Kid Icarus Goddess Battle Royale



(Note: This is a bonus episode) (Theme: Wiz and Boomstick) Wiz: Through out Kid Icarus, Pit has encounter many of these ladies. Boomstick: Hentai Girls? Wiz: No Boomstick, i mean goddesses like Palutena, Goddess of Light. Boomstick: Viridi, Goddess of Nature. Wiz: Pandora, Goddess of Calamity. Boomstick: And Medusa, Goddess of Darkness, he's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analize their weapons, armor and skill to find out who will win a death battle! 

Palutena
(Theme: Underworld Theme VGR Remix Kid Icarus) 

'''Wiz: Skyworld, a place of free will of good. '''

'''Boomstick: And some dick named medusa decided to trash the place and that made palutena pretty pissed. Wiz: Ever since Medusa was cursed forever and she rallied an army of monsters to kidnap her and imprision her. '''

'''Boomstick: But Pit saved her and everything is back until 25 years later, Hades revived her but she's not and i mean not a damsel in distress! '''

'''Wiz: As the goddess of light, she is immortal and holds godly power. '''

'''Boomstick: And she's also the goddess of bo-. '''

'''Wiz: We know, she's the goddess of boobs, i'll carry on. '''

'''Wiz: Palutena can shot fire, poison, and light since she's the goddess of light and can use magic and can even heel. '''

'(Theme: Boss Battle 1 Orchestrated Remix Kid Icarus Uprising') 

'''Boomstick: also she's know everything about all the characters in goddamn smash bros and can break the 4th wall, like, "someone"! '''

'''Wiz: Also she's a professional at making black holes, explosions, mega lazers, Transmutation attacks. attacks. '''

'''Boomstick: Yes and Palutena is pretty durable when she can fought a army of living veggies and won, but all that power comes her greatest weakness, her personallity. '''

'''Wiz: By being too playful and naive because she even teases Pit mostly. '''

'''Boomstick: What about when she got catured by thatbug thing somehow got ahold of her for 3 freaking years and nothing but that bug doing shitty things to the people because it's an asshole. '''

'''Wiz: that "bug thing" is known as the vile Chaos Kin, a vile soul stealer. '''

'''Boomstick: It's damn as dangerous when it gets ahold of it's targets but it's dead. '''

'''Boomstick holds a pole tapped to 6 bug zappers. '''

'''Boomstick: So it thinks it's so powerful just because it can steal this waifu's soul huh, let's see him take this m*****f****r! '''

'''Wiz: Anyway Palutena does have a problem because she dosen't know everyone like Joker, Hero, Terry and Banjo and Kazooie for some reason, she may be immortal but not invincible. '''

'''Boomstick: But still, Palutena is extremely dangerous on the battlefield. '''

Wiz: And if someone messes with her, that someone is gonna die.

(Palutena: "Oh, i'm not here to save you, Pit. I'm here for a little... Ah, divine intervention".)

Viridi
(Theme: Viridi, Goddess of Nature Kid Icarus Uprising)

Wiz: Imagine a world where humans destroyed habitats, burned trees, and killed innocent animals so they can get what they want, such as rich clothes and giant mansions and pretty much everything what a man can have for any goddamn price.

Boomstick: And right there what Wiz said is earth back in the greek days, because at that time, everyone's a dick to nature.

Wiz: Someone had to step up to the animals and plants before it was too late.

Boomstick: The world needed a hero, no, a goddess.

Wiz: Born when the world was created, states that she's older than Palutena and Medusa and any other charcter, noticed this and decided to get even with them and to this day, she was the captain of the Forces of Nature, this was Viridi.

(Theme: Chapter 6 Dark Pit Trap Remix Kid Icarus Uprising)

Boomstick: To do that, she knew she needed some tools and went to work on weapons of her own, she made a staff of her own so she can hit people with.

Wiz: Also she carries around the Viridi Claws and Viridi Palm which are weapons nammed after her and according to my research, the reason she looks so young because she takes good care of her skin which makes her immume to the affects of ageing overtime like what happens to normal people and she states It's supple and dewy, like a peach at dawn.

Boomstick: Damn, how did she do that, are some kind of perv!?

Wiz: Boomstick, don't be so superstitious, you know i wouldn't try to actually record her doing that!

Boomstick: Sure you won't, anyway Viridi is one of a kind for killing millions of humans, knowing everything since she was born when the world was created and she even stopped that Chaos Kin thing one point in time, she known for her fingernails which can tear apart Earth itself and she's also known for her Reset Bombs.

Wiz: The Reset Bomb is an extremely dangerous device that Viridi wields at her will and whoever' hit, they'll die instantly and revert into nature itself, Boomstick, do you realize what this means.

Boomstick: No.

Wiz: Viridi can manipulate the complete form of nature's balance at it's will.

Boomstick: Viridi's one weakness is, she's kinda a lover because she noticed her plan to kill Pit was nothing but shit and the whole immortal not invincible thing.

Wiz: Viridi did fall in love with Pit in the story, and yes, it's a goddamn canon.

Boomstick: But one way or the other, if you break nature, she's gonna break you.

(Viridi: "I always forget how big clubs are. Pit: But they're not as heavy as they look! Viridi: Bigger isn't always better, you know. Pit: Small things please small minds. Viridi: The best things come in small packages. Pit: So do small potatoes! Viridi: Great oaks from little acorns grow! Pit: Talk softly and carry a big stick! Viridi: The bigger they are, the harder they fall! Pit: I'm...large and in charge? Viridi: You're too big for your britches! Pit: A bird in the hand will keep the doctor away? Viridi: What? Pit: The squeaky wheel gets the worm. Viridi: Nope. Stop.")

Pandora
(Theme: Reaper's Theme Kid Icarus)

Wiz: During Pit's quest to free skyworld from Medusa's grasp, he encountered something quite disturbing.

Boomstick: And when o'l Pit figured out it was too late.

Wiz: It was a fireball the size of a durango, the goddess of calamity, Pandora.

(Theme: Under Attack Kid Icarus)

Boomstick: The 2 had a long battle but no matter what Pandora did to him, he'll alway came out on top.

(Theme: Victory Pit and Palutena Super Smash Bros Ultimate)

(Shows a clip from Smash Ultimate of Pit's victory theme and his victory pose. Announce: Pit, Wins! Pit: Victory)

(Theme: Under Attack Kid Icarus)

Wiz: Let's fast forward 25 years later and then at that time, Pandora was ressurected and stuff was going on with her and she says the following.

(Pandora: "But you should know that the whole 'goddess of calamity' was really the old me. The new me leads a more grounded life. Yoga, macrobiotics, reflexology.)

Boomstick: What the hell, how can you do Yoga, Macrobiotics, and f**k**g Reflexology if you don't have any arms or legs!?

Wiz: You got me Boomstick.

(Theme: Magnus's Theme Kid Icarus Uprising)

Wiz: Anyway, Pandora is a ruthless fighter and her main form of attacking is launching bombs at her opponents and creating illusions to fool the minds of her opponents.

Boomstick: Also she can breath fire like Bowser himself but that ain't her final form, this is.

(Theme: Princess Kenny Boss Theme South Park the Stick of Truth)

Wiz: This is known as Amazon Pandora and she now has a body and a sword and she can reflect gunfire from all of Pit's weapons in the game if their long ranged but not if their up close and not bomb type attacks.

Boomstick: And the whole goddess immortal not invincible thing.

Wiz: You can run, but you can't hide from the Calamity of Pandora's Wrath.

(It shows Pandora jumping into the rewind spring and then her becoming Amazon Pandora and surpises Palutena and Viridi. Palutena and Viridi: Whaaa? Amazon Pandora: “Ahhh... It's been so long since I've had a body! Eat your hearts out, ladies!")

Medusa
(Theme: Castle Theme New Super Mario Bros Wii)

Wiz: The last of the 4 goddesses were making fight each other, this is the most vile of them all!

Boomstick: The one that started it all, Medusa.

Wiz: Medusa was once a friend of Palutena but then Chaos emerged from her turning the townsfolk into stone, killing off the crops that they planted, and poisoning the lakes that they drink from and caused threats to the other goddesses execpt Viridi who was absent at that time.

Boomstick: Enraged, Palutena cursed Medusea to become a freak of nature and tell me, it's one ugly bitch.

(Do you think I'm Ugly Scene Spongebob Squarepants)

Boomstick: Yeah, it's baiscally that.

(Theme: Hade's Infernal Theme Kid Icarus Uprising)

Wiz: Inspired by Hades, Medusa decide to swore revenge upon the goddesses and then surpised attacks Palutena and then did something that no other goddess has done before, captured Palutena.

Boomstick: Imprisioned somewhere in skyworld, Medusa won and she ruled over pretty much everything.

(Theme: Underworld Smash Melee Remix Kid Icarus)

Boomstick: Until she got her ass kicked by this Angel called Pit, Dethroned her, Saved Palutena, The End.

Wiz: But 25 years later Hades brought back Medusa to life and she decide to get her revenge on not only Palutena, but Pit as well to please Hades himself.

(Theme: Hade's Infernal Theme Kid Icarus Uprising)

Hades: You mean me?

Boomstick: Aw goddamn it!

Hades: Come on Boomstick, you can't be so down about me.

Wiz: Alright, what do you want?

Hades: I heard all about you and killing characters with other characters, especially Pretty Palutena.

Boomstick: Can you go now, come back for the ending.

Hades: Ok Boomstick, i'll wait for the battle to be over to see who won, Ta Ta Wiz.

(Theme: Boss Battle 2 Kid Icarus Uprising)

Wiz: Anyway, Medusa is known for tricks and petrification and poison manipuation.

Boomstick: And for a bonus she can survive decapitation and since she's the goddess of darkness she can spread Darkness and the whole immortal not invincible bullshit as well.

Wiz: But even Medusa surviving decapitation is impressive, she can't survive everything and she was killed by Pit twice and even Hades himself killed her in One Punch.

Boomstick: Hey, just like Saitama.

Wiz: But no matter what happens, Medusa will always be dangerous.

(Medusa: "What better way to celebrate my return than with a festive little bloodbath? After all, I have been gone for 25 years.”)

PreFight
Wiz: all right, the combatants are set and we've run the data through all possibilites.

Boomstick: It's time for a death battle!!!

Battle
'''(Location: Somewhere in a grassy field in the overworld Kid Icarus) Palutena is walking and then finds Pandora with a yoga mat chanting some strange zen gibberish. Palutena: I thought Pit defeated you a long time ago!? Pandora: Oh, it's you Palutena, wanna join me. Palutena: If you a good person yes but no. (Sound: Willhound Scream) Viridi: That otta teach you not to harm elephants! (Sound Stops) Medusa: Oh, it's you. Viridi: What do you all want from me?! Pandora: All i wanted was to relax an i can't have that! Palutena: Why does everything have to be bad!? Medusa: You all must die! FIGHT (Theme: Immortal Imbroglio) Palutena fires her explosive flame at the 3 goddesses knocking them back then Viridi dashes at Palutena and claws her as Pandora fired bombs at Medusa then Medusa filled the skies with darkness and attacks Pandora and Viridi in pitch darkness then Palutena uses her light to counter the Darkness then attacks Medusa with brute force knocking her back while Pandora breathes fire at Viridi then Viridi jumps over the fire and then attacks Pandora and then kicks her into Palutena's direction giving Medusa a chance to attack and then Kicks Pandora into the sky and then Pandora turns into Amazon Pandora and then makes illusions on Medusa and then Attacks Medusa with many hits then suddenly Medusa becomes her monster form and turns Amazon Pandora into stone and then shatters the stone into 1000 Pieces. Medusa: That'll show her what happen if anybody messes with me! Then Palutena punches and kicks Viridi then Viridi uses her Viridi Palm to attack Palutena but Palutena reflects the attack back at Viridi then she uses her Staff as a baseball bat to knock the blast back and forth like a game of Pong and then Medusa dashes at the 2 with Viridi knocking the Blast into Medusa's direction into her Eye. Medusa: Ahhhhhhhh, my eye! Viridi: That'll show you! Then Palutena uses her Black Hole Mega Lazer attack on Medusa vaporizing her into ashes. Palutena: Light always prevails. Viridi: You frogetting someone. Palutena: Darn, i frogot about Viridi, Power of Caging! Palutena summons 20 Cages but Viridi dodges everyone of them and then uses the Viridi Claws on her with Palutena ripping part of her dress then Palutena kicks Viridi into a tree and then uses autoreticle on Viridi making Viridi spit out a bit of blood. Viridi: You should pay more attention, "Goddess of Light"! Then without warning, a reset bomb plummets down the sky and then it hit's Palutena and it detnates on her, as Palutena screams in agony, Viridi laughs as Palutena gets turned into nature. K.O Virdi then looks at her surroundings and sees the 3 are reverted back to there natural state. Viridi: Nobody messes with me. Pit: Hey Viridi, where Lady Palutena? Viridi: She died. Pit: (Cries), why does it have to be the one i love. Viridi comforts Pit as the ashes of the 3 other goddesses spread through the wind.'''

Results/Original Track
Hades: What, how could Pandora, Medusa, and Pretty Palutena lose to such a brat like Viridi?

Wiz: We'll anwser you question for ya Hades, All 4 were immortal in their way but nether of the 3 can compete with Viridi.

Boomstick: Pandora was the weakest if compared to scaling to the other 3 while Medusa was powerful in her own way, she couldn't compete with Palutena which gives us the question, can Palutena beat Viridi?

Wiz: Well if we play the duel 100 time, Palutena could score a few victories but Viridi is way more expirianced than the other 3 Goddesses.

Boomstick: And Viridi was tons more smarter and more powerful since her Fingernails can rip apart the earth, name another Goddess who can do that.

Hades: Ok, I see it now then.

Wiz: all 4 Goddesses were immortal in very powerful, but they can't outlast Viridi's Strength, Smarts, and Expiriance.

Boomstick: Viridi sure bombed her opponent's chances and can't Reset such a fate.

'''Wiz: The Winner is Viridi. '''