User blog:MP999/Ridonculous Race Episode 7, Part 1

Don: Welcome back to a new episode of the Ridonculous Race! Previously, our remaining competitors worked with relics as they tried to find the statues of the colossus on Noctilium. Now, that sounds epic, but man o man did they take a long time. To make my schedule even worse, it came down to a photo-finish, which I gave to Mewtwo and Katara, totally not by coin toss. And in an anti-climatic match of Helter Skell-ter, Segata’s one weakness finally showed and cost him and Big Daddy the race when he couldn’t drive fast enough. Who will bite the dust next? Will the teams actually be competent? Just how much crazier can this game get? Find out right now on... the Ridonculous Race!

(Intro Plays)

Don: Welcome back. Katara and Mewtwo won the last challenge, so Katara will be going first now.

Mewtwo: What? Why not me?

Don: Plot twist, teams are getting dissolved for this match! This time around, team pairs will be decided via challenge, and not through a random generator. We found some major viruses in there that we think GLaDOS put in. Can’t be sure. We’re scanning it right now.

Mewtwo: But why her and not me?

Don: Alphabetical order, ladies first, youth before wisdom, take your pick. Hop through, Katara!

Katara ran through the portal and ended up... in a completely black space. Don followed through, followed by the rest of the contestants in single file.

Weiss: Where are we? This place is even blacker than Vegeta’s giant widow’s peak.

Vegeta: Oh, screw you!

At the press of a remote control, Don summoned a white bar from the ceiling. It hovered in front of the players gently.

Don: In 1972, Pong was released, becoming the world’s first... uh, first popular video game. Now, we’ve come a long way from basic table tennis, but it’s always nice to return to the roots once in a while. In this challenge, you will have one opportunity to return a serve from this little guy here. If you successfully hit it back, you can move onto the next challenge. If not, back of the line.

Goku: What? That’s easy!

Don: Exactly. So I took the liberty of adding a few lines of code from a more recent gaming franchise in the hopes of making this a little more entertaining. Katara, you’re up!

Katara stepped up to a small white line which lit up, signalling where to stand. Suddenly, a small white cube spawned out from behind her and slowly floated over top of there the Pong paddle was hovering. She smirked and poured a small amount of water out of a flask she was carrying, manipulating it to form a paddle of sorts. Suddenly, the paddle shot upwards and struck the cube, which bounced off the floor and shot past Katara faster than she, or anyone else, could react. As they all stood dumfounded, two words in red appeared in the sky briefly before fading away.

Ringabel: And just what game’s code did you borrow from?

Don: Something called Dark Souls.

As Katara, still stunned, went to the back of the line, Mewtwo stepped up to take on the paddle next, and closed his eyes.

Mewtwo: (Internally) All right, I won’t be humiliated! If I can focus my mind, I can detect the attack with my psychic abilities and

Don: And Mewtwo is out! Back of the line!

Mewtwo opened his eyes and found out that while he was too busy internally focusing, the Pong Paddle had scored a point. Mewtwo rolled his eyes in disgust and returned to the back. Combatants stepped up to take the challenge, only to be met with a similar quick defeat; the paddle simply returned the shots at too fast and tricky a speed. Inkling, Superman, Goku, Vincent, Pit, and to his complete frustration, Vegeta, all fail.

Deadpool: You can’t complain that we take too long to do challenges and then pull stunts like this!

Don: I was actually expecting you guys to be doing a lot better. I beat this game with a Guitar Hero controller.

Distracted from his task, Deadpool fails to duck as the return smites him in the head; the cube gently falls to the ground and bounces off to return to the paddle while Deadpool’s head flies off his body and into the black oblivion.

Don: I, uh, I guess that counts!

Deadpool’s body runs off and Mega Man steps up to the plate, equipping a black hole gun in the hopes of slowing the cube down. However, to his utter surprise, a cube is not what spawns; rather, it’s Deadpool’s head.

Deadpool: No, no, no, no, NOOOOOOO!!!!!!11!!1

Deadpool’s head is returned at a lightspeed velocity, with him screaming all the way. Mega Man is initially shocked, but shoots out his secret weapon: the black hole. The vortex slows the head down to a snail’s pace, and Mega Man winds up a punch.

Deadpool: ...mama...

Mega Man socks Deadpool’s head past the dividing line and gets the thumbs-up from Don to continue through the race. Several other contestants try and fail to stop the paddle as Don steps up.

Don: What are Deadpool and Mega Man getting themselves into now? Will the other contestants even be able to pass this challenge? Find out, after this commercial break!