Dan Backslide vs. Snidely Whiplash

Dan Backslide vs. Snidely Whiplash is a What-If? Death Battle by I'm Lynda. It features Dan Backslide from the 1942 Merrie Melodies cartoon, The Dover Boys, and Snidely Whiplash from animated television series, The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show.

Description
There’s hell to pay when two villains collide, even two villains as hopelessly useless as these two!

Interlude
'''Boomstick: Some villains are supervillains; they devise plans to destroy or enslave the entire world, or they use their superpowers to destroy whole cities at a go. Well, these two losers are about as far from supervillains as you can get. Wiz, what would you call villains as useless as these two?'''

Wiz: Irritants, I suppose.

Boomstick: Well, these two losers are going to go toe to toe, and see who will come out on tip.

Wiz: First of all there’s Dan Backslide, “the former sneak of Roquefort Hall.”

'''Boomstick: And then there’s Snidely Whiplash, probably the limpest villain to come out of Canada since...I’ve got nothin’. But, he’s pretty bad.'''

Wiz: I’m Wiz, and he’s Boomstick.

Boomstick: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Dan Backslide
Wiz: Among the alumni of that famed institution of higher education, Pimento University, is one Dan Backslide.

'''Boomstick: But Dan is not a shining example of what dear old P.U. can turn out. Dan has wasted his life on smoking, drinking and playing pool…Wait! Who writes this crap? “smoking, drinking and playing pool?” That sounds just like my college days, if you add chasing skirt.'''

Wiz: And, Dan Backslide is not above that, either.

'''Boomstick: Well this guy sounds just plain awesome. If he came to one of my family get-togethers, he would fit right in. He’d be as happy as a pig with a bucket of swill!'''

Wiz: Ew...But, Dan has created some enemies, and among those trying to shut him down...

Boomstick: Party poopers!

Wiz: ...are the Dover Boys.

'''Boomstick: These no-good do-gooders like to get in Dan’s face, and spoil his fun. For example, when Dan tried to kidnap the upright and uptight Dora Standpipe, the Dover Boys gave him a rather undeserved beating. I mean, he didn’t even get to first base with her, what was their beef?'''

Wiz: But, when he set out, Dan was not without his abilities. Dan’s greatest asset is that he is a Toon Force user. The Toon Force is a mystical reality-warping force that allows its users to avoid harm in lethal situations, and produce items from seemingly thin air – if it’s done for comedic purposes.

Boomstick: So, while Dan may not be the greatest warrior, he can pull things out of his a...

Wiz: Air! He can pull things out of the air.

Snidely Whiplash
'''Boomstick: Take off to the Great White North, eh? Well, Snidely Whiplash didn’t need to, you see he’s as Canadian as back bacon and poutine.'''

Wiz: In the Canadian Northwest, Snidely Whiplash plies his trade: stealing from widows and orphans, smuggling, swindling, and tying women to railroad tracks.

Boomstick: But there to defeat him...well at least some of the time is that do-gooder of do-gooders, Royal Canadian Mounted Police Officer Dudley Do-Right.

Wiz: Snidely is a rather old school villain, complete with top hat and cape, he twirls his mustache as he makes his fiendish plans.

Boomstick: He travels across the Great White North, fighting the good guys and trying his best to line his pockets with all of the Canucky bucks that he can lay his hands on.

Wiz: Now, Snidely is somewhat limited, in that he does not have any powers, not even that of the Toon Force. But, what he does have is his high-powered brain.

Boomstick: When he makes his plans, he pulls out all the stops, even creating a robot Dudley Do-Right and a Frankenstein-type monster, named Finster.

Wiz: So, don’t sell Snidely Whiplash short, he a smart opponent, if not a terribly capable one.

'''Boomstick: Alright the combatants are set; let’s end this debate once and for all. Its time for a DEATH BATTLE!'''