Bartman vs Bane is a Death Battle by The Irish VS Writer
Description[]
SEASON 1 EPISODE 8! HA SUCK IT PEEP IT'S MY IDEA NOW! Eh hem, Bartman has always been shown as a copycat of the Dark Knight so today he is going onto the streets or Gotham City and battling against the man who broke the Bat! Who wins and who dies?
Intro[]
Boomstick: So a while ago, Bartman battled against Harleen Quinzel AKA Harley Quinn! Sadly, This didn't go too well for the Child Caped Crusader.
Wiz: But today, We will see if Bartman can battle against another one of Batman's greatest villains.
Boomstick: Bane: The Man who broke the Bat! He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skill to find out who would win a Death Battle...
Bartman[]
Wiz: Stop if you have heard this origin before.
Boomstick: A boy was walking home from an Oprah show with his parents but sadly, they were murdered by a Common Mugger, Leaving the only survivor, Their son scarred but also motivated to get into shape and learn some martial artists.
Wiz: If you somehow couldn't tell, This is the copy-cat origin story of The Batman. And his admirer Bartman, Although his father told him to avenge him directly in a flamboyant and impractical fashion of course! What other way is there to do it.
Boomstick: Thanks to his training from his Grandfather he became pretty ripped!
Wiz: And...he gained some experience with Martial Arts. Which made it easy for him to protect the streets of "Gotham City" by...killing them...
Boomstick: Dark Knight my arse!
Wiz: The Toker, The Diddler, Mr Mole, Sugar and Spice, and The Poison Lenny were easy for him to take down thanks to his Martial Arts abilities and soon Gotham's underworld were pissing themselves, Well most of it. Except for one, The Serpent.
Boomstick: The Man with the worst puns.
Wiz: Thankfully, The Serpent wasn't too much for him as with one punch he killed him with Snake Fangs.
Boomstick: How ironic.
Wiz: While our pal, Peep4Life has used all of Bart's weapons, But today we will only be using information from the short Bartman Begins and The Simpsons Game.
Boomstick: Yeah Yeah, Great. Bartman, as we mentioned, is a very good martial artist, Thanks to some classical training from his Granda. But what makes his style of fighting so successful is how strong he is - Like he knocks people out in one punch and he once picked up two women without any effort.
Wiz: Which is pretty impressive since both of those women were way bigger than him and he was just lifting them up like they were just nothing. He's also pretty damn agile as he can jump through different obstacles in the Simpsons Video Game. And thanks to his Grappling Hook it made it very easy for him to just swing over the obstacles without too much effort.
Boomstick: But if he does miss his mark, His cape is more than just some cloth he found thanks to the fact that it can actually allow him to glide.
Wiz: Bartman like his DC Idle, Has some boomerangs in his pocket which he can use to slow down his opponents and knock them over with one hit. Bartman also has a Mallet for some reason which he used against poor Mr Mole probably killing him.
Boomstick: Do the Police just not care!?
Wiz: Well, When Bartman flung Poison Lenny into an electric generator, Wiggum just decided to shoot the poor transvestite with a couple of shots.
Boomstick: But Bartman has a Slingshot if he needs to get some range, Which he can use to fire some rocks towards his opponents which may not hurt at first but after a while, Can deffo chip away at his opponent's durability over time.
Wiz: He also has some ropes which he is actually pretty good at using. Like I would be stuck on that for fookin' ages! And he goes down there just fine.
Boomstick: Despite all this, Bartman is just a little fella, He can still be overpowered by people bigger than him that actually fight back like Jimbo and Nelson. Also, he can be pretty immature which could lead to a smarter opponent tricking him.
Wiz: But, the boy is vengeance personified. And just because you're a criminal who thinks a mask and a gun keep you safe, the Bartman is always watching.
Robber: Ah, A Child!
Bartman: I'm Bartman!
Suddenly Bartman grabbed the robber and with all his might he flung him into an Electrical Box, Frying the man alive as Bartman watched in a Superhero pose.
Bane[]
Wiz: Being the son of a Revolutionary, Bane had a very strange life but the worst part of it was that When his Da escaped the Prison he had to serve the rest of his sentence.
Boomstick: What? That doesn't make any sense. Almost like Trump came up with that.
Wiz: Well I guess you could say that, Anyway, For 17 years, the child that would grow to be Bane spent his entire life inside a chamber connected to the ocean within the prison, spending every day in secluded boredom and every night swimming for his life to stay afloat when the tide would come in and fill his cell.
Boomstick: Over his many years in prison, Bane became pretty smart and tough over many years of studying and working out! Until he became the biggest Mother Fucker I have ever seen!
Wiz: As his legend and power grew in Santa Prisca, he heard tell of Gotham City - a place of dark madness that was said to be untamable. He, however, was possessed of the desire to take it and tame it. The city had a protector in Batman, though, who he had briefly fought in the past once before.
Boomstick: And as soon as he escaped and made it to America he tracked down the Batman, Beat the shit out of him and then finally broke his back!
Wiz: A very impressive feat, to say the least, Bane is truly one of Batman's greatest adversaries after he recovered from his injuries Batman did beat Bane. But with each fight, Bane always was physically superior to Batman and could always knock him around.
Boomstick: But are ya really surprised? Bane is one strong mother fucker like he can snap necks without that much problem, And he can punch through steel...and people's faces!
Wiz: But even without his strength, Bane can fuck somebody up with his firearms. Like his many machine guns which are pretty damn obviously gonna fuck somebody up. Which is even better since he is a really good Marksman, Like he is definitely better at shooting than any normal human.
Boomstick: Bane is also very good at escaping shit, Which is evident since he has broken out of many prisons without too much effort.
Wiz: Bane has a photographic memory, which borders on absolute total recall. This has allowed him to memorize the countless skills, disciplines, and facts that he taught himself over the years.
Boomstick: Bane is also really good at fighting!
Wiz: He is a highly formidable combatant who has not only mastered but also created several forms of martial arts. Though less skilled than the likes of Batman, Bane's fighting ability combined with his peak strength and endurance make him a highly formidable opponent for any non-meta and many metahuman foes.
Boomstick: Bane is also really smart as he has tricked Batman a couple of times. Yeah, THAT Batman! He can also speak a bunch of languages.
Wiz: He is also highly devious as he crafts the escape from Arkham Asylum of all of Batman's enemies), and a superb strategist and tactician, who has committed various famous war manuals such as Sun Tzu's "The Art Of War" and Karl von Clausewitz's "On War" to memory.
Boomstick: But when Bane has his Venom he gains even greater Superhuman Strength, Reflexes, Stamina and Durability: Like for god sakes he cut a man's head off with a Dumbell with ease.
Wiz: Under the effects of Venom, Bane can fight almost forever. As long as he can continue to pump Venom into his veins he can continue fighting indefinitely. While on a single dose of venom Bane has fought many battles for many hours and never seemingly stopped.
Boomstick: He's gonna make some lady happy someday.
Wiz: Bane can also use his Venom as a form of medicine to heal from injuries, poisons and diseases. Depending on how devastating the injury, Bane needs to inject a certain amount of Venom into himself. When faced with extreme wounds, such as many broken bones, excessive blood loss, or terminal poisons or diseases, Bane needs to inject an unhealthy amount of venom which will cause him to temporarily go berserk in order to heal properly.
Boomstick: Yeah as you can tell, Venom is a pretty good drug that he has on his side, But that is kinda his biggest weakness since he's a bit of a Drug Addict.
Wiz: This poor guy has a dependence on his precious steroid Venom. However, he has attempted to kick the habit to prove he doesn't need it to defeat his enemies. However, Bane was relying on the Psycho-Pirate to make him believe he no longer needed Venom. When Batman captured the Pirate and returned to Gotham, Bane quickly began craving Venom again
Boomstick: But still even if he is a Junkie, Bane is one guy I don't you don't wanna mess with because if you do you won't be able to feel anything and the next thing you will see is your heels!
Bane is seen beating up Bruce Wayne at his parents' empty graves.
Bane: When we fought before, I broke the Bat, today, I break the man.
He then kicks Bruce out
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set, We've run the data through all possibilities!
Boomstick: It's time...FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!!!
Battle[]
Location: Springfield (The Simpsons)
"Move it!" Bane demanded to his men, Who slowly carried boxes of ammunition onto the Springfield Docks. Bane turned away from his aching men and walked towards the man who he was selling all this "equipment" to, Fat Tony who was just smoking a cigar while his men picked up where Bane's men left off. "Excellent Work, Getting all this ammunition" Fat Tony complemented as he patted Bane in the back, Bane looked at Fat Tony in disgust before he replied: "Yes, Gotham City has some of the best weaponry in North America"
Suddenly a figure swooped through the skies, Sending the poor men to the floor with Boomerangs to the head. "It's the Bat!" One man shouted in fear as he attempted to escape.
But the man was shot down by Johnny Tightlips stating: "Nah, Even worse It's Bartman!" Before the man was suddenly flanked by Bartman. The man had no time to react before he was suddenly sent crashing into the shark-infested waters. Bartman finally flung one of his boomerangs into one of the poor men's eyes sending him into the same place as his colleague.
As Fat Tony and his remaining men fleed, It was evident that Bane was not gonna leave without a fight. "Who do you think you are child? some sort of Superhero?" Bane threatened as he towered over the Bartman. "I'm the Bartman!" The Child shouted as he suddenly jumped and attempted to knock down Bane with a dropkick: Not even making him faze.
As Bartman rolled away and stood back up, Bane cracked his neck and his knuckles as he stared down at the child and in an imposing voice stated "I have broken the Bat. And now I will Break You!" Bane threatened. "I'd like to see you try" Bartman teased as he charged forward at Bane.
FIGHT!
Bartman was the first to land a successful strike as he leapt into the air and slammed his foot onto Bane's face, Normally this would knock out a normal man, However, Bane wasn't even fazed as he grabbed Bartman by his arm and with all his might he flung the child into a wall. Bart grunted in agony as he fell to his knees before suddenly he saw Bane charging towards him like a Rhino. "Aye Caramba" Bartman complained as he jumped away from Bane's charge making him slam through the wall.
Bane recovered quickly as he saw Bartman aiming his Sling Shot towards him like a pistol, Bane had no time to react before he was bombarded by a brutal assault of rocks making him stumble and groan in agony as he tried to cover his head: Soon, Bartman ran out of ammunition as he suddenly rolled away from Bane's next assault. Picking up some stones along the way, Bartman soon resumed his stance and continued fire. Bane growled in agony as the rock slammed into his head making him shout in agony as that rock landed a lucky shot. Bartman charged forward at top speed before he then blasted Bane in the leg with a kick before he then sent Bane onto his knee with a punch to his crotch. Bane groaned in agony before Bartman continued: Landing a flurry of punches onto Bane, Landing many lucky shots onto the Criminal.
Bartman got cocky as he then attempted to knock Bane out with a dropkick, But Bane had recovered quickly as he then grabbed Bart by his legs and smashed him onto the floor.
Bartman groaned before he suddenly had to get ready quickly, As Bane raised his hands ready to slam down on him with his double-handed slam. Bartman rolled away from the strike before taking off, With Bane on his heel. Bartman realized this as he grabbed one of his Boomerangs and flung it at Bane's head. The Man who Broke the Bat had blinked for just a second thanks to the impact, But in that time Bartman had escaped from Bane's sight and hid behind a car. Bane ran around the place looking for Bart, To no avail. Bartman pressed himself against the car as he breathed quietly and heavily due to the fear. "Jeez man he's not playing around," Bartman said loudly, But sadly Bane heard this as he ran towards the car and attempted to smash it to pieces with a slam. Bartman evaded as he took off once again. Bane slammed his fist down on the ground, Sending a shockwave that sent the costumed vigilante flying upwards due to the force.
Bane capitalised as he grabbed Bartman by his cape and bashed him in the stomach with a punch making him gulp in agony as he felt something in his torso breaking: Bane then slammed Bartman to the floor and booted the poor boy flying many feet away. Bart crashed against the floor and reacted like a man who had been slammed against the floor in a WWE match, But he had to get up soon as he then grabbed his Smoke Grenade and flung it against the floor with all his might, Sending a wall of smoke to completely cover Bane's line of vision. Bane slapped around, attempting to swat the smoke away from himself but it was unsuccessful as within a couple of seconds, Bart was gone once again. Bane looked around the place in search of Bart. The Simpson had escaped and somehow ran to the top of a building within that span of time. Bartman now had a clean shot over Bane, And he was gonna take his chance as he grabbed his slingshot and aimed it towards the Criminals way. With one pull and release, Bane was growling in agony as the rock smashed into the back of his head. Bane turned around but he was soon met with a flurry of rocks towards his way: Bane shouted as each rock slammed into his head and face causing surprisingly some blood to drip from his head.
Bart laughed as he jumped from rooftop to rooftop only narrowly evading the next attack of Bane. "Come get some of this!" Bartman taunted as he continued flinging his boomerangs at Bane's body only for them to bounce right off. Bane didn't care as he then had an idea as he charged through the wall in Bart's next building and ran to the roof. "Uh Oh!" Bartman said in fear as suddenly he was face to face with Bane himself. Bart couldn't stop himself as he was already in mid-air so he was an easy target for Bane to grab him by his arm.
Bane was relentless as he bashed Bart in the face with a punch, nearly cracking his skull open from the attack. Bartman recovered quickly as he fished around his pockets and pulled out a Joy Buzzer and placed it on his palm; With one fluent motion, Bart slammed his palm against Bane's stomach causing a large jolt of electricity to travel throughout every single, Vein and Organ shocking them. While this would injure a regular human being but Bane wasn't a regular human as he laughed, "You expect a cheap toy to hurt me!" The Man shouted as he lifted Bart over his head. Bartman booted Bane in the back of the head with his heel allowing him to release his grip for just a moment. But this moment was long enough for Bart to push his way out: Bartman landed and while Bane was distracted, Using his Grappling Hook to slow his descent, Bart landed and ran to a Skateboard and jumped on it before pushing himself away. Bane crashed himself on the concrete ground before he suddenly saw one of Fat Tony's men just happening to drive by, Bane jumped into the car and shouted "DRIVE!" The man squealed in fear as he then put his foot onto the pedal.
"This isn't good, This isn't good" Bartman mumbled to himself in fear as he began pushing himself as fast as possible until he heard the sound of a speeding car, He turned around only to see Bane standing up from the back seat with a Machine Gun in hand. Bartman shouted in fear as he began moving in all the directions he could go to dodge the incoming shots.
"You shouldn't have messed with me Boy!" Bane shouted as he continued his fire, Bartman continued dodging, Keeping a lookout so he wouldn't get knocked down. Bartman turned to the street to the right at the last moment, Giving Bane little time to control the vehicle as he swerved to the right and into the streets: The Driver wasn't doing a good enough job for Bane as he was suddenly picked up by his head and his right leg and raised above Bane's head. "No pl...." The man attempted to plea before he was suddenly flung to Bartman, "Woah" Bartman shouted in suspense as he jumped over the man's now bloody and mangled corpse, allowing it to roll across the pavement, painting it red. "Jeez, This guy isn't messing around!" Bartman whimpered in fear as suddenly Bane was closing in on the Child. Bartman began panicking as Bane came closer and closer and soon he was outstretched his hand, As Bane's hand came closer and closer to his cape.
But soon Bartman pushed himself as hard as he could, Speeding way past Bane's vehicle. Bane growled in anger at his failure but he decided to take a risk, Using one hand Bane steered but with the other he aimed his Machine Gun. Bane closed one eye allowing him to see where he could fire a shot until he finally was satisfied with the shot...and so he fired...
BANG!
(Stop Music)
Bartman shouted in fear as suddenly, The second wheel to the back of the Skate Board. The vehicle swerved left and right as the screeching soon stopped when suddenly he was sent flying due to the force, "AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!" Bartman screamed as suddenly he smashed against the concrete floor. Pushing himself up, Bartman whimpered in pain as he felt his bloodied arm: Limping away, Bartman pushed open the door of Mr Burnes' Nuclear Power Plant. "Oh Man!" Bartman said in pain as he limped his way towards a hiding spot.
Bane soon followed suit as he kicked down the door only to be greeted by darkness, Bane walked around the place looking for Bartman for what felt like the millionth time "Oh, you think darkness is your ally. But you merely adopted the dark; I was born in it, moulded by it. I didn't see the light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but...blinding..." Bane shouted with his arms extended, Bartman heard this whole thing hoping to god that Bane wouldn't find him. Bane walked up to the first floor, The same floor as Bart. Bane walked around the darkness making sure to listen to anything, Any little noise...Even Bartman's muffled breathing. Bane smirked under his mask as he finally turned to Bartman's direction and suddenly he charged forward and slammed through the wall where Bartman was hiding. Bart shouted in fear as he was sent rolling across the floor before he finally stopped and pushed himself up. Bane walked towards Bart slowly and cracked his knuckles, "This is the end for you!" Bane threatened only for Bartman to grab a mallet on the floor and outstretched it using it as a weapon.
The Man who Broke the Bat charged forward attempting to finish him off as he did to the Dark Knight. Bartman shouted in anger as he swung the Mallet towards Bane's way...
BAM!
Bane shouted in agony as the weapon slammed into his face sending him screeching across the floor, Bane attempted to push himself up but suddenly he was bashed onto the floor once again by a Mallet to the head. Bartman continued his assault as he did a battle cry causing some blood to come out of Bane's head. But soon The Man pressed a button his arm, Sending Venom into his bloodstream.
The Mallet dropped onto the floor as Bane held Bartman's throat.
Bartman squirmed frantically with a look of fear.
Bane though wasn't fazed as he held Bartman over his head.
"I Will Break You!" Bane shouted.
SNAP!
(Stop Music)
Bartman's pleas were silenced when his back was slammed against Bane's knee, Smashing it to pieces. Bartman shouted in agony before suddenly his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he finally died from his injuries. Bane held onto the cape of the once Bartman allowing his corpse to dangle. Bane walked to one of the many tanks of Radioactive Acid and dropped Bart's body into it. Finishing the legacy of The Bartman!
KO!
Results[]
Boomstick: Yeesh! What's with us and Child Murder? First Dash and now Bartman!
Wiz: While Bartman was an impressive Martial Artist and has beaten many criminals, But Bane is one criminal that is on a completely different level than The likes of The Diddler and Poison Lenny!
Boomstick: The main reason was that most of Bartman's villains were just regular citizens with no training and hell weren't even villains like poor Poison Lenny, And he only kills them by just hitting them into environmental hazards like electric boxes and snake fangs.
Wiz: Bartman sure was a very crafty son of a bitch! Thanks to him being able to trick people like Sideshow Bob, But to be fair Sideshow Bob isn't even close in intelligence to Bane who has been able to trick The fucking Batman! The Worlds Greatest Detective!
Boomstick: Bartman sure is good at hiding and all that, But sadly he wouldn't be able to hide long from Bane thanks to again his Intelligence.
Wiz: But let's say Bartman's boomerangs and slingshots do cause some damage to Bane over time, But when Bane pumps Venom into Bane's system. Poor Bartman would be fucked. Like Sure Bartman was able to lift two women at once while Bane was able to slice a man's head off with a Bleedin' Dumbbell. So saying that Bart could keep up with Bane would be absolutely laughable.
Boomstick: Bane also had the advantage when it came to range, Up Close: Bane is just too fucking strong for Bart to handle remember, And from afar: Bane has his Machine Guns that trump Bartman's sling-shots and boomerangs by far.
Wiz: And even if Bartman does get that lucky shot in on Bane, It still wouldn't allow him to get the upset victory thanks to Bane's stamina and healing thanks to Venom!
Boomstick: Well I guess you could say Bane broke the Bat and the Bart!
Wiz: Ugh, The Winner is Bane!
