| 2st X Roku | |
|---|---|
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| Season 2, Episode 10 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | 5/6/2015 |
| Written by | BMHKain |
| Directed by | BMHKain |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| Viper Reijiko X Yuuki Terumi | Rintu Zenshin X Project Double Zeta |
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2st X Roku is a What-If? Episode of DEATH BATTLE starring 2 popular pop'n music characters.
Description[]
POP'N MUSIC GRUDGE MATCH! A battle between some of pop'n music's most combat-able is about to go to a no holds bar battle to the death! Will 2st of Chiba Prefecture prove to his director he won't fail in battle either, or will the Hip Rock Samurai Roku prove even samurai can destroy a badass "Taliban-like" warrior of a movie?
Interlude[]
Now I do One Minute Melees too!
Boomstick: If you don't know what Pop'n music is... You obviously believe the Rhythm Game Genre is dead...
Wiz: While Rocksmith and Guitar Hero Live are struggling to keep the genre alive and well, in the Land of the Rising Sun, there are Rhythm Games a plenty... And they have one thing in common; they are all part of the BEMANI series of games.
Boomstick: Whether there's Dance Dance Revolution, Beatmania IIDX, GuitarFreaks/Drummania, even the dreaded Reflect Beat!
Wiz: But there is one franchise that stood it's ground for so long, Hundreds of characters already exist for this series. HUNDREDS.
Boomstick: So... It was hard enough to find two combatants to pit in pitch combat.
Wiz: BUT, we did get help from the internet themselves, We simply got rid of the cute, and sexy-
Boomstick: THIS MEANS NO JUDY, OR MILK!
Wiz: We exterminated pretty much all Female characters.
Boomstick: Sorry Zeta, you'll just have to wait another time...
Wiz: We even got rid of the Rooms, Towers, Instruments, and even MZD.
Boomstick: Objects can't fight, and MZD is a SHITTY REMIXER.
Wiz: We also got rid of Males without previous combat experience.
Boomstick: Sorry, kid, your surfing days are numbered...
Wiz: We even decided to go only with popular characters from the series, which reduced us to just two combatants. Such as 2st: the Cyber Arabic themed Actor.
Boomstick: And... Um... Who... is t-
Wiz: Roku.
Boomstick: I know that! OKAY?! Anywho, Roku: The Hip Rock Samurai. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their Weapons, Armor, and Skills to find out who would win... A DEATH BATTLE.
2st[]
(Cues EMO 「Sorrows」 Until 0:03)
(Cues Record/dj Scratch Sound Effect)
Faust: WRONG! Injecting BLOW!
May: I'm sorry, Johnny...!
Wiz: A member of the Miracle 4, a group of young world renound idols, destined for glory, 2st is, unsurprisingly, the second member of the group, and an actor.
Boomstick: We've seen MANY movie characters before, BUT NOT LIKE 2st!
Wiz: 2st has one ambition, and one ambition only: to please the director of "Cyber Arabian", and his fellow allies of the Miracle 4.
Boomstick: The Miracle 4 is made of OBVIOUSLY, 4 well intentioned young boys with a passion for their job.
Wiz: Uno, the first member, and leader, is a matador that faces danger in the face EVERY DAY.
Boomstick: 2st, the would've been second in command, is an actor with a preference for Arabic films.
Wiz: The third, and youngest member, Waka-San, is a calm and collected musician known for Japanese woodwind.
Boomstick: Finally, Force, possible rival of 2st, and Western actor could've replaced 2st, but his guns are mere props. 2st is CLEARLY the better guy! Why? CUZ CHECK OUT MY DAGGER!
Wiz: Sure, Force was involved in better movies, but, given Cyber Arabian had fight scenes, 2st would have expert Dagger wielding skills already. According to The Board of WIZDOM, unless rigged by cgi, which was probably not an option for the creators of this movie, actors typically use real bladed weapons is opposed to fake props to practice their roles. Using guns, however, is another story. Also, given 2st is a regular person like the most of us, he would be at least as fast as a typical Marathon Sprinter. He has the most unique set of weapons out of the whole of the Miracle 4...
Boomstick: His Giant Dagger, and yes, we aren't kidding when we say "Giant Dagger", looks more like a sword if anything!
Wiz: In fact, it IS a sword. This Shortsword type weapon is known for being a weapon of the beginning of the 1st millennium AD. This replica, on the other hand seems more modernized as a weapon that in recent history is outclassed by guns, and explosives.
Boomstick: Speaking of "on the other hand", LOOK AT THAT! Is 2st an actor, or a FRIGGEN ROBOT!?
Wiz: Don't worry, he is still human. That metal hand is actually more lethal than it appears. It is capable of blunt hits in the form of punches, slaps, etc. But when it's not being used, it holds that very Dagger.
Boomstick: And even if he's slow, at least his boots can be just as painful, if not, MORE PAINFUL than his metal hand!
Wiz: 2st has a "Never-Give-Up" personality, always doing whatever it takes to stay in show biz.
Boomstick: As a Movie Star, this kid MUST know how to do choreography with his superiors, otherwise, WHY DID WE CHOOSE HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
Wiz: Well... Sometimes he failed. Based on that teardrop on his Lose pose, this would infer that he is fired from the job, and that he failed to meet the standards of the Miracle 4.
Boomstick: But who in the right mind would REPLACE the second member of the group?!
Wiz: Well, everyone failed as Miracle 4 members at one point... Even the leader, Uno got beaten up by a robotic bull, HARD. Waka-San believes in honor, and even Force had some issues sometimes.
Boomstick: BUT unlike the director of "Cyber Western", the director of "Cyber Arabian" is just an insatiable basterd! Poor 2st...
Wiz: Based on his FEVER! win pose, we can tell that he seems more of a demented merchant than an actual swordsman, throwing away our expectations of what to want from 2st.
Boomstick: But long story short: "Cyber Arabian" might just be the one success the Miracle 4 needs, and they're going to need 2st more than ever!
Wiz: Unless one certain Hip Rock Samurai stops 2st in his tracks...
2st FEVER! Win pose: (Shows 2st in an empty oasis, metal hand included).
Boomstick: I miss Groundhog Day already...
Roku (六)[]
(Cues HIP ROCK 「大見解 ＬＯＮＧ」)
Wiz: Combining Hip-Hop, and Rock, is none otherthan the Hip Rock Samurai: 六.
Boomstick: Who? I couldn't help but read the script, only to find a typo in ANOTHER LANGUAGE!
Wiz: That's not a typo. That's how 六's name really is spelt.
Boomstick: WHAT!!! What, THE HELL does it even translate to if anything?!
Wiz: Romaji: Roku
English: 6
Roman: VI
Spani-
Boomstick: WE FUCKING GET IT, WIZ! His name is Roku!
Wiz: Roku is a badass samurai-like figure who travels across Japan, and beyond. Able to introduce foreign worlds his hip style, all while sporting that badass blue hair.
Boomstick: And Calligraphy!
Wiz: He has been around since Pop'n Music 6. THAT'S how old his travels are.
Boomstick: And Calligraphy!
Wiz: His first tune: DAIKENKAI was not only popular enough to spread out to other sources, but it even had its own remix.
Boomstick: And-
Wiz: Yes, BOOMSTICK! Calligraphy! Although not a skill of combat, Roku's Calligraphy can be written in 3D, is opposed to paper, in which it is typically written. In other words, the same CONCEPT applies in open air without dripping.
Boomstick: Sure, Calligraphy can't beused as a weapon, but that's OK... CUZ CHECK OUT THIS SWORD!!!
(Cues HIP ROCK 5 「一激必翔」)
Wiz: While regular Samurai's focus of many kinda od blades, A Naginata, which is basically a Bo staff with a blade, Yumi, aka Giant Bow, with arrows, Kanabo, or a stick that crushes bones with its metal nobs on the tip, Roku doesn't need all that. All he needs is his trusty nameless Katana to go around.
Boomstick: And to save all that weight, plus Kabuto Armor, WHY NOT?
Wiz: While Roku's katana is powerful, what sets it from the rest is ACTUALLY, the user, himself! Roku's precision is amazing enough to cut through the line of a Pop, or notes you have to press buttons on like any rhythm game-
Boomstick: Besides Rocksmith, you tease!
Wiz: -Which is physically impossible as Pops were ment to be, well, p- WHAAAAAT.
Boomstick: It's official: The Hip Rock Samurai has just as much pwnage as that guy discovered by the Human Rubber Band sent by Stan Lee! I'd be surprised if he's still alive after all these years!
Wiz: It's unknown what energy can cause this: but in Hip Rock 3.5 (What's so .5 about it?) Roku gained the ability to use an aura to power up his Katana. Also, unlike his adversary, Roku as of Lapistoria, has a kind of Gem called a Lapis.
Boomstick: BUT... nobody gives a damn anyways about gems, so we decided to ditch it.
(Cues HIP ROCK 2 「男々道」)
Wiz: Roku is a psyched and cool young man, having a thirst for blood.
Boomstick: HE HATES HONOR, ROYALTY, AND AMBITION!
Wiz: Actually... Ambition is not all that bad unless you can't handle it. He has honed his swordsmanship for the past 16 Pop'n Music games! That says quite a lot for someone who hasn't made a new song until recent memory (Actually... the first release of Lapistoria.). This means, he's beenocking out since the Late PS1-Early PS2 days.
Boomstick: BUT... even a samurai without honor can break, and Roku is the Prime Example!
Wiz: We only need several words to describe Roku:
Brash.
Foolish.
Arrogant.
Cocky.
And, he just wants to listen to his own crap.
Boomstick: But fear not! Roku will always be the Hip Rock Samurai we know, and love!
(Roku reveals his symbol on his back as a win pose of DAIKENKAI from Pop'n Music 6.)
DEATH BATTLE[]
Announcer: Ladies, and Gentlemen. In just a few moments our show will begin.
Uno: I can't wait for this fight! 2st will kick whomever's butt he's dealing with!
Waka-San: I concur. 2st's success in "Cyber Arabian" is so much, I'm proud of him.
Force: He's like a friend to us; heck, we practically came to support our bro, right?
All three: HAI!
Announcer: In this corner: A young man destined for glory...
All Three: SI!
Announcer: ...But never once, got an award for Best Actor in an Action Movie. People only gave a crap about drama. Increase your BOOING to infinity for 2st!
All three: Y- Nani?
Audience: BOOOO! YOU FUCKING SUCK, LIKE THE REST OF YOUR MIRACLE 4 CRETINS YOU FUCKING ISIS MEMBER!!!
Uno: He's no terrorist.
Waka-San: I concur...
Force: This crowd is ticking me off!
Announcer: And in the opposite corner, a traveler who was born in a small island in Japan to be left alone...
Force: Don't Tell me...
Waka-San: If you believe it. you may be right.
Uno: We have to find out anyway!
Announcer: His Katana is his only necessary weapon, and he is enraged to win! Mina-San, Give a great applause to... Um, what does this say again?
Uno, Waka-San, and Force all looked at each other, dumbfounded.
Announcer: It dosen-
Roku: IT'S ROKU, YOU DUNCE!
Everyone but the remaining Miracle 4 Members: YAAAAAAAH! SUCK IT, TERRORIST! ROKU! ROKU! ROKU! (Repeats ROKU! over and over...)
Force: Damnit...! I was right!
Waka-San was about to say something, but Uno stopped him.
Announcer: NOW! Now that we introduced our fighters, Let this battle begin!
Force: You know, that's my friend back there!
Audience Member: SHUDDUP, BLONDE FREAK!
Force: Uno! Why are we even here in the first place, where even us, are getting Ridiculed?!
Uno: That, my friend, is a question, I can't answer. Let's just pray 2st comes out on top...
(Cues JINKI PROGRESSIVE 「風林火山」)
FIGHT!
As Roku went for an instant kill, 2st used his metal hand to deflect the attacks, but this wouldn't last forever.
Audience: ROKU! ROKU! ROKU!
2st tried to strike with his Giant Dagger, but Roku pushed it out of the way, allowing him a free slash, which was blocked by 2st's metal shoe, which stepped on Roku, forcing him to the ground.
Force: Yosh! IKE!
Waka-San: Go for it!
Uno: Yaroze! 2st-San!
The rest of the audience took notice of the Other Miracle 4 members, and pulled out their guns, and knives, implying they will murder them unless they cheer on the Enemy.
All three: Eheheh... Never mind!
The audience simply kept their weapons ready for bloodlust.
Roku then pulled out his Katana to try and break free, as 2st tried to pull out his Giant Dagger. Despite getting it out, 2st was forced to block with it.
As 2st was on the defense, slash after slash from Roku, the trio that supported 2st talked amongst themselves.
Force: What we do now?
Uno: As leader, all I can say is... I have no clue.
Waka-San: I might have an idea...
(Cues PSYCHOBILLY 「辞世テンプレート」)
Uno: Great! Uh, what is your idea, young one?
Waka-San: You see, guys, a Katana can only be used so much before breaking... I learned this from the same person who taught me how to use a flute. He was a sensei who taught true samurai how to properly how to use a Katana.
Force: And?
Waka-San: Basically, True Samurai are capable of slashing an opponent with one focused attack. Case in point: Roku isn't a True Samurai, he's just a mere counterfeit.
Uno: And if 2st keeps up the defense?
Waka-San: Japanese steel can only go so far. If it breaks, the wielder is exposed. Hopefully 2st's Giant Dagger is more durable.
Force: What about Roku's precision skills?
Waka-San: W-Well...
As the turtling kept going, Roku noticed something happening to his Katana. It was fracturing.
Roku: (CRAP! That's it! I'm focusing my aura on my blade!)
As a light glowed, it turned out Roku used his inner ki to power up his sword. No more hiding 2st thought. The two clashed...
But in a shocking turn of events, Both blades shattered.
Announcer: OH MY... The super attack BACKFIRED!
The audience was second guessing their opinion about the Hip Rock Samurai. Waka-San though, was pleased at his hypothesis.
2st was about to give the final blow to Roku by choking him with his metal hand, but Roku was choking 2st as well. The audience wondered if there even will be a winner... Both Ex-Swordsmen were choking each other so much, eventually, the battle ended in what should be an illegal tie, BUT, there were no referees, no judges, just homicide...
DOUBLE K.O.!
Audience angry, and that is now the miracle 3, mourning the murder of their dearly beloved, The audience threw broken glass beer bottles, potatoes for skull crushing, even one member spread urinated on 2st, thus violating his personal privacy.
Results[]
(Cues Einhander Soundtrack - Thermosphere)
Boomstick: We're not trying to cause copyright infringement, but, yeah, this fight sucked too.
Wiz: Take it from the man responsible for swordsmanship in Akira Kurosawa's classic films. While he is dead, we'll honor him by saying this: Typically, samurai portrayed in modern fiction never quite learned the true way of the Samurai. The likes of even young people in Japanese fiction still have no idea who Kurosawa is. Yu Narukami maybe, BUT PEOPLE ARE MORE INTERESTED IN MIYAZAKI FILMS.
Boomstick: Miyazaki did make good flicks, BUT KUROSAWA INSPIRED THE MAN TO FOLLOW HIS DREAMS!
Wiz: George Lucas was inspired by Kurosawa. That should be enough.
Boomstick: Why can't we talk about the FIGHT! Anywho, a fractured sword, and a Dagger with a weak disposition, both had to reach their limit eventually. AND, the lamest way to die happened.
Wiz: Not only was the two combatants weaponless, they did their best to see who could die of asphyxiation by hands.
Boomstick: It didn't go so well... Both died at the same time, and trash was thrown!
Wiz: While Roku is a accomplished "Samurai", 2st is merely an actor. Neither combatants had enough experience in pit fighting anyways...
Boomstick: The Hip Rock Samurai got pwned. But then again, so did an Honorable Miracle 4 member. HOW LAME!
Wiz: This DEATH BATTLE-
Boomstick: LAAAAAAAME!!!
Wiz: Is a DRAW.
Next Time[]
Boomstick: Next time on DEATH BATTLE...
???: I am the very reason Kim Yun Tsun has replaced his Undeceased Nihilism with a Katana with better alloys. Kergofnius is weak anyways. My enemy shows no respect to what she thinks is a robot. GENOCIDE awaits. SHII NE!!!