(Cue A Nightmare on Elm Street Main Theme)
Wiz: Many years ago, there was a woman working at a madhouse in the town of Springwood, known as the Hathaway House. Her name was Amanda Krueger, and she was a nun to offer words of peace and salvation to those in trying times.
Boomstick: Too bad, these hundred maniacs didn't want mere words; no, they wanted something else from poor Amanda. So, after being locked in a room with them, she was subsequently... uh... Wiz, I never thought we'd be covering something like this on the show.
Wiz: As sad as it is, it happened, and it's integral to this analysis. Well, after the brutality inflicting upon Krueger, she was knocked up and gave birth to the one who'd become known as the single most evil man in the world. But, we aren't quite there yet.
(Cue The Dream Child)
Boomstick: Yeah, this child - a Dream Child, if you will - would come to be known as the one and only... Frederick Charles Krueger. Yeah, not really the best of names but, our good old pal Frederick would eventually come around!
Wiz: As you can imagine, having the title of "bastard son of a hundred maniacs" would cause young Freddy to have a lot of problems with bullies. That he did; he wasn't even safe at his own home, because his step-father saw it fit to abuse him repeatedly.
Boomstick: With a name like Mr. Underwood raising you, you know life was hell. Heheh...
Wiz: What? What was that pun even- Ohhhh, ok, I get it.
(Cue Corpus Krueger)
Boomstick: Uh huh. Well, Mr. Underwood's alcohol-fueled abuse - I relate to him on that... not the abuse part, but the alcohol one - and getting bullied by the kids at his school, Krueger's mind was formatted into being extremely violent and prone to outbursts - also like me! Of course, this meant taking the life of the school's pet hamster, and subsequently sealing his fate as a life-long murderer by taking the life of his abusive dad! Way to go Frederick, you may turn out like a dick, but you were right in the beginning.
Wiz: Somehow, Freddy Krueger managed to live a somewhat normal life from here on out; by day, at least, he was a kind and caring husband, a father, and even had a job at a local power plant. Though, he lived another life - a life that served to satisfy his dark urges to take vengeance on those who had wronged him all those years ago. Frederick Krueger was, in actuality, the "Springwood Slasher", a serial killer who lured kids to the boiler room he worked at and slaughtered them.
Boomstick: Surprise surprise though, the police found him out. Though, unfortunately, due to some faulty evidence and the fact the judge was drunk out of his fucking mind that day, the Springwood Slasher was free. So, uh, the parents were very, very, very angry at Freddy for this, so they cornered him in the boiler room and set that fucker on fire!
(Cue Main Title [NOES Remake])
Wiz: But, this is not where Freddy's story ends. Right as he was about to meet his end from the flames, he was visited by three dream demons, and was offered nigh-omnipotent power in order to cheat death and continue his streak of vengeance. Of course, Krueger didn't pass up the chance.
Freddy Krueger: I WANT IT ALL!!!!
Wiz: Speaking of which, I've got to go real quick; that student loan debt won't ever pay itself.
Boomstick: Wait- Ohhhh, oh yeah, that time you sold your soul to the Devil! Well, I won't keep you held up, tell him I said hi. And as for you guys, come back soon where we'll be tackling the full episode: Springtrap VS Freddy Krueger!
