Saitama vs. Iron Man

Had nothing better to do, so we became heroes.

''Saitama vs. Iron Man is a What-If? Death Battle. It features Saitama from One Punch Man and Iron Man from Marvel Comics.''

Description
''Cocky and brash, these two heroes for fun are the best at what they do. Which "man" will emerge victorious: the One Punch Man or the Iron Man?''

Intro


''Wiz: Heroes. The fly across the sky with the goal to protect and serve; humans can become one too through hard work and dedication.''

'''Boomstick: But these two kinda thought the whole hero thing was cool and decided to be one. '''

Wiz: Saitama, the lazy hero who kills monsters in one punch.

'''Boomstick: And Iron Man, the billionare turned Avenger. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!'''

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win...a Death Battle.

Saitama
''Wiz: Anime has no shortage of powerful and iconic heroes. Goku, Natsu Dragneel, and Ryūko Matoi are just a few that come to mind. But few are what this man is.''

'' Vaccine Man: Who are you? ''

'' Saitama: Someone who is a hero for fun. ''

'''Boomstick: But before he was everyone's favorite bald man, he was just Saitama. A normal kid who wanted to make the world a better place in every way he can...too bad no one told him the world sucks.'''

Wiz: As he was only fifteen years old, Saitama grew up beat up by numerous bullies and it didn't help he lived in City Z, which is home to giants, car monsters, pig monsters, cyborg gorillas...what.

'''Boomstick: In a city filled with monsters like these, there was a Hero's Association, a place where heroes gathered to take on the powerful threats. But some are awful, I mean, Golden Ball?'''

''Wiz: As time went on, Saitama gave up. He quit his dream becoming a hero and simply accepted that he was a nobody.''

'''Boomstick: Fast forward ten years later, Saitama was now a man who had given up on life. He didn't have a job, spouse, and barely any money. And meanwhile, you're complaining you missed that snipe in Call of Duty.'''

Wiz: One day after failing yet another job interview, Saitama came across Crablante, a giant crab monster who had a human lower body because...anime?

Boomstick: I'll bet you twenty dollars it attacked Maryland.

Wiz: But this takes place in Japan...

Boomstick: Here then.

Boomstick hands Wiz twenty dollars in Monopoly money.

Boomstick: Buy yourself something nice.

Wiz: ...Anyway, as the two crossed paths, Crablante spared Saitama because he said he had cold, lifeless eyes like him.

Boomstick: So he didn't kill him because he looks like him?

Wiz: Pretty much.

Boomstick: That's...racist.

Wiz: ...Saitama was told by Crablante that if he found a child with a butt-chin, he would kill the child because the child had drawn nipples on him.

Boomstick: Meanwhile, the kids next door won't stop spray painting my car but if I say anything to them, I get restraining orders and lawsuits and-

''Wiz: As Saitama walked along the path apparently not fazed by the giant crab monster, he came across said butt-chin kid who couldn't care less about Crablante and his rage. After Crablante reared his hideous head again, Saitama debated whether he was going to save such an obnoxious kid.''

'''Boomstick: After realizing that he didn't want the image of an ugly kid ripped in half burned his mind forever, Saitama rescued the child. He then tried to fight Crablante, only to be brutally pimp slapped into a building. Remember kids, never follow your dreams.'''

Wiz: When it looked like Crablante was going to continue his rampage, Saitama found enough power to get up, rip off his tie, and viciously yank Crablante's eye out and a brutal fashion. '''Boomstick: WOW! That's like something out of Berserk! Guts, eat your heart out!'''

''Wiz: Inspired by this event that triggered his dreams, Saitama trained. One hundred push-ups, one hundred sit-ups, one hundred squats, and ten kilometer runs every single days for three years. No matter if was rain, sleet, snow, Saitama trained vigorously every day even if he vomited.''

Boomstick: I could do that!

Wiz: No, you couldn't. Remember that time you ran to catch your Jeep after your son drove away with it?

Boomstick: He was going fifty miles per hour!

Wiz: He was hitting three miles per hour at best; his legs couldn't even reach the gas pedal.

'''Boomstick: Shut up, Wiz, we're talking about Saitama! After three years of nonstop training, Saitama grew strong, powerful, and bald. Really bald. ' Wiz: Despite the fact Saitama had lost all of his hair, Saitama was now a hero. It was good for a while except one small, insignificant problem. He could kill anything and anyone in only a single punch.''

Boomstick: ...That's a problem because...?

''Wiz: Saitama was never challenged by anything and after a short period of time, he was bored of being a hero. That changed when he met a blonde cyborg-''

'''Boomstick: Android 18? I thought this was One Punch Man.'''

Wiz: No, his name was Genos.

'''Boomstick: Reluctantly, Saitama took Genos under his featherless wing, but it seemed like it would help him now because Genos had introduced Saitama to the Hero's Association where for all his one-punching, weight-lifting skills, he was a C Class Hero. He gets moved up to B Class, don't worry.'''

Wiz: Saitama is an incredibly powerful figure with his signature attack: the Normal Punch.

'''Boomstick: The Normal Punch is so strong, it can take down giants who can destroy entire cities by walking with just a hit. And if Saitama needs to boost that fist power, he has his Normal Consecutive Punches which can harm Lord Boros who is a galactic space dictator.'''

Wiz: But when Saitama is challenged, he enters his deadliest form: Serious Saitama. Boomstick: Serious Consecutive Sidehops allow Saitama to hop back and forth so fast, he creates an afterimage, which, in order to do so, he has to be going at least 2,236 miles per hour.

''Wiz: Serious Tableflip is where Saitama digs his hands under the ground and literally flip the pavement 360 degrees. The Serious Headbutt is a headbutt. No surprise there.''

'''Boomstick: That must hurt though. A lot.'''

Wiz: But by far, his most powerful attack is the all mighty Serious Strike, a punch so powerful, it reflected Boros' Planet Buster Roaring Cannon.

'Boomstick: While we're on the topic of Boros, there was that one time he kicked Saitama to the moon only for Saitama to come back by jumping from the moon in only four'' seconds! There's no way this guy is human!'''

''Wiz: Since it moonlight reaches the earth at 186,000 miles per second, Saitama had to have been going at least relavistic speeds which is ten percent the speed of light. This means Saitama had to have been going 18,600 miles per second.''

'''Boomstick: He's also fast enough to keep up with Speed-o'-Sound Sonic, who is (obviously) the speed of sound. Then he bit his sword into pieces because he was angry. He's also beaten almost everyone in one punch, split the atmosphere on a global scale, punched a monster so hard it stopped raining, and even withstood a black hole. Also, as previously stated, he punched a planet-busting attack.'''

''Wiz: But as powerful as Saitama is, he's not without his faults. He's barely above average intelligence and rarely ever takes his fights seriously. He's also not diverse in any types of fighting skills. One theory is that since Saitama is a "gag" character, he is unbeatable. This is false. He's a parody, not a gag.''

Boomstick: But chances are, he'll end you in one punch, man.



Iron Man
'''Boomstick: If the first thing you think of when you think Tony Stark is money, you're absolutely right. And don't think for a second he didn't start out that way! '''

''Wiz: Being adopted by Howard and Maria Stark, Tony's life was filled with awards and achievements due to his genius level intellect which led him to graduating from MIT at the age of nineteen with top honors. But the thing is, he and his new father often butted heads due to Tony's carefree and playboy attitude.''

'''Boomstick: Then his parents died in a car crash because this is Marvel. What is Stan Lee's obsession with orphans about?'''

''Wiz: Now the sole heir of Stark Industries, Tony had power, wealth, women. Anything he ever wanted, he could have.''

'''Boomstick: Soon, the playboy started making bombs for the war in Afghanistan. It wasn't too long before it all blew up in his face. No, the bomb literally blew up not too far away from him.'''

''Wiz: Due to this a piece of shrapnel was lodged in Tony's heart and he was captured by terrorists in Afghanistan. They gave him two options: build weapons for them and receive medical assistance or die.''

'''Boomstick: But neither of those are the Stark way, so Tony made a third option. He built a pacemaker out of what little he had and built a suit around it. This is where one of Marvel's most iconic heroes was made. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Iron Man.'''



Wiz: Murdering his way out Afghanistan and back to America, Tony eventually became invested in the Iron Man suit and built suit after suit.

'''Boomstick: But his favorite suit is his trusty Model 13 armor A.K.A. the Modular Armor. Made of a gold and titanium alloy, this baby comes with anti-tank missiles, and EMP, explosive darts, force fields, a friggin' energy blade, sonic blasts, machine guns, and his signature attack, the Repulsor Blast.'''

''Wiz: The repulsor blast draws power from the device in Tony's chest which can be concentrated to fire from the palms of his hand. But when Iron Man gets serious, he can fire a large beam out of his chest named the Unibeam.''



Boomstick: He even built one for his best friend, James Rhodes.

''Wiz: Who gets beaten... a lot.''

'''Boomstick: Well, the suit can lift up to 100 tons, fly five times faster than the speed of sound, and even comes with a robot butler. '''

''Wiz: J.A.R.V.I.S. or Just A Rather Very Intelligent System, yes, that is the name, controls Tony's weaponry and can call his other suits. But when Tony needs a suit specifically to fight those large and powerful foes, he has the Model 14 armor A.K.A. the Hulkbuster.''

'''Boomstick: An awesome suit made for fighting the Hulk, obviously, the suit is formed around the Modular Armor and is capable of taking hits from the Green Goliath himself. Wonder if I can make something like that.'''

''Wiz: You? With a Hulkbuster? That is...actually terrifying.''

Boomstick: Think about it, Wiz."Hey, you can't take that beer without pay-...take all of the beer, sir, just don't hurt me."

''Wiz: Ugh...anyways,even without the Hulkbuster, Iron Man is still a foe to be reckoned with. He's taken hits from Thor, Hulk, Sentry, Doctor Doom, and several others, went fast enough to make Sentry compliment him, and has an intellect that rivals that of some of the smartest beings in the Marvel multiverse. But there's one more armor that makes Tony seemingly unstoppable. The Marques Armor.'' '''Boomstick: This allows him to travel at faster than light speeds and enhances all of his other features. Tony at this point is more like some sort of robotic god than an actual human, but there are several faults with him.'''

''Wiz: He is arrogant and reckless to a fault often leading to him being the dark horse of the Avengers. Like that one time when he wants the Avengers to stop getting involved in matters that are not their own.''

Boomstick: And that just led to a whole bunch of stuff with Captain America, Scarlet Witch, and Bucky killing Tony's parents, it was crazy.

''Wiz: Tony is also known to push both his body and his armor to limits that they simply can not reach leading them to run out of power. ''

'''Boomstick: There's even one time where he built a giant machine that had over three times of all the Earth's nuclear energy combined just because he wanted to see what was at the core. Plus, despite its name the Hulkbuster rarely, if ever, busts the Hulk.'''

Wiz: But despite his faults, Tony Stark will push his body and armor to the absolute limit to save all of mankind...while enjoying some alcohol.