Introduction[]
Boomstick: It’s the battle of the lazy CN shapeshifters in this fight!
Wiz: Jake the magic stretchy dog-
Boomstick: And Amethyst the magic Crystal Gem. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick-
Wiz: And we’re here to analyze their weapons, armor and skill to see who would win in a DEATH BATTLE!
Amethyst[]
(Instrumental version of SU theme song plays)
Wiz: Amethyst is from a magical race called Gems. While most Gems originate from their home planet named “Homeworld”, she comes from a place called the Kindergarten.
Boomstick: No fair, she got to go to Kindergarten but I didn’t?
Wiz: Kindergarten was a place where gems could literally be MADE on earth. She was one of them.
Boomstick: Woops.
Wiz: She than joined the Crystal Gems with Rose (Who soon passed away), Garnet, Pearl, AND STEVEN!
Boomstick: She has quite a few abilities. She can summon her magical gem weapon which is a whip that she can use to quickly attack her foes. She can also perform a move based off of Sonic the Hedgehogs Infamous Spindash attack where she rolls into her enemies like a freakin’ bowling ball!
Wiz: She can also fuse with other gems, but since there’s no outside help allowed it’s impossible. But her favorite ability is to shape-shift. She can turn into almost anything.
Boomstick: Can she turn into Jake the dog and copy his powers?
Wiz: It’s not EXACTLY confirmed. For example, when she transformed into Steven she couldn’t use his bubble or his shield when she got punched by Garnet. But when she turned into a wrestler, she got super strength. It’s confusing.
Boomstick: When she shapeshifts into something super strong and big, she can barely maintain the form.
Wiz: One more thing: She’s probably the one with the least common sense out of all the Crystal Gems.
Boomstick: And that’s why she can regenerate.
Wiz: When she gets EXTREMELY hurt, she’ll retreat back into her gem to recover, leaving her open to attack.
Boomstick: Either way, she’s one tough cookie-err, gem.
Jake the dog[]
(“Makin’ Bakin’ Pancakes” plays)
Wiz: Jake the dog was just a cute little antroprimorphic puppy until he fell into a magic mud puddle.
Boomstick: When he did, he got amazing powers.
Wiz: And then he started going on adventures with his best friend\adopted brother Finn the human.
Boomstick: What were those powers exactly?
Wiz: The ability to make his body stretch, shrink, and grow.
Boomstick: He can not only stretch his arms, legs, and basically any other body part for a VERY long distance, he can also make his body look like actual objects. For instance, he can stretch his body into a police car that he can actually use to quickly get to the places he needs to go, but it won’t emit fumes or run on gas or anything like that as it’s just his body made to look differently and resemble a police car.
Wiz: He’s even become a house and a bed on a few occasions. But let’s get down to his fighting style. He likes to make his fist\leg grow huge and punch\kick people with it. He also like to confuse his foes by stretching around them and then attacking while their guard is down.
Boomstick: He also has a sword, but since there’s no prep time he probably won’t be carrying it with him.
Wiz: Besides that, he likes to bite foes with his sharp dog teeth.
Boomstick: And if he gets poisoned, he can just grow very big and the poison won’t affect him.
Wiz: He does have weaknesses though. He can only stretch or grow so far before he becomes weak. Even though he has more durability than Finn, he can get pretty hurt from big blows. And lastly, he's kind of dumb.
Boomstick: But if Jake the dog was able to fight the Lich, chances are he’ll do fine in this battle.
Pre-Fight[]
Wiz: The combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!
(Setting: Candy Kingdom)
Amethyst warps in and notices the kingdom.
Amethyst: Aw yeah, I'm gonna like it here.
Finn and Jake exit the castle and Finn realizes he left his sword at home. He quickly exits the kingdom and hurries home just as Amethyst enters the Kingdom.
Jake: Um...Who in Globs name are you? I'm Jake.
Amethyst: I'm Amethyst. And I'm gonna eat this place if that's okay with you.
Jake: WHAT? THIS PLACE IS THE CANDY KINGDOM, YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND EATING PEOPLE!
Amethyst: Oh yeah? We'll I guess I'll just have to get rid of you.
Jake: We'll see about that!
Death Battle[]
(Instrumental version of “Stronger than you” plays)
Amethyst rushes in for the first blow with her whip and Jake manages to dodge her. Jake grows 3 times his size and punches Amethyst into a building.
Amethyst: Hey, that hurt!
Amethyst Shape-shifts into her wrestler form and Jake stretches his body into a much more muscular form. The two engage in a fist fight.
Jake: Grr…
Jake bites her arm and punches her in the stomach. Amethyst recovers and hits Jake with her whip several times.
Amethyst: You lose, lil’ mutt….Wait, where is he? Jake had shrunk and escaped Amethysts field of vision. Amethyst turned her head confusingly as she tried to locate the missing dog. Little did she know that Jake was closer than expected. Jake revealed that he was right behind her and had then constricted around her using his powers. Amethyst shape-shifted into a bug and became free.
Meanwhile, the Candy People watched in horror as the fight raged on. They fled the streets and returned to their homes.
Jake: You see what you’re doing?
Amethyst: I don’t really care so…
Jake Grew into a giant and chased after amethyst.
Jake: I’ll make you care!
Amethyst reacted fast and shape-shifted into a form much larger than Jakes.
Amethyst: No can do, mutt.
Amethyst Kicked Jake into the castle walls and Jake shrunk back to his normal size. Amethyst was just about to crush Jake until she started to glow. Her gem couldn’t maintain the size and it made her retreat back into it. Jake snapped back to his senses and he ran over and threw it back onto the warp pad.
Jake: AND STAY OUT!
His fist grew huge and he smashed the warp-pad.
Results[]
(Adventure Time: Secret of the nameless kingdom main theme plays)
Boomstick: Mans best friend, Gems worst enemy.
Wiz: In the end, Amethysts forgetfulness led to her loss.
Boomstick: The two were pretty evenly matched, but Jakes ability to hold a giant size let him claim the victory.
VICTORY: Jake the dog