User blog:Samurai Santa Claus/My evil plans

Today i will tell all of you my most evil plans.

1. i will give everyone an itch, not a sevear itch, one that's just intense enough to distract you from what you're doing, and every time you try to scratch it, it moves.

2. I will change the time it takes to skip an add from 5 seconds to 8 seconds

3. I will replace all the toilet paper on planet earth with single ply

4. I will make it to where the wifi connection is always normal strength

5. I will revive the Ugandan Knuckles meme

6. I will replace the drinking water of every man, woman, and child with gamer girl bath water

7. I will set off everyone's alarm clock five minutes early, and every time you try to turn it off, it'll get louder

8. I will invent the cleaning soap that kills 100% of bacteria, and never let anyone use it

But, this was just a mear taste of my evil, for this is by far this blog post was just to get you ready for my most evil diabolical plan, i, 1298god, will remove STEAM from the internet, and force everyone to use the Epic Games Store!