User blog:LakuitaBro01.2/Total drama Death Battle Wiki Episode One: Pilot (Part 1)

(The camera sits upon an island with a boat sailing towards it in the distance. Two men are seen standing on a pier watching as the boat comes.)

Boomstick: Can we speed this up?

Wiz: No, we have to build suspense or something.

Boomstick: Well FUCK that!

(Boomstick presses a button that causes the boat to explode, sending twenty four people flying towards the island. They all land in the water in front of the pier.)

Wiz: BOOMSTICK!

Boomstick: Sorry.

(A few limbs land next to the two hosts. Wiz glares at Boomstick)

Boomstick: It’s not my fault that a few contestants decided to stand on the same place the explosives were.

Wiz: Whatever, you guys okay?

(A few contestants are beginning to climb on the dock. The first one to get up on the dock is Para.)

Para: Bow down before you king Para Goomba the Third!

Wiz: I’ll take that as a no.

(The next person jumps onto the pier holding two great whites while explosions go off in the distance he then let’s the sharks go behind him into the water, the twenty-two other contestants screaming in fear.)

Blade: My name… is Blade.

Boomstick: Cool, hope you enjoy using up our budget while you’re here.

Blade: Gladly.

(The next person floats up the pier instead of climbing. He jumps off of the object carrying him, a pencil sharpener.)

Arach: First of all, fuck you, writer. Why’d you have to blow up the ship? Second of all, FUCK YO LOGIC!

(The next person glares at the Fourth Wall Aware. He struggles to get on the pier and when he does, he socks the guy in the back.)

Micky: Why didn’t you carry everyone else up?

Arach: I’m sorry, I should have expanded the size of a FIVE FUCKING INCH PLASTIC PENCIL SHARPENER!

Micky: You floated up on it, why not do that-

Arach: Wow, just because I can do that makes you assume I can do anything? Wow. Fourth Wall-cist.

(A girl crawls onto the pier and stands in between the two and places her hands on both of their chests, holding them back.)

Aqua: Please, don’t fight!

Arach: Whatever, toots, you’re just here because the writer needs an oblivious person.

Aqua: How did you know-

Arach: Magic.

Wiz: Stop arguing, we have to get back to the introductions!

Micky: Yeah, shut up Arach.

(Arach mutters a reply in a mocking tone)

Aqua: Ugh…

(The next contestant climbs up on the pier. He is a little more heavy weight than the others so far.)

Dedede: Sup. I’m Dedede, named after King Dedede-

Para: King? I’m the only king here! EN GARDE-

(Blade elbows Para in the stomach, sending him keeling over into the water.)

Blade: Fucking Gilgamesh wannabe…

Dedede: Welp, this will go greatly for me…

(The next person to get up goes to shake Boomstick’s hand but trips, pushing Boomstick into a post, causing him to trip and then fall and hit his head.)

Puas: Oh shit I’m so sorry!

Boosmtick: Save it kid, I saw it was an accident.

Puas: Oh thank god-

Boomstick: Just don’t do it again or we’ll throw you from the show.

Puas: Okay…

(The next person climbs up and studies everyone around him.)

Dealy: Hmm… plaid shirt, shotgun for a leg, jeans… you must be Boomstick. And this very nerdy guy must be Wiz.

Wiz: Hey-

Boomstick: Yeah he’s pretty nerdy. Nice to have you on the show, bud!

(The next contestant gets out of the water fairly quickly and glares at his fellow contestants. He then opens his mouth.)

Rotom: Ooh… this will be an easy win…

'''Rotom: From judging the contestants on the boat and the ones who got on the pier first, this will be no challenge. You got some guy that thinks too highly of himself, a optimist that clearly is oblivious to stuff, it’s pathetic. The biggest problem seems to be Arach.'''

'''Arach: Well hello writer, you just made the main antagonist obvious. Oh, nice writing so far.'''

Wiz: Well, nice to meet you, Rotom.

Rotom: Yes, yes. Nice to meet you too, Wizard.

Boomstick: Wizard? I haven’t called him that in years…

(The next person is pushed up on to the dock by the other contestants. This results in three contestants collapsing on the deck.)

Wiz: Rock, Masta, and Aravy!

Rock: Why did you push me?

Masta: Why were you pushing me?

Aravy: Why are you arguing?

Arach: How did three people get up here at the same time when the writer said one person was being pushed up?

Wiz: Next contestant!

(The next person rises off of a shark and climbs up on to the deck.)

Lak (read all his lines in Egoraptor’s Ash voice): Thanks Sharpedo! Now return!

(Lak throws a rock at the shark, causing it to thrash around and run away.)

Lak: It doesn’t like me yet…

Boomstick: I was waiting for the crazy guy.

(A few people climb up at the same time, four in total.)

Link: I hate you guys.

Jelly: Seriously, who set off the explosion? That could’ve been dangerous!

Josh: Could have been? Four people died in the explosion!

Trixter: Umm… please don’t yell. It won’t bring them back…

Boomstick: Yeah, I mean, TV personalities can by pass anything as long as they have money.

(The last seven climb up.)

Wiz: And finally, ZMusok, EMC, Warp, Grn, Digi, Quant, and Des! Please, everyone follow me and I will show you your cabins, but before that, I will announce your teams to you!

(The 24 competitors head off to the camp ground, which is called the Chat. After a few minutes of interactions and such, Wiz and Boomstick appear before them.)

Wiz: You all shall be split into two different teams! Team CFC and Team Fan War!

Para: Why are out teams named after two mongrel rip off shows?

Boomstick: Because you all suck. Moving on, Team CFC will be Jelly, Aqua, Josh, Digi, Aravy, Puas, Dedede, Des, ZMusok, Warp, Dealy and Micky. Everyone just called stand to that side.

(Wiz points to the right and the mentioned follow. They all eye each other is suspicion as they gather.)

Warp: Hi guys! I’m looking forward to having fun this competition!

Dedede: Yeah man, looking forward to know you guys-

(Looks to see that Warp is on his phone, live streaming the area.)

Dedede: Fffffffuck.

Wiz: For team Fan War, it will be Lak, Rock, Masta, Trixter, Quant, Blade, Rotom, EMC, Arach, Link, Para and Grn! You all go to the left!

(They do so.)

Wiz: Everyone get unpacked and meet us at the base of the mountain thataway!

(Wiz points to a giant mountain to the east. The contestants go to the cabins and unpack their stuff.)

TEAM FAN WAR

Rock: So… how are you guys?

Para: Why, peasant, I am just the best feeling today. You are all lucky to have me, as I shall protect you like the good king I am!

Arach: You aren’t a king though, but your personality was chosen by the admin you based off of so… eh I dunno.

Masta: Well whatever. As long as we’re friendly, we can win this!

Rotom: Yeah, woo, teamwork…

Quant: I don’t see this going well…

Blade: Para’s a pushover, Lak’s a lunatic, everyone else, I have no idea.

Lak: Why won’t my Feraligator love me…

(Lak was holding a crocodile, it bits his head)

Lak: Ow…

TEAM CFC

Dealy: Hm. Warp, you seem to be fascinated with tech.

Warp: Erm… yes?

Dealy: What would you do without it?

Warp: Hell if I know.

Jelly: *insert funny joke about what Warp just said here because I’m too lazy to think of anything, A+ writing I know*

(People laugh n’ shit as the camera fades out)