Description[]
Joker vs Sly Cooper, which two thieves will win in a death battle.
Beginning[]
Wiz: Thieves, people think thieves are only criminals are that cruel and steal money to valuables from vulnerable people.
Boomstick: But not all thieves are evil, some steal just like Robin Hood to steal the rich and give to the poor, and others return back valuable things back where they should belong like Carmen Sandiego.
Wiz: Or just like Sly Cooper, the master of thievery!
Boomstick: And Joker, the leaders of the Phantom theives! He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skill to see who would win a Death Battle!
Akira Kurusu[]
Wiz: Akira Kurusu, he is an average teenager until when he walking in the dark alley when suddenly he sees women being assaulted by a man, so he tried to stop him when the man slip down to hurt himself.
Boomstick: Yeah teach him a lesson!
Wiz: However, the man blames Akira for the injuries and made the woman testify also that the boy did hurt him.
Boomstick: But how, should the police know that they are lying?
Wiz: Actually it reveals that it was Masayoshi Shido, and he was a strong politician with a strong connection to the police. So, the incident becomes went down his permanent record with him expelled from school.
Boomstick: That why I don't trust politics, they seem like they telling the truth. But, if their nose grows every time they lied, it would be big as the universe, and he will never get a good job.
Wiz: Don't worry, he was accepted by Shujin Academy, so he needs to stay at Sojiro Sakura let him live in the house/restaurant during the probation. While he was walking in a crossroad, a strange app appears with the world slow down.
Boomstick: Just like Merida in the movie Brave, he follows the fiery blue flames when he meets the new caretaker. During the night, he awakes at the velvet room in prison garb, handcuffs, even ball, and chains. There he will meet Igor, Carolina, and Justine. Why are little twins are the prison guards? I face bigger threats from paper than them? (Then he sees decapitating the components with guillotines) Holy sh##! They have guts of steel, nether minds.
Wiz: Igor tells him that he is the Prisoner of fate.
Boomstick: What that should it mean, that always be a prisoner.
Wiz: No, it means that destruction destructions await for him in the future, but he can change it by doing rehab. Next day, he met Ryuji when they are teleported when they are captured, and when Ryuji about to be executed, the main hero released his persona called Arsene.
Arsene: What's the matter...? Are you simply going to watch? Are you forsaking him to save yourself? Death awaits him if you do nothing. Was your previous decision a mistake then? Very well...I have heeded your resolve. Vow to me. I am thou, thou art I...Thou who art willing to perform all sacrilegious acts for thine owns justice! Call upon my name, and release thy rage! Show the strength of thy will to ascertain all on thine own, though thou be chained to Hell itself!
Wiz: Soon he goes into many adventures and making new friends.
Boomstick: But he didn't do it with just knives and guns, he has Arsene that moves from Eiha that is a light curse, cleave is another light physical damage, sukunda that can Debuff agilities for three turns, and dream needle that damage foes and a medium chance for sleep. He is also strong against to curse attack but weak to bless and ice.
Wiz: He also has Sataneal, He is resistant to physical, gun, fire, ice, electricity, wind, physic attack, and nuclear with no weakness.
Boomstick: Look at the guns! If I have that, I can get all the ducks in the world.
Wiz: Anyway, he can use Maeigaon to do a heavy curse, (auto) can survive one insta-death with one Hp left, riot gun that do damage 25% to joker but do heavy damage to the opponent, cosmic flare that can damage foes that can also cause burn/freeze/shock, heat riser that increase attack, defense, to agility for three turns, Unshaken will (Auto) Immune to all mental ailments, and sinful shell that even kill gods.
Boomstick: Also very smart on the fly, smart enough to figure out a traitorous plot before the traitor figure out, can dodge natural lightning or 320,000,000 ft per second, and energies gun blasts. He got Third eyes to slow down time, snap his finger to create a flash of light, and see a footprint.
Wiz: Another is that he can outrun machine guns to missiles and run away from explosions. Can survive explosions, he has ventured into different palaces, defeat different monsters, purified many hearts, escaped dungeons, and destroy a god that can erase existence by thinking.
Boomstick: How can sly cooper beat him? Joker can even defeat a god!
Wiz: Actually, he still a weakness. He still can die from normal means, persona abilities need Sp and it can run out, and damage to a persona translate over to the users.
Boomstick: But when there a cruel person who needs their heart purified, you know who to called!
Akira Kurusu: Show me your true form!
Sly Cooper[]
Wiz: The Cooper clan, the most famous lineage of thieves in history. But they only steal from those who don’t deserve what they got because there is no honor, no challenge, no fun in stealing from ordinary people.
Boomstick: There is Bob Cooper, the first known Cooper and invented the first cane.
Wiz: Slytunkhamen Cooper I, he is the ancestor from ancient Egypt the creator of Thievius Raccoonus.
Boomstick: And Slaigh MacCooper, He is the one who created the wall-edge sneak.
Wiz: And then there was sly cooper was born under the Cooper clan, when the age of three years old. He was taken to the museum with his father to hide a map to the Cooper Vault. At the age of three, he inherits the book called,”Thievius Raccoonus.”
Boomstick: But you can’t be a hero without your parents dying.
Wiz: During the night when sly inherit the book, the gang member called the Fiendish Five sneak into the house to kill the parents and took the book to split it into five parts.
Boomstick: Why can’t there be more heroes who have their parents alive like Aqua man. Now he is an orphan!
Wiz: Don’t worry, in an orphanage. It where he will meet his now lifelong friends. Bently and Murray into many adventures.
Boomstick: But he is no ordinary thieve! He has the cooper cane, it for to jab and hit opponents, and just like thor hammer. It can charge electricity! (Then he pull one out)
Wiz: Don’t do it!
Boomstick: (Suddenly Boomstick get shocked that he even turns into a skeleton for a second) What happen?
Wiz: You forgot to wear the rubber gloves. Anyways, he also has Binocucom that come with x-ray vision and flash that can stun foes. Samurai suit is for deflect fire and energies attacks, jailbird costume to throw his heavy ball and chain, sabretooth costume to jump high, archer costume to shoot arrows, thief costume to slow down time, explosive hats, decoy, smoke bombs, rage bombs to make foes fight each other, alarm clocks, music box to put enemies to sleep or harm people, and paraglider.
Boomstick: Wait, where he keeps all those things. But besides that, he can do fast attack dive moves, can speed and slow down time without it affect to him, roll that can produce electricity, shadow power to turn invisible, can make portals that can send foes anywhere, and many more.
Wiz: He can outrun explosions, react to energy gun shots, get shoot out of the cannon, he have defeated fiendish five, Clock-La, and Le Paradox.
Boomstick: Even with all the feats, he still has a weakness. Like he more like to work in a team, more a thieve, and like sonic. He can’t swim. But no matter how tough the villains are, Sly Cooper always on top!
Sly Cooper: Ah, well, that's where you're wrong. The Thievius Raccoonus doesn't create great thieves, it takes great thieves to create the Thievius Raccoonus!
Intermission[]
Wiz: All right the combatants are set to let's end this debate once and for all!
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
Death Battle[]
In Mesa city, Muggshot was walking with two bags full of gold; however, a group of minions come forward and one push a front.
Muggshot: What is it? Don’t you know it usually the time where I watch the Dogfather?
Minion: Well sir, while we are mugging a man. We discover that these are around the town.
Muggshot grab the card very quickly.
Muggshot: Let see what we have here, you shouldn’t take money from the people, and we will take your heart. From the phantom thieves.
Minion: What that supposed to mean?
Muggshot: It must be a bluff, no one dumb enough to face me! But just in case, increased security.
Minion: Yes sir!
Midnight
The minions are patrolling around the buildings when a shadow jump across the gaps between building to reveal to be Sly Cooper.
Bentley: Sly do you hear me?
Sly: Loud and clear.
Murray: Are you ready sly, I’m for sure!
Sly: Of course.
Bentley: Okay sly, there is camera everywhere on the roof, guards everywhere. The only way is...
Sly: Let me guess, through the sewers.
Bently: Unless you want to go through hard securities.
Sly: Then the sewers.
Bently: When you below the building, I give you the next task.
Sly Cooper jumps off the van to open the man covers to jump in the sewers. During the time, the phantom thieves arrive next to the building.
Morgana: Okay, we sent the calling card, now we must enter the palace to steal the heart. Ready Joker.
Joker: Of course!
Ryuji: Hell yes, let teach this sh##bag a lesson!
When Morgana, Joker, Ryuji, and Ann enter the palace; however, sly Cooper accidentally enters also, and when he went. Sly Cooper sees that he was in a completely different room that looks different from the last time he saw.
Sly Cooper: Where am I? Bently, can you hear me? Not working, but there nothing wrong taking a small look.
Suddenly, he heard a noise from the next room, so he enters the vents to figure out what happening. Then he sees Muggshot wear a black suit in the chair, two henchmen surrounding a weak version of himself.
Sly Cooper: What the? How this is possible?
Sly Cooper (Weak version): (Shaking) I promised to pay back, I promised!
Muggshot: (Then he take a big breath of the cigar and blow the smoke at the weak version of Sly Cooper) You have your chance, now you will pay!
The weak version of sly about to say something when he got shot imminently by Muggshot, so the real Sly Cooper shakes his head and continue.
Back to the phantom thieves, they have made it to the room with a suitcase surrounded by lasers.
Ann: Hey Morgana, do you have the plan for it?
Morgana: Of course my lady Ann, there are three switches. So, that means Joker must be the one who gets it and Joker. When it strikes at 5:00, we will hit the switches. You have to wait for a couple of seconds before you enter the room until you’re sure the laser grid is off. Then we meet you at the roof.
So, they split off with all but Joker to the Switches waiting, and Sly Cooper makes it to the room in the vents.
Sly: Huh, a laser grid. Wonder how I supposed to pass it? (Then the laser grid turns off) Look like luck on my side.
He enters the room calmly to grab the suitcase.
Sly: That easier than I... (Then Joker enter the room) Or not.
Joker: Who are you?
Sly: (He must be working for Mugshot) I’m the new henchmen, and the boss called me to give to him. So, I will be my way now.
He about to leave Joker to pull out his fake gun.
Joker: I’m not here for jokes, give it to me or face me!
Joker: Fine, if you don’t want to do it the easy way. Then let do it the hard way.
Fight
Sly Cooper pulls out his cooper cane when Joker uses one of his persona called Arsene.
Sly: What that supposed to be?
The Joker uses the move Eiha; however, Sly slow down time to dodge the attack.
Sly: What, to slow.
There, sly cooper about to do fast attack dive moves when Joker uses dream needle that sends sly cooper into a display case.
Sly: You fight tough... (Then he turns around to see the samurai suit) Better then use it to even the odds.
Sly get into the suit when joker use cleave; however, the attack simply deflect off the armor.
Sly: Look like your attack can’t go through the armor!
So, Joker pulls out his gun to keep shooting until the armor is full of holes, and Sly Cooper jumps off to turn invisible.
Joker: Where are you?
When he was turning, Sly Cooper was behind him with his binocucom.
Sly: Say cheese!
Sly Cooper uses the flash to stun joker when he keeps slamming joker with his cane until Joker block the attack with his dagger.
Joker: Time to turn this table around!
Joker about to use another move when Sly destroys glass for another display for Jailbird costume to throw the ball and chain that barely hit joker, and then sly roll quickly to use flashbangs to again confuse Joker. He kept hitting joker until when finally Joker use dream needle that causes a huge explosion.
Joker: You have taken enough time, now it time to meet my team.
However, he sees Sly Cooper on one of the display cases.
Joker: How did you survive?
Sly: I guess that Lucky charm is really lucky, so it time to end it.
Joker: Finally, we agree on something, and I was holding back. Persona!
Suddenly, Joker summons one of his more powerful persona called Sataneal.
Joker: I gonna ask Bently what you got after this battle.
Sly Cooper put on archer costume to shoot arrows very quickly; however, Joker uses the move Maeigaon to destroy all the arrows. Then Sly Cooper uses the smoke bombs to make an escape, so joker uses the third eye to see the footprints. Joker was walking sneaky when he sees an object in the dark that resemble Sly Cooper. Joker then uses cosmic flare that damage the object in the dark; however, it was a decoy when throwing explosive bombs that hurt Joker heavily.
Sly: Look like I win the battle.
Therefore, sly about to jump off into the ceiling when suddenly he gets shot in the back with Joker walking away from the shadows into the moonlight.
Sly: How did you survive?
Joker: I also have tricks in my sleeves too! Now it time to end it!
Sly Cooper was in terror when he sees the persona pull the gun at his face, and Sly Cooper grabs an explosive hat and throws it at Joker with a huge explosive.
The phantom thieves were waiting at the rooftop.
Skull: Where is he? He supposed to be here for thirty minutes.
Morgana: He must be held by one of the minions.
Panther: Then we must find him.
However, they see a shadow with a cane running across the rooftop.
Skull: Hey, that shadow coming from the direction that Joker was. Do you think... (Then he felt a poke from behind) WHAT THE?!
But instead a minion, he sees Joker holding Sly Cooper Cane and the suit case.
Skull: Oh my god! You almost give me a heart attack. I thought you got killed.
Morgana: Hey, he got it. So joker, what keep you that long?
Joker: A small difficulties with one of the minions, but I took care of him.
Panther: Good, two down. Three more to go!
So, they run across the rooftops with Joker looking back.
Mongana: What is it?
Joker: Nothing, it just that he different from the usual enemies. We should stick together when we meet another one, but anyway, Let get ready for the next one!
Conclusion[]
Wiz: That was one long and amazing fight, and that battle is the closest one yet!
Boomstick: Yeah, both can travel the same speed can react to energy gunshot. Also that Sly Cooper has the advantage of more and better weapons, stronger, and lack of weakness that Joker can use.
Wiz: But it doesn’t matter if Joker is extremely more durable, have faced a god, and very smart that Joker can come up plans to face against Sly cooper sneaky weapons and time abilities.
Boomstick: Look like Joker has stolen this victory.
Wiz: The winner is Akria Kurusu!
Next time[]
???: The cold never bothered me anyway.
???: Ice of you to drop in!