Introduction[]
Wiz: The Dark Knight, Batman...
Boomstick: Verus the ANNOYING merc with a mouth...(Sigh)...Deadpool. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
The Merc With The Mouth
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons armor and skills to see who'd win a Death Battle.
Batman[]
Wiz: Bruce Wayne was born to Thomas and Martha Wayne, a very rich family.
Boomstick: Lucky.
Wiz: Ya, until one night after seeing the Mask of Zorro in theatres, the Wayne's went into the wrong alley (Ironically named Crime Alley) and Bruce's parents were killed in front of him by a small time burglar named Joe Chill.
Boomstick: THATS JUST HORRIBLE!!!
Wiz: Bruce swore to his parents grave that he would avenge them and have a one man war against crime.
Boomstick: (Cough, Cough)Robin!
Wiz: Using his net worth of roughly 9.2 BILLION, Bruce traveled the world going to the best schools in the world, becoming one of the smartest people in existance (You heard me right).
Boomstick:...Wow...
Wiz: Besides being at least the 2nd smartest person on the planet, Bruce also traveled around the world mastering freakin' 127 different types of martial arts! Bruce also mastered being an escape artist too. He's also the greatest stratigist on the planet. Bruce returned back to Gotham City and became...The Batman.
Boomstick: So what all can he do?
Wiz: Batman has peak human strength being able to bench press 1,000 pounds and 2,000 with his legs. Besides Batmans physical abilities, batmans bat-suit is actually pretty impressive too.
Bat-Suit-
- Completely Bulletproof
- Survival Suit
- Flame/Shock resistance
- Blades on gloves
- Night Vision
- Detects heat/Heartbeat
Wiz: Batman also has a utility belt that has literally everything!
Gadgets-
- Batarangs
- Grapple Gun
- Smoke pellets
- Tear gas pellets
- Flash Grenades
- Explosives
- Explosive Gel
- Shock Gloves
- Stungun
- Rebreather
- Lock Pick
- Cuffs
- Bat-Rope
- Gas Mask
Boomstick: HOLY CRAP!
Wiz: Ya, but we're not even at his most impressive gadget...The Hellbat suit.
Boomstick: The what now?
Wiz: The Hellbat suit. When the God Darkseid took the corpse of Damien Wayne (Bruce's grumpy son)---
Boomstick: That's just creepy!
Wiz: Anyway, the Justice League all helped creating the suit.
Boomstick: So what can it do?
Hellbat Suit-
- Superhuman Strength
- Super Speed
- Enhanced Agility & Durability
- Wings allow flight
- Regenarates itself
- Energy Blasts
- Extremely big blast from Chest
Boomstick: Wow!
Wiz: But Batman's most impressive ability is his Detective Skills being known as the Greatest Detective in the World. Possibly even better than Sherlock Holmes himself!
Boomstick: Wow! Again!
Wiz: He is...The Batman. Period.
Batman: I'm Batman!
Deadpool[]
Wiz: Oh No... Okay...time for Deadpool...
Deadpool: Hey everyone!
Boomstick: NOOO!!!WHY????!?!?!?!?!
Deadpool: Origin Story time! Okay, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...There was a boy named Luke Skywalker who dreamed of the stars. Wait, wrong origin!
Wiz: Oh dear god...
Deadpool: Anyway, a long time ago, a man low on his luck named Wade Wilson (That's me!) was fighting the worse Supervillain of all time...Cancer. But I volunteered to get my Cancer taken care of!
Boomstick: That's actually amazing!
Deadpool: Yes, well little did I know that they were really part of the Weapon X program. So it went completely wrong and I was given Wolverine-like powers.
Wiz:(Sigh) And what are you're powers,Abilities & Weapons?
Deadpool: Well, I'm at Peak Human strength (Flexing muscles) being able to fight Wolverine. I also have SICK fighting skills being able to defeat Taskmaster!
Boomstick: That's pretty cool.
Deadpool: I also know how to kick butt with every single type of Sword & Guns! But one of my most impressive abilities is my CRAZY healing factor that even makes Wolverine's Adamantium blush! I can heal from almost everything which makes me Immortal! I can break the forth wall---
Wiz: We've established this...
Deadpool: But my personal favorite ability is my experience with the ladies, oh yeah.
Wiz: Pervert! Get outta here, now!
Deadpool: Fine.
Wiz: Okay, on to Weapons. Wilson has duel Pistols and Swords (Which are named Bea & Arthur). Deadpool has a Katanna too! And a Sais!
Boomstick: That's a lot of Swords!
Wiz: He also has Grenades & Bolas! And he has a Magic Satchel that allows him to have unlimited weapons. And he can Teleport.
Deadpool: I'm Back!!!
Wiz: I'm pulling for Batman...
DEATH BATTLE[]
The Joker pays Deadpool and he walks out to go kill Batman. Meanwhile, Batman is standing on a rooftop watching Gotham.
Deadpool: (In deep voice) (Dressed up) I am Vengance, I am the knight...I'm Batman!
Batman says nothing. Cricket noises.
Deadpool: Anyway, I was hired to kill you so...Hi-Ya!
FIGHT!
Deadpool tries to kick Batman but he easily blocks it. Batman punches Deadpool in the face then throws Deadpool. Deadpool does a flip and kicks Batman. Batman palm strikes Deadpool and then kicks him in the stomach.
Deadpool: This isn't working...!
Deadpool gets out his pistols and starts firing them at Batman. Batman just stands there and the bullets bounce off.
Deadpool: Dang it!
Batman uses his Grapple gun and pulls Deadpool towards him and kicks him. Deadpool pulls out his swords and tries to cut Batman. Batman blocks it with his blades on his gloves. Deadpool kicks Batman and slices him across the chest. Batman spins around and kicks the Katana out of Deadpool's hand. Batman turns on his shock gloves and starts beating up Deadpool.
Deadpool: Ooof! Ah! Ouch!
Deadpool puts on glasses.
Deadpool: You wouldn't punch a guy with glasses would you?
Batman: No.
Batman throws Batarangs at Deadpool which stick in him.
Deadpool: Where do you get this stuff?
Batman drops a flash grenade which blinds Deadpool.
Deadpool: Ah! I can't see!
Deadpools vision becomes unblurry.
Deadpool: Wonder where he went....Huh!?
Deadpool sees that he's surrounded by bombs and the building blows up.
Batman is shown standing over the wreck.
Deadpool gets up and cracks his back.
Deadpool: All right, let's work it ladies!
Deadpool changes his appearance to a workout leader lady and starts dancing.
Batman:Hmmph.
Batman gets out a Stungun and shoots it at Deadpool. He is electrocuted. His hair becomes even more poofy.
Deadpool: Alright! I'm done being mr. Nice guy!
Deadpool gets out his Sais's and jumps at Batman. Batman outstretches his hand and knocks Deadpool back. Deadpool gets up and notices he has a bomb on his chest and blows up.
K.---
Deadpool quickly Regenarates and pulls out his magic stachel. He pulls a baseball signed by Babe Ruth and throws it away, he pulls out an elephant but throws it away.
Deadpool: Ah-Ha!!!
Deadpool pulls out a GIANT machine gun and fires it at Batman. Batman avoids most of them but runs into a wall that strangely wasn't there before.
Batman: What the?
Deadpool teleports in front of Batman and kicks him, this happens a lot of times until batman hits with the back of his fist. Deadpool falls over.
Deadpool throws a grenade which blows Batman back. Batman throws down a smoke bomb.
Deadpool: STOP DOING THAT!
Batman taps Deadpool on the shoulder then punches him. Deadpool kicks Batman in the nuts then starts beating him. Batman knocks Deadpool back with an explosive then calls for his Hellbat suit.
Deadpool: I'm VERY hard to kill.
The Hellbat suit puts itself on Batman.
Deadpool: You look scary! Where'd you get that? I need some ideas for Halloween in a couple of months.
Hellbat: This. Stops. Now.
Deadpool pulls out two Katanas but Hellbat flies at Deadpool and starts beating the crap out of him. Deadpool kicks him back and tries to slash the suit but the swords break.
Deadpool: Why me?
Hellbat blasts him back and flies him up and building, slamming him against the side of the building. Deadpool picks up a HUGE bazooka and it explodes around Hellbat. The suit Regenarates.
Deadpool: Copycat!
Hellbat fires a powerful blast from his chest which disenagrates Deadpool. He Regenarates back.
Deadpool: IM TELLING YOU, YOU JUST CANT KILL ME!
Hellbat kicks Deadpool in the face and gets out his bat-rope. He ties Deadpool onto a streetlight (like a nuse) and Deadpool chokes.
Deadpool: Ex...Sels...ior...(death rattle)
The Hellbat suit comes off.
Batman touches his com.
Batman: Alfred?
Alfred: Yes, master Bruce?
Batman: Have dinner ready please.
Alfred: Yes, master Bruce.
K.O!!!
Batman is seen eating a sandwich.
Conclusion[]
Boomstick: YES! YES! HES DEAD!!!!!!!! Joy to the world!
Wiz: Batman easily beat Deadpool in hand-to-hand combat and almost used up all of his gadgets.
Boomstick: So why couldn't he just beat him up?
Wiz: Deadpool's healing factor proved VERY annoying for Batman, with Batman blowing him up twice! Batman switched to his Hellbat suit and started actually beating Deadpool!
Boomstick: It was amazing!
Wiz: Batman noticed he couldn't really take on Deadpool because of his Healing Factor so he choked him to death.
Boomstick: That was awesome! You wanna know why he actually won?
Wiz: Why?
Boomstick: (In deep voice) BECAUSE HE'S BATMAN!!!
Wiz: The Winner is...Batman.
