User blog:Fedora Lord Para 348/TOTAL DRAMA PARABATTLE: Episode 1, Part 2

(All 26 campers, as well as Wiz and Boomstick, are still on the beach, facing the center of the island.)

Wiz: Out there is the dining hall, where we will meet every day before challenges for you all to compete in!

'''Boomstick: It's also where you guys get to try some of my famous home-cookin'! Hope you guys like Southern food!'''

Sonic: Does that include chili dogs?

Mega Man: But I am a robot. I am not required to eat. Or is this also an "expression"?

Wiz: (Pointing outward, toward the other end of the island.) This is the shore of elimination. After each challenge, the losing team will vote off one of their members. Those voted off can never return... ever.

Kirito: Does that include-

Wiz: Yes.

Vash: But what if-

Boomstick: No.

Wiz: Any questions?

Danny: Yeah, wh-

Wiz: Good, looks like we're all ready to go! Everyone, follow us to the dining hall, where you will get your guys' first meal, as well as get your first challenge!

(Everyone goes to the dining hall. There are a two tables, one red and one black.  Team Winners are sitting at the red table, and Team Losers are sitting at the black table.  Everyone has what appears to be fried squirrel on a plate.)

Lloyd: I, uh... I've never had squirrel before. (Holds up fried squirrel by the tail.)

Boomstick: It's Mama Boomstick's favorite!

Gilgamesh: I deserve... much better than this. (Shoves his plate over in disgust.)

Doomsday: (Roars as he eats his fried squirrel whole.) It's not that bad! But Superman's blood tastes better.

Vash: That poor squirrel...

Goku: Mm, food! (Devours fried squirrel and burps.) Anyone not going to eat their squirrel?

Danny: Uh, sure. (Slides his plate over to Goku.)

Samus: (Takes the squirrel and stores it in a secret compartment in her suit.) I may need this later.

''Samus: Where I live, you had to hunt your own food. Sometimes it was some sort of alien life form which could be poisonous; probably was. Squirrel? No problem.''

Metal Sonic: (Stares at the squirrel, then fires a red laser beam from his eyes, instantly vaporizing the squirrel.)

Maka: ...That guy still scares me.

Soul: Eh, like I said. I still think he's all hype.

Wiz: Alright campers! Your first challenge begins in only thirty minutes!

Sonic: Aw yeah! This is gonna be fun!

Tabuu: ...

Sonic: Do you ever say anything?

Tabuu: ...

Madoka: First challenge? I hope it's not hard...

Lloyd: Ah, we'll be just fine! It's our first challenge, how hard could it be?

(Cut to another scene. Everyone is standing in the woods, surrounded by trees.)

Lloyd: ...What are we doing here again?

Gilgamesh: Lloyd, you incompetent amnesiac, we're setting up camp. This is where we'll be sleeping for the next few weeks.

Lloyd: ...Oh.

''Lloyd: Our first challenge... ah, it'll be a piece of cake! I've spent lots of nights camping out!''

Wiz: You guys will each have to set up a campsite, where all of you will be sleeping for the next few weeks.

'''Boomstick: (Draws a line in the dirt with his shotgun) On the right side will be Team Winners' camp, and on the left side Team Losers will sleep! Whichever team has the better campground wins!'''

Danny: Uh, guys?

Wiz: Yes, Danny?

Danny: I've watched Total Drama, and the campers had cabins and bunk beds. What's the deal here?

Wiz: Please, Danny! We can't even afford a good research team for our Death Battles, what makes you think we can afford two cabins that we're only going to use for a few weeks?

Boomstick: That's why we teamed up with Rooster Teeth; so we wouldn't go bankrupt!

Ruby: Hey, I know them!

Wiz: You guys have until dusk to set up camp for the night, starting... now! (A ScrewAttack van drives by, with Jocelyn in the driver's seat and Evil Craig in the passenger seat.)

Evil Craig: Get in losers, we're going to watch this (Bleep!) on TV!

Boomstick: Aw hell yeah, can't wait! (Wiz and Boomstick get in the back seats of the van, which drives off.)

Team Winners

Gilgamesh: So. As this team's captain, I demand that half of us go and collect wood for construction, and the other half collect firewood. I shall be the judge of the campsite from there.

Raven: Who appointed you team captain again?

Gilgamesh: I don't see anyone else claiming the position.

Flandre: Y'know, technically speaking, he appointed himself team captain. No one else did.

Raven: I think we should vote on who our captain is.

Maka: Good idea, Raven. Anyway, we can all vote on who we believe is fit to lead this team, so that we can begin this challenge.

Gilgamesh: Fine. I vote myself.

Morrigan: Sweetie, you'd make such a good leader~.

Gilgamesh: (Grins at Morrigan, who is now starting to wrap her arms around him) You have made a wise choice.

Vash: I vote- hey, where did Doomsday go?

Lloyd: Yeah, wasn't he just here a second ago?

(Suddenly Doomsday comes back with a huge stack of lumber in his arms, which he sets down onto the ground.)

Doomsday: You were saying?

Maka: ...Wow.

''Maka: I have to say, I was really impressed with Doomsday there. I took him for a bit of an idiot at first.''

Soul: ...I still think he kinda is.

Maka: Let's see you come back with hundreds of pounds worth of lumber in one go.

Soul: (Sighs) Why are we in the bathroom together again?

Maka: (Blushes) I-it's not a bathroom!

Vash: I think Doomsday's a good candidate!

Gambit: Mon dieu, I am impressed. (Lights a cigar.) Perhaps Doomsday would be a good team captain, no?

Doomsday: (Glares at Vash and Gambit) No one likes a kiss-up.

Gilgamesh: Okay... anyone besides Doomsday?

Morrigan: Vash, Gambit, my dears. Doomsday is a brute; he's our muscle. A team captain requires some... tactical ability. Don't you think Gilgamesh would be good at that?

Vash: (Staring at Morrigan) ...Actually, maybe you're right...

Gambit: Fair enough.

Gambit: (Puffs his cigarette) I know what the cherie'' is doing. And it not working on me.''

Maka: Anyway, why don't we get to building a shelter?

(Team Winners begin to construct a shack-hut sort of structure from the wood. It's looking pretty sturdy.  Lloyd is leaning against the half-finished shack.)

Lloyd: Whew, that's some heavy wood! How did you lift it all, Doomsday?

(Doomsday glares at Lloyd, and says nothing.)

Flandre: Hey, we're all working our fingers to the bone here. Why are you slacking off?

Lloyd: I, uh. Wasn't expecting the wood to be this heavy.

Flandre: Riiiiiiiiight. Just take a break. We all understand that maybe you're not as strong as the rest of us. Say, where did Madoka go?

(Madoka pokes her head from behind the shack.)

Lloyd: Madoka, what are you doing? Are you going to help?

Madoka: S-sorry! This wood's so heavy I can hardly lift it...

Lloyd: Don't you have a power that can lift it, or something?

(Raven is lifting pieces of lumber with her telekinesis, and Sailor Moon is kicking the lumber into position.)

Madoka: ...K-kinda...

Gilgamesh: Madoka, are you hiding from us?

Madoka: O-oh, s-sorry Gilgamesh! ...I should probably get to work... in any way I can...

Excalibur: (While pulling wood) Ah, this reminds me of a story.

Sailor Moon: A story?

Soul: Trust me, you don't want to hear it.

Flandre: A story? (Sarcastically) Please tell us all about it. We want to hear. It'll be so helpful to us.

Excalibur: Alright. (Clears throat) But before I can get to that story, I need to tell you how I got there. My story begins at the twelfth century-

Maka: (To Flandre) Good job. Now he'll never shut up.

Metal Sonic: (Eyes redden at Excalibur.)

Team Losers

Esdeath: Alright, listen up weaklings. You are now under my command.

Cinder: What makes ya think I'll listen to you, lady?

Esdeath: This. (Waves her hand, freezing Cinder's foot to the ground. Cinder shrieks in pain.)

Cinder: OW! That's not so hot of yI gou!

Esdeath: If you'd like to live out here, listen to me. I'm a survivalist, you know.

Samus: Hey, so am I!

Esdeath: (Ignoring Samus) To begin. The strong require little to survive. I base my skills off of a little idea I like to call minimalism. They're constructing a big shelter, but if you're strong enough, all you need is the ground and your wits.

Sonic: What if it rains?

Esdeath: Then you get a little wet.

Sonic: ...I already don't like her.

Mega Man: In the case of a hurricane?

Esdeath: Are you implying a puny shelter made of wood will hold up against a hurricane?

Mega Man: If one was to properly construct a shelter as if-

Esdeath: Too much work; you'll exhaust yourself. Anyway. Samus, Kirito, Ruby, Mega Man. You four are our best hunters, so I'll leave it to you guys to find us some food tonight. Danny, Pit, Sonic, Tabuu, you will find us some firewood. I guess that leaves Alucard, Goku, and Laharl. Uh, you guys can build a wall around our camp.

Alucard: (Grinning) Whatever you say, icy boob lady.

Esdeath: (Also grinning) Good to know we're on an equal agreement.

''Laharl: I-I'll do anything she says! Just as long as she keeps her- (gulp) huge boobs away from me...''

Goku: ...Why are we building a wall?

Esdeath: So that no one can get in; only us out.

(W.I.P.)