"Brainwashed victims."
Introduction[]
Carl: Every year, 1.7 million people suffer from memory loss.
Yazo: And these two are some of them!
Carl: Agent 1, the popstar, Callie, brainwashed.
Yazo: And the Winter Solider, the old sidekick of good ol' Captain America. He's Carl and I'm Yazo.
Carl: And it's our to analyze their armor, weapons, and skills to find out who would win, a Death Battle.
Agent 1 betrays Death Battle![]
Carl: Inklings are the evolved versions of squids, after the sea levels rose to destroy human civilization. They crawled onto land and declared it themselves. Unfortunately, war broke out and the Inklings were forced to fight the Octolings in a massive Turf War.
Yazo: After driving back those sons of b*tches, they made a city, and called it Inkopolis.
Carl: 100 years later, they established a sport, which was meant to relive the Turf War, but less violent and less death.
Yazo: Rather then use actual guns, they use paint guns, with several different weapons.
Carl: But someone needed to unneccecarily narrate the Turf Wars, and decided that Popstars would make a great fit!
Yazo: Meet Callie and Marie, also known as the Squid Sisters, who make some of the best music ever.
*Cuts to Yazo vibing to Calamari Inkantation*
Carl: Uh, anyways, Callie and Marie had to help Agent 3 to inflitrate a secret Octoling base under the city, by giving tips, like any average video game helper.
Yazo: Hey, you never played Kingdom Hearts!
Carl: THEY AREN'T EVEN THERE FOR THE FINAL BOSS!
Yazo: BECAUSE THEY NEED TO CRANK UP THE DIFFICULTY!
Carl: THEIR ALSO USELESS!
Yazo: YOU NEVER PLAYED THE GAME, HOW DO YOU KNOW?
Carl: BECAUSE I WATCHED YOU PLAY IT!
Yazo: Oh.
Carl: Sorry about that. Anyways, after the events of Splatoon, Marie and Callie seperated, and started their own careers. But, Callie got captured and hypnotised by the leader of the Octolings, DJ Octavio.
Yazo: Hey, I didn't know that the PJ Character nobody liked was a DJ!
Carl: *sigh* She was hypnotised into becoming Agent 1.
Yazo: So, what is she looking weapon-wise?
Carl: She actually doesn't have a weapon canonically. Well, at least Agent 1 doesn't have one. Callie canonically has a Hero Roller.
Yazo: Oh yay, the thing that keeps burying me in the ground.
Carl: Not my fault that you main the slowest character in the game.
Yazo: THEN STOP SPAMMING IT!
Carl: Anyways, it's reasonable to assume that Agent 1 would use a Hero Roller, so that's what we'll be going off of.
Yazo: Isn't a Hero Roller just like, a paint roller but bigger?
Carl: Yes. It can be used as a melee weapon, or a short range ranged weapon.
Yazo: What's the projectile?
Carl: Paint.
Yazo: What?
Carl: Y O U H E A R D M E .
Yazo: Ok.
Carl: Anyways, to show you the properties of this ink, I am going to test on Yazo, because I don't have any guinea pigs to do it on, and I don't want to get sued by PETA.
Yazo: Wait, what?
*Carl grabs a bucket of pink paint*
Carl: You see, the paint has a special property which changes depending on what it hits.
*Carl decks Yazo in the face*
Yazo: OW! Dude!
Carl: Oh please, you haven't seen the worst of it. The paint will harm beings that are indeed inklings and octolings, but with other beings, like a normal human...
*Carl covers Yazo in paint*
Carl: ...They will take more damage.
*Carl decks Yazo in the face again, causing him to be sent flying through a wall*
Yazo: OW!!! I'M GONNA GET YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!
Carl: Uh, anyways...the Hero Roller has a few abilties, like the Killer Wail, the Final Smash of the Inkling. There's also the Curling Bomb, a bouncy bomb. And finally, Splashdown, which Agent 1 jumps up and slams the ground with her fist, causing an explosion of ink to go everywhere.
Yazo: Not to mention, Callie can turn into a small pink squid made of ink, which can traverse anything with ink, including walls. Great for stealth and sneak attacks.
Carl: Anyways, lets move onto feats. Assuming that these are all like paintball guns, that means that Agent 1 can dodge things that move at 200 mph. According the the physiology of the Inkling, they can see things from 330 feet away, and have no bones. They can leap up to 4 feet in the air, making them 2 times stronger then a human. That means they can lift up to 430 pounds. Heck, they may be even stronger, as Agent 3 can break through metal, which would take 4000 tons, though, we will cut it in half, because this seems to be half glass, and half metal. So, 2000 tons.
Yazo: The force of paintball gun has a force of 70lbs per second. And they can continuously take these hits.
Carl: But Agent 1 isn't perfect, as she can lose her brainwashed state, when her hypno-shades come off, and Inklings can't touch water.
Yazo: But, Agent 1 is one lady, I'd rather not mess with.
“Going up against Blasters in this place can be scary.”
Winter Solider is a national hero in Death Battle![]
Carl: Bucky Barnes was orphaned at a young age after his father was killed by his peers during training.
Yazo: D*mn.
Carl: That's not even the worst of it. He ended up being adopted by the camp as a mascot, during World War 2.
Yazo: But, ol' boy scout, Captain America came to the camp, and Bucky caught him without a mask, and Steve took James under his wing...oh yeah, his real name is James.
Carl: The two became best of friends, with Bucky even helping on missions.
Yazo: But that all changed one day when Baron Zemo, the stupidest name for a villian, had a plan that caused Bucky and Steve to split, with Steve going into his icy power-nap, and Bucky supposedly dead.
Carl: But, what really happened was that he survived and fell into the water, as Steve did, but some Russian scientists found him.
Yazo: YES! THE MOTHERLAND! RUSSSIIIIAAAAAAAA! *Yazo proceeds to down an entire bottle of Vodka*
Carl: Uh...ok...Bucky was brainwashed, and became a new man, as an assassasin, the Winter Soldier.
Yazo: But, in one of his missions, he lost his arm to an old army friend, Logan!
Carl: So, he had to get a new bionic one from the Russians.
Yazo: Now, he became an even deadlier foe.
Carl: Then he met a now unfrozen Captain America, who used a special cube to rewrite his memories.
Yazo: So what now? He goes back to a normal life?
Carl: He never had one. He grieved about all of the evil he had commited, and swore to become good to serve justice to all. He does this with several different weapons.
Yazo: HECK YEAH! Like his metal arm, which has several sensors, a flamethrower, a hidden blade, can shoot electric blasts, and can even act as it's own being when seperated.
Carl: He also has a grappling gun, grenades, knives, a sniper with special gamma radiation bullets, sleep gas, and his favorite, two SIG-Sauer P22OST pistols. Simple, yet effective.
Yazo: Oh, and then there's that one time he used a Katana.
*Yazo takes out his own katana and does a backflip, landing on the table behind him*
Yazo: Ninja moves.
*Yazo starts swinging the katana aimlessly*
Carl: He also has a Paratrooper SAW Machine Gun.
*Carl ducks under one of Yazo's strikes*
Carl: Can you stop?
Yazo: Make me.
Carl: *sigh* If you insist.
*Carl takes out a flintlock pistol, that has a nuclear reactor connected to the top of it, and fires at Yazo, sending him through the wall...again*
Yazo: NOT AGAIN!
Carl: Anyways, Winter Soldier has completed several impressive feats, like overpowering Berserker Wolverine, who is a lot stronger then base Wolverine, who can lift entire sharks which weigh about 1.2 tons. His gamma radiation can wound Thor, the god of lighting, who can tank solar system explosions. He once dodged a laser beam that Captain America couldn't react to, and that guy can react to camera flashes, which move at light speed.
Yazo: He has outran cars, and even taken a beating from Doctor Doom, and that guy can defeat the likes of Hulk and Thor. Oh, and he spent 3 months fighting superheroes while his arm was depowered and he had no food or water. Talk about a tough son of b*tch.
Carl: But the Winter Soldier isn't perfect, as he suffers from guilt of being a Russian Assassasin, and also his arm can be deactivated.
Yazo: But, if there's one thing to know, don't mess with this Soldier, or Winter is coming.
"While you took a long nap, the world moved on. And I moved with it."
Pre-Death Battle[]
Carl: Alright, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities. Let's end this debate once and for all!
Yazo: And right now, it's time for a DEEAATTHH BAATTLLEE!
Death Battle![]
Winter Soldier landed on the ground, after hopping out of the vent. He touched the radio in his ear.
"I'm in. Where do I go?" Bucky asked.
"Just scout the building and send us the layouts. It's night, so everyone inside should be asleep. Should be a piece of cake." Command told him. He had a gut feeling that it wouldn't be a piece of cake. More like a piece of fruitcake.
He sneaked futher into the Inkling base, he looked around. Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see an Inkling wearing weird sunglasses, and holding a giant paintroller.
"Huh, that's funny. I don't recall anyone briefing me on someone being here." Agent 1 said.
"I could say the same thing." The Winter Soldier replies. Agent 1 spins her Hero Roller around, while Winter Soldier took out a knife.
FIGHT![]
Winter Soldier throws the knife, and Agent 1 deflects in with the Hero Roller, before Bucky charged at Agent 1. Agent 1 hit Winter Soldier several times with the Hero Roller, causing him to be covered in paint.
"What the he-" Bucky says, but Agent 1 cuts him off with another strike. Agent 1 goes for a low strike, but Winter Soldier jumps over it, and then punches Agent 1 in the face. Bucky runs up to Agent 1, grabs her, then kicks her three times, before slashing her with the blade in his arm. Agent 1 recovers and uses a Curling Bomb, causing the area to be filled with ink.
Bucky takes out his pistol and fires, but Agent 1 goes into the ink. Winter Soldier looks around for his foe. Agent 1 jumps from the ink, and hits Bucky in the back. The assassassin turns, but by the time his hand is on the trigger, Agent 1 goes back into the ink. He looks around. His arm suddenly beeps, and Bucky turns, blocking the Hero Roller with his metal arm. He fires at Agent 1, but Agent 1 transforms, causing the bullet to miss. Before Agent 1 can get back into the ink, Bucky flips, and kicks Agent 1 into the wall.
She falls to the ground, and goes back into the ink. Winter Soldier fires at Agent 1 in the ink, but Bucky can't seem to land a bullet. Agent 1 comes from the ink, and throws another Curling Bomb. Bucky ends up covered in paint. He looked around for Agent 1, who dissapeared. Bucky aimed his pistol. Some paint on his arm bubbled. Agent 1 popped out and hit Winter Soldier over and over again with the Roller, before Bucky does a side-kick, knocking the roller out of the Former Popstar's hand.
Winter Soldier activated his flamethrower and launched at Agent 1, but the squid/kid dodged it, and ran into the shadows of the building. Bucky runs past the fire, and runs after Agent 1.
"Where did she go?" Winter Soldier muttered. He pulled out his other pistol. Agent 1 turns into a squid and crawls through the vents. Agent 1 crawls throughout the facility, and eventually busts one of them open. Suddenly, a grenade is thrown. Agent 1 sees it and braces herself. The explosion goes off, and the alarms go off.
Bucky runs at Agent 1, coming from the shadows. Winter Soldier tries to stab Agent 1 with his arm blade, but Agent 1 notices the Roller next to her and deflects the hit. The two struggle with their weapons. Eventually, Bucky overpowers Agent 1, and throws her into a wall, crashing right through it. Suddenly, several Inklings with their Turf weapons.
Winter Soldier throws a knife into one of their skulls, killing it instantly. The inklings open fire on Bucky, who starts putting tran'q darts between the Inkling's eyes.
Agent 1 gets out of the wall, and sets up the Killer Wail.
"Have a load of this!" Agent 1 yells. She turns it on, as it fires at Winter Soldier, launching him into a wall.
"Huh...ugh...that's new..." Bucky says. While struggling against the Killer Wail's ink, he fires an electric blast at the Killer Wail, and then takes out his sniper.
"Don't let me down now, Nick." Winter Soldier said. He put in a gamma radiation bullet in the gun, and aims. The electric blast disables the Killer Wail.
"NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?" Agent 1 screams.
"Won." Bucky says, calmly. And then fires. But rather then get a headshot, he hits the glasses knocking them out. Unfortunately, the force of the bullet knocks Callie out and destroys a large amount of the building behind her to be obliterated.
K.O?
Winter Soldier smirks, and walks away.
"Sorry about...that..." Bucky says.
Results[]
Yazo: What? Where's the death?
Carl: I doubt that James would kill a teenager in cold blood. A knockout seems more realistic.
Yazo: *grumbles*
Carl: I'd say this matchup is close, but it really wasn't.
Yazo: Let's start with stats. Agent 1 could break through steel, but Bucky can freaking hurt Thor with his weaponry, and scales way above Agent 1 in AP. But Agent 1 could lift more, being able to hold a giant hammer which appears to be way heavier then a single shark.
Carl: But other then that, Bucky dominated. He could react to lasers that even Captain America couldn't, and that guy can reac to freaking camera flashes.
Yazo: And this guy takes bullets and grenades on a daily basis, and a measly 70 pounds doesn't quite stack up to that.
Carl: And Winter Soldier could counter everything in Agent 1's arsenal, while Agent 1 couldn't do the same back. Roller? Bucky could counter with his much more impressive training and more experience. Curling Bombs? Bucky countered those with higher reflexes and his arm's EMP. The Killer Wail? Again, higher reflexes, his arm's EMP. And none of these weapons could counter any of Winter Soldier's weapons. So, Agent 1 had no win conditions over Bucky Barnes.
Yazo: Bucky didn't even need to try for this Win-ter.
Carl: Ugh..the winner is Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier.
Soundtrack Concept[]
The soundtrack would be called "A Soldier's Paint" referencing the Winter Soldier's name and the projectile that Inklings fire.
The cover would show a bullet covered in pink paint flying past.