User blog:Stevethebarbarian/Hipper Wario Vs Stevethebarbarian Jason Voorhees

Description
''Bias is a powerful thing. ''

Let's do this.

Interlude
Wiz: Predator, Slenderman, Nemesis, Jeff the Killer...

Boomstick: Bowser, Bass, Deadpool...

The Rake, Laughing Jack, Eyeless Jack, a Licker, a Hunter...

Kingpin, Mr. Krabbs, Scrooge Mc Duck, Hulk, if you scale...

Are you picking up on the vibes here?

'''Of course they are. Let's go.'''

Jason Voorhees (Still not in Legend Tier)
ason Voorhees. He had a pretty bad time as a kid.

Yeah, it's bad enough when your stupid, idiot, dirtbag, dick dad walks out on your mom, but when you are born with a severe brain disfuncion to boot, I can't imagine what would be worse.

How about being sent to a summer camp at Camp Crystal Lake, getting bullied so viciously that you are forced to run into the lake despite your inablity to swim, and the conselors don't help you because... take it Boomstick, only you can say this.

They were bangin'.

It couldn't get worse than that.

'''OH, YEAH? Well, what about if you personally witnessed your beloved mother get beheaded?'''

Wow. It got worse.

Yeah, so either Jason did drown, or he didn't, but given how casually he seems to return to life, I am going to go with option A. 

Jason came back to avenge his mother, and has been viciously murdering camp counselors, random teens, and anyone, I repeat, anyone, having pre-marital sex.

'''And the weapon he picked out was pretty appropriate. He used the very machete his mother used when she was a murderin' psychopath, and, incidentally, the same machete that was used to kill her.'''

But that isn't his only weapon. He can pick up virtually anything and kill with it, not to mention, he somehow has a weapon no matter what happens to him.

'''How it works is, Jason goes off camera, and, no matter what logic says, when he comes back, he's right in front of you, all of his wounds are healed, and he is armed. That's slasherporting for you.'''

Well, actually, I have a theory about this.

Yeah?

I have determined that Jason's "slasherporting," more powerful than the standard slasher's, is actually a form of time manipualtion. When he is off-camera, in other words, out of anyone's line of sight, including the audience, time moves much slower for him, allowing him to have plenty of time to heal his wounds, find weapons, and get to wherever he needs to go, or even create traps, all in a matter of seconds for everybody else.

Oh, god, that's badass!

Well, it's just a theory, mind you.

'''Yeah, yeah. Well, speaking of healing, Jason has an accelerated healing factor that allows him to heal from almost anything, and since we don't know what it would take to bring him down for good, blowing him into tiny peices counts as a kill here.'''

Jason is a fan of axes, bows, pitchforks, and pretty much any farm implement, but anything goes for him.

And he may be silent, but that dosen't mean he isn't smart, as, even though he isn't as bright as the average human, he is still inteligent enough to set traps for his enemies.

He has pretty much only one weakness.

''Both: He is SO. SLOW.''

When that hockey mask goes on, heads come off.

(Ginny Fields screams)

Wario (Totally Not Biased)
Boomstick: Oh no, something smells really bad!

Wiz: Wario is the fat, smelly, ill-mannered, greedy and funny rival of Mario.

Boomstick: He is known for his Wario Land and Wario Ware games, as well as popping up in Mario spin offs.

Wiz: Wario has many powerups over his platforming years, including: Boomstick: It's also really hard to damage this guy, as he can survive getting crushed, falling into lava, getting shocked by electricity, and getting impaled by spikes.
 * Dragon Helmet: Helmet that breathes fire
 * Viking Helmet: Helmet that lets Wario cling onto ceilings and impale his foes
 * Jet Helmet: Helmet that lets Wario fly around the battlefield

Wiz: Surprisingly, Wario is also very intelligent, as he was able to make a multi-dimensional teleporter in 5 seconds without any assistance.

Boomstick: He is also very athletic despite his weight, he's good at basketball, baseball, kart racing, golf, volleyball, soccer, survived Mario Party, tennis, and more.

Wiz: He is also a very good fighter, as he can easily lift up a 11 ton dinosaur and swing her around like she's nothing.

Boomstick: He also knows how to piledrive, swing people around, and throw his enemies long distances.

Wiz: He can also keep up with other Nintendo Characters, like Mario, Kirby, Ganondorf, Zelda, Bowser, Diddy Kong and more.

Boomstick: Also, he pilots the Wario Bike, a fast moving vehicle in case he's in trouble.

Wiz: When taking a bite of garlic, Wario becomes Wario Man, a man invincible, can fly around at top speeds, and can create nuke farts.

Boomstick: Talk about a smelly way to die!

Wiz: You shouldn't ever underestimate this man. Ever.

"So admit it..... Don't I look cool in the game screens? Those long, muscular legs on my sturdy toned frame.... I'm the perfect specimen of a man ..... What!?!? You say I look fat and my quadruple chin looks like a waterfall of flab? Shut up! That's just because you have your television set up on widescreen display!"