| Angus MacGyver vs Jason Bourne | |
|---|---|
| |
| Season | 1 |
| Overall Episode | 3 |
| Season Episode | 3 |
| Air date | 6/6/2022 |
| Written by | Scarecrow640 |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Agent Smith vs Freddy Krueger |
Next Salem (Sabrina) vs Salem (RWBY) |
Two highly creative agents who have a strong connection to a organisation they’re fighting (macgyvers mother making codex and Jason having used to work for CIA) and also get in many life threatening scuffles and easily pull through so will macgyver make something to win or will he just be another agent on Jason’s kill list.
Please note that i decided to redo this.
Intro[]
sheldon: in the field an agent is required to be extremely quick witted and capable of forward thinking even while in life threatening scenarios.
deadpool: and none are as good at that than these two.
sheldon: Angus macgyver, top agent of Phoenix and master of building anything out of almost nothing.
deadpool: Jason bourne, baddass hero on the run from the cia
sheldon: and keeping with how both of their usual adventures go we are going to have it be that macgyver will start with just trying to find him, then it will become a proper fight.
deadpool: so who will win in this ultimate spy hunt.
Macgyver breaks death battles phone[]
sheldon: even at a young age Angus macgyver proved himself to be an exceptionally intelligent child.
deadpool: which is impressive unless you knew his parents in which case anything less would be the surprising thing.
sheldon: his mother was a brilliant scientist who assembled the group codex while his father was a top agent who was for a while the leader of phoenix.
deadpool: though neither one was around that much for him whatsoever since his mother died in an explosion when he was only five while his dad left him to be taken care of by his grandfather at ten, Jeez tough break.
sheldon; though before he did that he did teach Angus some survival training and how to take care of himself,
deadpool: angus would then go to high school where he was very much admired for his intelligence by his teachers and would even stay late to do more experiments, including building a mini nuclear reactor which destroyed a football field and making lightning in the gym, if he wasn’t bullied before, which he was, he was bound to be now.
sheldon: he would later go to MIT for two years before leaving because it is a terrible school, heh, no he actually left to join the army and became an explosives ordinance disposal technician, while their he was trained in standard military training and also met his soon to be best friend jack, and eventually jack would get him into the phoenix foundation.
deadpool: to the outside world it is a thinktank, but on the inside they basically do secret agent work, you know, stopping terrorists and dealing with occasional assassins and various other stuff as well.
sheldon: Including codex, who utilised various different world ending plans that mac thwarted every time, and he does have the stats to do it, also i feel like now is a good time to mention that while we’re focusing on the reboot we will include feats from the original.
deadpool: for example the time he took down several men while drugged and in another time when someone drugged and disorientated him and he managed to escape and walks for several hours.
sheldon: he should also scale to jack, for reference jack got right back up after a hit from a woman in the Bermuda Triangle…
deadpool: new it was bad.
sheldon: who had metal enhancements that made her a lot stronger than an ordinary human.
deadpool: he is also capable of harming murdoc, for reference in the original series he survived falling down a hundreds of feat mineshaft and survived a car falling of a cliff followed by it exploding, and since no body was found that means he got right back up after it.
sheldon; in terms of speed he can dodge automatic gunfire from near point blank range, and even jumped out the way of a lightning bolt explosion, he was some distance away but he did jump at the time it came down, with my calculations that means he can react at about two percent the speed of lightning, or about Mach 7.5
deadpool: and he is actually a very skilled fighter, he can take down multiple foes at the same time including those with large amounts of training.
sheldon: but his real talent is his ability to make virtually anything.
deadpool: which is really good considering that he only actually carries a Swiss Army knife, though it does come in handy for building some stuff as well.
sheldon: he is an expert at making and defusing any bomb, can create knockout gas and a gas mask, a hand glider, a rocket launcher and even an actual lightsaber just to name a few things, and we will also name some more.
deadpool: using books the guy can make defences against bullets, using nitrogen he can freeze a bunch of different stuff and he can make a plasma torch for superheating stuff and even a camouflage suit that literally makes him invisible.
sheldon: he is smart enough to break out a heavily locked room that has virtually nothing in it and took down the ghost, a man who the entire world had failed to catch for over ten years.
deadpool: dudes made a thing to launch a bunch of metal pellets at a speed similar to a mini gun and several devices to take down a bunch of different technologies.
sheldon: he was even able to make a mini gun, and a bazooka and even this much doesn’t begin to cover it, this guy can disarm a missile, with a paper clip, which is something he carries around a lot.
deadpool: remember murdoc, yeah he had a 100% kill rate in his jobs before meeting macgyver, and remember codex, yeah no one knew about them for around ninety years and mac just destroyed the entire operation in a couple months.
sheldon: and while doing that he obtained a weapon even more powerful than the others, a giant tesla cannon that shoots massive beams with enough firepower to take down a plane like it was nothing
deadpool: yeah except he doesn’t actually really have access to it, but not like he needs to, he’s defeated an entire gang while stuck in a forest with virtually nothing and regularly outsmarts a bunch of different bad guys, including ones who used the toxin of one of the worlds deadliest snakes, which he does have a bit of.
sheldon: however while all this sounds incredible remember he is still human, not only that but he much prefers non violent methods.
deadpool: don’t worry though, if need be he will, and he will always be there to save the world.
macgyver: i need you to do as i say and don’t ask questions.
Jason is on the run from death battle[]
sheldon: jason bourne was originally born david webb, he lived in Cambodia with a wife and two kids until two bombs dropped on their place during the Vietnam war…
deadpool: don’t think bill Murray expected something like to happen, he was just having fun with his announcements.
sheldon: anyway since Cambodia was neutral neither side took responsibility for this action, but David still decided to help in the war so he became a soldier for a while before then joining the cia, specifically a secret part of it known as medusa, a kill squad.
deadpool: during this time he met a man actually known as jason bourne, who betrayed medusa and killed most of them until David killed him and took the name, didn’t kick his butt though, which you do before taking the name.
sheldon: after this he joined treadstone, another group in the cia who focused on training their men until they become elite and ruthless, which was actually started by his dad but he didn’t know that.
deadpool: then he was tasked with killing a Russian politician, so he snuck onto his boat preparing to make it look like an employee done it, only problem was when he got in front of the man he saw he had a bunch of kids and decided to leave, only to be shot by an unknown gunner and given amnesia.
sheldon: worst part being he was now being hunted by the cia, thankfully however he kept a large amount of skills and had stuff for him in virtually every state.
deadpool: he has an eidetic memory and is a master of Kraft maga, a martial that mixes judo, aikido, karate, wrestling and boxing, and involves several stuff which match bourne fighting style to a tee.
sheldon: lets see, simultaneous defence and attack, yes, developing physical aggression towards them (its different from emotional), check, unrelentingly attacking until they are down, yes, attack pre-emptively and counterattacking as soon as possible, yes, using any object at hand, well considering he killed a man with a towel yes, targeting vulnerable spots, maintaining awareness of surroundings, fast and repeatable strikes, improving reaction, all yes, he does all of those.
deadpool: and he has the power to back up the skill too, he took a car exploding a few feats from him and got back up, has survived falling back first into water from three stories up, can knock out and kill multiple assassins and cia agents, not all at once, at best its been about five.
sheldon: he can disassemble a gun in a few seconds, can dodge close by bullet fire, and take down multiple men in a few seconds, but if brute force isn’t enough he has a large number of guns to utilise.
deadpool: i can handle this bit.
sheldon: sure
deadpool: starting of he has the beretta 92sb and 92fs both of which are simply compact pistols with little difference, next up is the SIG-sauer P225 and P226R both of which are other compact pistols that hold a bit more, but a step up from them is the sig pro, one that is semi automatic so fires quicker, next up is the slightly lighter Walter p5 compact, another handgun, following this in the handguns is the Walther pt945, his best handgun is probably the block 19, best firing speed and force in bullets, but this isn’t even including the other guns as well, he has a 12 gauge double barrel shotgun, good for tearing enemies to shreds at close range, but for longer range he owns the Kepler & fritz is 2, a giant sniper rifle, really good with his great aim, I mean he almost never misses, and finale he owns the brugger & thomet gl06, in other words a massive grenade launcher, so definitely his most destructive.
Sheldon: yes that is quite a few guns, however he doesn’t really need them as he is a master of utilising the environment to his advantage, and skilled enough to break into and out of the cia before anyone even realised it.
deadpool: but this was with a lot of planning and prep, which is what aloud most of bournes better things to be done, also he is kind of still human, and he is usually only able to hold one, maybe to of his guns at a time.
sheldon: but trust us, if this man is after you, you’re as good as dead.
jason bourne: my argument is not with you, that’s the only reason you’re alive.
pre fight[]
the Combatants are set, its time for a death battle
FIGHT[]
It is a cold night in the city of Los Angeles, most people are inside keeping warm and spending quality time with friends or family, of course, some people are not most people, one big example of this is a man currently walking down the pavement by the street, he would actually prefer to be inside with his friends if not for a job he had to do, so he dug his hands deep into his leather jackets pockets and continued on, he had medium length blond hair and he wore a blue buttoned shirt and light blue jeans as well as brown slightly pointed shoes, this was Angus Macgyver.
Now I’m sure you’re wondering what exactly this job was, well macgyver works for a place known as the phoenix foundation, many people believe it to just be a think tank but in actuality it is a top secret spy organisation, made for the problems above those like the CIA, who as it turns out had requested their help, a fugitive from them had been spotted in LA and considering the trouble they had given them in the past they decided to ask for some professional help, so now mac was outside on a cold night looking for someone he just knew was in the the area, tonight was probably gonna be a long night, at least that’s what he thought until he saw a man exiting a shop, they were clearly unaffected by the cold despite wearing similar clothes as mac, he had short grey hair and a much more serious look to him than macgyver and if you looked closely you could see he had several guns on him.
Macgyver could see this as well as the fact that this was the man the CIA was looking for, otherwise known as Jason Bourne, the man turned down the street away from mac who proceeded to follow him despite appearing as though to continue a casual walk, all of a sudden the man turned a corner to a small alley and mac also continued down it only to be faced with a gun to the face.
“Mind telling me what the hell you’re doing” Jason asks with a serious expression to his face as mac quickly thinks up a reply, “w-whoa i-I don’t know what your’e talking about, I walk this way every…” he trails off as Jason tilts his head to show that the alley stops at a wall and does not lead anywhere, “mind cutting the bullshit and telling me what you really want” bourne says as he inches closer to the phoenix foundation member, “heh, okay so” all of a sudden Angus hits Jason’s hands knocking the gun out of them before following up with a punch that pushes him back a bit, “I’m actually here to stop you” macgyver says with a smirk as both get into fighting stances.
Fight
Jason goes in first launching several punches to the genius who manages to raise his arms and block each hit only for jason to follow up with a blow to the side that winds macgyver before launching several punches to the face that knock him back only for mac to catch the next strike and follow up with an uppercut before launching several more hits the the face and body and finishing with another hit to the head that knocks bourne down to the ground, right next to his gun which he picks up and begins firing as mac runs out of the alley and into a bookshop while bourne slowly follows cautious of what could happen.
As he enters the shop he spots macgyver and opens fire not noticing a bit more bulk to him due to the darkness, if he did he would have noticed there was books under macs shirt as he continued to open fire on his chest emptying the cartridge as he looks in shock at his opponent still standing while macgyver runs over and begins punching jason in the face only for jason to launch a punch to the chest that launches macgyver backwards a few inches as he clutches his hand realising his opponent had books under his shirt, “seriously, why the hell are there books under your shirt” bourne exclaims as macgyver just smirks, “hey I was getting shot at and needed protection, these were the closest, strongest and easiest options here”, “well I guess I’ll need to go for the head” bourne says not realising he had just made a reference as he then brings out two more handguns (his two berettas)while mac dives behind a bookshelf.
MacGyver quickly removes the tattered books from under his shirt and begins crawling behind several of the bookshelf’s keeping out of bournes eyesight until he finds a laser pointer and some other stuff, meanwhile bourne is moving around slowly trying find his opponent when all of a sudden he feels an intense heat in his back as he dives down to see mac with the laser pointer which he had modified to basically make it a lightsaber which he aims aims at bournes hand as he tries to shoot causing a slash to be burnt into his hand and causing him to drop the gun and yell in pain as he fires his other gun shooting the thing out of his opponents hand as mac clutches his fingers in pain and dives down behind a bookshelf again as bourne peers through the gaps in each shelf trying to spot his opponent when all of a sudden he hears the door open and runs towards it.
When jason exits the book store he begins looking around trying to find his opponent only to not see them anywhere, at least until he spotted a slight shimmer some feat away and some movement, bourne raises his gun and attempts to start firing only for macgyver to toss the cloak off of himself into jason bourne covering his face and giving the phoenix agent enough time to follow up with several face jabs and an uppercut only for the ex cia operative to launch another gut punch winding macgyver and allowing him to follow up with multiple hits to the face and then one to knee which while not enough to break it still makes macgyver yell in pain and clutch his knee as bourne brings out another gun only for macgyver to grab his arm and cause the ammo to fall out as he then tosses several more hits to the face before finishing with a hit to the chest that causes bourne to wheeze in pain a bit but still manages to get back up and this time pull out a different gun, a massive shotgun, which he opens fire with only for mac to dodge the first spray of bullets and run into another building as jason once again follows.
As jason entered the building he held his shotgun up as he looked around seeing that it was a laundromat meaning his opponent had little amount of room to hide, though he also notice that some of the cleaning stuff were missing but didn’t pay it much attention believing it to just be lazy employees, until he found his opponent wearing a homemade gas mask pop out and realised just what was happening as macgyver tossed a container which broke releasing out gas right next to bourne who attempts to aim the shotgun only for mac to run up and knock it out of his hands as they proceed to fist fight only for bourne to be hit more times due to the wooziness caused by the gas, “you wanna give up, you’re not exactly looking to good” mac says raising both arms to the side in that probably look, only for bourne to pull out another handgun and begin firing as he stumbles out of the door managing to catch some breaths of fresh air while panting with arms to the knees, however his opponent comes out and begins to approach only for bourne to pull out his glock and start firing causing mac to duck for cover back inside the shop and behind the wall, giving bourne the chance this time to run up into a nearby warehouse, as mac is still sitting behind the shop wall looking at it before looking around the area and going through some other building for stuff.
Jason bourne is seen in the warehouse with his gun aimed at the door, he knew that that was the only way into the place unless you could somehow fly as there was an upper platform with a window, he did glance up there now and again due to the fact of what his opponent had already done, he was honestly surprised at it and wasn’t sure what else he could make, thankfully he had himself covered on both sides with the position he had put several boxes around him, meanwhile just out of Jason’s line of sight macgyver had used the diamond he had for desi to cut through the window and use another thing he had made to provide suction so the window wouldn’t fall and break as he placed it down, “really need to stop losing those diamonds for her” he says crawling along the floor as he brings out another jug of chemicals he had gotten and tossed it up just as jason was looking and aimed his gun at it with the snipe scope aiming right for it only for the chemical reaction macgyver had used caused it to flash with a blinding light, and with the scope being on it the results were multiplied as jason clutches his eye and yells in pain allowing macgyver to bring out a hand glider he had made and descend down as he lands close to bourne while the hand glider collides with bourne knocking him down as macgyver moves over and continues striking so as to not allow his opponent the opportunity to recover as he launches multiple face and chest hits not noticing that bourne was reaching to the side trying to get something as macgyver suddenly felt a sharp pain in his side just above his hips causing him to yell out in pain as bourne retracts the nail and launches his opponent off of himself revealing a now very bruised face.
Bourne then tosses the nail down, spits out a bit of blood and raises his fists as he slowly approaches the phoenix agent, MacGyver, still reeling from the pain moves backwards attempting to put some distance between them only for bourne to reach him and begin punching his face several times knocking macgyver back, however he soon realises this is what he had wanted as MacGyver has now gotten his hands on his plasma torch he had put there which he lights up attempting to get in close to bourne only to begin moving back to behind the door as bourne has now gotten his grenade launcher which he opens fire with, blasting through the door and knocking MacGyver forwards as he started to run.
Bourne approaches his downed opponent and brings out his gun holding it right to his opponents head, which is when he notices his opponents hand was on a pipe which he jammed into bournes hand causing him to yell in pain as the liquid nitrogen sets in freezing his arm up to his shoulder as he attempts to pull off causing his arm to completely shatter which stifles another loud yell of pain as bourne charges forward only for mac to do a turn on his toes putting him behind his opponent who he punches in the back before running, bourne is surprised by this until he begins to hear beeping from his back, “well, son of a…” he is cut off as the bomb explodes reducing bourne to just a skeleton as macgyver falls over, “you know, I think I need a drink” he says as he lowers his head passing out from the pain.
K.o.
The cia is seen collecting what is left of bourne as MacGyvers friend visit him in the hospital.
Results[]
Deadpool:… huh… don’t think he’s bringing in the target now.
Sheldon: despite the stats appearing somewhat close, the winner and stat advantage was pretty much obvious.
Deadpool: damn right, while jason can dodge fire from automatic guns, macgyver can jump out the way of lightning, putting him at well over a hundred times faster.
Sheldon: jason bourne was temporarily knocked out for a few seconds by a car exploding a few feet away from him, while macgyver can harm murdoc, who survived being inside the car as it exploded after crashing into a rock from falling of a cliff.
Deadpool: now technically bourne did hold deadlier on hand weapons, but with macgyver being casually capable of making his own stuff that advantage was nullified.
Popup: while that wouldn’t be a problem in something like a desert, there was little chance of the fight happening.
Sheldon: not to mention that macgyver has single-handedly taken down organisations much greater than the cia, like codex.
Deadpool: and while jason is a much greater trained fighter, those are the kind of people macgyver fights on near daily basis, plus it didn’t really help against the massive stats advantage.
Sheldon: speaking of daily basis, mac consistently deals with threats on a daily basis that bourne would deal with on like a yearly basis.
Deadpool: put lets not forget the biggest advantage macgyver held, his goddamn creativity.
Sheldon: while jason can be very creative, it greatly pales in comparison to his opponents creativity including how it is used and the fact he does so with much lesser stuff.
Deadpool: and considering all his other advantages bourne was really not able to capitalise on any that he had.
Sheldon: ultimately macgyver was just quicker, tougher and much to creative for bourne to win.
Deadpool: looks like bournes identity, will not leave a legacy, as he was given an ultimatum, to death.
Sheldon: the winner is macgyver.
Advantages and disadvantages:
Macgyver=
+everything else
-on hand weaponry
-training
Bourne=
+training
+on hand weaponry
-everything else
next time[]
once Upon a time there was a town in Massachusetts, it was pretty much the beginning of hate and racism because of one belief, witches, so why the hell did these two witches get named after it.
”this is the beginning of the end ozpin. Everything you’ve built will burn”
vs.
“dogs guard, cats watch, and judge”
connections[]
- both are action hero secret agents
- both joined groups that were at some point ran by their fathers (phoenix and project tombstone)
- both have a parent who started an organisation they are fighting (macgyvers mother started codex while bourses dad started project tombstone)
- before the start of their series they were with cia
- both are very quick witted
- both have been on the run from the law several times
trivia[]
something i had only realised while making this is that this fight kind of has connections to an official db fight Leon Kennedy vs frank west, the reason I think so is that it is a battle between to who work in similar positions with slightly above human capabilities and USA fight between a fun loving man who can make just about anything and much more serious one with deadlier on hand weapons and while nowhere near the others are still slightly creative.