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Axe Cop VS Inferno Cop is a what-if? Death Battle written by DiAma1.

Interlude[]

Wiz: Cops-

Boomstick: Bastards! All of 'em!

Wiz: Ahem. As I was saying. The police are society's answer to crime. A thin line between us and anarchy, working under a set of laws and ideals to hold things together. But what happens when they ignore the law, and take it into their own hands?

Boomstick: That, combined with a healthy dose of reality-bending mindfuckery, will get you some crazy-ass vigilantes.

Wiz: Like Axe Cop, the ultimate cop from the imagination of a child.

Boomstick: And Inferno Cop, the purgatorial flame of undying justice! He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skill to find out who would win a Death Battle!

Axe Cop[]

Wiz: There once was a boy born with a perfect mustache named Axey Smartist, whose parents ate nothing but candy canes. Then, tragedy struck: a villain from the future poisoned their candy canes to get revenge on Axey from the future!

Boomstick: If you think this is weird, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Wiz: It was on that fateful day that Axey decided to become a cop to fight crime and make the world a better place. But then he immediately left the police because shooting bad guys was too boring for him.

Boomstick: Yeah, this crazy son of a bitch instead decided to kill bad guys with a frickin' axe, which he found at the scene of a fire. It was on that day that he became Axe Cop!

Wiz: Truly an example of nominative determinism.

Boomstick: Nomonona what now?

Wiz: Nominative-- oh nevermind.

Boomstick: Anyways, the axe that Axe Cop found wasn't just any axe, it was the Perfect Axe! And that's no hyperbole, it's literally perfect! It has multiple powers including being magic-proof, splitting into 1,000 axes for chopping 1,000 heads, turning into a guitar, a skateboard, and a parachute, making dead people dance, detecting poison and aliens, and even turning into a torch!

Wiz: But if the Perfect Axe isn't up to the job for whatever reason, he has many more axes to choose from, such as an axe that can turn into any gun imaginable, the biggest axe ever, the Axe Cop Swinger 2008 (which puts you to sleep and puts a bomb in your mouth), and the Holy Golden Axe, which was made by God to kill Satan and can cut anything.

Boomstick: Anything???

Wiz: Anything. Plus, he carries around a variety of other weapons such as an extending shotgun that turns into a flaming sword, a chainsaw gun, a blade gun, and a gun that makes people flop around like dying tuna.

Boomstick: Not to mention his explosives! He carries faint bombs, which do exactly what they sound like, and sticks of TNT that can destroy entire planets!

Wiz: Even his clothes are designed for killing bad guys. His glasses can see invisible things and detect bad guys, and his hat has freeze rays, heat rays, hypnosis rays, and brain-melting rays. He also has a helmet that can control the weather, and an invisible belt with his guns.

Boomstick: And if he doesn't think he can win a fight alone, he can use a horn that summons dinosaurs from Dinosaur Planet, or call upon a very special dinosaur named Wexter, a T. rex with machine guns for arms! I love that guy!

Wiz: He's fast enough to block rainbow attacks from Rainbow Girl, and we all know that rainbows are made out of light.

Boomstick: Jesus, how does this guy do all this crazy stuff Wiz?

Wiz: Well, his training regiment is very intense. He does infinite reps of everything every day.

Boomstick: WHAT?!

Wiz: Buuuut, there's another explanation for why his powers are so insane. You see, Axe Cop is capable of breaking the fourth wall and exiting the comic he lives in. By doing so, he is able to ask his creators for any power he wants. Like that time he just asked for a new power and was suddenly able to fly.

Boomstick: What? That's bullshit! He can just ask for any power?

Wiz: Yep! We could list all of his powers he shows in the comics and show, and it would take hours, but it would never be able to top the infinite possibilities he has by just asking for new ones.

Boomstick: That seems... a little unfair.

Wiz: Yeah... which is why I have kidnapped his creators so that they can't interfere in the battle.

Boomstick: You WHAT?!

Ethan and Malachai Nicolle are seen tied up and gagged

Boomstick: Is that... ethical?

Wiz: Oh, you care about ethics now?

Boomstick: Eh, not really...

Axe Cop: Freeze, or I'll chop your head off!

Inferno Cop[]

Wiz: Jack Knife Edge Town. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Boomstick: I thought that was Mos Eisley.

Wiz: Shut up. Anyways, this town is filled with thugs and controlled by an evil organization known as the Southern Cross. One day, the Southern Cross killed the parents of the wrong person, and he swore revenge from that day forth. His name was... Inferno Cop!

Boomstick: Hold on a second, why doesn't he move? He looks like a cardboard cutout being dragged around on the screen.

Wiz: Let's just say we had a higher animation budget even back in season 1.

Boomstick: Jeez! Anyways, Inferno Cop is fueled by one thing and one thing alone: an undying hunger for justice.

Wiz: On his quest for revenge, Inferno Cop has gone on many different adventures and showcased many different bizarre powers.

Boomstick: Let's start simple. He has a hand gun, which is in his hand at all times. It has bullets capable of shooting bulletproof monsters! Although, they don't affect him, since he's bulletproof. Don't question it.

Wiz: This gun is capable of creating explosions that destroy thugs in a single shot, and seems to have an infinite number of bullets.

Boomstick: He can also transform into a car that can travel back in time, and he's fast enough to leave a trail of fire in his path.

Wiz: His powers don't end there though. He has the 7-Color Flame Technique, which allows him to combine 7 colorful fireballs into a bigger one that was capable of killing a Pharaoh.

Boomstick: And if things really heat up, he can unlock his ultimate form: Glitter Inferno Cop! In this form he uses the power of God himself to unlock his maximum power!

Wiz: In this form he has a forbidden technique: the Devil's Satan Hand, which is a super-powerful attack. However, when using it, he sacrifices his own life. Since his form uses the power of God, the Devil's Satan Hand must be powerful enough to kill God.

Boomstick: But Wiz, isn't it, y'know... killing him a bad thing for him?

Wiz: It's more like a minor inconvenience. See, Inferno Cop has actually died several times before and he always comes back because of, and I quote, "the power of Justice".

Boomstick: He was unharmed by getting shocked by lightning from God, and was capable of undoing reality-warping in his Glitter Inferno Cop form.

Wiz: Inferno Cop isn't without fault though. He can't breathe underwater for one thing, and as mentioned previously, has died in the past.

Boomstick: But death can't slow him down! He'll always come back to dish out firey justice!

Inferno Cop: I am the purgatorial flame of this rotting shit-hole... Inferno Cop!

Intermission[]

Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities!

Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!

Death Battle[]

Note: Inferno Cop's dialogue is translated from Japanese, and Axe Cop can understand him.

It was a normal day in Jack Knife Edge Town. Or, at least as normal as it could get. The crime rate was through the roof, and thugs hid around every corner. Walking down the street was the city's purgatorial flame of justice, Inferno Cop. Walking up the street from the opposite direction was a tourist, Axe Cop. He was here looking for a rare artefact that he had heard about from his friend Avocado Soldier.

In the middle of the street between the two cops sat the rare artefact: the Ultimate Donut. Everyone knows that cops love donuts, and this was the best of them all. Axe Cop saw the donut just as Inferno Cop picked it up.

Axe Cop: Stop right there! That's my donut!

Inferno Cop: Oh yeah? Watch this, pig!

Inferno Cop ate the donut in one bite.

Axe Cop: Why, you! Who you callin' pig, pig?

Inferno Cop: I'm callin' you pig, pig.

Axe Cop: If I'm a pig, then you're slop!

Inferno Cop: And if I'm slop, then... uh... um... you're still a fuckin' pig!

Axe Cop: That's it! I'll cut your head off!

Axe Cop pulled out his Perfect Axe and lunged at Inferno Cop. He made a clean swing right under his head, but Inferno Cop's head didn't come off.

Axe Cop: What?! Your head didn't come off!

Inferno Cop: I don't have a neck, dumbass!

Inferno Cop shot at Axe Cop with two bullets, which Axe Cop deflected back with his axe. The bullets hit Inferno Cop, but reflected back off of him, and this time hit Axe Cop. Axe Cop was engulfed in an explosion, and then another. Inferno Cop ran up to his opponent and slammed him into the ground, before shooting him a third time. Axe Cop flew backwards away from Inferno Cop.

Axe Cop: I won't let a bad guy like you toss me around like that!

Axe Cop ran forward and Sparta-kicked Inferno Cop in the gut, sending him sliding back. He then rushed forwards and sliced upwards, knocking Inferno Cop into the air. He followed this up by throwing a stick of TNT upwards, which exploded on Inferno Cop, spiking him downwards directly into Axe Cop's roundhouse kick.

Inferno Cop landed on his back, but quickly got up and shot two bullets at his enemy. This time Axe Cop sliced the bullets in half, and used his axe to shoot a stream of flame at Inferno Cop. Inferno Cop was covered in the flame for a second, but quickly gathered it up and turned it into a fireball, which he threw at Axe Cop. Axe Cop sliced the fireball in half and charged forward.

Axe Cop swung a punch and comboed into it with a swing downward from his axe, slamming Inferno Cop into the ground. He then hit the button in his axe that makes dead people dance and swung at Inferno Cop. Inferno Cop began to slide back and forth uncontrollably before Axe Cop made a sweeping kick under his legs and slammed him into the ground again. He grabbed Inferno Cop's head and began to smash it into the pavement repeatedly.

Inferno Cop shot a bullet directly into Axe Cop who was grabbing onto his head, and they both exploded upwards into the air. Inferno Cop summoned seven colorful fireballs and shot them each at Axe Cop, who sliced through all except for the last one, which hit him in the face. Both cops landed on their feet panting. Axe Cop then threw the Perfect Axe at Inferno Cop, but Inferno Cop dodged it.

Inferno Cop: Hah! You missed!

Axe Cop: No I didn't.

The axe flew back like a boomerang and hit Axe Cop in the back, sending him flying towards Axe Cop. Axe Cop pulled out a gun and shot Inferno Cop several times as he came back. The Perfect Axe returned to Axe Cop's hand and he swung it at Inferno Cop, who ducked under the attack. Inferno Cop retaliated by tackling Axe Cop and knocking him to the ground.

Inferno Cop: Enough! It's time to end this!

Inferno Cop exploded into a pillar of flame and turned into his car form. He drove towards Axe Cop and ran over him, leaving Axe Cop on the ground coughing. He then turned around and drove back to hit Axe Cop again, but this time Axe Cop did a flip over the car, hitting it with his axe in the air.

Inferno Cop: Jerk! You scratched my paintjob! I'm going back in time to make you never be born!

Inferno Cop drove forwards and disappeared into a flash of light. Axe Cop ran after him and disappeared as well. Inferno Cop reappeared in a clearing in a jungle, back in his non-car form.

Inferno Cop: Ah! I accidentally ended up in the Cretaceous period again!

Axe Cop appeared behind him.

Axe Cop: And lucky for me, I can summon dinosaurs.

Axe Cop pulled out his horn that summoned dinosaurs and blew into it. A T. rex and Triceratops appeared and ran at Inferno Cop. The Triceratops swung its horns in an upward arc and knocked Inferno Cop into the air, and the T. rex caught Inferno Cop in its mouth. It began to shake back and forth, but quickly caught on fire and dropped him. Inferno Cop shot a fireball at the Triceratops which exploded.

Inferno Cop: You leave me no choice! I have the power of God and anime on my side! Glitter Inferno Cop!!!

Inferno Cop began to fly and turned into a bright orange color. His flames grew to a massive size.

Axe Cop: I do too!

Axe Cop pulled out his Holy Golden Axe and began to fly into the air as well.

Inferno Cop: Devil's Satan Hand! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Axe Cop: Holy Golden Axe! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

They both screamed as they flew towards each other. When their attacks collided, a blinding light engulfed them both. The camera panned out to space, where the planet exploded. They were both sent spinning into space by the blast.

Both: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Axe Cop: Enough is enough!

Inferno Cop: I couldn't agree more!

However, Axe Cop wasn't listening to Inferno Cop. He flew straight towards the screen and stepped out.

Inferno Cop: Nani?!

Axe Cop appeared in the room with Wiz and Boomstick.

Wiz: Woah, woah, woah! You can't be here!

Boomstick: Oh my God what the fuck!

Axe Cop: Make me win the fight. Now.

Wiz: We can't do that!

Axe Cop: Sure you can, it's your show.

Wiz: I mean, we morally can't do that. It's cheating!

Axe Cop: Do it, or I'll chop your heads off!

Boomstick: Just do it Wiz, it's not worth my head.

Wiz: What about mine?!

Axe Cop lifted his axe over his shoulder and glared at Wiz and Boomstick.

Wiz: Fine...

Axe Cop: I'm glad we could come to an agreement.

Axe Cop climbed in through Wiz and Boomstick's screen back into the battle where Inferno Cop was still floating in space.

Axe Cop: Sorry to keep you waiting!

Inferno Cop: Let's do this!

Both: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Glitter Inferno Cop and Axe Cop flew towards each other one more time, the Devil's Satan Hand colliding with the Holy Golden Axe. A massive explosion filled the Milky Way galaxy, sending stars flying in every direction. When the fire and dust cleared, Axe Cop was still floating in space, unharmed. Inferno Cop, on the other hand, was cut in half, with his fire extinguished.

Inferno Cop: F-fool... I can't die... I will come back... Through the power of justice!

Axe Cop: Not this time.

Axe Cop began to swing his axe repeatedly, chopping through Inferno Cop multiple times. He kept chopping until there was nothing left but tiny little pieces, and his head floating in space. He then took a stick of dynamite and stuck it in Inferno Cop's mouth.

Inferno Cop: Wait! NOOOOOOOOOO!

The dynamite exploded, leaving nothing left of Inferno Cop.

KO!

Results[]

Boomstick: Well... that was... interesting?

Wiz: You see, while Inferno Cop had his own set of reality-warping abilities, Axe Cop was simply much, much stronger. His powers were simply unlike anything Inferno Cop had ever faced. while Inferno Cop came in second in a race across America, Axe Cop could deflect rainbows at close-range. Axe Cop could destroy planets and lift stars, while Inferno Cop has never shown anything close to that.

Boomstick: Um, are we going to ignore the elephant in the room?

Axe Cop: Who you callin' an elephant?

Boomstick: Ah! He's back!

Wiz: It's true, Axe Cop's awareness of the real world was also a valuable asset in this battle. Especially when he... threatened us.

Axe Cop: Threat? No no no, I just axed for a favor.

Wiz: Sigh. The winner is... Axe Cop.

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