Pre Episode[]
...
Luther: Uh, guys? Are we supposed to have any visitors today?
Nova: Uh... no. But I'm not the only one that heard the knocking on our door, right?
Alice: Oh relax, it's probably just your imagination. Nobody should have been able to get past all our security and even if it was the case, which one of us would be stupid enough to open up for one of those protestors?
Theodore: Ah, do we have a guest? Allow me to-
Luther: Wha- Theo no, what the hell are you doing?!
Alice: It appears I stand corrected.
???: How could you just abandon me- GWAH! I come in peace doods, I come in peace! And why does that girl have a chainsaw, dood?!
Nova: Whoa whoa, calm down everybody! It's just one of those Prinnies we ordered! ...So uh Theo, you can put him down now.
Theodore: Very well... But can I just hold onto it a little bit longer?
Prinny: That's kind of creepy dood...
Alice: Oh yeah, we seem to have forgotten you minions even existed. Where have you been all this time?
Prinny: Seriously, dood?! You don't remember sending a squad of woefully underleveled mooks on a clear suicide mission just for the sake of internet entertainment?! What the hell, dood?!
Rena: Ooh, I remember that episode! It was such an awesome fight!
Luther: Alright, it's been fun reminiscing and all but why are you here again?
Prinny: We may just be a group of adorable mascots/butt monkeys, but we deserve equal payment for our hard work, dood!
Alice: Ah yes, we were supposed to pay the survivors for their role in that previous Death Battle, right? There's just one problem: You were all far too late to check in for work on that day, making your contract null and void.
Prinny: ...Really, dood?
Theodore: Ah yes, your extended leave of absence has forced us to mark your squad as missing in action. BUT, on the bright side we've recently managed to hire a new helper in your stead!
Rena: Come on out, Bandy!
Prinny: You doods actually replaced us?! With some low level peon that can't even talk!? And they even get a cool little intro too?!
Alice: Well, you ARE welcome to settle your differences if you'd like. It would be the perfect time for that too, considering we're in the middle of our Season Finale Marathon!
Prinny: WHAT?! Nu uh, you are not drafting me again, doods- AGH!
Rena: Too late! The fans have already decided your fate! Now let's get the cameras rolling!
Description[]
This What If Death Battle will feature Bandana Waddle Dee from Kirby's Return to Dreamland and the Hero Prinny from the Disgaea series. (Future What If Episode)
It's no question to anybody that Waddle Dees and Prinnies are some of the weakest minions... ever. How could anybody possibly hope to make them look badass in the slightest? (without level grinding.) Apparently all it takes is a household accessory and a major role in a few platformers.
Interlude[]
Bandana Dee: ...
Prinny: ...
Nova: Wow, the tension here's so hot you could cut it with a knife! Or pierce it with a spear!
Alice: Yes, it seems the war to determine the world's favorite mascot is a never ending one... And it's not one I intend to lose either.
Luther: Give it a break, Allie! You're just an OC and you know it! Ow! It was just a joke I swear!
Theodore: Whatever the case, you can always be sure that the mascots involved will be absolutely adorable!
Rena: But looks and competence don't always go hand in hand... Especially when the mooks involved just look so... bland.
Bandane Dee: !!! <stomps ground>
Prinny: Bland?! Us!? Do those words even go together, dood?!
Theodore: Calm down, you two! Yes, your kind does appear quite plain, UNTIL we add some fashionable accessories to the mix! I always knew the term "the clothes make the man" was true!
Alice: Bandana Waddle Dee, Dreamlands's mute, yet faithful pint sized warrior!
Nova: And the Hero Prinny, the Netherworld's penguin of unsurpassed determination!
Rena: All our names are on screen, so do we really need to introduce ourselves again? It's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win-
Everyone: A DEATH BAAAAAAAAAAATTLE!
Bandana Waddle Dee[]
Theodore: Who doesn't love the kingdom of Dream Land? It's such a peaceful land of love and joy-
Rena: Oh, peaceful my ass! This place has got through all sorts of crazy catastrophes from interdimensional warlords, bleeding eyeballs, alien invasions, and even a freakish pink blob bent on devouring everything in sight! Sounds like my kind of vacation spot!
Alice: Yeah yeah, it's called Dream Land, not Wet Dream Land! Now stop drooling over the floor, we just got that shit cleaned up!
Luther: Well, for all the nightmare fuel safely tucked behind the scenes of this E Rated series (just what was the ESRB smoking when they reviewed Dreamland 3 and the Crystal Shards?!), it IS good to know the majority of this world's inhabitants consists of cute and cuddly creatures!
Nova: Yep. Cute and cuddly creatures lying in wait to tear your ass to shreds the very moment you let your guard down. It's a dog eat dog world out there and only the strongest can survive.
Theodore: Are you sure we're talking about the right series here? Because I wouldn't exactly call Waddle Dees dangerous in any sense of the term.
Luther: You're certainly right about that, Theo. As the most plentiful species in all of Dream land, Waddle Dees aren't exactly the strongest guys around. But their vast numbers make them the perfect candidates for the basic footsoldiers and servants of the perfect King Triple D-
Bandana Dee: <stomps foot with extreme prejudice>
Luther: Ow, I'm getting to it, okay?!
Rena: But Luth does raise up a good point. If these Waddle Dees are such canon fodder, how come there's so many of them out there? Especially when a certain pink "hero" goes around slaughtering them en masse?
Bandana Dee: <sweat drop>
Alice: How the hell do these guys even eat for that matter? I mean, it's not like they've got mouths to shovel in food or anything-
Rena & Luther: Unholy shit!
Theodore: Well, THAT was certainly unnerving... I don't even want to imagine how that works...
Nova: Don't worry, I can explain this! ...I just need to take our new friend apart for a few seconds-
Bandana Dee: *Cue Sound*
Nova: Oh relax, I'm just pulling your leg! ...Oh wait, you don't even have any legs.
Alice: I'm just gonna go with: Waddle Dees have black holes for mouths if that's alright with everyone.
Luther: Good enough for me. Just remind me to run like hell before you start teaching everybody how these guys reproduce.
Theodore: HOWEVER! Not all Waddle Dees are the weaklings we perceive their general species as. There exists yet a single, heroic figure of unsurpassed loyalty and bravery to rise above the rest who goes by the title of... Bandana Waddle Dee!
Alice: Real creative name there.
Rena: Now this little critter may literally just be a Waddle Dee wearing a bandana, but there's a lot more to this fighter than meets the eye. With a spear in hand at all times, he'll be ready to skewer his foes at a moment's notice!
Nova: Besides beating out swords in the Weapon Triangle, Bandana Dee can pull off all sorts of impressive tricks with this pointy stick! He can rapidly thrust his spear forth with blinding speed, swing it around in any direction he pleases, and throw it great distances... Only to have it return to his hand seconds afterwards?
Luther: Eh, I guess we could just label that as magic and call it a day, since Bandy here doesn't just hurl the damn things repeatedly, but he can even charge up his strength to throw three at once!
Alice: Maybe that black hole theory of mine was actually going somewhere...
Theodore: But perhaps my favorite maneuver in the little guy's arsenal is his ability to spin his spear around so fast, it turns into a freakin' helicopter blade that he can fly around with! Oh, that is just adorable!
Nova: That's an affront to science if I ever saw one! There's no way in hell that stick is aerodynamic enough to allow any kind of momentum!
Rena: Who cares about realism when you can fly through the air on a whim? Now this is something I've gotta try for myself!
Theodore: I wouldn't do that if I were you!
Rena: Whoo hoo! This is awesome!
Bandana Dee: <claps of increasing excitement>
Alice: Holy shit, it's actually working.
Luther: Yeah that's pretty epic and all... but how do you plan on getting down?
Rena: Oh that's easy, I just stop spinning my weapon!
*CRASH!*
Luther: AGH!
Rena: Thanks Luth, you're the best!
Alice: You might might want to learn to stick your landing next time.
Nova: On the bright side, this little Spear Copter fiasco makes more sense than Bandana Dee's jumping skills! Double jumping is one thing, but this dude can just jump in midair as much as he wants, which kind of makes his Spear Copter moot if you ask me.
Theodore: Well our tiny hero can't quite keep up either activity for extended periods of time, which is why other Waddle Dees have been known to carry around parasols as well, which allows them to safely glide down to solid ground.
Luther: These umbrellas make for some pretty decent weapons too. Besides the obvious action of whacking foes over the head, Mr Dee can spin it around like a drill, toss foes around like ragdolls, and even block oncoming attacks!
Alice: The parasol isn't exactly the strongest weapon out there though, so don't expect him to rely on it too much.
Rena: But there's still a lot more to this little guy than his awesome weapon skills! Hell, he's already powerful enough to crack Popstar in half with a single punch!
Nova: Which happens to clock in at about 167 Megatons of force if you're curious. And here you thought he was just a weak peon for everyone to Kirbstomp over! Eh, get it?
Luther: Hilarious as always.
Theodore: Well speaking of the pink puffball himself, Bandana Dee has proven time and time again that he's more than capable of keeping up with such a famous hero, whether he's loyally giving some assistance or going toe to toe with him in single combat!
Luther: He's even survived an exploding planet alongside Kirby if you can even believe that!
Alice: But Bandana Waddle Dee is more than capable of proving his worth on his own, like the time he managed to defeat the almighty Galacta Knight.
Rena: Remember? That one guy guy that was SO powerful that the residents of the galaxy had to seal him away? Pfft, what a bunch of wimps!
Luther: Oh, it gets even better than that! Bandana Dee is so badass, he can even go toe to toe with Magolor, a deadly traitor that was powerful enough to threaten the universe at-
Luther: ...Uh, what are you doing?
Nova: I'm casting a flameshield so you don't get backlash!
Luther: What?
Theodore: Back. Laaaaaash!
Luther: What's so wrong with implying Magolor's strong enough to conquer the entire universe?
*SMACK!*
Alice: Just trust me, you don't wanna go there. It's more trouble than it's worth.
Luther: Can I at least give my opinion on the matter before getting labelled as an asshole?
Rena: This is the internet, what did you expect?
Theodore: With all that said, Bandana Dee's moveset is actually quite small in comparison to many of our previous combatants, though I suppose he makes up for this with quality over quantity.
Alice: And because he's a video game character, Bandy can't go around taking punishment forever. Under enough pressure, it's only a matter of time before he comes face to face with the Game Over screen.
Nova: I wouldn't go around calling this Waddle Dee the smartest fighter out there and a good number of his attacks do need time to actually start up, but does any of that really matter when out there kicking ass alongside Dream Land's best?
Luther: There's a good reason this little dude is King Triple D's most trusted servant of all!
Bandana Dee: <Leaps with joy>
Sudden Pause Menu: Hey, it’s everyone’s idol! Don't let the cute fool you! He’s a brave warrior who may be small, but his spear packs a huge wallop!
Hero Prinny[]
Prinny: Yeah, it's my turn now dood!
Alice: Hey, you're not the one running the show here! Now shut your ass up before I toss it across the room!
Prinny: Just go ahead and try, doo- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
*Crash!*
Nova: I see we're off to a pretty rigid start here, eh?
Theodore: Come on Allie, don't you think you're being a little too tough on the little guy? I don't remember you throwing our last combatant around the base like that!
Rena: Eh, he'll be alright. Plus, he kind of deserves it too! Like all Netherworld Prinnies, this little dude is one of many adorable little demonic penguins containing the soul of a human who's lead a sinful, despicable, or otherwise pathetic life!
Luther: And what is their purpose besides standing around like a bunch of admittedly cute derps? Why they go into slave labor in the futile attempt to wrack up enough cash to be reincarnated in repentance for their past sins!
Alice: We say futile because the lot of these guys are a load of lazy, weak, and downright incompetent excuses for workers.
Prinny: Way to lay down the verbal smackdown, dood...
Rena: See, what did I tell you guys? He's perfectly unharmed!
Theodore: Well besides the fact that he looks like he's about to hurl all over my newly cleaned floor...
Nova: Oh yeah, wasn't he the one that stained your autographed photo from Dante?
Theodore: *Dramatic Gasp of Realization* I WILL end you if so much as lay a single smudge of filth on my work, do you hear me?
Prinny: *saluting in fear* Sir yes sir, dood!
Theodore: Anywho, THIS Prinny is vastly different than the majority of his ill burdened ilk. Perhaps the difference is quite obvious at first glance?
Luther: Gee, I wonder if it's the red scarf fluttering around his neck?
Theodore: You're absolutely correct, friend, but that's not all! You see, most Prinnies have been known to explode upon being thrown. BUT...
Nova: It seems this specimen is completely immune to that effect! You can all thank his snazzy little scarf for that! Here, I'll demonstrate it for you guys!
Prinny: W- Wait dood! Didn't you already show- AAAAAAAAAAGH!
Rena: Ooh, I've got him! *Catch!* Hey, this is actually kinda fun! Go long Luth!
Prinny: I'm not a damn football, DOOOOOOOOOD!
Luther: Wait, wha-
*SLAM!*
Alice: Fool. You were supposed to catch the ball with your hands, not your face.
Theodore: Well luckily for the newly dubbed Hero Prinny, he's actually one hell of a formidable fighter when people aren't trying to play rugby with him. Like all Prinnies before him, this pint sized hero carries around two tiny machetes as his primary weapons.
Rena: They're not the strongest weapons out there (hell, I've seen butterknives that could cut better then these things) but he makes up for that downfall with some ridiculously fast paced strikes!
Alice: And by that we mean strained button mashing. With the most dedicated of players in control, the Hero Prinny can shred through any unsuspecting mook in a matter of seconds.
Nova: But if the Prinny wants to keep his distance, he can always leap into the air and mash the attack button to wreck his victims with a flurry of Demon Fangs!
Luther: For those especially pesky bastards that don't know when to stay still, Hero Prinny can channel his inner Mario to perform a ground pound guaranteed to send his foes reeling!
Alice: Just don't even think about pulling that move over a pit unless you want to get familiar with the Game Over screen.
Theodore: And for reasons I can't even begin to comprehend, all Prinnies can pull an oversized bomb out of their asses to do with as they please.
Luther: Bloody hell, I'm getting some sick mental images from that...
Nova: It turns out Prinnies are really amazing dancers too! By spinning around on the tips of his toes, the Hero Prinny can make himself briefly invulnerable before breaking out into a quick dash!
Rena: Alternatively, he could choose to cancel out of that dash with an invincible belly slide, perfect for all those winter trips down the ski resorts!
Prinny: Nu uh, you are not making me roll down a mountain, dood!
Alice: You'd damn well better if you want to keep your job.
Prinny: Dejected sigh, dood...
Theodore: But with all that said, all these techniques are child's play in comparison to Hero Prinny's favorite weapon: the Pringer Beam! With the aid of a seemingly harmless skull in his hands, a Prinny can hover into the air before unleashing a surgical laser beam... that explodes in a righteous fury mere moments later, obliterating any evil soul that crosses its path!
Luther: But wait, there's more! As the Prinny fights enemies and picks random shit off the ground like some blue vulture, he steadily fills up a combo gauge that eventually allows him to enter Break Mode, a state that grants some radical status buffs and three destructive new skills!
Alice: And yet we haven't even seen the Prinny race's ultimate attack yet! So... here it is:
Nova: Isn't it amazing what even the weakest creatures can accomplish when they're truly motivated?
Prinny: Yeah, motivated by fear, dood!
Rena: Eh, you're not entirely wrong. But your shitty work attitudes sure aren't helping matters either.
Luther: Seriously, what's stopping you doods from putting some actual effort into your jobs? We've seen what other Prinnies can really be capable of more times than you'd come to expect!
Theodore: Oh come now, you're not going to let your near death experience in that previous Death Battle episode get you down, are you? Because if you're not going to participate in this fight for the sake of your job, then perhaps you could fight on behalf of your fans?
Prinny: Yeah! Now that I think about it, I DO have one hell of a devoted fanbase, dood!
Theodore: Exactly! As a true hero of unsurpassed justice, I expect nothing less than the best performance you could possibly muster, all for the happiness of the roaring masses screaming your name in glory!
Nova: *whistles* Way to lay on the psychological manipulation, Theo!
Theodore: I'm being completely serious here, No-
Prinny: You're totally right! If I'm gonna explode, I'll at least blow up with dignity, dood! At least I'll still be more popular than you losers even if I- GWAH!
Alice: Alright, that's enough of an ego trip for you. Now shut up and let us finish the analysis before I chuck you out into the crowd of angry protestors.
Prinny: <gulp>
Rena: The Hero Prinny's defeated tons of powerful demons that any regular Prinny wouldn't even dream of taking on! Yeah, his first batches of enemies were pretty standard fare, but the concept of serial escalation pretty much guaranteed he'd end up facing demons that were WAY out of his league sooner or later!
Luther: He's kicked the tar out of an ugly pink pig demon-
Nova: Who's also one of the CHEAPEST bosses in video game history! Was a f*cking time limit seriously necessary?!
Luther: -that was hellbent on turning countless amounts of Prinnies into the most delectable snack imaginable. (It makes just as much sense in context)
Theodore: A legion of 100 shadowy Prinny clones composed of his squad's poor salary, a scythe wielding hog with a severe case of Darth Vader syndrome, a self proclaimed Lord Junkie that used Etna's (who happened to be the Prinny's boss at the time panties to transform into a colossal version of the redhead herself-
Alice: What... the... ass...
Rena: Okay, I think somebody really needs to burn the dev team's stash of... I don't even want to know what they're smoking.
Luther: I think we should just skip to HP's biggest victories of all if that's alright with everyone. And by that I mean he went toe to toe with the likes of Demon Lord Etna, Prinny Overlord Laharl, Overlord Mao, and even Tyrant freakin' Baal himself! All of which are capable of mass universal destruction on a whim!
Nova: I can't say I ever expected to find all of THIS on the loser's resume! Then again, he probably lost the damn thing before we even met.
Alice: Oh, but allow yours truly to happily report that the Hero Prinny is FAR from being the invincible warrior we've all been led to look up to. Because in all honesty, he's just a regular ass Prinny wearing a scarf. Take it away and he's no different than the rest of the peons.
Prinny: No different?! I at least have an identi-
Theodore: Alas, for all this hero's great agility, he DOES turn out to be a rather fragile fighter once you do manage to land a secure hit on him. And in the very likely event that the Prinny gets himself killed in action-
Prinny: You don't have to sound to nonchalant about it, dood.
Rena: It doesn't really matter much anyway when we still have like 999 Prinnies left to take up the mantle! Cut down one demon penguin, one more shall take it's place! Hail Hydra!
Luther: That's exactly right Rena, but his downfalls don't end there- Wait, what the hell did you just say?
Nova: Perhaps the Hero Prinny's greatest weakness (as far as the actual platformer is concerned) is a debilitating disease I have come to refer to as Belmont syndrome. Why? Because the dumbass jumps like five feet back whenever he takes a hit, usually right into a CONVENIENTLY placed bottomless pit!
Theodore: The life of a Prinny is hardly an easy one, but one that truly masters the craft is an unstoppable force of mass destruction! It doesn't matter who you are, how much you've level grinded, or where you try to run, NOTHING will stop the spirit of justice from hunting you down!
Prinny: Hell yeah, dood! I'm SO ready kick some ass! Oh, and you doods had better give me a raise when I win thi- GAH!
Alice: Yeah, we get it. Just stop yapping your trap and put your money where your mouth is.
Interlude 2[]
Nova: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all...
Luther: Uh, speaking of the combatants, where did we send them exactly?
Alice: Oh, I took the liberty of transporting our two mascots to an abandoned castle filled to the brim with all sorts of lethal traps and hazards. Their goal? They've gotta collect a special item for us! As a special bonus, you can bet there's going to be a special surprise waiting for them if they dare to venture outwards.
Rena: Ooh, sounds exciting!
Theodore: Yes, this is a match to be remembered. Best of luck you two, wherever you are. In justice we trust! Now without further ado...
Everyone: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!
The Battle[]
Pre Fight[]
Location: Abandoned Netherworld Castle
"So, I just gotta find the treasure and get out. Sounds easy, right dood?" The Hero Prinny muttered, exploring the dark, murky depths of this mysterious castle he had found himself in. "Five minutes in, now I'm talking to myself. That means I've officially lost it, dood..." The demonic penguin continued to speak in an attempt to preserve what was left of his sanity.
..."Uh oh! it's the light at the end of the tunnel, dood! Am I gonna end up exploding again?" the Prinny suddenly asked, having finally come upon a source of light within this dreary structure. Slowly but surely, the peon crept up to a nearby corner, shuddering in fear all the way.
The demon's opponent on the other hand? Well, Bandana Waddle Dee was as calm as can be, skipping merrily through the halls, showing no real signs of emotion as he silently patrolled the area. As fate would have it, the tiny warrior happened to spawn right next to the treasure he had been tasked with retrieving, which was now safely tucked underneath his signature bandana. But the mouthless creature was soon stopped in his tracks when he heard an all too familiar sound: the growling of his famished stomach. With no real danger in the immediate area, the Waddle Dee plopped down on the floor and pulled a cake out of... Wait, where the hell did he get that from?!
But fate can be a real troll sometimes, which is why the Hero Prinny happened to be lurking by a dark corner at the same time. "Holy crap, dood!" The penguin whispered with excitement. "I can't believe my opponent actually found the treasure for me! Now all I've gotta do is snatch it from under his nonexistent nose and leg it out of here, dood!" The Prinny shouted, unable to contain his excitement... He mentally smacked himself across the face immediately afterwards once he realized how much attention he'd just drawn towards himself.
Bandana Waddle Dee took notice the instant he heard his opponent's voice. Completely unwilling to share his snack with such an annoying stranger, he tucked the cake in his right arm and made a beeline for the opposite side of the room. "Wait up dood, we can totally split the reward if you want!" The Prinny pleaded in a panic as he rushed over to the Waddle Dee. The penguin couldn't decipher why, but his words seemed to cause his adversary to slow his pace enough to allow him catch up. "So, do we have a deal, dood? I'm totally okay with calling a truce if you are!" The Prinny wagered as the Waddle Dee slowly turned around to face him, the cake still in hand.
...
In the awkward silence that followed, the smaller creature slowly raised the cake out from under his arm, brought it up to his face, and...
"WHAT THE F*CK, DOOD!" Hero Prinny exclaimed in utter shock as the cake completely disappeared before his eyes. it was as if the Waddle Dee had somehow managed to absorb the tasty treat. "I can't believe you ate our mission objective, dood! If we don't bring that treasure back for our bosses, BOTH of our asses are gonna end up hanging from the wall!" The demon attempted to explain the situation, only prompting a confused look from the Waddle Dee.
Without even batting an eye, the smaller warrior jumped back and pulled a spear out of thin air, determined to be the only mascot to escape the castle alive.
"You're not gonna make me scoop the remnants of that cake out of your guts, are you? That's disgusting, dood!" Hero Prinny complained once again before he pulled out his twin machetes in retaliation.
Guts or Glory... FIGHT![]
A brief, unexplainable flash of light served as the unwritten signal for the battle to begin. Both warriors closed in on one another with the obvious intent to kill. The superior range of Bandana Dee's spear allowed him to make the first move, keeping the Prinny at bay with a clean thrust that seemed to cut through the air like butter. The penguin flinched on little more than instinct, stopping just short of his foe's attack range, but he knew this was not the time to chicken out.
"You're not stopping me, dood! Not when I actually took the time to get to Level 9999!" The Hero Prinny triumphantly cried as he swung down his machete in an attempt to break his enemy's guard. Dreamland's champion responded in kind with another well placed thrust of his stick, but the demon was only getting started. Hero Prinny immediately swung his other knife in the same manner, with the same result as before. Paying the lack of progress no attention, both heroes did it again. And again. And again. It was only a matter of time before this conflict evolved into a blinding blur of scratching metal.
It was as if two players had placed their characters side by side and began mashing the attack button as fast as possible, and they were showing no signs of slowing. The futility of this situation was becoming readily apparent to the Waddle Dee, who was becoming slightly irritated at this point. With very little warning on his part, Bandana Dee suddenly ceased his attacks and ducked down beneath the Hero Prinny's barrage of slashes, nearly causing the penguin to trip over his own feet.
Eager to aid his foe in a humiliating fall, the smaller creature stuck his foot out and slid forward, colliding with the Prinny along the way. But in a maneuver that was sure to make any scientist shake their head in confusion, the impact sent both combatants flying directly upwards, allowing Bandana Dee to skewer his now helpless opponent in midair with a single, powerful thrust. Hero Prinny dropped to the floor like a rock, leaving an imprint on the floor in the exact shape of his face.
"Ugh, that's just not fair, dood..." The demon commented, still reeling from his enemy's surprise attack. Looking to capitalize on the Prinny's dazed state, Bandana Dee reeled back and began throwing a large volley of spears out of thin air. "ACK! Where did you get all those from, dood!" Hero Prinny asked in a panic as the rain of pointy sticks closed in on him. Without missing a beat, the demonic penguin quickly rose to his toes and began spinning in place, letting him slip through the oncoming spears completely unharmed.
The very moment an opening had presented itself, the Prinny broke out into an Olympic grade dash in an effort to regain ground. Instead of attempting another point blank assault, Hero Prinny leaped into the air midway through and rapidly cut though the air, unleashing a flurry of blue shockwaves upon his opponent. The Prinny Barrage was an arousing success! Not a single blow had failed to hit its mark.
The Prinny followed up this spectacle by giving physics the middle finger (or middle flipper if you would) and jumping again in midair, giving him just enough momentum to leap directly above the Waddle Dee. Acting on pure instinct, Bandana Dee instantly thrust his spear upwards. Unluckily for his explosive adversary, the Hero Prinny failed to notice this action and proceeded to return to Earth with a mighty ground pound.
*SHINK!*
"GAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" The Prinny cried out in pain, having realized his mistake at the last second. The Waddle Dee was just as surprised at the notion that he had inadvertently shoved his spear up a penguin's ass. (Never thought you'd see that happen, eh?) Putting the awkwardness of this scenario aside, the Dreamland warrior threw his opponent upwards and began twirling his spear above his head at breakneck speeds. The speed of his spins was so impressive, that the Waddle Dee was actually lifting himself off the ground in the process.
"Seriously, dood?!" The Prinny complained, unable to prevent himself from reenacting the fate of a certain Hydra soldier from the first Captain America movie. Luckily for the Netherworld's butt monkey here, his body wasn't turned into a mishmash of guts and blood, but it was still a painful move to endure. After a brutal five seconds, Hero Prinny was batted away by the shaft of his foe's spear. This time, he made a conscious effort to land on his face, resulting in an admittedly cool belly slide towards a nearby hallway. As the penguin rose to his feet, he reached into his pouch in an attempt to locate a stronger weapon...
<Click!>
"Uh, did you just hear something, dood?" The Prinny asked, pausing in his tracks the instant he heard that ominous sound. It wasn't too long before a gigantic metal beam adorned with spikes came crashing down, which would have crushed the Prinny along the way if he hadn't dived to safety. Naturally, the first thing he saw when he looked up was a Waddle Dee that was all to eager to turn him into a Netherworld shish kabob. With little options left, the Prinny managed to pull a comically sized bomb out of his pouch, leap into the air, and slam the weapon to the ground as soon as Bandana Dee drew near.
The explosion threw both combatants into the air like a couple of ragdolls, forcing Bandana Dee to inadvertently drop his spear along the way. Hero Prinny himself managed to rise above his opponent on during their rapid ascent, which was just the lucky break he needed. "Hasta la vista, dood!" The Prinny cried as he completely halted his momentum and dropped down with the force of a rock... directly onto the Waddle Dee's head.
The impact of the ground pound was more than enough to send Bandana Dee crashing right through the floor, leaving a hole in the exact shape of his body in his wake. Hero Prinny was able to safely land on his feet moments later, where he took a moment to stare down into the lower floor. "Uh, it looks pretty dark in there, dood..." The Prinny contemplated, placing a flipper to his chin. "Ah, what's the worst that could happen? YOLO, DOOD!" The demon shrugged as he leaped into the pit with an overly loud battle cry.
<Stop Music>
... The Prinny wasn't exaggerating when he said this room would be dark. In fact, it was so dark, he could hardly even see his own flipper in front of his face. "Uh, dood? If you can see me, just say aye!" The Prinny called out, hoping to attract some attention. "Wait a minute, he doesn't even have a mou- WAH HA!" Hero Prinny cried out in fear after taking a single step... right over a conveniently placed pit. In a panic, he hastily backpedaled, bumping into a strangely shaped wall soon afterwards. His entire immediately body tensed up, but the simple act of turning around revealed that the Prinny had run into some sort of switch.
Before he could see what this mechanism had in store, the familiar sound of a Waddle Dee's footsteps took his attention. Hero Prinny turned his head yet again to come face to face with a frantically approaching Bandana Dee flailing his arms in an apparent panic. "Don't you worry, little dood! I think I just found the light switch here!" The Prinny greeted as he turned around to flick the switch. knowing it was too late to stop the red scarfed minion, Bandana Dee stopped in his tracks and smacked his own forehead as hard as he could.
The Prinny certainly was spot on about successfully locating the light switch... but he soon realized that he had also activated a myriad of hidden traps across the entire room. In an effort to reverse his little mistake, the Prinny attempted to turn the switch back, but to no avail. "Oh, come on! What is this thing made of, d- AGH!" The red scarfed peon cried out in surprise, having been caught on a swinging metallic pendulum. Now hanging on for dear life above a now visible bed of spikes, the demon glanced onward to find that his opponent was having just as much of a bad time. Somewhat. "Now you're just cheating, dood!"
As if the act of double jumping wasn't impossible enough, Bandana Dee was practically soaring through the air with a seemingly infinite amount of jumps, and just in time too. The floor was now completely set ablaze by a series of hidden flamethrowers, which only served to lessen the amount of room left fight on. The Waddle Dee's flight was cut short when he was blindsided by an oncoming scythe dropping down from the side. Despite taking a direct hit, he still found the strength to climb up to the handle for safety.
Regardless of the situation at hand, Bandana Dee was still in a prime mood to continue fighting, thus he began hurling spears at the Prinny, who was still struggling to hold onto his pendulum. "Seriously, dood? Is this REALLY the best time for that?!" The Prinny reprimanded as he reached into his pouch again. It's not like any of those spears could even come close to hitting their mark when both the thrower and target were sporadically moving about.
Once he finally located the item he desired, the Prinny flashed a brief grin of cockiness before pulling an inconspicuous skull out of his sack. Without even saying another word, Hero Prinny's eyes flashed white as he pressed the button on his skull, unleashing a laser beam that produced a sizable explosion wherever it landed. The Netherworld peon swung his new toy around with reckless abandon, not caring about what he destroyed in the process... Bandana Dee considered himself lucky that this little penguin had the accuracy of a Stormtrooper and only succeeded in annihilating his surroundings. Not that he was one to talk either with all those wasted spears in mind.
A drop of sweat emerged from the Waddle Dee's head as he noticed a few chunks of rubble falling down.The loud rumbling that followed signaled something much worse: The ceiling itself was beginning to descend upon the combatants, ready to turn them into pancakes. "Oh crap, dood... Did I do that?" Hero Prinny nervously stated, putting away his destructive laser to avoid worsening the situation. "Oh, this is just getting ridiculous!" He exclaimed in annoyance after hearing another sound that was all too familiar: The wall behind him had electrified itself and began approaching the combatants with alarming speed. In a generous show of support, Bandana Dee beckoned his fellow peon over with a welcoming hand gesture. Gladly accepting the offer, the Prinny clumsily climbed atop his pendulum, spun around in place, and leaped for dear life...
Bandana Dee performed another facepalm when the Prinny fell short of the mark halfway through... which quickly turned into a silent gasp of shock when the red scarfed penguin leaped again in midair, allowing just enough momentum to reach his destination. "Well, this is great! Now we can all die together, dood!" The Prinny sarcastically remarked, seeing no real way to escape. Bandana Dee wasn't willing to give up so easily though. He shook his head in disapproval as he abruptly reached into the Prinny's pouch in search of a useful item.
"Wha- hey! Watch where you're grabbing, dood!" Hero Prinny cried out in shame as the smaller creature pulled out the fabled Pringer Beam and took aim for a seemingly random wall. "Oh, what good is that gonna-" A single press of the button blew up the wall to reveal a long, spacious hallway. "Guide Dang It, dood..." the Prinny sighed as the skull was returned to him. Now that the path was finally clear, both combatants had just enough time to retreat to safety just as the walls closed in on them, blocking the makeshift door they had just created in the process.
<Stop Music>
"Haaaaaaangh..." The Prinny let out a sigh of relief, taking a brief moment to lean on the door to catch his breath. Luckily, this new room was lit enough to allow enough visibility to see a fair distance. it was a narrow bridge surrounded by a bed of spikes on both sides, but other than that, there didn't seem to be any traps here. the Waddle Dee seemed hardly worse for way, seeing as how he quickly skipped forth merrily, only to randomly trip over thin air and land flat on his face. "You okay there, little dood? And here I thought I was clumsy."
..."Please tell me that's not what I think it is..." Hero Prinny whispered under his breath as he nervously retreated from the wall...
"CRAAAAAAAP, DOOD!"
"!!!" Neither peon needed to look back to know that now was the time to run for their lives. Sure enough, an enormous (and downright creepy looking) boulder was rolling after them. Naturally, the surrounding spike pits ended up forcing the combatants to subscribe to the Prometheus School of Running Away From Things.
<>
Alice: Hmm... This Death Trap's a little too simple for my tastes... Let's spice things up a notch!
Luther: What, the threat of getting crushed to death isn't enough for you?!
Nova: Anything to make the fight more exciting, Luth! The audience just loves this sort of thing!
<>
"Waaah!" The Prinny suddenly screamed, slipping along the floor, bumping into Bandana Dee, and nearly falling on his ass all the while. "What the hell is this, dood?!" The Prinny asked, taking a brief moment to glance at the floor, which had inexplicably turned to solid ice. "Eh, at least it can't get any worse, right?" Tempting fate would turn out to be a terrible idea on his part, seeing as how a series of cannons emerged from the walls just seconds later. The Waddle Dee slapped the penguin across the face in frustration before he continued his retreat.
"Whoops! I guess I might've jinxed it, dood!" The Prinny sheepishly admitted as the cannons began firing green turtle shells at the escaping duo. At this point, a single hit would be more than enough to ensure a swift visit to the Game Over screen. But the adrenaline rushing through the combatant's bodies was more than enough to force them past their limits. What followed was a rather impressive showing of skill from both parties involved.
The duo ducked, weaved, and jumped around the oncoming projectiles like a pair of parkourists, not slowing down for even a second. Any shells that came to close for comfort were immediately smashed to pieces with a single swing of their respective weapons. Hero Prinny even managed to phase right through a few of them by spinning around on his toes. The Waddle Dee's spear made for an effective shield when he was spinning the stick fast enough so that not even a pocket of air could possibly pass through it. "Heads up, little dood! This room doesn't have a proper exit either!" Hero Prinny warned, readying the Pringer Beam once again to carve up a new path through an upcoming wall. The explosion that followed allowed a blinding shimmer of light to shine down, forcing both combatants to shield their eyes from harm. Anything would be better than getting crushed under a creepy ass boulder, so the fighters cut their losses in favor of a leap of faith...
...
<Stop Music>
"You've gotta be kidding me! Whoever designed this level is a real asshoooooooole!
The phrase out of the frying pan, into the fire has never been a more adequate explanation for this scenario. Hero Prinny and Bandana Dee have managed to escape from not only the boulder, but the very castle they had just explored as well. Unfortunately, the building's exterior proved to be less than welcoming to say the least.
"Who builds a castle on top of an active volcano? What were they thinking?!" Hero Prinny complained as he found himself helplessly tumbling along the side of the mountainous structure. But something seemed off to the penguin... The Waddle Dee was nowhere to be seen... Could he have been unknowingly crushed under the boulder? Perhaps he could have left Hero Prinny in the dust in favor of an alternate escape route... Either way, this flightless bird was at a complete loss for ideas now.
But the familiar sound of a bomb explosion was the motivation needed to jolt the peon back into reality. Looking upwards to find the perpetrator of this attack revealed the same Waddle Dee from earlier safely floating down with a parasol in one hand and a lit bomb in the other. "Oh come on, little dood! After all we've been through, you're gonna pull a Face Heel Turn?!" The Prinny reprimanded, pulling out his signature machetes and forcefully jamming them into the side of the mountain to stop his fall. "Well two can play at that game, dood!"
Using his weapons to violently dig into the rock, Hero Prinny scaled the mountain, adeptly avoiding any spears hurled in his way. The Waddle Dee shifted strategies in favor of a more direct strike of his spear once the Prinny got too close. But instead of engaging in another desperate struggle, Hero Prinny merely parried a single swing, leaped above the descending Waddle Dee, and dropped down on his foe with all his weight. The parasol completely shattered upon impact, leaving Bandana Dee to helplessly tumble along the side of the ravine.
Meanwhile, the Prinny continued his vendetta against the laws of physics and halted his momentum in midair to unleash a flurry of shockwaves upon his opponent. Waddle Dee wasn't out of the race yet, however. In the blink of an eye, he managed to embed a spear into the side of a cliff on the opposite side of the ravine, climb atop the weapon as a makeshift platform, and opened up a new parasol to shield him from the Prinny Barrage. After a good five seconds of losing out to a damned umbrella, the Prinny gave a dejected sigh as he cut the barrage short to retrieve another weapon.
Knowing he could not simply keep up a defensive stance on such unstable ground, Bandana Dee dropped down hanging off the spear with his stubby little hands before orbiting around the weapon rapidly enough to create the illusion of a vortex. Before the Prinny could unleash his next attack, Dreamland's silent warrior finally released his grip, becoming an unstoppable torpedo flying upwards at incredible speeds. "No wait, I'm not ready yet-"
The Prinny could have sworn he heard some bones crack as the smaller creature practically drilled into him feet first. Though with no real means to get back to solid ground at the moment, Bandana Dee had to settle for opening up another parasol to slow his descent. A sudden tugging at his feet was a surefire sign that the Prinny had taken an unwanted ride. With sweat profusely pouring down his face, the Waddle Dee struggled to kick the penguin away, but the red scarfed demon simply refused to let go. As you might expect, the combined weight of a mouthless blob and a chubby penguin only served to accelerate the duo's fall into what appeared to be an endless abyss. At least that's what it appeared to be until the Prinny thought to look down to see a vast sea of lava stretching out for miles.
<Pause Music 15>
The duo of mascots screamed (well, the Waddle Dee just started sweating again) in terror as they realized there was nowhere left to run. The surrounding walls of rock were glowing bright red, a surefire signal that even grazing against the surface would practically melt one's hand off. This only strengthened their struggle to gain control of the parasol. The Waddle Dee could only bitch slap the Prinny with his free hand as the penguin frantically tried to climb atop him. Facing few other options, Bandana Dee opted to take his chances and flip the umbrella upside-down, which served to accelerate the duo's descent into the Netherworld's oven. "WAAAAAH! What the hell are you thinking, dood?!" Hero Prinny reprimanded in horror as the duo comically held onto one another for dear life.
... "Wha? We're... not dead... Jeez, I've heard of Convection Schmonvection, but this is just ridiculous, dood..." It turns out the Waddle Dee's little gamble had actually paid off. Not only was the parasol able to support both mascots, but it managed to stay afloat atop the sea of lava. "But let me guess, we still have to try to kill each other, right? Well, just give me a sec..." The Prinny pleaded, still catching his breath after that near death experience...
"Alright, let's do this, dood!"
<Resume Music 15>
On Hero Prinny's command, the battle was finally able to continue as planned. The combatant's eyes were ablaze with determination as they awkwardly swung their weapons around with the intent of knocking one another off of the parasol. Much to the Prinny's surprise, their little lava boat was stuck in the middle of the ravine like a drop of diarrhea on the sidewalk. The notion of being trapped in the middle of this literal hellhole was a rather frightening thought to say the least. So of course the Prinny immediately thought of a plan so stupid, it just might work... He just needed the right opening..."Surf's up, dood!" Hero Prinny warned as he busted out the Pringer Beam yet again and took aim in the direction of his opponent. Bandana Dee instinctively ducked down to avoid the ensuing blast, but he'd soon find out that he wasn't the intended target here.
The surgical laser beam exploded violently the instant it made contact with the lava, somehow turning turning the substance into a raging wave powerful enough to carry our combatants forward. Both heroes gripped the parasol's handle for dear life as their surroundings became a veritable torrent of heat. In hindsight, this may have turned out to be the Prinny's worst idea yet. As if struggling to even fight atop such a small platform wasn't hard enough, it was nearly impossible to even remain upright now. A single ill timed motion would easily result in charred feet, a harmful lesson that both peons quickly became familiar with.
"Look, dood!" There's actually some solid ground in this hellstorm!" The Prinny eventually called, pointing out to the distance to reveal a patch of terrain completely untouched by the surrounding flames. Bandana Dee was rather ecstatic about the good news and responded the only way he knew how: He slapped the Prinny across the beak, brought out another spear, and began using his trademark copter maneuver to fly to safety. The Prinny sighed in annoyance, mentally slapping himself for not anticipating another betrayal. Not willing to be left to burn, he readied another bomb and submerged it in the lava behind him once the wave he was riding reached it's peak.
Just as you may expect, the bomb blew up in the peon's hands as soon as it grazed against the molten surface, propelling him towards the calm land at ludicrous speeds. "Heads up, traitor!" Hero Prinny preemptively warned as he barreled into the Waddle Dee in mid flight. The smaller creature was nearly unable to retaliate as he found himself hurtling into the fiery abyss below, but he was still able to open up a parasol beneath his feet before he could be turned into roasted meat.
"It's over, little dood! I have the high ground!" Hero Prinny proudly declared as he stood atop the rocky slope. Well, at least he seemed to be particularly proud of the +1 Terrain Boost to his Defense and Agility. The Prinny laughed heartily as he ducked underneath another triad of oncoming spears, but this newfound confidence soon turned to fear when he laid eyes on his enemy's next weapon: A Pringer Beam. A stolen Pringer Beam, to be more specific.
There wasn't exactly much time to question this twist, so the Prinny grabbed another skull out of his pouch in order to match up to Bandana Dee's newfound firepower. With the press of a button, the two heroes engaged in the ever so classic art of the beam struggle. Except in this case, the two lasers began exploding rapidly on contact, completely obscuring the fighter's view of each other. In what can only be described as a heat of the moment decision, the Prinny randomly threw another bomb above the clashing lasers, hoping to at least score a blind hit on his target...
Little did this penguin know that he was about to get a better result than he could have possibly bargained for.
In the blink an eye, the Waddle Dee was swept up in an infernal wave of lava, courtesy of his opponent's blind throw. "Holy crap, I can't believe that actually worked!" Hero Prinny exclaimed in a pleasant bout of surprise for once as the lava practically carried his foe forth on a molten platter. "Sorry little dood, but I'm not about to let my boss down!" The Prinny apologized as he leaped high into the air and threw out a barrage of energy slashes at the immobile Waddle Dee, who was still trapped within the burning wave. Because this was an "Ultimate RPG" attack, the Prinny wasn't through yet.
Once the flurry of air slashes subsided, the red scarfed closed the distance to wrap his target up in an old fashioned cloud of violence. The smoke eventually cleared to reveal Waddle Dee being punted off the island as he Prinny readied his coup de grace: A simple blast from the Pringer Beam. With this laser as the trigger, Bandana Dee was completely swallowed up by a flashy series of explosions and rushing lava. The last glimpse the Prinny could catch of his foe was that of a burst of light in the shape of a star in the midst of the chaos.
ASTRAL FINISH!
"Haaaaaangh... Sorry I had to do that, little dood. It's just business!" The remaining hero sighed in relief as he finally proceeded to give himself a well earned rest... Until he realized that he missed a vital aspect of his mission. Well, the fact that he was stranded on a remote Netherworld island was pretty bad on it's own, but...
"CRAAAAAP! That dood still had the treasure on him! I'm so screwed now!"
Results[]
Nova: Bravo! Bravo! Okay Allie, you can beam back the survivor now.
Alice: Nah, I think I'm just gonna leave him there for a while. He DID forget his objective, after all.
Theodore: Alas, a noble warrior has fallen today... But we have a very good reason for that... Quite a few actually.
Rena: I'm sure it goes without saying that both fighters were WAY above the rest of their species in terms of power, but the chubby penguin absolutely topped out in the end!
Luther: When comparing equipment, the Prinny's weapons take this category without much trouble. Not only are they much stronger than a simple collection of spears, but everyone's favorite mute really seems to be lacking in the whole ranged department.
Nova: Oh, but we can't just sell our little buddy short like that! Have you seen all the ridiculous baddies he's destroyed over the years?
Alice: That's quite true, but Hero Prinny's been doing the same thing even longer. And with less help on his part.
Rena: Whoa, hold up now! Isn't Mister Scarf here backed up by a thousand strong squad at all times? I mean sure, Bandana Dee's always had a couple of friends to back him up, but never an entire army!
Theodore: Indeed, but the Prinny Squad doesn't exactly work by Zerg Rushing their missions. No no no, they send their troops in one at a time, constantly replacing any dead bodies along the way until they finally complete their mission!
Luther: That... doesn't sound very impressive...
Theodore: But I'M NOT DONE YET! While I could state that dying in the middle of a boss battle will force you to start the whole fight over regardless of your progress, what's more impressive would be the rumors that only a single Prinny was responsible for all the feats within both infamously difficult platformers-
Nova: Well that explains it! I mean, would every single Prinny in the squad have the exact same voice and personality? We've seen evidence to the contrary time and time again-
Alice: Okay, well that does sound like a perfectly reasonable explanation, but I'm afraid this won't be enough to satisfy a verdict for our audience. So, as much as it pains me to say this...
Luther: Hero Prinny's simply on a MUCH higher level of power, kay? Many of the dastardly foes he's gone up against are WAY stronger than anything Bandana Dee's had to face. But I still stand by my point of Magalor's universal pow- GAH!
Alice: *Cough* Anyway... Let's just get this over with.
Rena: Demon Lord Etna, that Asagi chick that keeps trying to steal the main character's chair, Laharl, TYRANT FREAKING BAAL... HP's had many successful battles against them and many other top tier demons from throughout the Disgaea franchise.
Theodore: Need I remind everybody that this is a series infamous for casual planetary destruction on a daily basis? At minimum? Bandana Dee's certainly strong enough to actually crack Popstar (albeit slightly) but that's just child's play as far as Disgaea's concerned.
Luther: Granted, Bandana Dee COULD have had a chance to easily defeat his opponent by removing that signature red scarf of his, which would render him vulnerable to the classic Prinny weakness of spontaneous combustion-
Rena: But how the hell is anybody gonna figure that out in the middle of battle?
Nova: Bandana Waddle Dee had a prinny good run... until he got his goose cooked.
Alice: The winner is the fat bast- I mean the Hero Prinny.
Post Episode[]
Nova: Seriously? We don't have enough time for a proper epilogue again? I had the perfect script planned out and everything!
Theodore: Alas, the show simply must move on. In the meantime, I thank you all for taking the time to enjoy our show. Just add... eh, I don't even know this time. Just try and let us know you read the entire thing before you comment, okay?
Luther: Oh what's this? YOU'VE run out of creativity? Of all people?
Theodore: It's been a long work day, and there's still more to come. What can I say? Just be on the lookout for our next episode, the Tales Protagonists Battle Royale!