Falcon vs Green Goblin

Falcon vs Green Goblin is a What-If? episode of Death Battle.

Description
Boomstick: It is the dream of many a kid to be able to take to the skies and punch through the clouds like a bird, bat, plane, X-wing, Kryptonian...

Wiz: Wrap it up, Boomstick?

Boomstick: But that dream is nothing more but a reality with these two marvellous marvels of the Marvel universe.

Wiz: Sam Wilson, the Falcon

Boomstick: And Norman Osborn, the Green Goblin.

Wiz: Though one of these is the most famous archenemy in the Spiderman comics, and the other is an underrated hero of the Avengers, neither of them have come face-to-face once in a comic, tv show or movie. Also, per the rules of Death Battle, there won't be any assistance involved by either the Sinister Six or the Avengers in this episode, and the combatants will only be using their standard equipment.

Boomstick: He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!

Falcon
Wiz: Samuel Thomas Wilson was born in a rough Harlem neighbourhood. His father, a minister, had been killed trying to stop a fight between two rival gangs when Sam was 9 years old. Some years later his mother was brutally murdered by a mugger while she tried to protect her children. Sam did his best to try and do the right thing, but his grief and anger eventually led him down a criminal path.

'''Boomstick: Poor kid. Why do all badasses have such heartbreaking backstories?'''

Wiz: If they didn't, Batman wouldn't be Batman at all!

Boomstick: Too true, too true...anyway, this guy worked for the local gangs until one mission got his plane crashed on a Caribbean island, Tom Holloway style, where Hugo Weaving just happened to be cowering from the Star-Spangled Man with a Plan.

Wiz: Fun fact - the island was named Exile.

'''Boomstick: Most uplifting thing I've heard all day, Wiz. Anyway, Red Skull used the legendary Cosmic Cube to provide Sam with the power to talk to birds....how the hell does that work?'''

Wiz: Comic-book logic, Boomstick. Comic-book logic. In reality, Sam developed the ability to understand and command birds. Red Skull later wiped his memory of his parents and his gang career, and used him as a pawn against Captain America. The Shield-wielding Superhero actually befriended him and the two became comrades against Red Skull, and later on partners in the legendary team of superheroes - the Avengers.

Boomstick: Well....if only this happened at the end of Lost, it would have been way more interesting in my opinion.

Wiz: In the cinematic adaption, the backstory is drastically different, though. In the films, Sam Wilson was an experienced and devoted Pararescueman who retired after seeing his own comrade killed in action. He was so skilled that he was recommended for a top-secret project that led to him wielding a mechanical pair of wings in battle.

'''Boomstick: I honestly prefer the 'lost on island named Exile' thing, actually. Way more mysterious than the other one. Anyway, Sam rose as the ultimate badass super-soldier known to the world as Falcon!'''

Wiz: Believe us, we know that, alongside a Norse God of Thunder, a man in an advanced tech suit, a green giant with unlimited strength and a man with superhuman physical abilities, a man like Falcon would be overlooked really easily, but not only does Falcon be a part of the team, but he actually helps.

Boomstick: Falcon wears an awesome costume, courtesy of Black Panther himself, with wings that stretch to over fifty freaking feet long! 

Wiz: The wings are made of a Vibranium alloy...

Boomstick: Same stuff that turned Captain America's shield into an ass-kicking disc of destruction!

Wiz: They are controlled by a cybernetic link and can be reconfigured immediately into "dozens of different cruise configurations", meaning that they are incredibly flexible and dextrous. They also possess a "magnetic drive", enabling Falcon to get off the ground. His suit comes with a GPS-jamming device that is also attuned to sattelites, whilst the hard-light wings screw up infra-red tracking. It is all controlled mentally through cybernetic circuitry in the Falcon's mask.

'''Boomstick: The suit is resistant to blades and gunfire, its visors come equipped with infrared lenses, zoom and 360 remote-imaging sensors. At one point, Tony Stark upgraded the suit to be completely consistent of Vibranium, so now it is resistant to some really brutal explosions.'''

Wiz: The Falcon himself is in the very peak of the human physical potential in terms of speed, strength, stamina, durability and agility. He can effortlessly fly between and around a multitude of obstacles, dodge RPGs and machine-gunfire and outmanoeuvre heat-seeking missiles.

Boomstick: He is an expert martial artist, crack shot with various types of guns, a skilled aerialist and a really great athlete.

Wiz: At one point, the Falcon also wielded Captain America's shield.

'''Boomstick: What?! The lucky bastard!'''

Wiz: He is telepathically connected to all types of birds, able to use them as his eyes, ears and fists throughout an entire city...

Boomstick: Kind of like a CCTV system with wings.

Wiz: He can also command them to act as he wants them to, enable them to understand human communication, and he can also compel them to attack someone or protect them, basically things that are beyond the ordinary falconry expert. He is especially close with his pet falcon, Redwing

'''Boomstick: I really want this power, Wiz - teach them to stop unloading on my car. I could aslo use them to peck the barkeeper until he gives me all his beer....'''

Wiz: With great power comes great responsibility, Boomstick.

Boomstick: Whatever!

Wiz: Falcon is not without weakness, though. He has no superhuman abilities other than the ability to talk to birds, so he is just as vulnerable as any other man to a bullet to the head.

'''Boomstick: Boring humanness aside, the Falcon is one rough, tough son of a gun. Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Falcon!'''

Falcon: There are days that are the worst'' days. There are days that tear hope down and stamp on it. Days when the horror gets so thick you think you might drown. But even on those days, we can stand up. We can fight. We can rise. And I will stand and fight and rise alongside you.''

Green Goblin
'''Boomstick: Spiderman. Spiderman. Does whatever a spider can. And sometimes, that means kicking a lot, and I mean a lot of crazy ass!'''

Wiz: From Doctor Octopus, to the Lizard, to Venom....and, then, there's the Green Goblin.

Boomstick: But, before he was a cackling, killing crack-pot of madness, he was...a businessman.

Wiz: Norman Osborn grew up with an abusive failed businessman for a father. He was inspired not to turn out like his dad, and studied business, science and technology. He grew up to become a powerful entrepreneur at his own company, Oscorp.

Boomstick: Normy fell in love and he and his wife had a son, Harry, and he later took his revenge by framing his father into getting arrested - that'll teach you for being a dick, daddy.

Wiz: He soon discovered a scientific formula that would make him superhumanly powerful and arranged to test it on himself. However, his son Harry, sick and tired of neglect and indifference from his workaholic father, sabotaged the experiment so that it literally exploded in his father's face. The next day, though, Norman soon found that he was thinking a great deal quicker than normal. He was completely unaware that he had been severely affected by the chemical explosion.

'''Boomstick: He also gained superhuman strength, speed, durability, what have you....somehow. Driven mad by the botched experiment, Norman became determined to become the most powerful gangster in the city, donning a flying hoverboard and a really creepy costume and calling himself...the Green Goblin.'''

Wiz: Green Goblin is the psychopathic archenemy of Spiderman and is renowned for being obsessed with defeating the web-slinging superhero. In fact, his obsessive personality serves as his driving force throughout his life from the accident onwards.

'''Boomstick: One day, though, Spiderman sprayed him with amnesia gas, making him lose his memory. However, the Green Goblin side of Norman stayed there in his subconscious, basically turning Norman Osborn into a comic-book Gollum.'''

Wiz: In fact, his condition worsened as a result of the amnesia, turning him crazier and more dangerous than before.

'''Boomstick: Luckily for the guy, he's not all science and business. He rides a badass techno-surfboard called the Goblin Glider, a mode of transportation that I totally want for Christmas next year. I mean, look at it. It looks awesome! Wiz, could you please put that down on my list?'''

Wiz: Do it yourself, Boomstick. The Goblin Glider is capable of supporting over 400 pounds. It is built with large, sharp blades so that it can spear opponents, and can reach speeds of over ninety miles per hour for a little over an hour. It can be magnetically connected to Green Goblin's boots and is collapsible down the middle to make it more manoeuvrable.

Boomstick: Green Goblin also carries a load of weaponry - I'm talking razor boomerang bats, pumpkins that explode enough to melt through 3-inch steel, sonic-blasting toads, steel-strong ghosts and other explosives that can launch explosions or tear-gas, hallucinating gas or gas that can disrupt the Spider-sense.

Wiz: He keeps these in his trademark bag-o'-tricks

Boomstick: With all of this equipment, Green Goblin has been able to fight toe-to-toe with Spiderman himself a load of times.

Wiz: However, Green Goblin is certainly not flawless. His greatest weakness is his intense mental issues - the experiment that gave him his abilities damaged his mind dramatically, making him extremely reckless and impulsive to a fault - even though he is highly intelligent and a great strategist, he often acts on instinct more often than is good for him. He is also convinced that he is invincible.

Boomstick: But, if you're even close to rivalling the power of Norman Osborn, stay the fuck out of his way! ''Green Goblin: The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the Goblin and took the spider out.''

Prelude
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate, once and for all.

Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!!!!!!

Death Battle
Grand Central Station at midnight. The harmony is interrupted when a brutal explosion rocks the station, shattering windows, and the Green Goblin, screaming with laughter, soars through on the Goblin Glider, hurling a pumpkin grenade at the crowd of people, which explodes and a myriad of bodies go flying off the ground, shrieking. Green Goblin laughs.

Green Goblin: I love the smell of fireballs in the morning!

Meanwhile, on a Quinjet, a silhouetted Falcon walks towards the opening ramp high in the clouds. Seeing the chaos that Green Goblin is making on a computer screen, Falcon sprints and leaps out of the Quinjet into the clouds, his wings spreading wide as he soars down to the beautifully-lit city below. He glides down towards the station just as an explosion shatters another window. Falcon thins is wings and dives through the shattered window, scything towards Green Goblin. Green Goblin, through his superhuman senses, detects him with seconds to spare and swerves down out of Falcon's way. Falcon swerves around before he hits a wall and circles back, stopping and hovering in midair.

''Green Goblin: Nice of you to drop in. And you are?''

Falcon: You are one...ugly....motherf...

''Green Goblin: Whoa! You kiss your mother with that mouth? ''(Cackles)

Falcon: You've picked the wrong guy to mess with!

Green Goblin: We'll see.

FIGHT!

Green Goblin snaps his hand up and launches bat-boomerangs at Falcon who spins in the air, his wings deflecting the batarangs back at him. Green Goblin catches the first two in each hand before ducking to avoid the last. Falcon bursts towards him and Green Goblin swerves up with the Glider. Falcon changes course and soars upwards just before the blades of the Glider could spear him through the neck. Falcon circles Green Goblin and brandishes dual machine-guns, aiming and firing at Green Goblin, who figure-of-eights out of the way of the gunfire. Green Goblin tosses a frog-grenade which lands on the ground and shrieks a high-pitched sonic blast. Falcon recoils, covering his ears and Green Goblin drops another, unseen grenade which shudders on the ground and spews thick white smoke. People scream and run for the exits. Falcon, eyes unaffected due to his lenses, only just spies Green Goblin retreating through a window and bursts after him.

Falcon: Son of a bitch!

Green Goblin escapes into the city and swerves between and around buildings, and Falcon gives chase, the world blurring around them. Green Goblin hazards a look back and tosses a pumpkin grenade which Falcon shoots, so it explodes harmlessly in the space between them.

Green Goblin: Show off!

''Falcon: (Telepathically) Redwing - a little help. And someone get me the shield!''

On the other side of the city, Redwing hears Falcon's calls and shrieks. He then launches into the air and flies out of sight. Meanwhile, Green Goblin heads towards Central Park and Falcon goes above the trees, his eyes scouring for his enemy. Green Goblin lunges out of the trees and his fist swipes for Falcon, who jerks out of the way and plants a two-footed kick to the small of Green Goblin's back. Green Goblin snarls and is knocked forwards, but remains on the board. He swerves back up and faces Falcon, throwing a punch which Falcon blocks. Green Goblin turns and suddenly he is overwhelmed as a superhorde of birds of all kinds explode into him, tearing and swiping at him like a swarm of locusts. Green Goblin screams and flies out of control, swiping blindly at the birds.

Falcon: Take that, freak!

''Green Goblin: Argh! You dirty, rotten cheat!''

''Falcon: It's called foul play - look it up! Boys, give him all you've got!''

Green Goblin screeches and flies in mad spirals as the birds bite and tear and claw at his face, unable to get through anywhere because of his armour. Falcon circles around him, watching it play out. Then Green Goblin tosses a pumpkin grenade into the air and Falcon yells, flying in to take the brunt of the blast with his wings. The grenade explodes against Falcon's wings, but they stay unmarked. A quarter of the birds go up in flames and rain on the park in burning masses of feathers and meat. Falcon screams with fury and the birds fan out, going into two streams and honing in on Green Goblin from both sides.

Green Goblin: Let's make this a bit more interesting!

He turns and shoots upwards, laughing, into the clouds. Falcon goes after him and the two of them chase intensely through the darkened clouds at intense speeds. Green Goblin disappears for a moment in one of the clouds, before bursting up beneath Falcon, grabbing him around the waist and dragging him down. The two of them flail as they plummet out of the clouds and down towards the city hundreds of miles beneath them. Falcon tries to shoot Green Goblin, who wrestles with the guns, which misfire in all directions in streams of golden gunfire. Falcon wrenches free and kicks Green Goblin in the chest. His wings swipe Green Goblin in the face violently, knocking him off course.

Falcon dives down after Green Goblin, aiming with his machine guns, but Green Goblin instinctively hurls bat-boomerangs at Falcon, knocking the guns out of his hands. Falcon dives faster after him. Green Goblin regains control and sharply turns back, rocketing towards Falcon. The two of them surge towards one another and then collide violently, grappling furiously, throwing brutal punches at one another. Green Goblin kicks Falcon in the stomach, knocking the air out of him.

Falcon: Where the hell are you, Redwing!

Falcon throws two punches at Green Goblin, the second one Green Goblin grabs and twists into an armlock, but Falcon somersaults and wrenches his arm free. Green Goblin punches and Falcon rolls back and Green Goblin brandishes a bat-boomerang, slicing at Falcon's neck. Falcon knifes his hand into Green Goblin's wrist, forcing him to let go of the bat-boomerang. Green Goblin corkscrews and throws Falcon off, then turns and flies forwards. Falcon turns and sees Redwing and a bunch of other falcons flying towards him, supporting Captain America's shield between their talons.

Falcon: About damn time!

Falcon takes the shield from Redwing and flies after Green Goblin, drawing back the shield to throw it. Green Goblin, meanwhile, realizes that the Glider is running out of energy.

Green Goblin: Damnit!

The Glider jerks slightly downwards, energy running out slowly. Green Goblin struggles for control, when Falcon hurls the shield at him. The camera flows with the path of the shield, aiming for Green Goblin's back, when Green Goblin anticipates it and tries to fly upwards to avoid it, but as he does so the shield smashes into his ankle. Green Goblin screams and the Glider once again careens out of control. The shield immediately returns to Falcon's hand and he chases after Green Goblin. The Goblin Glider starts corkscrewing towards a building and Green Goblin yells, made increasingly dizzy under the spinning movements of his board.

Green Goblin: This can't be happening!

Falcon hurls the shield at Green Goblin a second time and the shield slices clean through the Glider. Green Goblin shrieks, flailing helplessly, and falls on to the roof of a building - one half of the glider stabs into the building nearby and sticks there, a blade sticking out. Falcon soars in to meet him and Green Goblin leaps to his feet, grabbing hold of one of Falcon's wings, swinging him around and then ripping the wings at their source from the suit. Falcon falls on his face. Green Goblin grabs him by the neck and lifts him off his feet, before throwing him off the building. Falcon reaches and shoots his grappling hook at the chimney of the building, shooting back on to the roof and putting all of his weight behind a front-kick to Green Goblin's gut that staggers him back to the other side of the building, where he struggles to keep his balance. Falcon and Green Goblin explode into a tangle of blows, twists, kicks and throws for about thirty seconds when Green Goblin gains the upper hand and grabs him by the ankles, swinging him around like a hammer and slamming him on the ground repeatedly. On the third slam, Falcon wrenches his ankles free and combat-rolls out of reach. Green Goblin moves to throw a grenade when Falcon runs and picks up Captain America's shield. Before Green Goblin can throw it, Falcon does two 360-turns and backhand-throws the shield at Green Goblin. The shield smashes into Green Goblin's chest and he is thrown off his feet with a yell. The grenade goes off accidentally and explodes in Green Goblin's face. He is knocked off the edge of the building and his back is impaled deeply on the blade of half of his Glider.

Falcon: Take that, ugly!

K.O.!

Falcon jumps off the building and launches a parachute, floating back to ground level.

Result
Boomstick: Holy crap, that was vicious!

Wiz: Both opponents possessed highly advanced and effective equipment, but it eventually came down to resourcefulness.

Boomstick: Green Goblin may have had the advantage of weaponry, strength and durability, but that didn't mean he couldn't lose to the winged warrior!

Wiz: Falcon's wings were immune to explosions due to their Vibranium fitting, and Green Goblin survived flying with a broken ankle, so this was a surprisingly even match. Falcon may have been an adept martial artist, but this paled in comparison to Green Goblin's superhuman qualities.

'''Boomstick: The Goblin Glider was pretty badass, but unlike Falcon's wings the Glider depended on the attitude and physicality of its rider. Plus, Falcon kind of cheated by asking his fine-feathered friends to fetch him Captain America's shield.'''

Wiz: Which gave him a better edge in the fight.

Boomstick: Hey, Wiz, how does someone with superhuman strength and whose fought toe-to-toe with fucking Spiderman lose to a normal human being?

Wiz: Green Goblin's insanity and sadistic intensity was his ultimate downfall - he had the chance to break Falcon's neck when he had the chance, but he chose to have a bit more fun with his opponent, buying Falcon enough time to find a way to beat him. Honestly, the real reason Falcon won was pure stupid luck and sheer resourcefulness.

Boomstick: Well, it looks like the madness of the Green Goblin impaled in comparison to the Falcon's badassery.

Wiz: Worst pun I have ever heard.

Boomstick: Shut up, Wiz.

Wiz: the winner is Falcon!