Description[]
Warriors Born From Tragedy! DC Comics vs. Cartoon Network as Batman and Samurai Jack engage in a ferocious duel! Who will survive?
Interlude[]
"Wiz and Boomstick" Death Battle Theme
Wiz: Some say that money can buy you almost anything. Unfortunately it can't buy you protection from great tragedy.
Boomstick: But what it CAN buy is first-class training from the greatest warriors in the world to deal with what caused the tragedy!
Wiz: Like Batman, Gotham's Dark Knight protector.
Boomstick: And Samurai Jack, the hope of a dystopian future! He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
Batman[]
Wiz: Before he was the Caped Crusader, Batman was a child named Bruce Wayne, born to millionaires Thomas and Martha Wayne in the city of Gotham.
Boomstick: Yeah, it looked like Bruce was pretty much destined for a life of beautiful women, expensive booze, and laying by a big-ass pool working on his tan.
Wiz: But that all changed one faithful night when 8 year old Bruce was walking home from the Monarch Theater with his parents.
Boomstick: Yeah, daddy Wayne decided it was a good idea to go down a dark alley to shave a few minutes off their walk. And what you expect to happen in a dark alley happened.
Wiz: Accosted by a lowly crook by the name of Joe Chill, Bruce was unable to do anything but watch as his parents were gunned down in that alley, which would go on to become known as "Crime Alley".
Boomstick: Fortunately for little Bruce, he had a mansion to go home to and a butler to take care of him.
Wiz: However, this did little to quell the desire born within Bruce that night: a desire to fight the crime infesting Gotham and ensuring this never happened to another child.
Boomstick: But instead of just starting a charity or giving to the police force, he decided to take matters in his own hands.
Wiz: And to acheive this goal, he traveled the world, training himself to be the best before he returned.
Boomstick: All so he could go on his self-imposed quest to punch criminals in the face.
Wiz: But even after the training, he still needed a costume, something to strike fear into the heart of those who would commit crime.
Boomstick: And in a flash of contrivance, a bat flew into his window while he was pondering that very question.
Wiz: Inspired by that bat, he designed the costume and tools necessary to become... The Batman.
Boomstick: Because that was more reasonable than just getting therapy.
Wiz: And his training was perfect for this new self-appointed role, as he'd learned 127 martial arts, including Muay Thai, judo, boxing, karate, and so much more.
Boomstick: He's not only a fighter, he also knows escapology, criminal investigation, engineering, acrobatics, stealth and infiltration, and so much more.
Wiz: This includes being a master detective, able to learn from little information, like being able tell an opponent doesn't have a tongue from the way their jaw bounced off his fist.
Boomstick: He'd also conditioned himself to peak human conditioning: able to bench press 1,000 lbs, leg press 2,500 lbs, and his throwing arm is such he can fling one of his batarangs at 100 mph. Never let it be said that Bats ignores gym time.
Wiz: He also has incredible endurance, able to survive for 3 minutes and 11 seconds underwater without oxygen and even in the vacuum of space for 27 seconds.
Boomstick: He's also survived beatings and wounds that would kill, or at the very least incapacitate, a normal man.
Wiz: And to go with that are his gadgets, like his trademark Batarangs.
Boomstick: The Batarangs are his primary throwing weapons. They are bat-shaped weapons used as non-lethal ranged attack. They're primarily used to disarm, distract, confuse, or simply warn opponents that he's there to scare them.
Wiz: They also come in explosive and shock variants as well as several other types.
Boomstick: I wonder if he has a Batarang that brings him beer? I would.
Wiz: But they're far from his only tool for battle, as he also has smoke pellets, tear-gas pellets, shock gloves, explosive gel, EMP grenades, thermite bombs, Batclaw, Bat-rope, and Bat-saw.
Boomstick: He's basically a walking swiss army knife of weapons, always prepared for just about anything.
Wiz: And when it comes to defense, there's his Batsuit. It is a re-purposed Nomex survival suit, able to resist blades and is almost bulletproof in regards to small-calibre ammunition. It is also resistant to shock and flame, and its cape can stiffen to act as a glider.
Boomstick: The cowl has para-aramid fibers to lessen impacts to the head, and it also has night, infrared, and UV vision for when he wants to be creepy in Gotham.
Wiz: Even his gloves have a use to them, as the fins on them are not only able to be used to catch blades, but are also sharpened so they can be used as slashing weapons in close-quarters combat.
Boomstick: Despite just being a normal guy, Bats' resume is damn impressive and allows him to stand amongst Gods.
Wiz: He's a founding member of the Justice League, putting him in company of the likes of Superman and Wonder Woman.
Boomstick: He has also solved seemingly unsolvable crimes, shot Darkseid with a Radion bullet, escaped some of the toughest traps possible, outsmarted and outfought the centuries-old Ra's Al Ghul, and has bested metahumans in combat.
Wiz: He's also fast enough to swap poisoned drink faster than the literal blink of an eye, and his reflexes are enough to allow him to dodge the previously undodgeable Omega Beams until he could put a Parademon between him and it.
Boomstick: But despite this, he's still a normal guy, and thus can be killed as easily as any other man. His batsuit also can't handle large-calibre ammunition or large blades, and while it can lessen blunt force trauma, it can't totally nullify them.
Wiz: Then there's his mental health, or to be exact his notable lack of mental health.
Boomstick: Yeah, he's not exactly the mot mentally stable guy in the world. I mean he runs around at night dressed as a bat and punches people in the face.
Wiz: And then there's his habit of taking in emotionally vulnerable children and basically enlisting them in his private war on crime.
Boomstick: He's also incredibly paranoid, distrusting of even his closest of allies to the point of planning to murder them if they turn evil,
Wiz: And yet in spite of these flaws, Batman can always be trusted to do whatever it takes to stop the worst criminals to infest Gotham City.
Dracula: You are... Bruce Wayne.
Batman: I am the Batman. And you're dust. *Batman grapples out of the way* (2:18-2:33)
Samurai Jack[]
Wiz: Long ago in the land of feudal Japan Jack was born, only son of a beloved Emperor and Empress.
Boomstick: Wait, a feudal Japanese couple named their son Jack?
Wiz: No, we don't know Jack's real name, so we'll call him Jack for simplicity's sake.
Boomstick: Oh.
Wiz: Anyways, on the day of his birth, young Jack's father had defeated and sealed a powerful demon by the name of Aku with a sword forged by the Gods Odin, Ra, and Rama from the power of righteousness extracted from his spirit.
Boomstick: Unfortunately, it seems that the Emperor got a little lazy with his defeating of the ancient evil, because Aku didn't stay sealed. And 8 years later, Aku got free with a desire for revenge.
Wiz: Which he gained by capturing the Emperor and enslaving the people of Jack's kingdom. But fortunately for the world, his parents had a plan for this possibility.
Boomstick: Send Jack around the world to train to be the world's greatest warrior so he can defeat Aku! Thank God for being severely paranoid!
Wiz: And train Jack did, learning from the greatest teachers in Asia, Africa, and Europe.
Boomstick: Like a Greek wrestler, Russian boyar, African chief, and... fucking [Robin Hood]?!
Wiz: He excelled in his training, and soon returned to take up a kimono and his dad's mystical sword to battle Aku.
Boomstick: And he totally kicked Aku's ass, getting the 'master of darkness' on the ropes with only a final blow needed to end him once and for all.
Wiz: But before that final blow could be struck, Aku tore a portal in time and sent Jack into the future, where Aku's evil is law and he's hunted by armies of enemies.
Boomstick: And when he got there, he met some guys who called him 'Jack' several times, which he took as an alias... Yes, really.
Wiz: Fortunately for Jack, his training made him more than prepared for being in a future controlled by his arch-enemy. Like horsemanship, survival training, and sailing.
Boomstick: Not to mention ninjutsu; the art of being sneaky. He can hide in the shadows like a traditional ninja, but he prefers to hide in the light. Yes, Jack is so good he can hide in light.
Wiz: He typically does this by turning his kimono into a white "shozoku", the name for the outfit we typically associate with ninjas.
Boomstick: But how does that allow him to hide in light? I mean what the actual fuck!?
Wiz: But he's got much more going for him than skills like stealth, horsemanship, and survival training.
Boomstick: Yeah, he trained in numerous styles of hand-to-hand from across the world from Greco-roman wrestling, judo, ninjitsu, and a wide array of Shaolin kung fu styles.
Wiz: Those styles include Praying Mantis, Southern Fist, and Eagle Claw.
Boomstick: And the deadliest style of all: Water Beetle.
Wiz: He's not only skilled in unarmed combat, but in a vast number of melee weapons as well, including spears, staves, axes, knives, shields, clubs, polearms, nun-chucks, and swords.
Boomstick: And for long range, he can use bows, kunai, hatchets, spears, and well, basically anything he can throw. He even added a pistol and mini-gun with a rocket launcher in it to his arsenal during his time in the future!
Wiz: But his preferred weapon is the divine katana originally used by his father to defeat Aku the first time.
Boomstick: And it's not hard to see why. This baby is 23 and a half inch blade of slightly-curved mystical evil-slaying badass, capable of cutting through almost anything, from wood to metal to stone with a single slash. It can even cut fucking [adamantium]!
Wiz: Though we should mention that Jack required either a giant robotic gauntlet or a power boost from his ancestors to gain the strength required to do so.
Boomstick: But don't take that to mean he's weak, because he's not. When he trained to learn to 'jump good' from a wildman and his weird monkey family, he carried a huge boulder tied to his back with heavy rocks tied to his wrists and ankles.
Wiz: He started off struggling under the weight, barely able to walk, but by the end of it he was bounding along like it was nothing, even able to skip along vines without fear of them breaking.
Boomstick: His reflexes and reaction time are good enough not only to block machine gun fire, but also dodge sunlight focused through glass into destructive lasers.
Wiz: His senses are good enough that he can dodge arrows fired by mystical archers while blindfolded by hearing the sound of the wind flowing through the fletching of the arrow.
Boomstick: And his durability is great enough he survived having a 700 ton sumo drop on him from several stories up and not only falling from orbit to earth, but hitting the ground at terminal velocity.
Wiz: He's accomplished some amazing feats like battling an army of zombies raised by Aku, fought and took out six of the world's deadliest bounty hunters in the time it took for a drop of water to fall from an icicle to the ground, and defeated a horde of assassin droids with only a bamboo stick.
Boomstick: He's also climbed a mountain bare-handed, bested the musical assassin Scaramouche, and defeated six assassins raised and trained specifically to kill him. Damn, he sounds unstoppable.
Wiz: Oh no, far from it. He's lost against the Imakandi hunters, the demons of the Castle of Boon, and the Guardian of a time portal.
Boomstick: Then there's his overly-trusting nature, which often causes him to immediately believe others and gets him into trouble.
Wiz: He also typically doesn't wear any form of armor, preferring to enter combat in nothing but a white silk kimono and a pair of wooden geta sandals.
Boomstick: And finally, if he allows his anger to consume him it will cause his sword to straight-up abandon him and force him to go on a weird spiritual quest to get it back.
Wiz: But despite this, Jack has accomplished some truly amazing feats. There's a reason why the people under Aku's tyranny look to him as a source of hope.
DEATH BATTLE![]
Batman moved across the rooftops of Gotham city, hunting for someone wielding a katana who'd been killing gang members lately. Easily jumping to another rooftop, the Caped Crusader paused, eyes narrowing as he heard something down below.
Moving to the edge of the building, he leaped over the side, extending his cape and stiffening it into a glider, slowing his fall until he landed on the ground.
What he saw was something he had not been expecting: a Japanese man with a topknot dressed in a kimono and wooden geta engaging one of Joker's thugs in combat. The thug had not been alone, as the broken and battered forms of his compatriots already laying on the ground showed.
Batman watched as the stranger easily knocked the thug's heavy punch aside and moved in, laying him out with a hard punch of his own.
As the kimono-clad man slipped into a fighting stance reminiscent of Shaolin kung fu, eyes searching for any further attackers, Batman reached to his utility belt, grabbing a pair of batarangs just in case.
"Who are you?" Batman asked, keeping his batarangs at the ready. The stranger spun toward him, and seemed confused at the sight of Batman.
But the confusion lasted only the briefest of moments before he relaxed his body and said "Oh, hello. My name is Jack. Who might you be?"
"Batman." the Dark Knight responded, eyes flickering to Jack's waist, where a katana hung from the belt of his kimono.
"Why'd you kill those men?" Batman asked, and Jack looked shocked as he answered "Killed? These men are not dead, merely incapacitated! And I assure you, they assaulted me first!"
"Not these men. The gang members murdered with a katana, just like the one hanging from your belt." Batman said, and Jack frowned as he responded "I have killed noone since I've been here."
"Well then, you won't mind letting me check that katana for blood." Batman replied, and Jack narrowed his eyes as he stared at Batman. This strangely-dressed individual had been polite so far, but he dressed in a manner that potentially indicated his allegiance with Aku.
Taking hold of the katana's tsuka, Jack said "You will not touch this blade."
"Then I'll have to take it by force." Batman declared, bringing his arm around, launching the batarangs toward Jack.
Drawing his sword, Jack blocked the batarangs as Batman retrieved several more batarangs, launching them at Jack as well. The time-displaced samurai's sword flashed through the air, cutting the batarangs out of the air like those before.
Batman narrowed his eyes as he reached a hand to his utility belt, grabbed one of the pellets, and tossed it at Jack's feet where it erupted into a cloud of thick smoke as Batman activated the infrared vison in his cowl.
Coughing slightly, Jack looked for his opponent through the smoke obscuring his vision, only to be struck with a kick from behind by Batman.
Turning, Jack slashed his sword, though he only managed to cut the air before Batman caught him with another kick, Jack spinning and slashing again. A third blow from Batman caused Jack to stumble before he caught himself, and with a deep breath Jack closed his eyes, listening carefully.
Spinning, he brought his sword down in a diagonal slash, catching Batman across the chest of his batsuit. At getting struck by the blade, Batman retreated back from Jack and tossed several batarangs through the smoke toward him, though all he got in return was the sound of the man's katana blocking them like those from before.
Taking another batarang from his belt, Batman tapped a button on it and tossed it toward Jack. As Jack blocked the batarang, it erupted in a powerful explosion that knocked Jack off his feet.
As Jack landed on the ground, Batman charged in, leaping into the air and dropping down with a dropkick at the downed Jack. Jack rolled to the side and leapt to his feet before charging into the fray. His katana flashed through the air as he slashed at Batman, who used the fins on his gloves to deflect the blade.
Jack snapped out with a kick, sending Batman stumbling back from the hit, and the Caped Crusader was forced to backflip away as the samurai took another swing at him.
Batman reached to his utility belt, and in a flash drew and fired off his Batclaw, the claw grabbing hold of the blade of Jack's katana. With a pull, he managed to rip it from Jack's hands, getting an annoyed grunt from the time-displaced warrior.
Jack charged in as Batman got his hands on the blade, and the Dark Knight was forced to dodge a punch, Jack's knuckles just grazing his jaw. Batman tossed the blade aside as he weaved under another blow and retaliated with one of his own, which was deflected by his opponent.
The two thus started a furious exchange of fists and feet, attacking and defending with the expertise of two masters. But as they fought, Batman found himself being forced back by Jack, until finally Jack landed a hit to his chest, sending him stumbling back.
Seeing his foe momentarily off-balance, Jack turned toward his sword and charged toward it, only to have his ankle hooked by the Batclaw. Reeling it in, Batman pulled Jack off his feet and onto his stomach.
Rolling onto his back, Jack reached into his kimono and drew a kunai, which he launched toward the caped crusader, forcing him to dodge to avoid the throwing knife. Jack then grabbed the Batclaw and wrenched it off his ankle before he scrambled toward his sword.
Batman reached to his utility belt and grabbed another pellet, tossing it at the ground beside Jack, where it burst into a cloud of tear gas. Coughing on the strangling cloud as his eyes watered from the irritant, Jack got his feet under him and leaped out of the gas.
The Dark Knight watched him leap from the gas and land nearby, coughing and blinking in an attempt to clear his eyes. Seeing that his opponent was disoriented, Batman moved in to take advantage of this and landed a powerful kick to Jack's stomach, following it up with a punch to the jaw.
Rocked by Batman's blows, Jack stumbled back, barely avoiding the kick Batman sent at his head. Several more strikes were dodged by Jack before he managed to force the Caped Crusader back with a kick to the stomach.
Moving back, Jack blinked and rubbed his eyes to clear them. Squinting toward Batman, he managed to make out the blurry form of his opponent heading toward him.
As Batman got close, he threw a punch at Jack, which the time-displaced samurai caught by the twist. Jack used the hold to pull Batman into a powerful knee to the gut, following it up with an elbow strike to the nose. He continued the assault with a punch, but Batman ducked beneath it and forced Jack to release his wrist with a strike to the wrist of the hand holding him.
Batman followed it up with a punch to the stomach, but Jack deflected it to the side and lashed out with a kick aimed at Batman's knee. Batman moved his leg out of the way and retaliated with a chop toward Jack's throat, which was dodged as Jack leapt back from Batman.
Vision finally clearing, Jack caught sight of his katana laying on the ground not far behind his opponent. Batman, seeing Jack looking toward a spot behind him, realized where the sword was behind him.
"You're not getting that katana back, Samurai." Batman declared, a determined frown marring Jack's face as he slipped into a ready stance and replied "That remains to be seen, Batman."
Batman grabbed a pair of explosive Batarangs from his belt and threw them toward Jack. Jack caught them from the air and launched them back at Batman, causing his eyes to widen behind his cowl as he dove to the side moments before they reached where he'd been standing and exploded.
As they exploded, Jack charge forward toward his fallen sword, Batman scowling as he hit the ground in a roll and retrieved his Batclaw, firing it toward the sword. However, before the claw could grab the sword, Jack reached it and grabbed it, pulling it out of the way of the Batclaw.
"What was that you were saying about me not retrieving my katana?" Jack asked with a smirk as he readied himself to continue fighting, and Batman scowled as he pulled on a pair of shock gloves.
As the gloves crackled with electricity, Batman readied himself and launched himself toward Jack, who easily leaped up and over Batman. As he landed Jack spun and lashed out with his blade, Batman barely rolling forward and away from the strike.
Turning to face Jack, Batman saw him already up close and swinging the katana. However, Batman managed to grab the blade with one of his shock gloves, sending powerful currents of electricity up it and into Jack, who screamed in pain as he was electrocuted.
After several seconds, Batman stopped the current and slugged Jack on the jaw. Readying a second punch, Batman swung, only for Jack to lash out with a quick, powerful strike to Batman's unprotected mouth, causing Batman to release the blade as he stumbled back.
Spitting out a mixture of blood, saliva, and broken teeth, Batman scowled as he stared at his panting, bruised opponent. Electricity once more sparked from the gloves as Batman readied himself, Jack doing the same across from him.
Batman leaped at Jack, drawing his right hand back as he readied his left to grab the blade.
Jack leaped at Batman, sword held behind him as he prepared to deliver a decisive stroke with it.
They met in the middle, and Batman brought his protected left hand up to stop and catch the blade. He could only stare in shock and horror as the blade cleaved clean through the glove and hand underneath it.
But before the pain could register in the brain, Jack brought the katana around and cleaved deep into Batman's neck, blood flowing from his throat as his body collapsed to the ground.
Jack stared at the fallen form of the Batman for several long seconds, the knowledge that he'd just taken another human life filling him with horror.
However, as he stared at Batman's lifeless body, the words of his father echoed through his mind.
"The decisions you make and the actions that follow are a reflection of who you are. You cannot hide from yourself."
"He made his decision, as did I." Jack said, resheathing his katana as he did so.
After several long moments, he opened his eyes, and turned one last look to Batman as he said "You were a worthy opponent, Batman. I can only pray you find peace and happiness in your eternal rest."
Turning, he slowly walked away, the clacking of his geta the only sound to be heard.
Results[]
Boomstick: He is vengeance. He is the night. He is bleeding to death on the ground from a katana slash through the goddamn neck!
Wiz: Now, why did Samurai Jack win this Death Battle? In many ways, Batman and Jack were very comparable warriors.
Boomstick: Batman knows a lot of fighting styles from around the world? Well, so does Jack.
Wiz: Jack is skilled in the art of infiltration and stealth? Batman is as well.
Boomstick: Batman fought a lot of varying opponents with a ton of weird abilities? Jack's entire life while in the future is that!
Wiz: But when we look at their physical stats, we see that Jack has a clear advantage. First, is strength. While Batman can benchpress a little over half a ton, Jack's lifted at least twice that.
Boomstick: And while Batman has moved faster than the blink of an eye, Jack has moved fast enough to dodge weaponized sunlight!
Wiz: But their biggest difference is in durability.
Boomstick: Yeah, Batman's taken some pretty hard hits in his career, but nothing can match up with 700 tons of sumo from several stories up or goddamn atmospheric reentry followed by hitting the ground!
Wiz: And while Batman's variety of gadgets would let him keep Jack off balance for a while, Jack's dealt with such things for decades from Aku's various assassins. And unfortunately, Batman's staunch "no killing" policy means he lacks anything with the stopping power necessary to kill Jack.
Boomstick: Yeah, looks like in this battle, Samurai Jack was a cut above Batman.
Wiz: The Winner is Samurai Jack.
Trivia[]
Next Time on Death Battle[]
