User blog:Dio the Ludicolo/Youngster Joey vs Sans

Description
''It's the battle of the weakest RPG characters to date! Will Joey's Top-Percentage Rattata be enough to take down the Easiest Enemy in the Game? Or will Sans give Joey a bad time? ''

Interlude
Wiz: RPGs. They can have awesome characters.

Boomstick: They can be strong, hard to beat, creative, or just plain cool.

Wiz: But these two...

Boomstick: Are pretty damn weak.

Wiz: It's Youngster Joey, the best Rattata trainer on earth!

Boomstick: And Sans, the spookiest skeleton in the underground!

Wiz: I'm Wizard, and he's Boomstick! It's our job to analyze their weapons, armour, and skill, to see who would win in a Death Battle.

Youngster Joey
Wiz: Living on Route 30 in Johto, Youngster Joey is striving to become the best Pokémon trainer that the world has ever seen.

Boomstick: But for some reason, he refuses to train anything that isn't his beloved Rattata.

Wiz: For good reason, Boomstick! That Rattata is in the top percentage of all Rattatas!

'''Boomstick: So... The bottom percentage of all Pokémon?'''

Wiz: ... Shut up.

Boomstick: Anyway, Joey's Rattata is a Level 4 Male, and he has three moves.

Wiz: Tackle is a physical attack, with 50 power and 100 accuracy.

'''Boomstick: With Tail Whip, Rattata can decrease the opponent's defense by one stage. '''

Wiz: His best move, however, is Quick Attack. It has 40 power, 100 accuracy, and will always hit first. It's a great move to open with.

Boomstick: With his ability, Run Away, he's sure to escape from any battle that gets too difficult, as long as it's not against a trainer.

Wiz: In short, Joey's Rattata is a powerhouse. He will always get the first hit, and can lower your defense if need be. If a wild Pokémon gives him too much trouble, he can Run Away, regardless of any effects at play.

Joey: "Remember my super cool Rattata? My Rattata is different from other Rattatas. It's like my Rattata is in the top percentage of all Rattata."

Sans
Wiz: Sans is a skeleton, and the older brother of Papyrus.

Boomstick: He's kindhearted enough, but he does seem to have a strange hate for humans.

'Sans: If I hadn't made that promise ... You'd be dead where you stand.'

Boomstick: Jeez.

Wiz: You can't really blame the guy, can you? Everytime that the world has gone to shit, it was because of a human.

Boomstick: Everytime?

Wiz: Oh yeah. Sans has the ability to see and remember every timeline that has existed, even if it was destroyed.

'''Boomstick: So... He's OMNISCIENT?!?'''

Wiz: Not really. Well, kind of.

'''Boomstick: Well, just because he has an all-knowing brain doesn't mean that he doesn't also have brawn. Sans uses plenty of destructive weapons in battle.'''

Wiz: With the Gaster Blasters, he can shoot out a beam of energy at his enemies with a floating animal skull.

'''Boomstick: He's a skeleton that uses skulls as blasters? That's like me using a human head as a gun! It's weird!'''

Wiz: Now that you mention it...

'''Boomstick: Moving on, Sans also has telekinesis. This allows him to move objects in any way he wishes.'''

Wiz: Combined with his ability to summon bones out of nowhere, it is extremely deadly.

'''Boomstick: Up next, he has Shortcuts. Shortcuts allow Sans to travel anywhere he wants instantaneously. This may be done with time manipulation, teleportation, or something else entirely. We may never know.'''

Wiz: To make his attacks even deadlier, he has Karmic Retribution. Karmic Retribution uses KARMA to remove invincibility frames, which in turn delays damage input. As it relies on KARMA, however, it is likely useless against somebody without sins.

'''Boomstick: To mix up the battle, Sans can use a Blue Attack to turn his enemy's soul Blue. This turns on gravity, making you fall to the earth. Now that I think about it, it's probably completely useless in a normal battle. Most people are already affected by gravity.'''

Wiz: That's true.

'''Boomstick: That brings us to our next point: weaknesses. First off, Karmic Retribution doesn't affect those without sins.'''

Wiz: Next, he must fight in turns. He can't interrupt the enemy's attack with his own, only dodge. He even uses this to his advantage during his Special Attack.

'''Boomstick: His biggest downfall, though, are his stats. He has 1 HP, 1 AT, and 1 DF. His attacks themselves aren't very strong, it's only the repeated hits with Karmic Retribution that makes him so powerful.'''

Wiz: Before we move on to the fight, I thought that you might want to know about his most amazing feat ever.

'''Boomstick: What? What is it?'''

Wiz: He is a beast on the trombone.

Sans: Peeks head out of his room, and plays his trombone.

Intermission
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.

Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!

Fight
Sans was taking a peaceful walk in the forest that leads to Snowdin, when he heard the sounds of a Gyftrot screaming. When he looked up, he saw a boy watching as a purple mouse creature attacked the same Gyftrot that he had heard.

"H E Y Y O U !"

The boy, Joey, looked up. This gave the Gyftrot time to escape and gallop into the woods. The first thing that Joey noticed about the approaching figure was that he wore shorts.

"I like your shorts!" Joey said. Sans was not amused.

'''"What's the big idea, attacking that monster like that?" '''

Joey seemed confused. "I'm just trying to train my super cool Rattata. Did you know that he's in the top percentage of all Rattatas?"

Sans looked down at the strange rodent, and he didn't like what he saw.

"LV 4, huh? You're a pretty terrible person. I should stop you before you hurt anybody else."

Joey looked at Sans with a puzzled expression. "So... You wanna battle me?"

"You're going to have a REALLY BAD TIME."

Joey seemed to understand now. "Get ready, Rattata, this is gonna be fun!"

"Fun? You are sick and demented. I should kill you where you stand."

Sans and Joey looked into each other's eyes, then they engaged in battle.

FIGHT!
Sans was about to summon a Gaster Balster, when he realized that he couldn't attack. Joey was attacking first!

"Rattata, use Quick Attack!"

Rattata charged at Sans, who dodged the attack. Or so he had thought. The Quick Attack had still managed to hit him!

Sans fell to the ground, as he began to bleed ketchup out of the wound that the Rattata had made.

"I... I..."

"Yes! I won!" Yelled Joey.

Sans was so confused about what had just happened. He needed to go to Grilby's. Sans flickered for a moment, before teleporting into his favorite restaurant.

Conclusion
'''Boomstick: That was... quick.'''

Wiz: Yeah, this was a stomp in Joey's favor.

Boomstick: What we have to remember here is that Quick Attack has 100% accuracy, and will always go first.

Wiz: Even if Sans could dodge it somehow, his attacks wouldn't do much against Rattata. Sans isn't even LV 1, and his individual attacks don't do much damage. Joey and Rattata have never canonically defeated a Pokémon, so Karmic Retribution wouldn't affect them. At most, Sans' attacks would do about five damage per turn.

'''Boomstick: The winner is Youngster Joey. Happy April Fools, everybody.'''