Board Thread:Wiki Management/@comment-27150398-20180211135035/@comment-7424710-20200130120344

The bios are passable. You did your best to catch the character traits of Wiz and Boomstick. However, there are one too many moments where they interrupt each other and do that phase where it's an awkward pause, someone makes a joke, and goes anywayyyyyy or back on topic/track, which is really only Wiz's thing. It's really only used once per real-life episode. My only issue is that it's always caused by Boomstick. Wiz starts many gags himself, either through introducing some weird gadget that makes the gag itself or through making a reference that Boomstick then adds onto it. I'd do a balance of both instead of relying on the other way and even then I'd decrease the frequency of making them. The beer one was good though, I'll give props.

Your character of Boomstick also relies more on asking Wiz a lot of lore questions and just making one-word comments reacting to certain factoids when they should both know an equal amount of the topic. It's just that Boomstick makes more analogies or stupid jokes on top of it. I wouldn't do that as much, because you're relegating him to just a Q&A booth personified

There are too many weird gaps an ellipses where there shouldn't be. I can get that you'd want to emulate a real person talking, that's fine, but sometimes there's moments where stuff like "With the Flame Wave, Akihiro can fire out...well, uh, fire like a flamethrower" or the "...So...what does it do?" can do without the ellipses and the wells and the ums, just explain it and don't leave as much filler.

Some standard typos and grammatical mistakes. No one can perfectly avoid them. These aren't all of them, but just keep watch.

"Akihiro was being hinted  (typo) by the vile demon Mephistopheles  [, who]  wanted to kill the Dragoscale family, starting off with the 'Chosen One', Akihiro."

"In fact, his rage was so great that he started to change form, he go  (typo) scales and wings,  (swap the, for a ; or place an and after) his body changed."

"lightning struck down on Lloyd which, if the tornado didn't, DEFINATELY  (typo) killed him, right, Wiz?"

"Akihiro shouted 'no!'  (Capitalize the N) and rushed towards Lloyd, but it was too late,  (because/for; You could also just separate the sentences)  his arm snapped back into place and his bleeding wounds closed up."

The plot of the fight itself is straight-forward and does its job. No crazy adjectives that describe the scenery well enough to exactly put you in some shoes like you're actually there watching it at a Coliseum or something, but it's serviceable enough to where there's nothing objectively bad about it. You have nowhere to go but up.

Was I invested in the characters? Akihiro had a motive and a character-driven goal derived from his own story, so that's one thing capitivating. However, Lloyd was a bit of a snooze fest for me, or at least until Rachel got hit. He just agrees to fight, not even just blocking, but going straight on the offense? He even says he doesn't want another scar and yet the plot forces him to go at it anyway. There could've been more plot to circumvent this, saying that he was cornered and had no means of escape. But even then, after the jet hit it's just standard bloodlust, I would've enjoyed to see Akihiro make more attempts at calming Lloyd down after hitting it with the beam, it would've made some damn good irony reflecting how the fight originally started.

Why does Akihiro know what Silver the Hedgehog is? I thought this took place in medieval times.

The kill was nice, rare to see stuff like that go down but I'm assuming the S5 DB finale inspired that type of kill.

I cannot rate character accuracy or how correct the verdict is, I don't pay attention to OCs at all and I'm assuming OC vs OC fights have people already agree on a verdict, so there's no chance in hell that it could be objectively wrong. The reasoning is at least detailed even if it's reverberating analysis information, there's enough to get the idea out and summarize it.

Overall, I would decrease the intermittent interruptions between Wiz and Boomstick, most are unnecessary additions that just make fluff out of the page to make the scroll bar just a little skinnier. Flavor text and adjectives, describing scenery, overall making the experience feel more like an experience through more description in your actual fight will help entice readers more.

Bios: 5/10

Fight: 7/10

Results: Could literally not be wrong/10

Overall?: 6.5/10

Since apparently you can do another fight in a row, I would like another person's opinion on Guts VS Dimitri, since I wanna see flaws. Praise is nice, but I doubt it's perfect.