SpongeBob SquarePants vs Cuphead

Description
''SpongeBob vs Cuphead. Which of these two cartoony characters with types of media named after them will win in a battle to the death?''

Interlude
Wiz: Cartoons. Children. These two are the embodiment of the two.

Boomstick: Like SpongeBob SquarePants, absorbent and yellow and porous is he!

Wiz: And Cuphead, the soul-selling resident of Inkwell Isle.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

SpongeBob SquarePants
Wiz: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Boomstick: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

Wiz: SpongeBob SquarePants lives in 124 Conch Street with his best friend Patrick Star and worst-enemy/temporary friend, Squidward Tentacles.

Boomstick: He lives in Bikini Bottom, the only place where you can be a fry cook your whole life and not be in any kind of financial trouble.

Wiz: Yes...Well, SpongeBob is ABSURDLY weak. In fact, he was barely able to lift up a glass of juice and flipping channels was apparently so stressful that his arms fell off.

'''Boomstick: Wow. '''

Wiz: Yeah. However, he was able to survive this explosion at the end of Dying for Pie, so...

(We see that explosion)

Boomstick: Uh...I have no words.

Wiz: Yes...Well, SpongeBob loves to cook Krabby Patties, giving him a spatula which he has learned to wield with deadly precision. He named it Spat.

Boomstick: Spat?

Wiz: Yep. It's also sometimes sentient.

Boomstick: What in the-

Wiz: SpongeBob uses it like a sword in combat with his jellyfish net. Able to incapacitate jellyfish and much larger things, like other fish.

'''Boomstick: As well as his, uh...bubbles. Using his 'technique', he can create bubbles large enough to encase Squidward's house and all of Bikini Bottom's fishes. '''

Wiz: These bubbles have enough force to lift up giant rocks, such as Patrick's house. Speaking of which, he can also...drive rocks. Don't ask.

'''Boomstick: Yeah but back to the bubbles. He's able to create bubble bombs that can explode brick walls. '''

Wiz: But aside from that, SpongeBob can alter things in...weird ways. Using simply a wrench, he was able to rotate gravity and resist those gravitational forces.

Boomstick: Please tell me it does NOT get weirder.

Wiz: Yeah...it does. He's able to resist gravity while building that same house, and he's able to enter people's dreams and change them at will.

Boomstick: Huh?

Wiz: He's essentially able to enter someone's mind, and he's able to function pretty well without one, but that doesn't even scratch the SURFACE of what SpongeBob's capable of.

'''Boomstick: Yeah...SpongeBob is able to take a LOT of punishment. A bully even punched him for days on end, and he was walking around as if it was nothing. He can even think it tickles!'''

Wiz: Oh, you have no idea, my poor soul...SpongeBob was able to...well...survive being turned to dust. He can even be regenerated from this.

'''Boomstick: He can take off his arms and regrow them in seconds, and can even eat them like popcorn. Believe me, I do not understand it any better than you do. '''

Wiz: Maybe it's just your brain.

Boomstick: Hey!

Wiz: SpongeBob owns a guitar that can fire beams of energy, helping defeat the tyrannical rule of Plankton. However, these beams of energy didn't do much aside from destroy metal buckets, so let's move on.

'''Boomstick: In the Quickster suit, SpongeBob was able to run to a mountain, and back, faster than the eye could see. I mean, he moved faster than a single frame, which is about 1/24th of a second. '''

Wiz: Not to mention SpongeBob can react to speeding cars on his own.

'''Boomstick: Once SpongeBob becomes the Invincibubble, he is super strong, super quick and super tough, able to react to cannonballs. Also, as the name implies, SpongeBob's bubbles are technically invincible, only popped by people with equal power to him.'''

Wiz: But SpongeBob's greatest weapon is his Magic Page. Given to him by Bubbles the Dolphin and stored in his mind, SpongeBob's able to re-write history, change the future and grant wishes. But the page does have it's limits. Bubbles said that the page can destroy the universe, which means the page can't do much past that.

'''Boomstick: But just like the page, SpongeBob also has limits. He's a weakling with his normal strength, his durability is inconsistent at best and he's incredibly naïve, able to be tricked easily.'''

Wiz: He's also very childish and can't take things seriously and his stupidity has gotten into trouble before.

Boomstick: But if he's angry, get the hell out of his way!

(SpongeBob: I AM SPONGEBOB, DESTROYER OF EVIL!

Patrick Star: Take it easy, it's just a drawing.)   

Cuphead
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Intermission
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Death Battle
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Conclusion
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