Description[]
RedDead35000
Powerful cybernetic organisms with swords and look awesome when in cinematic trailers and/or movies.
Intro[]
Wiz: Over time, combat can take away what makes us human beings: Our families, our freedom and even our own bodies.
Boomstick: But when them scientists turn ya into a gosh durn one-robot army cyborg, you can fight back, take names and own a perty nice sword.
Wiz: The Battle Angel of Iron City known as Alita.
Boomstick: Genji, the ninja cyborg from Overwatch.
Wiz: I am Wizard and this is Boomstick. It's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
Genji[]
SoMaShadow
Wiz: Overwatch. The organization built on heroes who earn their ranks and make the choice to become heroes to save the world.
Boomstick: But then there's some who ain't got much ova choice. I mean, did Genji get a choice?
Wiz: To be fair, no. But his life was once full of choices, in fact, too many. Genji Shamada was living in luxury, enjoying ninja training, living much like a playboy millionare.
Boomstick: But turns out Genji's family was in some perty risky business fer one reason: Money.
Wiz: But Genji's father was called a laughing stock for his son's best impression of a certain other costumed ninja.
Boomstick: Then the ol' man kicked the bucket, meanin' Genji was gonna be a crime boss. Still, Genji was kinda actin' like a spoiled momma's boy and he didn't wanna grow up.
Wiz: Hanzo, Genji's brother was upset that Genji refused to take over his father's empire, creating a rivalry between the two brothers.
Boomstick: So Hanzo murdered his sorry butt. Alright, maybe not.
Wiz: He was saved by a doctor who would later become the Overwatch member Mercy.
Boomstick: But since this was 'fore Mercy got 'er wings, Genji didn't get the magic treatment. Nah, he got turned into a friggin' ROBOT!
Wiz: He's a cyborg.
Boomstick: What's the difference?
Wiz: A robot doesn't have organic tissue, where as a cyborg has some organic tissue. Although you may not see it, Genji has organic tissue.
Boomstick: Where's the tissue?
Wiz: Well, we see that he has one of his arms, his head and some of his lower torso. I would say he would have only his upper half, his head, one of his arms and part of his legs.
Boomstick: What'd Hanzo do to 'is sorry butt?
Wiz: I have no idea. But I do have an idea of what his weapons and abilities are! Genji was taught in martial arts such as:
- Seishin Teki Kyoyo, a form of meditation that allows the mind to free itself of its limits.
- Kenjutsu, a Japanese sword fighting martial art,
- Tanto Jutsu, a knife throwing system,
- Shurikenjutsu, the art of shuriken throwing
- And Wall Climbing.
Tewn Lonk
Boomstick: Wait, so he's like Spider-Man without them ninja weapons?
Wiz: No. Genji just climbs walls. Nothing much like Spider-Man. But he does have a sword.
Boomstick: Alright, this just got more friggin' awesome!
Wiz: The katana, known as the Dragonblade, can summon a giant dragon made from Genji's Ki, increasing the amount of damage he could dish out normally with a move such as the Swift Strike, a move where he launches himself 15 meters ahead of his current position. This move also recharges after every kill from Genji.
Boomstick: Nice. But Genji's got some other perty nice gadgets, kinda like his fancy ninja throwin' stars, which he keeps in 'is arms. And thanks to them fancy robot parts, he can jump on thin air! Heh, kinda like Scout from TF2.
Wiz: That's double-jumping, much like Scout from TF2, yes. With his enhanced senses and his smaller katana, called a Tanto, Genji can deflect incoming objects and project them back at his attackers. With this move, he can even do a headshot, by deflecting a bullet with his smaller sword!
Boomstick: Hot dang! With his deflect, he's even deflected the big ol' ape's (Winston) famous Primal Rage.
Wiz: But it doesn't hurt the person Genji deflects upon.
Boomstick: He's got some awesome pow'rs and thanks to that robot body, Genji was the onuva best members of Overwatch.
Wiz: He has sliced arrows in midair, cut cars in half with one slice, deflect sniper shots, dodged minigun rounds and even dodged rockets.
Boomstick: And he even deflected Hanzo's Dragonstrike! How the friggin' heck did that work?!
Wiz: Umm... Science?
Boomstick: Stop. Ya got me all messed up in the head.
Wiz: Well, Genji did cut up a Cucurbita with his sword with such incredible speed before it touched the ground.
Boomstick: English please Wiz, or I gotta use Google English.
Wiz: He carved a pumpkin into a Jack-O-lantern before it touched the ground.
Boomstick: Ha, sucker. I used a shotgun on my Jack-O-lanterns.
Wiz: Why should I be concerned about you?
Boomstick: When shouldn't you be?
Wiz:... Moving on, Genji does have a number of flaws such as:
- Genji's cybernetic body wasn't built for front line battle, rather for flanking.
- His armor is lighter, so he isn't exactly heavy in armor and lacks endurence.
- And (probably) his greatest weakness: Genji cannot deflect lasers, electricity, sprays or full on Melee attacks.
Boomstick: Ain't there more?
-Overwatch - Halloween Terror- Genji highlight intro - Pumpkin Carving
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Wiz: Hmm... Actually yes. He was beaten by Tracer during a training match and was defeated by Doomfist in actual combat.
Boomstick: Wait. That Doomfist guy, kicked Genji's butt? How?!
Wiz: That's not all. After his brother's betrayal and Overwatch shutting down, Genji didn't really do much. He wondered the earth on a path of self discovery and trying to find redemption in his brother. Unfortunately to this day, he hasn't.
Boomstick: But how'd Doomfist beat Genji?!
Wiz: Genji wasn't in combat for a while, give him a break. That might help.
Alita[]
SuperSayian2Link
Wiz: In the deepest darkest piles of garbage in the center of Iron City, Kansas, lay a strange mystery.
Boomstick: How the heck is them yuppies makin' that Zalem city float?!
Wiz: No, but just to answer your question: Zalem, the home of the wealthy, is suspended by the gravitational force of the moon.
Boomstick: What kinda hippie magic does that?
Wiz: Anime science, I suppose. On with the story, a cyborg doctor named Ido was looking for some parts but came across a mysterious item: The head and torso of a cyborg girl.
Boomstick: So he took 'er home, patched her up and called her Alita.
Wiz: Keep in mind, whatever damaged her made her lose her memories so she didn't know who she was or where she came. Ido raised her like his long since deceased daughter, who was also named, Alita.
Boomstick: I thought Alita was his cat.
Wiz: Wait, are we doing the movie version, or anime version?
Boomstick: But what about that Manga version?
Wiz: Let's just go with the movie version. It makes this all the less complicated.
Boomstick: I ain't seen the movie yet.
Wiz: Just go with it. Or just go watch the fight scenes on YouTube.
Boomstick: Alright. But don't go blamin' me if I can't get yer dang computer workin'.
Wiz: Fine. Going back to Alita, she was happy. Her life with Ido was nothing more than a life of peace and happiness. Ironic, because they were surrounded by actual garbage. Good people and cyborgs. But one night, she saw Ido return home with a cut on his arm and heard about a psychotic killer on the loose.
Boomstick: Looks like they be pullin' a turd cover'd Shyamalan twist a some kind. Wonderin' if she's bein' raised by a psycho, Alita followed Ido out to see if 'er adopted daddy was doin' bad.
Wiz: Actually, he was doing the opposite. Ido was after the killer who was a powerful cyborg named Grewishka who was armed with two other insane cyborgs. Ido seemed to be outnumbered until Alita jumped up and--
Boomstick: ONE PUNCHED THE EVIL CYBORGS WHO WANTED TO KILL IDO. And the best part is: She was punchin' 'em so hard, that they were bleedin'... blue blood? What is that about?! I thought the anime had red blood!
Wiz: The anime did. But because the movie was... PG-13--
Boomstick: ... Jaws had rotting dead bodies underwater, Indiana Jones had explodin' heads and were rated PG... but Alita cuttin' up cyborgs who are barely human is rated PG-13?
Wiz: They couldn't make the cyborg's blood red. Also, I'm sure that even if their blood wasn't red, the film should still be an R. Moving on, Alita fought off the cyborgs, smashing one of their heads in with her bare fists.
Boomstick: Ahh, and who says big eyes on a woman's bad?
Wiz: They certainly are distracting.
Boomstick: I think they're perty nice. Oh wait, that's the manga. What's the movie look like-- OHMYGOSHWHATISTHAT?!
Wiz: Moving on, Alita is an amazing fighter with her fist and her sword. As far as superpowers she has the basics:
- Superhuman strength,
- Speed,
- Durability,
- Stamina
- And intelligence.
Alita also uses a Damascus blade, a special type of sword able to be infused with her energy.
Boomstick: That ain't energy. She can set 'er hands and 'er sword on FIRE! And she just does this by literally lifting a stinkiin' finger!
Wiz: Alita's beserker body even has a healing factor that works in record time and can contort her body in any shape that she prefers. With all this power in her control, Alita has impressively fought off beings far stronger than her, such as Grewishka, two of his minions and wrecked multiple cyborgs in her first round of Motorball.
Boomstick: Heck, she's beaten Grewishka when she lost 'er legs and her arm.
Wiz: After that, SHE LOST ALL OF HER LIMBS BOOMSTICK.
Boomstick: But she told that sonuva gun, "Eff yer mercy!" Man, that's awesome.
Wiz: She also broke off Grewishka's arm with a single kick, smashed in one of his minion's heads with five punches, sliced Grewishka in half, smashed her way through a billboard and a stadium wall at the same time, fought multiple robots bigger than her and has over 300 years of military training!
Alita- Battle Angel - Mercy Scene (Alita vs. Grewishka Fight Scene)
Bad-idea1203
Boomstick: O'er 300 years?! She's o'er 300 years old?!
Wiz: Well, yes.
Boomstick: She aged perty well.
Wiz: But Alita isn't exactly perfect. When she was injured with her beserker body, it took some time for the wound to heal. Much like other fictional characters, anger is one element that can be a cruel thing to Alita, causing her to lose control and go into a blind rage.
Boomstick: In the meantime, let's praise the girl with a face fer angels and a body built fer battle!
Wiz: BOOMSTICK!
Boomstick: What? Her body's literally made fer battle!
Wiz: Whatever. Alright, the combatants are set, It's time for--
Boomstick: Ey Wiz, you fergot we give some kinda message.
Wiz: Of course. (Ahem!)
In 2019, there was a film that was in production for too long based on an 1993 anime called, "Battle Angel Alita." Director of hit films such as Titanic and Avatar, James Cameron had been working on the film, but was far too distracted to complete the project. So he passed the film to Robert Rodriguez, the director of Sin City, an episode of the Mandolorian and Predators who completed the film. When the film came out in theaters, fans of the original loved it. But since it's release, the film has been forgotten.
Boomstick: Here's where ya come in. We kinda really like the movie. Well, I still gotta finish watchin' the movie. But after them bits I saw, I do wanna see a sequel someday.
Wiz: But due to poor advertising and critics panning the film, that sequel may never see the light of day. Unless you do something. Join the Alita Army.
Boomstick: The wha?
Wiz: The Alita Army is the fans of the movie, considering one of, if not, the best anime adaptation ever. They are trying to find a way to get more people to see the movie and bring a sequel in the near future. If you want to join the Alita Army, go to: www.AlitaArmy.com and find the film wherever you find your DVDs or find it on the Roku streaming service and share it with those you share your love of anime, movies or both with. (By the way, we're not sponsored.)Please, help us get a Disney sequel we actually want.
Alright the Combatants are set, It's Time for a Death Battle![]
(Genji sits in front of a cherry tree while it blooms. He gets a call from Overwatch, about a disturbance in the city. A young girl with a sword has slain several Talon agents. Genji goes into the city to see several cyborgs sliced into pieces and Alita standing over their bodies with her sword in hand.)
Genji: You there! You are under arrest for the murder of multiple cyborgs!
Alita: These criminals have murdered innocents. I would be a murderer if I had done nothing!
Genji: You lack the honor of a true warrior.
Alita: No, I'm just an insignificant girl.
FIGHT![]
(Genji goes to arrest her, but Alita jumps back. She jumps up into the air and slice Genji from above but he blocks. He forces her back about three feet and then kicks her away. Alita goes in for a stab but she dodges several sharp shurikens from Genji's arm. The two then clash their swords again, but this time neither combatant moves. Both refuse to give in and fail. Alita then leans to one side which causes Genji to fall over toward Alita, who stabs Genji in the back. Literally. She stomps on his back to pin him down while she pulls out her sword, accidentally giving Genji the advantage to escape via the Swift Strike. He jumps up the wall and allows Alita to chase him while he jumps from one building to the next. Looking behind him, he seems to have lost Alita. She then appears to the side of Genji by kicking him in the head, damaging part of his mask and revealing part of his face. Genji blocks a swing from Alita's sword and proceeds to throw more Shurikens at her, but she dodges all but two, one that strikes her in her shoulder and the other in her thigh, right above the kneecap. She pulls out the one in her knee and dodges more Shurikens thrown by Genji. She jumps out and knocks away some Shurikens from out of thin air. Alita gets close enough that she puts a giant cut on Genji's chest. He jumps back but charges Alita and stabs her in the shoulder with his sword.)
Alita: You lack the honor of a warrior...
Genji: I will sacrifice my body...
(He pulls out his Tanto and lifts his hand above his head to stab her.)
Genji: But never my honor!
(She grabs his wrist to stop him from stabbing her in the head. She holds the Tanto back and punches Genji in the armpit, causing Genji to drop his Tanto. Alita grabs his arm and swings him around and throws him into an alleyway and pulls Genji's sword out of her shoulder. Genji on the other hand gets up and climbs up the wall to get his sword only to meet Alita's foot in his face. He throws more Shurikens which Alita dodges but Genji then grabs the Shuriken in her shoulder and rips it out and tears her shoulder to nearly nothing. He climbs up the wall and grabs his sword. Alita begins to heal the damage done and picks up her sword, the blade starting to glow blue with fire. Genji grabs his sword and goes back to finish Alita once and for all. He looks down but doesn't see her. Jumping from building to building, he finally finds her and jumps down to kill her. Genji flanks her but with incredible flexibility while her shoulder finally puts itself back together. She notices Genji's wounds have not healed and has a plan. Genji throws Shurikens with both hands to strike her. She contorts her body to dodge all of them and goes in to finish this battle. Alita's flaming sword and Genji's katana clash together, sparks and flames flying in the air. Genji's sword starts to heat up and soon breaks. Genji takes the broken blade and cuts Alita in half, separating her top half from her bottom half. She pushes herself off the ground and stabs him in the elbow, restraining his arm. And with her other arm, she stabs two of her fingers into Genji's eye. He cries out in pain.)
Alita: Screw your honor!
(Alita pulls out the sword and decapitates him. Then she punches his head in until it's a... messy pile of blood and metal. She then puts herself back together and puts Genji's body into a nearby garbage can.)
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Results[]
Boomstick: Looks like Genji couldn't, "cut" it. He! He! He!
Wiz: In all fairness, we were stumped. But we managed to boil this scenario down into two factors:
- Genji's attack methods and healing in Overwatch.
- The Beserker body.
Boomstick: Think I'll grab me a beer an' see if this can be makin' sense.
Wiz: In Overwatch, no one has a regenerating health system, unless you're Tracer or Mercy. In fact, Genji works much like Scout from TF2, running around and flanking his opponents, rather than engaging them in actual combat. In fact, much of Overwatch's characters (aside from a few) are flankers including Genji. Alita on the other hand, engages in full hand to hand combat. This really shines in the movie when she fights off the cyborgs that ambush Ido in the alleyway and her final fight with Grewishka.
Boomstick: So, Alita had this in the bag cause Genji flanks and needs Mercy's help?
Wiz: Yes. Next up, let's talk about the Beserker body. With this body, Alita defeated Grewishka (with upgrades that destroyed her original body) by cutting him in half with a sword infused with fire.
Boomstick: Let's just say that this shows Alita could melt ol' Genji down to butter.
Wiz: And the Beserker body has an incredible healing factor that even if it takes a couple minutes, still would take on Genji who again: DOES NOT POSSESS A HEALING FACTOR. If anything, she has far more strength, speed and stamina just from the Beserker body. If we were to give her the original body she had, Genji would have won this in an instant.
Boomstick: Looks like this whole thing is kinda cut 'n' dry.
Wiz: You used that one already.
Boomstick: Oh. While I think up a new pun, let's just say Genji changed to a Battle Angel himself.
Wiz: The winner is Alita.