User blog:Fedora Lord Para 348/Fedora Lord Para takes his leave

Alright, guys, there's something I need to get off my chest.

So, as many of you know, I haven't been around here in a while. Actually, for the most part, I haven't even shown my face around here. My pages are deserted, I don't go on chat anymore, and it doesn't look like I even take care of my admin duties. It's left a lot of people wondering, "Is Para even still there anymore?" and now, regardless of whether you know the answer to this question, here it is.

No, I am not.

When I first joined the wiki in the late fall of 2014, barely anyone was around here. I was one of few people to actually be making battles. Over time, our little community grew and grew into a place where people would write Death Battles, we'd make jokes about each others' waifus, and this place would overall be a really fun place to hang out. I loved every minute of it. From writing Lloyd Irving vs. Kirito all the way to Shadow the Hedgehog vs. Mewtwo, I loved writing battles. And boy, did I get better and better at it. Re-reading both fights, you can really see the improvement.

However, over the past few months, I've really started to realize something. I'm simply not interested in Death Battle anymore. I still sometimes watch the series, but it's rarely anything I keep up with regularly. In fact, when Ken VS Terry was released, I forgot that it was the day it was supposed to come out. Had that fight come out in, say, late 2014 or mid 2015, I would have absolutely loved it. However, I just was sorta... "meh".

Now, one of the biggest reasons I loved coming here so much was because it provided an escape. When I first joined, my life wasn't going so well. I was struggling to stay in school, I was suffering from horrendous family issues, I was depressed all the time (which honestly that has not gone away), and I was unemployed. It was the worst. But then I would come here, talk with people about Death Battle, write my own battles, and it was like I wasn't even living in that depressing world I was actually living in. It was my own personal heaven.

Over time, lots of my skills improved here. I've learned how to do write better, I've learned a lot about science (or more specifically, physics and quantum theory), and overall I've learned quite a bit more about myself.

But what was it all for? Being the admin of this place, writing battles all the time, getting really into VS? What it came down to was me getting a grip on my own literary skills. And while I was here, you guys might have once or twice seen me advertising my own book, Darklight, quite a bit. Well, now that I've had Death Battle to guide me through writing, I can now shift my focus from writing Death Battles involving characters I don't even own, in single-scene stories to writing my very own piece of fiction, with my own ideas, with my own characters. Something that could actually cement me as a real writer.

However, the biggest reason I am leaving is because this place has done me far more harm than good. Back during this place's heyday, I was ignoring school and whatnot in order to pursue whatever battle it was I was writing. Using one of my school's computers all day to research a character for a single battle while some very worried college student who had an actual paper to write in 8 hours or else he would not be able to get whatever degree had to struggle to find some other computer. This is legit - I went and did this every fucking day. I'm honestly really surprised that no one ever called me out on this bullshit and told me to go and leave the library so that that poor college student actually trying to do something with his life could use that computer. And because I wasn't focusing on school myself... well... I ended up dropping out of school. I'm trying to get back in, and I think I can, but this place took that year of my life away from me. It made me a better writer, but it did a lot more harm than good.

Anyway, if anyone is wondering. My battles have always been available for the public to use. If you wish to write your own versions of my own fights, then go right ahead. I've never wanted to try and stop you guys.

And who knows - maybe I'll come back to write a battle every now and then, or maybe come to chat once in a while, but you might as well get used to not seeing me around.

Later guys, and I'm glad for all the time we've spent. Keep your eyes peeled for Darklight, and hey, maybe I'll catch you all later.

Para, out.