Scrooge McDuck vs. Donkey Kong

"One Creature's Trash is Another's Treasure."

''Scrooge McDuck vs. Donkey Kong is a What-If? Death Battle. It features Scrooge McDuck from Ducktales and Donkey Kong from his eponymous series.''

Description
''It's time for two greedy animal hoarders of a golden substance to collide! Who shall come out 2-0?''

Intro
''Wiz: Hoarders are a select group of people. They collect all types of stuff, with it their obsession being a little too...extreme.''

'''Boomstick: But this doesn't always apply to humans. Some animals are greedy bastards too! Like Scrooge McDuck, the Richest Character in-well, of all time.'''

Wiz: And Donkey Kong, the Leader of the DK Crew.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win...a Death Battle.

Scrooge McDuck
(Cue Scrooge's Office - DuckTales Remastered [OST)

'''Boomstick: No one likes to be poor. Hell, that's the reason why I can't play Breath of the Wild. Damn Nintendo Switch. Expensive as hell.'''

''Wiz: And it was the same case for a young Scrooge McDuck. Living in Glasgow in 1867 Scotland to a poverty-stricken family, Scrooge didn't have a lush life.''

'''Boomstick: One day for his tenth birthday, good ol' dad gave him the best birthday present ever. A good visit to the abandoned McDuck castle when they weren't poor. Ah, nothing like a reminder of how good you once were to celebrate your existence.'''

''Wiz: Hey, it worked for Scrooge. Giving him a serious dose of inspiration, Scrooge vowed to restore his family to its former wealth and bring honor back to the McDuck name.''

'''Boomstick: So the waterfowl went out and got his first job as a shoe-shiner. And it worked, he got a dime! Wait. Who's the cheap bastard that would only give a little kid on the street a dime?'''

''Wiz: It gets worse, it was an American dime. So pretty much useless in Glasgow.''

'''Boomstick: Damn, what a dick! He's almost as bad as that guy who yelled at Spongebob about a drink to go with his pizza! DO YOU KNOW THE TROUBLE THEY WENT THROUGH TO DELIVER THAT TO YOU'''

(Stop music)

Wiz: ...Holy shit, man, calm down.

'''Boomstick (breathing heavily): Ok. Ok, I-I'm fine.'''

(Resume music)

''Wiz: Well, anyways, Scrooge, understably upset by this, actually was even more inspired. Keeping the dime and naming it his "Number One", he vowed to be, and I quote: "Tougher than the toughies and sharper than the sharpies".''

Boomstick: The hell does that even mean?

''Wiz: Considering this came out in the 40s...who knows? ''

(Cue Ending (8-Bit) - DuckTales Remastered [OST)

'''Boomstick: Scrooge went to America to make his family proud as a River Boater until the Klondike Gold Rush. He found a golden egg-wait, the hell? That's like finding a baby made entirely out of gold!'''

Wiz: Well, considering Scrooge eats eggs, it obviously didn't bother him too much.

Boomstick Wait, wh-

''Wiz: Don't question it. Anyways, he was kidnapped by other miners who wanted wealth.''

'''Boomstick: They're all dead now. He killed them.'''

Wiz: Oh, come on, there's no wa-

Boomstick: All of them, Wiz.

''Wiz: Ok, ok! Jeez. Well, now with the egg in his possession, Scrooge traded it in and instantly became the richest duc-er, thing in the world.''

'''Boomstick: Wait, how rich is he? '''

''Wiz: Well, it differs. Forbes List listed it as twenty-eight billion, my calculations have it as five trillion, and in the comics, it is listed as five multiplujillion, nine impossibidillion, seven fantasticatrillion and sixteen cents. ''

Boomstick: I-is that even a number.

(Stop music)

''Wiz: ...No. I really shouldn't have to explain that, what the hell.''

'''Boomstick: ...Shut the hell up. '''

(Resume music)

Wiz: But Scrooge's desire for wealth led him down a path of greed and anger, sending him into a violent rage whenever someone even mention borrowing his money.

Boomstick: That all changed when his nephew, Donald Duck, was drafted into the Navy, leaving Scrooge with his trio of grandnephews, Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

Wiz: At first, Scrooge resented his relatives but then treated them as his sons and eventually became close with his family again, humbling Scrooge and putting his money behind his family.

Boomstick: Aww, so sweet...makes you forget we're making him fight a big-ass gorilla to the death.

(Cue Ducktales Meets Metal )

Wiz: Which brings us to Scrooge's impressive array of weapons.

Boomstick: He's like Batman, if he was a duck.

''Wiz: His trustiest weapon is his cane, which doubles as a club, pogostick, and is even sturdy enough to pry open steel doors. It also doubles as a surprise gun.''

'''Boomstick: More about those guns later. Besides that, he has a Bowie Knife, pickaxe, the shovel, a boomerang, rope, and even a wand from Magica de Spell, an evil duck magician lady. Yeah'''.

Wiz: The wand can summon meteors, teleport its user far distances, can stun foes, make a foe forget everything, manipulate weather, take control of a foe's actions, vanish things to a pocket dimension, shapeshift its user to all sorts of animals, and even conjur and transform up matter.

'''Boomstick: Wiz, that matter thing makes no sense. Say it in English, damn it!'''

Wiz: ...Wand make thing when there is no thing.

'''Boomstick: Oooohhh. Alright.'''

''Wiz: Ugh. Anyways, Scrooge's main weapon of choice seems to be, suprisingly enough, guns.''

Boomstick: OOH, OHH, LEMME DO THIS

Wiz: Fine...

Boomstick: He's got a revolver, a double-barreled shotgun, a Winchester M1867, a musket, dual Colt .45 Peacemakers, and a lot of cannons for some weird reason.

''Wiz: He also has more...impractical guns. Such as the Burglar Stunner, which despite its deceiving name, can actually shoot through solid titanium. He's also wielding the Neutra-Friction Gun, which removes someone's friction and can make them slide for miles and miles without stopping with a single flick. And the Anti-Inertia Gun actually weakens the foe's physical strength so much that punches feel like taps.''

'''Boomstick: He's also got a suit of armor, and the McDuck Sword. The Sword, like a certain thunder god's hammer, can be summoned if disarmed. '''

''Wiz: He's also got a slew of magical cards he can use. The Billionare's Club blocks attacks, Oompfh! summons a spring-loaded boxing glove out of a cannon, Big Bertha is Scrooge's favorite and most powerful cannon, and finally, there's Boing where a giant spring comes out of the ground knocking away foes. But one of his most powerful weapons is the Omnisolve, an umbrella that can dissolve literally anything.''

(The Himalayas - DuckTales Remastered [OST] )

'''Boomstick: But Scrooge is no slouch when it comes to hand-to-hand combat. Hell, the guy lives for it.'''

''Wiz: Scrooge, despite being 150 years old, is incredibly strong. ''

Boomstick: Strong enough to throw a boulder thirty feet with ease!

''Wiz: According to Magica, Scrooge is around .91 meters or roughly two feet and nine inches tall. Scaling his size to the boulder, the volume of the boulder is roughly seventeen feet and it weights two hundred and four pounds. The force it took Scrooge to launch this is, ironically enough, roughly two hundred and four pounds.''

Boomstick: He's also tore through stone walls like it was paper, and carried pine trees with ease.

Wiz: Keep in mind the average pine tree weighs roughly 8000 pounds.

'''Boomstick: Hell, there was even one time he got so pissed off, he ripped a damn steamboat in half! This guy's also lifted a buffalo that weighs over a ton, beat the shit out of African wildlife, including elephants, and his main way of maintaining his physique? Lifting bags of solid gold!'''

Wiz: He's also fast enough to run faster than a cheetah, and dodge bullets with ease.

Boomstick: And he can take one hell of a beating too.

Wiz: Like that time he survived the center of the earth, over 9000 Farenheit, was able to match Teddy Roosevelt while falling in a stone statue-

Boomstick: What the actual hell?

Wiz: -has been crushed without injury, and can even swim in gold, which as seen here-



Wiz: -isn't easy to do.

'''Boomstick: Wiz. Math that.'''

''Wiz: Hell, there's really no reason to how Scrooge can do this. It's just simple toonforce.''

'''Boomstick: Damn! No wonder this guys beats up entire bars full of people as regularly as he does!'''

Wiz: Most of that is thanks to his Berserker Rage, where Scrooge's strength and anger grows.

Boomstick: Damn, this guy is unstoppable.

''Wiz: And would you believe he gets even stronger? He can turn into his alternate ego, the Masked Mallard, or more commonly known as Super Scrooge.''

(Cue Superman Theme Remix )

Wiz: Now Super Scrooge doesn't have a lot of feats on his own, but we do know he scales to Super Goofy, and yes, that is a real thing.

Boomstick: Super Goof can fly across the universe and back in a matter of seconds and even throw planet sized meteors with ease.

Wiz: All that being said, Scrooge has done quite a lot in his career.

Feats: Boomstick: Not only has he been PETA's number one enemy, he's also gone on numerous adventures, beat up guys much younger than him, and ran from California to the North Pole in a matter of minutes.
 * Beats up bars full of people with ease
 * Lifts bison with ease
 * Ran to California to the North Pole in a matter of minutes
 * Dodges gunfire with ease
 * Bears are actually scared of him
 * Ripped a steamboat apart when he was angry

Wiz: Scrooge is great, but not perfect.

Weaknesses: '''Boomstick: This guy doesn't really have a lot of faults. Just that money makes him angry. And even then, that's not bad in most situations.'''
 * Money clouds his judgement and makes him angry
 * That's it

Wiz: Scrooge is a powerhouse through and through and if you get in his way, I feel pity for you.

Boomstick: Ay, bars.



"I can feel all those diamonds singing to me. And it's a right pretty song too!"

Donkey Kong
Note: In order to make this battle fair, I will not be using Donkey Kong's feats from Mario Party. (Donkey Kong Country OST (Super Nintendo) - Track 04/23 - Cranky's Theme )

Wiz: A long, long time ago, there was a gorilla, and it's owner.

Boomstick: They didn't like each other.

''Wiz: Yeah, that's putting it lightly. The owner would beat the ape with a whip and keep it locked in its cage for days on end.''

Boomstick: Hey, don't you test on ani-

''Wiz: That's not what we're talking about. Anyways, as we all know, the ape and plumber did battle with the outcome being...the plumber locking the ape in a cage and forcing his son to get him.''

'''Boomstick: Damn! And I thought you were terrible to animals.'''

Wiz: ...Don't you force squirrels to fight to the death?

'''Boomstick: HA! Those squirrels were drunk! Not my doing! Anyways, Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr., cause names are hard, flipped the plumber the bird and went to go to and went to an island where they could retire in peace.'''

Wiz: Fast forward, a couple years later, and the main Donkey Kong that we all know and love was born...then was immediately kidnapped afterward.

Boomstick: Damn, what's with Mario characters and them getting kidnapped so much?

''Wiz: Well, he eventually fought his way through the Koopa Army, and he became the main leader of the Donkey Kong Island. ''

Boomstick: But life couldn't be all sweet thanks to a fake-ass Bowser, and so the two fought, and they fought, a-

''Wiz: Ok, I think we get it. Anyways, the gorilla would prevail over K. Rool time and time again, all to protect his friends, family,...and bananas.''

(Stop music)

Boomstick: Yep, they started fighting over fruit.

''Wiz: Which makes no sense as neither gorrilas or crocodiles choose bananas as their primary meal. For crocodiles, it's the quite opp-''

Boomstick: Damn, Wiz, stop being such a know-it-all douche!

Wiz: ...Well, sorry.

(Cue Quad City DJ's - Space Jam (Instrumental) )

'''Boomstick: And to defend his golden fruit, DK's got some ways how. Hell, Donkey Kong's sheer size alone is enough to deter almost any foe! The bastard is eight feet tall and eight hundred pounds!'''

Wiz: The largest gorilla to ever live was Gargantua, who stood at five feet, six inches tall, and weighed somewhere between 460-500 pounds.

Boomstick: But if you, A. have balls of steel, B. have a death wish, or C. have a whole army behind you...you're dead any way, let's be honest.

''Wiz: Donkey Kong's most notable attribute is his undeniably impressive strength. Whether he's punching country-sized moons down to Earth or just beating the shit out of people in general, this gorilla has power and beyond.''

'''Boomstick: Probably because he works out so much. Whatever he's doing, I need to, considering the guy can deadlift an entire ship while standing on it!'''

Wiz: He can also create shockwaves with the slaps from his massive palms on the ground, and is signature move, the Giant Punch, is enough to send massive crocodiles flying.

Boomstick: Then there's his Sound Wave Attack, basically Hulk's Thunderclap

Analysis
(Cue Duck Tales Theme ) or (Donkey Kong Country OST (Super Nintendo) - Track 01/23 - Theme)



Wiz: The winner is...