Isabelle VS Marie

Isabelle VS Marie is a What-If Death Battle idea by Random Splatoon 2 Fan. It features Isabelle from the Animal Crossing series pit against Marie, one of the Squid Sisters from the Splatoon series.

DESCRIPTION
Animal Crossing VS Splatoon! Two good-hearted animal-like celebrities go head to head, but only one will leave without getting splatted. Will Isabelle prove she's the cutest, or will Marie show she's the freshest? And is RS2F really stupid for thinking of this matchup?

INTERLUDE
(Cues "Wiz and Boomstick")

'''Boomstick: What's better than animals or celebrities, you may ask? Animal celebrities, of course!'''

Wiz: ...Something about that sounds weird to me.

'''Boomstick: Hey, it was your idea to do this fight, not mine. Anyway, one example would be Isabelle, the peppy and positive mayor's secretary of Animal Crossing.'''

Wiz: And Marie, the chilled-out, superior Squid Sister from Splatoon.

'''Boomstick: I'd watch it if I were you. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!'''

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!

ISABELLE
(Cues "Town Hall" from Animal Crossing: New Leaf)

Wiz: In the world of Animal Crossing, there's no such thing as negativity. Everyone's always nice to each other, and always willing to help each other out...

'''Boomstick: Hold on, Wiz. I'll bet you're gonna say something messed up is about to happen that ruins it all. I've seen enough anime to know how that works.'''

Wiz: No, Boomstick. That's it. It's just that everyone's happy.

Boomstick: Dammit!

Wiz: Anyway, while the people of whatever the mayor decides to name the town are all friendly in their own right, few people practically embody positivity quite like the mayor's secretary, Isabelle.

Isabelle: OK, all set! Have a nice day.

'''Boomstick: Oh my god. As a dog person, I can say that's the cutest f**king thing I've ever seen in my life. Next thing you're gonna tell me is that she's a dick, right?'''

Wiz: Boomstick, stop assuming these games are like anime, because they aren't.

'''Boomstick: Okay, fine. Anyway, Isabelle is a 4 dog-year old shih-tzu that lives in the town with the name that you probably gave it. Alright, I'm getting pretty tired of saying that, so why don't we just say Smashville, like in Smash?'''

Wiz: Sounds like a plan. Isabelle only has one goal in life: To help everyone out and make Smashville happy.

Boomstick: Yeah, and she's really not much of a fighter, but that doesn't mean I'm not maining her on the spot.

(Cues "Title Theme: Animal Crossing" from Super Smash Bros Ultimate)

Isabelle actually has plenty of wacky tools and trinkets she likes to use in a fight, as shown from Smash. '''She's got a hammer, a fishing rod, which can be used like a grappling hook and gives me questions to how strong it is, a balloon swing, which lets her fly, a party popper that packs a punch, and a bucket of water? Okay, how are these things supposed to help her fight? Like, at all?'''

Wiz: Smash logic, Boomstick. Isabelle also likes to use Gyroids, which are native to Smashville, sort of like mines. If someone walks over them, they'll launch into the air and explode, taking the fool with them. Say, I think I just found out a good defense from people trying to get into my lab.

'''Boomstick: But you may be asking: "Boomstick, what's the point of all these weapons when she's a weakling?" And to you I say screw that because you're wrong.'''

Wiz: Through scaling to her close friend Villager, she's a powerhouse. Villager can smash boulders to pieces with one hit from a shovel and fish a whale shark right out of the water. Keep in mind that the average adult whale shark weighs about 20 tons. That's heavier than 5 Asian elephants!

'''Boomstick: Holy shit! She can actually do that?!'''

Wiz: Well, since Isabelle can fight on par with Villager and other citizens of Smashville seem capable of this kind of strength, too, so I'd say this scaling is reasonable.

'''Boomstick: Wait, Wiz! We almost forgot about something! Isabelle also has the weirdest pocket in video game history. It seems she can put just about anything in that damn pocket, from fireballs to lightning and even trees!'''

Wiz: Yes, and while Smash isn't actually canon, Isabelle's pocket could still be capable of this sort of power, since in the main series, you could put furniture or enormous fish in your pocket if you wanted to.

(We then cut to Wiz and Boomstick's avatars, where Boomstick seems very dumbfounded)

'''Boomstick: Okay, what is with Nintendo and making these cute people so powerful, like with a planet-cracking pink puffball and a green dinosaur that can kick so hard that a giant raven turns into a goddamn constellation? It's like there's someone over at their headquarters who has a hobby of doing that!'''

(Masahiro Sakurai then walks by, casually whistling)

Boomstick: Never mind.

Wiz: But obviously, even with these impressive abilities, Isabelle is not perfect.

'''Boomstick: Yeah, she can be a little clumsy and absent-minded at times. Also, let's not forget the most important part: SHE HATES CONFRONTATION!'''

Wiz: Yes, Isabelle doesn't like it when a fight has to get serious, and only seems to fight if it's just for fun, like in Smash.

Boomstick: Still, if you're in a desperate situation as mayor or if you're trying to main someone with a fishing rod, you can bet your ass that Isabelle will be there to help you, no matter what.

Isabelle: They want me in Smash?!

MARIE
(Cues "Inkopolis News" from Splatoon)

Wiz: A couple hundred years into the future, and a disastrous flood devastated the earth wiped out just about all life on earth.

'''Boomstick: But that obviously doesn't mean that all life went extinct, because that would just be stupid. Nope, instead, a couple decades later, a new species started to inhabit the planet, and they look like some sort of squid-kid hybrid.'''

Wiz: They are, Boomstick. And they were called Inklings.

'''Boomstick: Oh. Well, is it weird to anyone that they look freakin' adorable? I mean, just listen to the noises they make!'''

Inkling: Woomy!

Wiz: I guess if you just think they're cute, that's fine, so long as that's the extent. Anyway, just because these creatures weren't human doesn't mean that they didn't know what entertainment was.

'''Boomstick: That's right! Aside from the turf wars, they were also huge fans of music, and there were quite a few kickass bands, like Wet Floor, Off the Hook, and the best one without a doubt, the Squid Sisters.'''

Squid Sisters: Stay fresh!

(cues "Tide Goes Out" from Splatoon)

Wiz: One of these Squid Sisters was Marie, who lived with her cousin Callie and their grandfather, Cap'n Cuttlefish, who had faith that the two would both become stars.

'''Boomstick: Yeah, they didn't really start out as celebrities, but as time went on, they quickly grew into the legendary duo that literally everyone, both in Inkopolis and in real life, want to get coffee with. Also, hold on, Wiz. Didn't you say they were cousins? If they are, why are the called the Squid Sisters?'''

Wiz: Probably because it was the only creative name they could think of.

Boomstick: Fair point.

Wiz: Anyway, just because Marie's a legendary singer doesn't mean she's not into fighting as much as any other Inkling. She actually has quite a bit of experience in the art of turf wars.

(Boomstick then proceeds to laugh as if he just watched the restaurant scene from Dumb & Dumber, which you all know he would absolutely laugh at, plus the music cuts.)

Wiz: What did I say?

'''Boomstick (still chuckling): You said "the art of turf wars," and those things are basically giant painting fights! I swear, Wiz, you make the best jokes when you don't even notice you're making a joke.'''

Wiz: Uhhh...Okay.

(Cues "Spicy Calamari Inkantation" from Splatoon 2)

'''Boomstick: Marie is especially a fan of Splat Chargers, which is like a sniper rifle if somebody wanted to use it for paintball. I'm a gun fan, so I can tell you that these babies have quite a range, and they shoot out ink that really seems to sting.'''

(We then cut to Wiz and Boomstick again)

'''Boomstick: But come to think of it, how would ink even do that much damage? I mean, it's just ink. How bad is it supposed to be?'''

Wiz: Well, that's the question this test is about to answer.

(Wiz then takes out a Splat Charger and shoots Boomstick with it, knocking him out cold and sending him through a wall)

Wiz: That bad, I guess.

2 HOURS LATER...

'''Boomstick: Ughh...What the hell was that? What were we talking about, Wiz?'''

Wiz: I'll do the talking for now. Marie's Splat Charger also means she has access to Splat Bombs, which are literally just bombs with explosive ink. Now, the downside to having a gun that shoots ink is that there's a limited supply. Thankfully, that's what the leftover ink that Marie shoots out is for.

Boomstick: Yeah, back to that squid part of Inklings, Marie can go from humanoid to squid in an instant and swim around in her ink, which is weird as hell but also kinda cool.

Wiz: Marie's also so skilled with her Splat Charger that she can shoot her cousin Callie in the face, which knocked off a pair of hypnotic sunglasses from a couple hundred yards away while she was on a moving flying bus, and she didn't even hurt Callie.

'''Boomstick: She didn't even use a scope! She just shot and it hit! This chick's got some aim, unlike my ex-wife.'''

Wiz: Unfortunately, Marie does have her downsides as well. She's rather frail, and a few hits from any color of ink that isn't her own can splat her. She's also not really much of a fighter at all, despite being Agent 2 in the Squidbeak Splatoon. And when she runs out of ink, it takes a bit to replenish it all, and while she does stay hidden when she's doing this, a smart enough opponent can still snuff her out.

Boomstick: And we can't forget about any Inkling's worst weakness: water.

Wiz: Yes, Inklings are rather oily, as Marie says "us oily Inklings," and obviously water and oil don't mix.

'''Boomstick: Well, I still think that's bullshit since they're literally squid people. Water should be when they're at their strongest.'''

Wiz: Tell that to Nintendo, then.

'''Boomstick: Well, who cares when you're as good with a gun as she is. Marie's without a doubt the more badass Squid Sister, even if Callie's the better one.'''

Wiz: Beg your pardon?

Marie: You da best, Agent 4.

INTERMISSION
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities.

Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLLLLLLLLLE!

DEATH BATTLE
Isabelle is seen walking through Inkopolis Square, looking a little lost. She was about to ask that crab guy with the food truck for directions, but hears a familiar voice behind her.

'''Marie: And here I thought all mammals went extinct. What are you supposed to be.'''

Isabelle looks behind her to see Marie in her kimono and brella.

Isabelle: Umm, hello. I'm Isabelle. I'm just looking for directions to the tea shop.

'''Marie: Sorry, doggo, but we don't have any of those. Now, something about your devilishly adorable face is a little suspicious, to be honest. I've seen enough of those Japanese watchamacallit shows to know that something cute doesn't always mean something friendly.'''

Isabelle: Well, I assure you, I mean no harm, miss. I'm just trying to find my way across this city.

'''Marie: I dunno, I've seen how you play in those games about smashing or whatever. How 'bout we have a duel.'''

Isabelle: I mean, as long as nothing bad happens, I suppose it couldn't hurt to.

(cues "Rip Entry" by Wet Floor)

'''Marie: Alright. Let's go go goo.'''

Isabelle pulls out her umbrella to match Marie's, and the two run at each other. Their umbrellas clash as if they were fencing, as they parry, block and thrust at each other.

Marie: Not bad for a doggo.

Isabelle: I wouldn't be so quick to judge.

Isabelle strikes Marie's brella hard enough to knock her back, and delivers a series of blows to Marie with her own umbrella, sometimes opened and sometimes closed, and the final blow sends Marie flying and crashing into Crusty Sean's food truck (don't worry, he wasn't there).

Marie: *chuckles.* This is getting good.

Marie throws off her kimono, revealing her singer outfit underneath, and pulls out her Splat Charger.

Marie: Time to hit it or squid it.

Isabelle: No offense, but that was kinda weird.

'''Marie: I know. I'm not great at one-liners.'''

Isabelle runs at Marie with her umbrella, but Marie shoots Izzy right in the torso with her Charger, causing Isabelle to lose some air and fall down a little. She quickly gets back up, and Marie continues to fire several weaker shots, and Isabelle deflects most of them with her umbrella.

'''Marie: Y'know, pupper, you can't just keep hiding behind her umbrella the whole time. It's not like I'm making it rain.'''

Isabelle hears this and decides to throw her umbrella right at Marie's head, giving her a small concussion. Marie gets a little frustrated and fires an extra powerful shot at Isabelle's head, but Isabelle reacts quickly enough to grab the shot of ink right out of the air and put it in her pocket, while Marie stands dumbfounded.

'''Marie: Wha...Holy carp! How did you do that?'''

Isabelle: I dunno, but it's pretty cool.

(Cues "Blitz It" by Chirpy Chips)

Isabelle throws the shot back at Marie, who dodges it, but it ends up hitting an Inkling with a striped shirt, pink ponytail and straw boater. Marie decides to play it smart, as she sees that Isabelle might be able to pocket her other projectiles too.

Marie: Alright, lil' dog, I dunno what kind of magic you have, but I don't mind a little fistfight.

Isabelle: Let's see what you can do.

Isabelle puts on a pair of boxing gloves, and the two run at each other and break into a fighting cloud, in which you can occasionally see them slapping each other in the face, getting into a sissy fight, and whack-a-moling each other with their umbrellas. The dust settles when Marie smacks Isabelle so hard with her umbrella that she gets sent flying and slamming into a table where an Inkling is taking a selfie with her Golden Toothpick. Marie creates a trail of ink with her Charger, swims on over and delivers a series of blows to Isabelle, but as Marie is about to smack Izzy upside the head, the secretary shih tzu grabs Marie's hand and slaps Marie in the face twice before hitting her four times with a broom, then launching her across the block with a party popper.

'''Marie (to herself): Oohh, my head. I can see why I don't do this very often.'''

Marie then gets up and activates a Sting Ray.

'''Marie: Hey, doggo! Think you can jam this in your pocket?'''

Isabelle looks in surprised terror as Marie fires the Sting Ray, but she quickly reacts by flying away with her balloon swing as fast as she possibly could, then uses her Golden Slingshot to flick a pellet at the Squid Sister, cancelling the Sting Ray and leaving Marie open for attack. Isabelle then takes out a bucket of water and throws the water right in Marie's face, not knowing what it does to Inklings. Marie then yells out in pain and falls to the ground, causing Isabelle to back off.

(music stops, I couldn't think of any music to use for this next scene)

Isabelle: Oh no! I'm sorry!

'''Marie: It's...*coughs,* it's fine. I...I can still do this.'''

Marie tries to get up, but stumbles down, as the water has weakened her tremendously and she's starting melt a little. Isabelle notices she might've made a mistake.

Isabelle: Uhhh..Sorry about that. I didn't think that water would hurt you.

'''Marie: Don't worry, doggo, I get it. Y'know, you put up a pretty fun fight for a little puppy. And you were clearly a good sport. Maybe you aren't so bad after all.'''

Isabelle: Thank you. You were quite a challenge, too. Don't worry, I'll make sure you will be remembered by this city and my own.

'''Marie: *laughs, but then coughs up some ink.* Thanks. Stay...stay fresh, Isabelle.'''

Marie dies, and Isabelle swears to keep the promise she made to the fallen Squid Sister.

RESULTS
(Cues "Title Theme" from Animal Crossing)

Boomstick: Now that was something I did not expect!

Wiz: This was surprisingly a closer fight than it may first seem. Marie may have technically had more combat experience than Isabelle, and she did gain the speed advantage once she covered enough of the ground in ink, but believe it or not, Isabelle outmatched her in just about everything else.

Boomstick: Marie's Splat Charger was certainly a deadly weapon, especially with aim like hers, but Isabelle had a lot more tools and weapons, and some of them were quite effective, probably better than just flinging ink everywhere.

Wiz: Do you want me to shoot you with it again? Anyway, yes, Isabelle's versatility was much greater than Marie's, and she even had the perfect way to put the celebrity cephalopod down for good: Her bucket of water.

Boomstick: Well I'll be damned!

Wiz: Now, obviously, Marie might've won if versatility was Isabelle's only edge, but that wasn't the case. One example was strength, in which Isabelle just absolutely outclassed Marie in.

'''Boomstick: Yeah, we've already stated how scaling Izzy to Villager made sense. And lifting a 20 ton whale shark was easily far more impressive than anything Marie could do. Even if we scaled her to Goggles from the manga, who lifted two Inklings in Ballers with little effort, that still pales in comparison.'''

Wiz: Now, as we know, most Inklings in that manga are around the age of 14 to 15. By measuring the weight of an average kid that age, which is 115 pounds, and multiplying that by 2 while taking the lightweight Ballers into account, we've determined that Goggles must've lifted around 240 pounds.

Boomstick: Certainly impressive, but not even a tenth as strong as what Izzy. And we can't forget about the biggest reason Isabelle won: her pocket.

Wiz: Indeed. Marie may be an expert with her Charger, but Isabelle could easily counter anything Marie could throw at her simply by putting it in her pocket.

Boomstick: That basically made Marie's entire arsenal, which was already pretty limited, kinda useless, since the main thing Inklings do is shoot each other.

(cut to Wiz and Boomstick)

Wiz: Marie was obviously a worthy opponent, and her speed and weapons certainly made it a close fight, but Isabelle's overwhelming strength, effective versatility, and perfect counters gave her the victory.

Boomstick: That was a dog-gone awesome fight, and Isabelle wasn't squiddin' around.

Wiz: The winner is Isabelle.

TRIVIA

 * The connection between Marie and Isabelle is that they're both animal-like female celebrities that are adored by the communities of both the games and real life. They both help out the main character throughout the course of the story (Isabelle is your secretary and Marie is kinda like your guide throughout Splatoon 2's story mode), and they both speak complete gibberish.
 * This is Random Splatoon 2 Fan's first battle, though he promises he has much better fights up his sleeves.
 * RS2F admits that he thinks that this is in fact a very silly matchup, and he only wanted to do it for fun.
 * The part where Boomstick questions the strength of some of Nintendo's cuter characters and Sakurai walks by while whistling is a reference to Wario VS King Dedede, which was RS2F's third favorite episode of Death Battle's sixth season.