"Grumpy blue animal characters who serve as the far more serious and grounded one in a cast of colorful and goofy natures. Both often show disdain towards their partners, but they've shown regularly that they do care for them."
While I don't know if this is my preferred for Squidward (I kind of bounce between this and Eustace), it's still pretty damn good speaking as someone who'd like a Muppet episode