a wire which was used to trick Ashley into believing that Garrett got shot.
Wiz: So Luke's pretty good when it comes to manipulating others. After all, he managed to stage an entire house robbery. Not only that, he made his parents think he had been sleepwalking when in reality, he had just been sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night.
Boomstick: If Ricky thought a pencil to the face was painful, then he's not going to enjoy what this little bastard has in store for him next. Here's a hint: it's a Home Alone reference and it involves a bucket of paint. See where this is going?
Wiz: That's right. Luke, a 12 year old boy, had no shame in throwing a paint bucket off the second floor and have it slam right into the face of a tied up Ricky who ended up getting killed.
Boomstick: That's not all because Ashley's ex Jeremy is up next but Ashley managed to break free and make a run for it. Too bad Luke still had the brick that was thrown upstairs earlier because now she's back to square one.
Wiz: Luke managed to stall Jeremy long enough for him to throw a rope around his neck and hang him with the help of a lawn mower.
Boomstick: Not only that but he had the guts to shoot Garrett, his own best friend, in the face with a shotgun. Shit! This kid is ruthless. He probably makes Eric Cartman look like an angel. Well, maybe not but you get the point.
Wiz: As he ends the holiday horror by stabbing Ashley with a pocket knife, Luke managed to stage every kill he caused and snuck into his bed to make it seem like he had no idea what happened.
Boomstick: Not sure how you'd expect anyone to think that you slept through an entire shooting in your own home but it seemed to work on his parents. Wait. Is he seriously going to get away with all of this?! No way he would!
Wiz: Don't worry. It turns out Ashley managed to live since she managed to stop the bleeding with some duck tape. That can only mean one thing for the adolescent menace.
Boomstick: Yep. It's all over for you now, Luke. The one person who witnessed it all lived to tell the tale and now he's seemingly got no way of lying his way out.
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright! The combatants are set and we've run the data through all possibilities!
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!
Death Battle[]
Only a few days remained until December 25th as the snow fell from the sky and the Christmas lights bloomed from each house. This included the Lerner's home where the son of the family Luke stayed while his parents were out. Unfortunately for Luke, his former babysitter Ashley had recently moved to a different city so now he was currently being watched by his new babysitter Bee. What the two don't know about each other is that their innocence is nothing but a coverup for their true nature.
Luke was just about to go into his room and go to bed but he overheard Bee talking to her friends on the phone from downstairs that caught his attention before opening the door. He looks over the balcony of the second floor while Bee was standing in a place where she wouldn't be able to spot Luke.
Bee: Good news. We've got a new Christmas present ready to be unwrapped. Funny how it's also the kid that "Ashley" girl used to babysit before we...well, let's just say we took her blood as a little gift. Meet here as soon as you can.
Luke was in shock after what he heard. It turns out Ashley didn't move places but his new babysitter killed her in cold blood. He was sad and angered by this so he decided to give her a little bit of payback. Before going to get a weapon, Luke remembered the pencil on the doorknob and used it as a way to lure Bee upstairs. Bee hears the pencil drop on the upstairs floor, thinking that Luke had already started sleepwalking.
Bee: Already?
As frustrated as she seemed, Bee would have no choice but to go upstairs. What she didn't notice was the swing in the snow-filled backyard swaying without anyone using it. Bee made it upstairs and found that a few doors were open, including the one for Luke's bedroom which was expected. Hiding in one of the rooms was Luke grabbing a metal baseball bat that he would use to knock out Bee. He slowly creeped up behind her and prepared to swing. However, Bee came prepared as the bat ended up colliding with a dagger.
Bee: What the hell is wrong with you?!
Luke: Look at what you made me do! Why? Why did you have to kill Ashley?
Bee kicks Luke backwards as almost stumbles down the stairs. Bee's only way to getting Luke to let his guard down and to receive his blood was to sweet-talk him out of his thoughts.
(Metallica- Master of Puppets)
Bee: Now Luke. There's no need for us to harm each other in any way.
Luke: FUCK YOU!
Not wanting to hear whatever excuse Bee had for killing the girl of his dreams, Luke dashed at Bee with his baseball and swung it. Bee dodged the bat and tried to slice Luke but the bat collided with the dagger before he swung at her face, causing her to fall on her back. Luke was about to perform a victory dance before Bee got back up without him noticing. She then proceeds to grab him and toss him into the wall. As the two got extremely close to the staircase, Luke jabs the end of his bat at Bee was loses her balance. She quickly pulls Luke down with her as the two tumbled down the stairs until they eventually made it to the first floor.
Bee proceeds to toss Luke into the air. Luckily for him, he ends up landing on the couch where he will use for cover as he points and aims a pistol towards his satanic babysitter. This immediately catches Bee off-guard since she her dagger won't be any help. This leads to her picking up a nearby vase that she throws towards Luke who the vase strikes in the head, shattering in the process. Luke collapses to the ground and loses his grip of the gun as he shouts loud enough for his voice to crack.
Luke: Shit!
Luke struggles to get back up as Bee approaches him and prepares to stab him whilst strangling the boy. Without knowing it, she then stabbed in the face by the pencil that was supposed to be on the doorknob. The only form of luck to come out of his was a minor injury that didn't make it to the inside of her mouth. Bee is forced to let go as Luke kicks her away. Luke rushes over to her with the gun back in his hand and points it directly at Bee, prepared to blow her brains out. Unfortunately, he is interrupted by the front door being kicked hard enough for it go flying off the hinges.
(Danganronpa - Trial Underground)
Entering the house was high school jock Max with a gothic cult member named Sonya following behind. A cheerleader named Allison makes her way out of the kitchen while the wisecracker John leaps through an open window. The battle had just turned into a 1 v 5 with Luke being completely outnumbered and shocked at the turn of events. The cult surround Luke and begin poking fun at him for having no escape.
Max: Well well. Look at the pipsqueak.
Sonya: Your parents aren't here to save you now.
John: What's with the look? You look like you've seen a gorgeous ghost little man.
Allison: No way out, you brat.
Luke wipes the frightened look on his face and replaces it with a smile, leaving the cult in confusion.
Luke: You think I'm gonna stop because you got all of your buddies helping? I've gotten myself out of killing my own friend's pet hamster. Not only that but I also pretend to sleepwalk just so I can sneak out.
Bee: What does this have to do with anything Luke?
Luke: I'm the Harry Houdini of getting away with it.
Without any more time to waste, Luke pushes John and Sonya out of the way and runs into the kitchen. Bee and the rest of the cult follow along but is stopped once Luke quickly slams Bee in the face with a chopping board which causes blood to spill from her nose. Sonya blocks the back door to prevent Luke from escaping as he's forced to dodge Allison who fails to grab him. His luck runs out once Max grabs the kid by the throat and slamming him into the wall. Luke tries kicking his way out before noticing a bottle of wine which he grabs and smashes on Max's head. Luke uses all of his strength to kick him away as he falls back down.
The cult continue chasing but are immediately stopped once they've lost track of where Luke went. Max looks through one of the windows in the living room to see an unknown figure that resembled a 12 year old child. He grabs a firepoker and prepares to use it on the approaching which is soon revealed to be Luke's best friend Garrett who has no knowledge of what's happening at the moment.
Garrett: Luke? Where are you?
Max throws the firepoker towards Garrett's direction, thinking it was Luke running back into the house. Luckily for him, Garrett stops before getting stabbed. This leaves him frightened as he quickly runs down the hallway that travelled underneath the second floor. John is the first to run off without noticing that Luke was looking over the balcony with a paint bucket in his hands. The other cult members take notice of this as they watch in horror, knowing what could possibly happen to John.
The sound of the floor creaking over his head leads John to believe that Luke was upstairs all along. What he doesn't know is that it's too late for him to go back as Luke tosses the paint bucket attached to a rope. As John turns around, he met with a brutal fate as his face is crushed by the force of the swinging bucket.
(Music Cuts)
Yellow paint splatters from within the paint bucket and is mixed with the blood coming from John's body which drops to the floor. Everyone looks in shock except for Luke who cheers about the outcome.
Bee: Holy shit!
Garrett: Oh my god! He got Home Alone'd to death!
Luke: I know right? His head frickin' exploded!
With Luke and Garret still talking about John's demise, Bee catches the others' attention for them to start going after the two boys.
Bee: Don't stand there. Get them! There's two of them now!
Max starts chasing after Luke while Garrett is unlucky enough to be chase by the other three. Luke barely makes it to his parents' bedroom and slams the door into Max who is caught off-guard for a bit, allowing enough time to barricade the door. Knowing how strong Max is, he resorts to his only way of escape: the window. After a few punches and kicks, Max breaks his way inside only for him to see nobody in the room. He spots the open window that led Luke to the backyard.
Meanwhile, Garrett is struggling to defend himself against Allison and Sonya as he grabs a knife and points it towards all three girls in fear. His only wish was that he never arrived at the house during this very moment just so he wouldn't have to fight his way to live another day. Sonya whacks Garrett in the throat, causing him to fall to his knees. Just as Sonya was about to stab the defenseless boy, her head is immediately blown up by Bee who failed to shoot Garrett with her shotgun. Allision sighs in relief due to the fact that she wasn't the one having her head blown up unlike the previous time Bee attempted to shoot one of the cult's victims. With no way out, Garrett begs for his life and hoped that Bee would spare him. Bee drops the shotgun kneels down to Garrett's level and gives a "remorseful" look.
Garrett: Please. I...I want my mom-
Bee immediately stops pretending to care and stabs Garrett in the head. Outside, Luke can hear the screams of his best friend but is forced to go back into hiding to prevent being spotted by Max who shouts for him to reveal his hiding spot.
(Rousseau - Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy Piano Cover)
Max: Come on out Luke! You'll be found eventually!
Max stops next to the wooden swing and turns his head left and right, still trying to catch him. Luke appears out of nowhere and places a rope around his neck and runs into the shed. Allison sees what's going on outside and runs to try and free Max, only to get shot in the leg by an unsuspecting paintball gun hidden in the bushes. Max's strangling gets worse as he rises off the ground with the help of a lawn mower driven by Luke who is about to run over Allison in the process. Hope is lost for the jock and the cheerleader as one struggles to breathe while being hung up with a Christmas decoration while the other has a hard time trying to get back on her own two feet.
Allison: No! Please, no!
Luke pays zero attention to Allison's crying and mainly focuses on trying to snap the neck of one of the bigger threats. The lawn mower begins running over Allison who can only scream in pain as she's shredded by the blades of the lawn mower off-screen. Just as Allison was no more, so was Max who was now dangling from the tree branch. Luke reverses the lawn mower back into the shed and goes back out with his own shotgun.
He nearly gets his head blown by a failed assassination from Bee. Luke fires back at Bee who is shot in the arm, giving him some time to run back into the house where the two will have their final showdown. Both arrive in the living room where they immediately fire their weapons, blowing up Christmas decorations in the process. Shards of glass fall to the wooden floor alongside a collapsing Christmas Tree as Luke runs towards Bee and punches her in the face. Luke attempts to get a few more hits but Bee is able to block and dodge his attacks before throwing punches of her own before kicking him in the face, giving him a few bruises in the process. After dropping to the ground, Luke grabs Bee by the ankle and drags her to the ground. As Luke prepares to shoot Bee in the face, she quickly reacts and shoots him in the leg.
Luke: God fucking damnit!
As Luke screams in agony, Bee can't help but chuckle over his voice crack.
Bee: You really need to keep that voice crack under wraps.
Driven by anger, Luke grabs the baseball bat he used earlier and slams it on Bee who grunts and tries to shrug off the pain. Luke then swings at her lower leg and follows it up with an American Psycho reference.
Luke: Try getting the blood of the innocent now, you fucking stupid bastard!
Bee has no other option but to accept her fate as Luke ruthlessly swings his bat up and down, yelling his lungs out as his voice begins to crack yet again. Luke finally stops and drops the bat while he looks down at the heavily damaged Bee who coughs up some blood. A smile starts to form on the narcissistic boy's face as he starts to chuckle. He then starts dancing around the living room.
(Music Fades Out)
Luke: Whooo-
Luke's scream of victory is cut off short as he feels a dagger jabbing through his back, looking down in shock before shedding some tears. It was all over for Luke as Bee forces him to turn around and face her.
Luke: Oh god.
(Rousseau - Carol of the Bells Piano Cover)
Bee ends the fight by jabbing the tree's star into Luke's head as he slowly drops to the ground and dies from both stabbings. She looks down at him, knowing that his blood can never be used for the Bible to grant whatever wish she could ask for.
Bee: Sorry Luke but things can get messy when you make a deal with the Devil.
Bee is surprised to hear the sound of Luke's parents arriving home and quickly hides out of their sight. Just as the two enter the house, Luke's mother screams in horror as she witnesses the bloody mess as well as the lifeless body of her son. Her husband tries to comfort her while Bee stands right behind the two holding her knife that was still stained with Luke's blood.
KO
Results[]
Boomstick: Look, I'm not a fan of child murder or anything but the little bastard had it coming.
Wiz: Luke did have some solid advantages that would keep Bee from taking the win right away. He has shown that he's very capable of fighting teenagers as shown during his fight with Ricky and he's a very strategic person despite his young age. Unfortunately, this wasn't something he could get himself out of.
Boomstick: Let's state the obvious about how Bee is physically superior in comparison, Plus, the fight re-enactment stuff would help her out a lot. Not to mention that she survived a car slamming her entire body. That's far better than any push, shove or kick to the nuts that Luke had to face.
Wiz: On top of that, any assistance given to both sides would lead to a very uneven match between five bloodthirsty teens and two 12 year old kids. Plus, Garrett wouldn't provide much help in a fight regardless.
Boomstick: The kid's smart and is a better planner for sure but he's very overconfident which can be a fault. At least he's safe from the power of the Devil's Bible since...well, he's definitely not innocent in any way. Let's also not forget the fact that Bee and her other cult buddies lost to a younger kid before...twice.
Wiz: Even if their arsenals were evenly matched, this would have to come down to who better in a fight. Spoilers, it's not the kid that has multiple voice cracks a day.
Boomstick: You could argue that Luke would do a pretty good job at taking out Bee's other cult members one by one but it would only be a matter before their leader gains the upper-hand. There really isn't a lot to discuss about these two based on the little amounts of info on them but it should eventually become clear on who wins in a fight between the most iconic horror movie roles of Levi Miller and Margot Robbie.
Wiz: That's Samara Weaving, Boomstick.
Boomstick: What? You're telling me the actress who plays Bee in the movies isn't Margot Robbie?
Wiz: You're not great with actors, aren't you?
Boomstick: Not really.
Wiz: Despite what Luke could do to defend himself, Bee's superior physicality, fighting skills would have the win leaning into her favour.
Boomstick: Luke probably should have watched out for the dangers of going up against the cult's Queen Bee. Guess he just had to Lern the hard way.
Wiz: The winner is Bee.
Comparison[]
- Bee
- + Far more physical stronger
- + More durable
- + Better fighter
- + Had four other helpers
- + Smarter
- - Satanic Bible wouldn't have worked in this fight
- - Usually doesn't have any strategy before going into a fight
- - Failed to kill a child in the past
- Luke Lerner
- + Weaponry could counter Bee's arsenal
- + Bible wouldn't work due to him being far from innocent
- + Shown to be capable of fighting teens before
- - Not as smart
- - Garrett wouldn't provide much help
- - Overconfident to a fault
- - Isn't that great of a fighter
Trivia[]
- The connections between Bee and Luke are:
- Two sadistic adolescent horror movie antagonists which brings a dark twist to babysitting
- Both of their movies have different roles in their situations (Bee being the babysitter and Luke being a child)
- The two seem kind to begin with but as they show their true nature, they begin tormenting the protagonists who have different roles to the antagonists themselves (Cole who is cared by Bee and Ashley who is Luke's babysitter)
- In order for their plans to work, both rely on their closest friends to assist them (The Satantic Cult and Garrett)
- This battle would be a sprite animation
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