Austin Powers vs. Undercover Brother is a What-If? Death Battle by Strunton. Featuring Austin Powers from the eponymous movie series against Undercover Brother from the eponymous film
Description[]
Austin Powers vs. Undercover Brother! Which comedic lady catching agent will walk away alive?
Interlude[]
Wiz: Here on Death Battle, we usually take the most serious characters and put them against each other in a one on one battle to the death.
Boomstick: But not today. Today We're pitting of cinema's goofiest secret agents to have ever walked onto the big screen. Like Austin Powers, the Inernational Man of Mystery.
Wiz: And Anton Jackson, the secret agent of the Brotherhood.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's out job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skill to see who win a Death Battle.
Austin Powers[]
(Cue Austin Powers-Theme Song)
Wiz: The International Man of Mystery is a total package. He fights crime, is good in the bed, and just look at those teeth.
Boomstick: Eww. That must be the British version of a sex symbol. If someone like him can be a sex symbol, why can't I?
Wiz: Presumably born in the 1940's, Austin Powers is a graduate from the British Intelligence Academy that soon became an international super spy. He spent most of his 1960's life fighting off against his arch nemesis, Dr. Evil.
Boomstick: But one day in 1967, his arch nemesis decided to cyrogenetically froze himself and didn't unthawed himself until the year 1997. Learning about Dr Evil's plan, Austin decided to step up and do the exact same thing. When Austin was unthawed, he realized things weren't the same way as they were in the 60's. And.....wait? That's all of his backstory? Hmmm. Would've thought he would have more to it than that.
Wiz: Austin carries with him a semi-automatic pistol called the Walther PPK/S as his main weapon. He's also carried other guns with him like the Kimel AP-9 and....that's it.
Boomstick: Wow. You'd think he'd have more weapons due to being an agent.
Wiz: Well he is a spoof character, to be fair.
Boomstick: Eh I guess. When Austin is up close and personal, he likes to deliver his main fighting move. A karate chop known as....Judo Chop? What?
Wiz: He's a parody.
Boomstick: Whatever.
Wiz: But his best weapon is his mojo.
Boomstick: Mojo Jojo?
Wiz: No no no. Austin Powers' mojo, is basically what makes him the sex symbol he is. It's basically his main way of attracting his women to his bed.
Boomstick: Well sounds like I need some of that mojo then. But still, this guy is pretty featless when you really observe him.
Wiz: Well he's not totally featless. With the help of other women, Austin has saved the planet many times from Dr. Evil's evil plans, defeated mini me in a 1 on 1 fight, and he got Beyoncé.
Boomstick: Wait what?
Wiz: Despite being a parody of James Bond and other spy films, Austin Powers is an acceptable secret agent.
Austin Powers: Groovy Baby
Undercover Brother[]
(Cue Undercover Brother Theme Song)
Boomstick: Oh boy. I feel like we about to hit stereotypical territory on this bio.
Wiz: Not much is known about the history of Anton Jackson. What is known is that he is the African American sex symbol. He's been able to score all type of girls.
Boomstick: What are these guys' secrets on scoring chicks?
Wiz: Anton is a secret agent who goes by the name Undercover Brother. He works for the secret agent The Brotherhood, an all black secret agency who's main purpose is to take down any plan constructed by "The Man".
Boomstick: The man? You gotta be kidding me.
Wiz: Anton's main weapons are two afro picks. Anton uses these picks to immobilize enemies for a short period of time. He usually does this by throwing the pick with such accuracy that it manages to stick to the person's clothes and sticks them to the wall.
Boomstick: Anton is so good at accuracy, that he can throw the picks from many feet away and manage to hit his targets. Like how he managed to hit the butt of his nemesis, Mr. Feather, while a pretty long distance away from him.
Wiz: Anton also has some kind of device in his shoes that raises him to really high levels whenever he needs to get out of some kind of jam.
Boomstick: So pretty much what Spongebob used to increase his height in the episode "The Chaperone?
Wiz: Basically
Boomstick: He's also a pretty decent h2h fighter. He managed to defeat Mr Feather in h2h. And he never stops yelling the name of famous black celebrities when he throws an attack.
Wiz: He's also got nun chucks.
Boomstick: But when he actually used them, he kind of busted his balls. Finally he has parachute pants. Pants that can help him float down to safety if he was ever to fall from extremely high heights.
Wiz: He's also able to quickly change into his outfit by.....just jumping out of a window. Undercover Brother is a great agent. But he's not without a few weakness. His main one is....white women.
Boomstick: White women?
Wiz: Uh yeah
Boomstick: Still. Anton managed to save every African American on the planet by stopping "The Man" from brainwashing them with chicken. No amount of women in the world can stop Anton from getting the job done.
White She-Devil: Oh Undercover Brother. You're too much man for me Undercover Brother: Baby. Sometimes I'm too much man for my own d*** self.
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTTTTTTTTTTTTLE!
DEATH BATTLE![]
Strunton[]
12:00 p.m Undercover Brother's Crib
"Oh Undercover Brother," a woman said to him in bed.
"Isn't it everything I said it would be, Foxxy Cleopatra?" Anton said.
"You didn't disappoint," Foxxy said.
"Ready to go again?" Anton said. The door was quickly knocked down by a man.
"Foxxy?" the man said.
"Austin?" Foxxy said.
"What's going on here?" Austin asked. "Who is this joker?" Undercover Brother got up from the bed wearing nothing but his underwear.
"This joker, just so happens to be Undercover Brother," Anton said. "Who you brother?"
"I'm her boyfriend."
"Really?. Well I'm sorry my brother. I think I just took that title away from you."
"Foxxy. How could you?" Austin asked.
"Austin-" Foxxy started before being interrupted by Anton.
"Look. I'm sorry. Didn't know she was your girl, but sadly she's mine now. So why don't you just go home, cry about it, move on, and just let us get back to what we were doing, alright?"
"No!" Austin said. "I will win my woman back. No one on the planet can have more mojo than me."
"I'm sorry. Your what now?" Anton asked. Austin pulled out his Walther PPK/S. "Whoa whoa whoa my brother," Anton said. "Let's talked about this. See we can share her. I can hit it on weekdays you can hit it on--oh crap is that Demi Lavato?" Anton said.
"Where?" Austin wondered. "Hey I don't see Demi La-" Austin realized Anton used this tactic to distract him. Austin fired his PPK/S at Anton. Anton continued to run to the closest window as the bullets were missing him. He jumped out the window. As soon as he jumped out the window, Undercover Brother was completely dressed. He landed on the sidewalk. Austin jumped out the window to follow Anton.
"Guys don't do this," Foxxy said looking out the window.
"It's real cool baby. Just stay back. I'll be back in about 5 minutes." Anton said to Foxxy.
"This will teach you to steal my girl," Austin said.
"Hey. Blacker the berry, sweeter the juice."
FIGHT!!!
(Cue Beat It-Michael Jackson)
"Chaka Khan!" Anton yelled dashing towards Austin. Anton threw a punch but Austin dodged it.
"Judo Chop," Austin yelled.
"Judo what?" Anton questioned. Austin's chop hit Anton. Anton fell to the ground. "Ow! That hurts like a-" Anton was interrupted by Austin's kick. Austin kept kicking Anton in the gut.
"This is for stealing my girl!" Austin said.
"Stop!" Anton shrieked. Anton then performed a sweep kick which caused Austin to fall to the ground. Anton then began to run as fast as he could to the nearest fire escape. He began to climb the fire escape to the top of a 10 story building. Austin began to get up. He saw Anton climbing the fire escape. Austin pulled out his Kimel AP-9 and followed. Austin began to climb the fire escape and fire his Kimel AP-9 at the same time. Austin bullets kept missing Anton.
"Stop running," Austin said.
"Well how about you aim better my brother," Anton said. Anton managed to reach the top of the 100 story building. Anton readied his hair pick. Austin finally reached the top of the building. As soon as Austin stood on the 100 story building, Anton threw his pick at Austin's hand, causing Austin to drop his Kimel AP-9. Anton was quick and kicked the Kimel AP-9 off the building. About 10 seconds later, both Austin and Anton hear the gun go off and hear a Wilhelm Scream. "Ooops. My bad brother," Anton said.
(Music stops)
"Ow," Austin said. "That really hurt. Who throws a pick? Honestly. You fight like a woman." Anton laughed.
"That's funny considering you're not fairing to well against me brother," Anton said. Anton kicked Austin back and took out his nunchucks. He started swinging the nunchucks. "Ooh yeah. Don't want this," Anton said. The nunchuncks the hit Anton in his privates. Anton released a high pitched squeal.
"Ouch," Austin said. "That's nut great for you."
"Yeah it really isn't."
"I guess that was a real...ballsy move for you," Austin said.
"Are you just making jokes about this?" Anton said.
"No no. I'm just saying your nunchucks are real dicks to you." Anton looked unhappy towards Austin.
"Just come at me bro," Anton said.
"Fine. I will," Austin said. Austin charged towards Anton. Anton smiled. Anton used his nunchucks and wrapped them around Austin's wrist. Austin tried to break out of them but Anton wouldn't let him.
"Don Cheadle!" Anton yelled out while punching Austin. "Shaquille O'neal!" Austin was trying his best to stand up. "CHAKA KHAN!" Anton yelled while delivering a kick to the face. "I believe the winner is me," Anton said.
Austin quickly noticed some dirt next to him. He quickly managed to grab it throw it at Anton's eyes. Anton was blinded. Austin managed to break free of the nunchucks. "Judo chop!" Austin yelled while delivering a chop to Anton's shoulder.
"Ow!" Anton yelled. "Can you stop hitting me with that?!" Anton wiped the dirt out of his eyes. Anton stood back up.
"Wait a tick? I still have my PPK/S." Austin pulled out his gun.
"Oh. I kind of forgot about that," Anton said. Anton's first instinct was to star running towards the edge of the building. Austin began to fire but he missed. Anton then began to jump off the building. Austin quickly fired and the bullet hit Anton in the leg. "Oh crap!" Anton yelled as he fell off the building. Austin looked over the building and saw Anton falling to his death.
"Well guess that's that," Austin said as he continued to lean over and watch Anton fall.
"I've had enough of you brother," Anton said. He grab his 2nd pick. He quickly threw it towards Austin. Austin couldn't make out what was happening.
"What is that?" Austin said. The pick hit Austin in the chest. Austin fell over the building also. Quicker than he can realize, Austin was falling at the same speed as Anton. "So that's your plan? If you go, we both go? You know we're both gonna die right?" Austin said.
"Well you're almost right about that," Anton said. "The only part you were wrong about was claiming we'll both die." Anton pulled the string on his pants. He just activated his parachute pants. Anton began to slowly descend to the ground as Austin was descending faster and faster.
"Well this sucks," Austin said. "Well played sir. I guess you have the greatest mojo in the world."
"You know I don't know what that means, but you were a pretty good opponent. I never meant anyone like you. Sorry for taking your girl."
"It's ok," Austin said. "I forgive you." Those were Austin's final words. He finally landed on the ground. The fall from the 100 story building ended his life. As Anton finally descended to the ground, he ripped off his parachute pants. He saw the bleeding, dead Austin.
"You know. I never thought I'd ever fight anyone that would make me sad." Anton said. "R.I.P brother."
K.O!
Conclusion[]
Boomstick: No!!! Austin!!!
Wiz: This fight was very tricky. Austin held the edge in experience and weaponry while Anton held the edge in h2h combat.
Boomstick: Also, both were highly unpredictable when it come to their fighting styles.
Wiz: But in the end, we decided that Anton's h2h was enough to defeat Austin Powers.
Boomstick: Anton has fought people that use guns before and he can easily disarm Austin thanks to his aim with his afro picks.
Wiz: Also not to mention that Austin only has 1 main move during close combat while Anton has more fighting moves in close combat.
Boomstick: Also, Anton is slightly more agile than Austin is.
Wiz: And it's not like Austin's mojo would've worked on Anton, since he's a dude and he doesn't go that way. But most importantly while both usually have help on their missions, Anton has more solo experience than Austin, who's most of the time being aided by a beautiful mistress.
Boomstick: Think about it. Anton was doing his own thing for years before being discovered by the Brotherhood, while Austin on the other hand has always been shown to always have a woman on his team to aid him missions. In the end, Austin didn't have the Power to keep his death Undercover.
Wiz: The winner is Undercover Brother