Casey Jones VS Rorschach

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Casey Jones
Wiz: The world isn't fair. It will beat you, hurt you, push you to your very limits, and give you nothing in return. For some who choose to fight back, the justice offered from law enforcement just isn't enough.

Boomstick: We've all seen the vigilante origin story in comics before, but my lord, is this one pretty brutal.

Wiz: As a kid, Arnold "Casey" Jones lived with his family in the downtrodden parts of New York City, where his father worked as a mechanic. Things weren't too great, but Casey managed to get by, until the fateful night where the street gang known as the Purple Dragon took center stage in his life.

'''Boomstick: You'd think these guys were just Mortal Kombat rejects because they worshipped Barney the Dinosaur instead of more badass cyborg Australians, but nope, these guys are just as violent as your average New York gang of thugs. After being denied protection money, the decided to raid the shop, gun down poor daddy and take Arnold's mom and sister hostage.'''

Wiz: Casey's stubborn streak earned him a massive beating in the process, but he never gave up his quest to avenge his father. Someone needed to take a stand against organized crime, and it had to be him.

Boomstick: I think you mean "take a stab", because Casey's solution just happened to be stabbing a motherfucker's neck with a knife!

Wiz: Thus began Casey Jone's descent into madness. As he grew up, he became increasingly violent, lost most of his friends, and had to learn to live on the streets.

'''Boomstick: But with all he sacrificed, Jones learned one thing: That crime was still out there. And justice needed to be served, whether from the law enforcement, or from him.'''

Wiz: Donning his iconic hockey mask to protect his identity, and heading out with the best weapons he could find...

Boomstick: Sports equipment

Wiz: ...Casey Jones began his crusade against crime; his rampage of revenge. And it wasn't long until he came across New York City's more refined vigilante group: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

'''Boomstick: And which is the ONE turtle you DON'T want to meet first? Raphael.'''

Wiz: Jones was a regular human with regular weapons. While he used surprise to his advantage, his lack of skill confined his earlier targets to small groups of thieves or muggers, prey appropriate for only one turtle to handle at a time.

'''Boomstick: Didn’t stop him from actually murdering his victims. Geez, this guy is like the complete opposite of Batman. I mean, he actually wears hockey pads!'''

Wiz: And while Raphael also had a hotheaded streak, he was also a turtle of honour. Casey and Raph would come to fight each other several times before coming to terms. And while Raphael’s training and superior weapons should have gotten easy victories, Casey surprisingly held his own, which did not go unnoticed by the turtles.

'''Boomstick: After shaking hands and taking down a large group of thugs, Casey came to respect New York’s crime-fighting quadruplet, and returned to help them escape the evil Shredder. By lending out his farmhouse as a secondary base, Casey Jones bonded with the team, and became its seventh member, after master Splinter, and hot reporter April O’Neil. And before you ask, yes. The only two humans on the team, male and female, would eventually get to hooking up. Hands up if you saw that coming? Yeah, thought so.'''

Wiz: Though, it is worth noting that his first wife was actually a pregnant waitress in Colorado. She died during childbirth, leaving Casey to raise their daughter Shadow up on his own until April and him finally got to the altar.

'''Boomstick: He named their kid Shadow? Geez, hockey players are more emo than I thought.'''

Wiz: It’s not angst, Boomstick, it’s anger. Casey’s incredibly violent personality, stemming from watching the wrong TV shows as a kid, tends to get him more riled up than Raphael himself, and it makes him an incredibly vicious fighter. His element of surprise is not to be underestimated.

'''Boomstick: Some of Casey Jones’ favourite pain-bringers are without a doubt his hockey sticks, which can be made of solid wood or lightweight hollow plastic. The blades on the end make it an ideal weapon for tripping opponents, hooking objects, or shooting grounded projectiles. Given that he carries pucks with him, but is also fond of using rocks or pop cans he comes across, Casey is almost never without ranged options.'''

Wiz: The hockey sticks are often Casey’s go-to objects for basic melee combat as well, but should he want more of an oomph, baseball bats aren’t far behind. Casey is a mean swing, able to knock trained ninjas unconscious with one shot to the head, and can very easily return projectiles to sender.

'''Boomstick: Name a piece of sports equipment, and Jones probably has it equipped. It isn’t just the bag over his shoulder that connects him to the greens; he uses golf clubs as well, preferring to stick to the driver side of things. Cricket bats, tennis rackets... why he’d want all these for swinging is beyond me, but if anything can be a weapon, I guess one must learn to grab all the weapons.'''

Wiz: And all of Jones’ weapons aren’t just sports related. For example, you wouldn’t see Wayne Gretzky or Barry Bonds sticking nails in their weapons, but Casey isn’t afraid to draw blood. He’s also not above using steel pipes or any other pole-like objects that can be salvaged from the near environment.

'''Boomstick: Again with the damn melee weapons. If it wasn’t for the balls he had, this guy would be totally predictable. Both literal, and metaphorical, balls. Or, actually, I guess both are literal. You know what I mean.'''

Wiz: Well, the turtles very rarely wield anything other than their preferred weapons either. Although his fighting skills were initially self-taught from movies and books, he has been taught martial arts by the four ninjas, and even Splinter himself.

Boomstick: Didn’t splinter also just teach himself from movies and books?

Wiz: Hush, Boomstick. Regardless of the means, the result is that Casey is a very skilled combatant, both armed and unarmed. His ability to duel-wield is impressive on its own, and he's physically strong enough to lift and throw entire exercise machines! While often not able to keep up with the main strike team, Casey can hold his own against the highly skilled Foot Clan ninjas, and often serves backup or recon when the action gets heated, though he has gone up against, and even defeated, the Shredder.

'''Boomstick: He sure found out that slicing up dense wooden objects isn’t as easy as it looks. Your average stick can take a hell of a beating.'''

Wiz: Casey’s armour can also take a surprising amount of hits, because its... well, you know, sports equipment. While he prefers to keep his legs light, his upper body is often covered by hockey gear. With a hard plastic surface and shock-absorbing foam on the inside, he’s not going down any time soon.

'''Boomstick: He must have listened to his mamma growing up, because knee pads, elbow pads, and his iconic hockey mask are almost never out of reach. Adding to his outfit, Jones sometimes dons roller blades for quick travel. Plus, garbage can lid shield, amirite?'''

Wiz: You’d think he’d top it all off with a bike helmet given their defensive abilities, but I guess that hair has to flow somewhere. Its not often that someone's hair is so damn smooth, they can ace a job interview while wearing a suit and a goalie mask.

'''Boomstick: He may not be mutant. He may not be turtle. He SHOULD not be teenager, coughcough2012seriescansuckmydickcoughcough, but he is without a doubt ninja. Granted that stealth is the biggest weapon of the group, or at least is supposed to be, it’s only natural that Jones has been educated in the craft. And to good effect; in a duel with Raphael, he was able to outstealth the anger turtle to claim victory.'''

Wiz: It would be feats like these that should make Jones a permanent member of the group; however, his biggest weakness comes from his mental instability. If too angered, he will forget plans of attack; he will forget his training; he will become a murdering machine.

Boomstick: Sounds great on paper, but in a world chock-full of ninjas and trained fighters who are all like “you must control your emotions blah blah blah”, it makes Jones pretty easy to overcome.

Wiz: He’s often convinced, both by others and himself, to take time to sit on the sidelines for this very reason. So he doesn’t have nearly the amount of combat experience the turtles themselves have. Taking time off to raise his daughter and marry Miss Jumpsuit also decreased his training in his later years.

'''Boomstick: Which actually says a lot, given that the Turtles have gone through time, visited different dimensions, and even became professional wrestlers! Granted, “Mean Green Smackdown Machine” wouldn’t be much of a thematic name if Wayne Gretzky on Steroids was a member.'''

Wiz: Casey’s weapons are also, at the end of the day, not designed to be weapons. No matter his proficiency in using them, there’s no doubt that guns or swords are more deadly. He's also, kind of dumb in some appearances. You don't see Donatello beating the crap out of kitchen appliances to serve them justice.

'''Boomstick: But if having a sword guaranteed victory, then Casey would have died long ago to the Foot Clan. Instead, he’s alive and kicking ass alongside one of the most famous teams of superheroes on the planet. Attention all crooks who skipped gym class: step back into the alleyways of New York, and I can guarantee you, it will come back to haunt you.'''

Thief: What the hell was that?

Casey jumps down from a tree

Casey: That was a crime, you purse-grabbing pukes! And this is, uh, the penalty!

Proceeds to beat them up

Casey: Two minutes for slashing, two minutes for hooking, and, let’s not forget my personal favourite, two minutes for high sticking!

Rorschach
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