User blog:Fedora Lord Para 348/APRIL FOOL'S FIGHT: Genwunners VS Melee Players

Description
''Generation 1 of Pokemon VS Super Smash Bros. Melee! Which overly-avid fan of a previous generation shall prevail?''

Interlude
Wiz: Sometimes, fans of a certain game get extremely avid about a generation they preferred.

'''Boomstick: Whether this generation had better character designs, or just played more technically, no one likes these fans at all. Literally no one.'''

Wiz: Not even themselves...

Booomstick: The Genwunners, butthurt Pokemon fanboys who long for the days of Pokemon who aren't trash heaps!

Wiz: And the Melee Players, hyper-competitive Smash players who think Melee was the only competitive Smash game.

Boomstick: Are we really doing this?

Wiz: It's our job to find out who would win... a Death Battle.

DEATH BATTLE!
(Cue Super Smash Bros. Melee Intro Theme)

The top floor of a tall college campus building

The Para Community College Gaming Club would meet every day at the top floor of the main campus Learning Resources Center, at 2:00 PM. Only eight students would ever show up, and they would usually just sit around and play Super Smash Bros. Melee on the Nintendo Gamecube. Anyone not playing Melee would play a 3DS, or sometimes on a gaming computer.

Today, a group of four young mid-twenty male students were all playing Super Smash Bros. Melee. Each one was playing as Fox, and they were on Final Destination. There were no items.

Each of them was wearing a white sweatshirt with a picture of a ParaGoomba wearing a fedora, with exception of the one sitting in the center-right. This one was wearing a black T-shirt with the words "Super Smash Bros. Melee" written on it in the game's official text, with a grayed-out version of the Super Smash Bros. Melee logo behind it.

Player 2, defeated!

The Melee announcer shouted as the player in the left-center threw down his Gamecube controller in anger.

Player 1, defeated!

The player to the far left threw down his controller as well.

Player 4, defeated!

The player to the far right threw down his controller, leaving Player 3 as the winner of this fight.

'''This game's winner is... Fox!'''

The player in the center-right stood up from his plastic chair as he did a little victory dance. The other three players groaned as they had been defeated for the 1,147th time today. This player 3 was one of the greatest gamers in the entire world, but this was due to him being a Melee Player.

"Hey, do you think we could play Smash 4-" the player to the far left asked before the Melee Player threw his controller at his head, knocking him onto the ground with a loud "THUD!".

"Fuck. No." The Melee Player replied, fire in his eyes in the shape of the Smash logo. No, really. There was literal fire in his eyes. And his skull was so thick from only liking Melee that the fire wasn't going anywhere, so it was like a built-in fire immunity. Pretty fucking sweet if you ask me.

(Cue Pokemon Red and Blue Opening)

From the other side of the room, a chubby, short man around his late-twenties approached the center of the room, wearing a greasy and honestly not very fresh-smelling gray-yellow Pokemon shirt (well, it had been a complete gray before, but...) with a faded picture of a Pikachu on the front. He was wearing chipped eyeglasses upon his face, with a greasy, black fauxhawk upon his head. Little did everyone know, this was the lowest type of Pokemon fan - the Genwunner.

In his wake was a younger student playing on a red 3DS, more specifically playing Pokemon Y. His Pokemon of choice? An Yveltal. The Genwunner approached the younger student as he breathed a foul-smelling, heavy exhale down the kid's neck.

The kid turned around to face the greasy, pimply Genwunner. "Hey, what's up?" the kid asked. The Genwunner, his face fixing itself into a glare, pulled his arm back and straight up socked the kid in the face, an audible "CRACK!" coming from his nose as blood splattered across the room. The kid fell straight down onto the ground as the Genwunner picked up the kid's 3DS, and with an angry yell he tore the 3DS in half.

"No one these days has any appreciation for the good Pokemon..." The Genwunner muttered, an oil fire starting in his eyes from all the grease and oil in him. "Back in my day, Pokemon were good! They weren't just trash piles and ice cream!"

He marched over to the people playing their 1,584th game of Melee, seeing them play as Fox again. When the game ended, he caught a glimpse of Mewtwo for a split second on the selection screen.

"Hey!" the Genwunner shouted.

(Stop music)

The Melee Player sighed as he paused the game, each of the players turning around to face the Genwunner. "What is it?" The Melee Player asked with a groan.

"You should play as Mewtwo! He's so fucking strong and overpowered!  If you had a Mewtwo back in my day, you were unstoppable!"

There was a long silence. After a minute or so had passed, the Melee Player as well as the other three all burst into an uncontrollable laughter as they all fell down onto the ground, literally rolling on the floor laughing.

"Dude!" The Melee Player began. "Mewtwo fucking sucks in this game!"

The Genwunner's eyes widened. Grease began to pour down his face as his still-flaming eye twitched, basically frozen in place.

He.

Had.

Been.

Triggered.

(Cue VS Trainer - Pokemon Red ad Blue OST)

"Mewtwo is the best Pokemon ever, you fucking fuck!!!!" shouted the Genwunner at the top of his lungs, so loudly it caused a huge earthquake that shook the entire building and maybe the school.

The Melee Player quickly stood up, holding the Gamecube controller in his hand.

This was going to get serious.

FIGHT!

The Genwunner and the Melee Player dashed at each other at a blinding speed, the two impossible to track by the human eye. The Genwunner and the Melee Player raised their fists simultaneously, and then in quick unison the two punched each others' fists at exactly the same time.

There was a quick lapse in time as the screen went negative for a split second (literally how) and a shockwave erupted from the collision.

BOOM!

The amount of force that went into a fucking powerful punch like that knocked both the Genwunner and the Melee Player to opposite sides of the room, a loud "CRASH!" bursting as the two hit the walls behind them. The Genwunner had smashed through a circular table and two plastic blue chairs, while the Melee Player had hit the wall and left a small crater as chunks of concrete and dust kicked up.

Newton's Third Law is a bitch, isn't it? And so are Genwunners and Melee Players

Mostly unscathed from the blow, the Melee Player pushed himself upward and onto his feet, staggering a bit from the impact. He shook his head a bit, glaring at downed Genwunner. "Bitch, I'm about to K.O. you so hard that you won't even be on the results screen!" The Melee Player then reached toward the Gamecube which had been placed ever-so-conveniently near his position as he unplugged a blue Gamecube controller from the console.

Opposite the Melee Player, the Genwunner pulled himself back up as well. Copious amounts of sweat poured out of his pores (hahahahahahahahahahaha so funny XD) like a greasy, oily, absolutely rancid waterfall. Reaching into his back pocket, the Genwunner pulled out a solid gray brick, held together with duct tape and for some reason attached to a gray-brown screen which you would not be able to even see if you didn't have hyper-perfect vision and/or weren't underneath the sun's blinding UV rays.

In other words, it was a Game Boy.

"I'm going to send you back to Brock's Gym!" shouted the Genwunner, spitting everywhere as he shouted. And when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere. Also his saliva was like 99% grease and oil.

The Melee Player and the Genwunner charged at each other with immense determination, literal fire in their eyes as the Melee Player swung his right leg into the Genwunner's chest, in a similar fashion to Fox McCloud in Super Smash Bros. Melee. The Melee Player's foot bounced back and recoiled off the Genwunner's fat, but the force of the Melee Player's kick knocked the Genwunner backward as the Melee Player knelt down and reached his hand out, palm facing upward as he curled his fingers toward him in a way as to say "Come on!"

"Come on!" the Melee Player taunted, a la Fox once more. The Genwunner glared at the Melee Player, gasping as the excessive sweat waterfalled down his face.

How dare he taunt the great Genwunner?!

The Genwunner let out a primal roar as he beat his chest, then he threw his glorified brick Game Boy onto the ground as suddenly a giant, ratty furball jumped out of the Game Boy's screen. The furball then revealed two muscular arms and legs, and a pig nose beneath its squinty eyes.

Somehow, the Genwunner had summoned a Primeape to the battlefield.

"Go, Poop!" shouted the Genwunner, a look of fierce determination on his face as a convenient wind blew from his side, his hair waving as he struggled to stand in the midst of the gale forces...

...It was just a fan. That's it. There was a fan blowing from the other side of the room. You guys can all get over it now.

But just moments after he called out the Primeape's name, everything (and I mean everything) went completely silent. I think a conveniently-placed cricket might have let out an echoing chirp as well.

After a few painfully awkward seconds, the Melee Player raised an eyebrow as he stared intently into the oddly-named Primeape's perpetually angry eyes. "You named him Poop?" asked the Melee Player.

The Genwunner gasped as he stomped on the ground (his mere stomp creating about a 6.7 earthquake on the Richter scale) in anger. "I was like seven when I named him!" He shouted out. The Genwunner shook his head as he pointed at the Melee Player. "Primeape, use Submission!"

Then, the Melee Player's eyes widened as he caught glimpse of a sparkling glint in the Primeape's left eye, and in a blitzing speed the Primeape made a mad dash toward the Melee Player. Before the Melee Player could even comprehend such a blow, the Primeape swiped at the Melee Player's forearm, then gripped and pulled it with a force which would generally be enough to uproot a tree from the ground and hurl it into space, but luckily for the Melee Player his arm had been firmly rooted in his torso from all those hours of playing Super Smash Bros. Melee! So, the Primeape then just slammed him down onto the ground, then pinned him down as the Primeape held the Melee Player in a submission.

"Alright, Poop! Now use Seismic Toss!" commanded the Genwunner. The camera zooming in on the Primeape's face to show a glimmer in its angry, small eye, the Primeape then skyrocketed, crashing through the ceiling and roof of the building as he jumped all the way into the stratosphere in only one second! The Melee Player screamed out in fear as he clenched his eyes shut, trying to resist the Primeape's grip. He swore he could feel the impending doom of turning into a star and disappearing beyond the horizon.

...However, he was not about to let that happen.

After all, he was the greatest Melee Player in the known multiverse! In fact, he'd give Galactus, Anti-Monitor, Madoka, God Spawn, Chuck Norris, Segata Sanshiro, True Darkseid, and Thanos with the Infinity Gauntlet a run for their money. In Smash, at least. Before he reached the horizon where he would have inevitably suffered the horrible defeat of a Star KO, the Melee Player flipped himself downward as he hurled Poop the Primeape downward at a near-instant speed, the Primeape igniting immediately as it crashed down into the campus building and reducing it to smithereens as an eruption of concrete and dust kicked up from the impact.

The Genwunner lay in a crater as his body was miraculously unscathed ducks flying around his head to show that he was Confused, and the Melee Player landed perfectly on his feet. Poop the Primeape was in another crater, with X's for eyes. A monochromatic message screen in the style of the original Pokemon Red and Blue games popped up on the bottom screen.

POOP FAINTED!

With a look of absolute terror on his face and that literal fire still in his eyes, the Genwunner knelt down onto the ground as he raised up his arms in a "V", looking upward into the sky.

"POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!" screamed the Genwunner, skyward. He then glared at the Melee Player as the Genwunner pointed his oversized brick- I mean Game Boy! Game Boy! Game Boy. Forget I said that. Anyway, the Genwunner pointed his Game Boy toward the Melee Player as the handheld suddenly transformed itself into the reptilian head of a Charizard, aiming it like the nozzle of a Flamethrower.

(Cue Corneria - Super Smash Bros. Melee)

The Melee Player nodded as he got up onto the ground, then suddenly his Gamecube controller transformed itself into a sci-fi blaster gun similar to that of Fox McCloud's from Super Smash Bros. Melee. With a raging scream which could absolutely obliterate the eardrums of any onlookers who just so had the misfortune of being there, fired at least over 42,069 shots from the blaster.

'''PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! (Times 42,069)'''

The blaster fired a barrage of red laser beams at the Genwunner, but the blasts bounced off of the Genwunner's soft and flabby body almost harmlessly. The Genwunner laughed at the blaster's futile shots as he pointed the Charizard flamethrower at the Melee Player, sending out a white-hot flame powerful enough to melt through the entire Earth and basically everything around it!

However, the Melee Player wasn't having any of it. With a grin, the Melee Player raised his arms in an "X" shape, projecting a cyan-colored hexagonal light in front of him. The Genwunner's still-alight eyes widened in disbelief as the Earth-melting flames redirected back at the Genwunner, engulfing him in a cloud of white-hot flame.

The Genwunner shrieked out in eldritch pain as he felt his skin searing and bubbling off of the bone, fat dripping onto the ground as the copious amounts of oil built up on his skin began to boil. With a look which could only read "Oh fuck!", the Genwunner looked down at the ground as he saw a large bubble rising on his arm-

Wait, a bubble!

Leaving all sorts of pain behind, the Genwunner grinned and bared his yellow-brown, tartar-laden, cavity-filled teeth.

He had gotten the world's greatest idea.

The Genwunner's Game Boy transformed itself into the rounded face of a Squirtle, which proceeded to spit out countless bubbles out of its mouth. Surprisingly enough, the Earth-melting flame dissipated into completely harmless water vapor (seriously, water vapor has never killed anyone) as his charred yet still-standing body stood before the shocked Melee Player.

"Did you do that..." the Melee Player asked, his widened eyes twitching. "...With b-bubbles?"

The Genwunner gave another disgusting, toothy grin as he exhaled, his rancid breath being enough to wipe out the entire solar system on only its absolutely horrendous stench alone. "You can eliminate fire with bubbles, you know that right?" asked the Genwunner.

With an exasperated huff, the Melee Player knelt down onto one knee. The Genwunner let out a haughty laugh, but suddenly-

"OWWWWWW!!!" The Genwunner let out a horrid yell of agony as the Melee Player disappeared in a flash of blue light, and instantaneously delivered a huge punch to the Genwunner's head. The Genwunner staggered back after taking such a blow, but when his vision returned, the Melee Player was nowhere in sight. "Where did that fuckhead go?!" shouted the Genwunner. After a few seconds, the Genwunner pivoted around to see the Melee Player, still kneeling over, back turned to the Genwunner.

The Melee Player let out a grin as his eye glinted, turning his head to the Genwunner.

"Fellow Melee Players," the Melee Player muttered as he stood up on his feet again. Suddenly, the ground - no, the country - no, the planet - no, the galaxy - no, the universe, began to shake violently as suddenly the Great Fox rose up from underneath the ground! The Genwunner's mouth and eyes widened as the Great Fox lifted itself into the air, showing that the pilot was one of the Melee Player's friends from before, with the exception that instead of wearing his generic college shirt, he was wearing the same Super Smash Bros. Melee shirt that the Melee Player was wearing.

"Let's settle it in Smash!" called out the pilot, flashing a thumbs-up to the Melee Player standing on the bridge of the huge airship as the Great Fox ascended out of the Earth's atmosphere and into the depths of space in less than an attosecond.

(Cue Uncontrollable - Xenoblade Chronicles X)

Seriously, even The Flash would be like "Whoa, that's way too fast there buddy!".

The Genwunner stomped on the Great Fox's bridge as he dashed toward the Melee Player, both of them completely able to breathe in space for who-the-fuck-knows why. Before the Genwunner could reach the Melee Player, the Melee Player grinned as he pulled a trash can out of nowhere! He then threw the trash can right into the gut of the Genwunner, hitting him in the stomach as his fat rippled underneath his shirt, the sheer force knocking him off of the Great Fox.

"Noooooooooo!!!" screamed the Genwunner, falling off of the 3fast5you Great Fox. As the Genwunner drifted in deep space, unable to track the Great Fox at this point, he sighed in anger as the trash can floated next to him.

But then, just then, a little figure wiggled its way out of the trash can. Looking on in curiosity, the Genwunner smiled at the figure. "Hey there, little guy!" the Genwunner squealed.

Perhaps it was a cute little Meowth? They could be found in trash cans.

Or maybe a Grimer? It was a slime Pokemon after all.

Or it could have been a Magnemite! They were attracted metallic objects.

The little semi-spherical figure wormed out of the trash can, flashing a little smile as its big puppy-dog eyes looked right into the Genwunner's.

Its appearance would have been enough to fill anyone's heart with happiness.

Anyone, except the Genwunner.

This was a Trubbish.

The Genwunner's smiling, squee-ing face turned into a face of absolute disgust and abhor as the Trubbish smiled at him. With a scream that could for some reason be heard and felt in space, the Genwunner raised a fist resembling that of a Hitmonchan's, then delivered an incredibly powerful Fire Punch, absolutely obliterating the Trubbish into sub-molecular bits which you would have to scour every single inch of the observable multiverse if you ever wanted a chance in hell to find.

The literal oil-fire returned to the Genwunner's eyes as his Game Boy transformed into the face of the Pokemon Abra, and then he teleported himself back to the Great Fox.

Back on the Great Fox, the Melee Player looked around and assumed a fighting position way too similar to that of Fox's, anticipating his foe's return. "Come on!" The Melee Player taunted, not seeing the colorful KO explosion that would entail a character's defeat.

When suddenly, the Melee Player rematerialized back upon the Great Fox, in a grandiose display of power as suddenly his Game Boy turned itself into the legendary, awe-inspiring, electrifying mythical Pokemon Zapdos - no, not just the head of a Zapdos, no. The Game Boy literally turned into Zapdos. I'm not fucking joking.

Letting out a glorious "CAW!", the Zapdos began to gleam with an intensely bright electric yellow as it fired off a huge Thunderbolt which contained enough voltage to incinerate a entire galaxy at the Melee Player! The Melee Player's eyes widened as the Galaxy-busting electricity approached him...

...When suddenly he got an idea.

The blue hexagon of the Reflector appeared in front of the Melee Player once more as the bolt of galaxy-busting electricity redirected itself at the Zapdos! The majestic thunder bird Pokemon's eyes widened as its own Thunderbolt headed straight for it.

And oh man, the results were not pretty.

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

The galaxy all around the Melee Players, the Genwunner, and the Great Fox was immediately turned into nothing but space ash and space dust. The Zapdos (which was also, coincidentally, the Genwunner's Game Boy) was reduced to literal nothingness. The Genwunner knelt down on both knees, unable to comprehend what had just happened.

(Cue Together As One)

All 151 of his Pokemon.

At least 718,867 hours worth of gameplay.

His entire life.

No really, he had been born with an oversized brick known as a Game Boy in his hands.

And now, it was all gone. Forever.

The Genwunner's eyes began to water as he yelled out in pain, agony, and disbelief.

"My Pokemon!!!!" The Genwunner screamed, weeping over the losses of all of his Pokemon. "My Level 100 Charizard I beat the Elite Four with... all three Legendary Birds... the Mew I found under the truck..." The Genwunner sniffled. "All my Pikachus... and my Mewtwo!"

The oil fire in the Genwunner's eyes turned into sun-like flare as he screamed at the top of his lungs.

He was about to give the Melee Player a little piece of his mind.

"MEGA PUNCH!" Foaming at the mouth, the Genwunner dashed at the Melee Player as he socked the Melee Player right in the gut, with a force strong enough to blast him all the way into a moon-like object int he distance. "That's for all my Pokemon!" the Genwunner screamed out, his eyes blurred and vision obscured from the tears.

The Melee Player's eyes bulged right out of their sockets as such a heavy punch landed right in his stomach, and he coughed up a waterfall of blood onto his Super Smash Bros. Melee shirt as the impact launched him right into the moon in the distance at a staggering velocity. Right as the Melee Player collided, the moon exploded into subatomic particles which were dispersed into every corner of the galaxy. The Melee Player groaned as he felt the back of his head. Blood dripped down his fingers and his neck as he felt the razor-sharp edges of his cheap haircut.

The Melee Player watched on as the Great Fox took off.

Without him.

"How dare they..." The Melee Player muttered to himself, hoping his friends would do something about this.

But if not. The Genwunner would be taught the true meaning of SUDDEN DEATH.

Back aboard the Great Fox, the Genwunner laughed a haughty laugh as he went on through the depths of space. However, at this point his laugh wasn't just a regular laugh - no, it was a laugh of sheer madness.

In the middle of his laughter, two spacecraft dashed overhead with a ZOOOOOOOOM!ing sound which broke the sound barrier, the light barrier, the language barrier, the age barrier, and literally every other barrier in existence. The Genwunner clumsily fell down to the ground as the force of the sound knocked him over, when suddenly four beams of green laser energy fired at the Genwunner's position.

Before the Genwunner could dodge the lasers, the beams of concentrated light and heat converged upon the Genwunner in a flash of luminescent green.

The Genwunner let out a horrible scream as the force knocked him upward, right on top of the cockpit of an Arwing passing overhead! The Genwunner's eyes widened as the Arwing began to dash toward an incandescent, blue light in the distance.

And then that's when it hit him - the Arwing was flying toward the sun.

"No! You get me off of this!" right before the Genwunner could be flown into blue star, he pulled out a cylindrical, yellow flute with a Poke Ball in the center of it. The Genwunner let out a sigh of relief as he brought the flute to his lips, and played a familiar melody.

(Cue Poke Flute Theme)

A haunting, yet alluring melody rang throughout space (fuck if I know), putting every single living being in the known hyperverse to sleep.

With the exception of the Genwunner, of course.

(Cue This Day and Never Again)

As the pilot of the Arwing underneath began to doze off, the Genwunner grinned as his body began to widen and expand. The shirt he was wearing began to rip and tear off of his body (but thank fuck his mustard-stained shorts didn't do the same) as his body turned into that of a Snorlax's. The Arwing suddenly began to plunge as it ignited from the sheer speed underneaeth the Genwunner-Snorlax's weight, when suddenly-

"NO ITEMS!"

The Genwunner's eyes widened as he heard the Melee Player calling from all the way on the other side of the galaxy.

But... how?!

With a look of outright horror and despair, the Genwunner's Poke Flute transformed into more literal nothingness. Only the absolute worst could have come out of this...

"FINAL DESTINATION!"

The Genwunner glanced to his side to see the Melee Player enveloped in a white-hot flame, firing himself like a cannonball - no, a comet - at the Genwunner. With an expression which could only read "Oh holy fuck I'm dying a virgin!", the Genwunner could only watch on as the Melee Player delivered a white flame-infused dry-skinned fist to the pimply, oily face of the Genwunner. The force sent the Genwunner all the way to the farthest corner of the hyperverse, as the Melee Player followed suit. In horror, the Melee Player gasped as he landed down onto the ethereal, purple-lit surface of the one, the only, Final Destination.

(Cue Final Destination - Super Smash Bros. Brawl)

The Melee Player landed down onto the surface of the Final Destination as the final showdown between the Genwunner and Melee Player entailed.

The Final Destination stage began to drift all around every known corner of the hyperverse, passing through planets, galaxies, stars, rifts in space-time-

"Hey!" The Melee Player shouted. "Get that the fuck out of here!" The Melee Player screamed at the screen, breaking the fourth wall and clicking on the YouTube link to redirect you, the reader, to the Melee Final Destination theme.

(Cue Final Destination - Super Smash Bros. Melee)

"Now THAT'S more like it!" The Melee Player exclaimed in excitement. He pulled out a blaster resembling Falco's, then opened fire upon the Genwunner. In return, the Genwunner pulled out a miniature Pikachu from his pocket and threw it at the Melee Player, at a velocity fast enough to pull the multiverse out of Galactus' hands.

The Pikachu headbutted through the blasts, completely unfazed by the red lasers fired out from Falco's blaster. The Melee Player quickly stepped to the side, avoiding the Pikachu as it fell off the edge.

"PLAYER 3, DEFEATED!" called the announcer.

The Genwunner let out a battle cry of anguish as he dashed toward the Melee Player, full-throttle. When suddenly-

"This is how competitive players play, boy!" called the Melee Player, reaching his arms out upward. The Genwunner stopped dead in his tracks as he saw the stars, the planets, almost everything, move out of its place.

The Melee Player had lifted the galaxy upward, with only his arms.

"Take this!" The Melee Player called out, hurling the galaxy at the Melee Player like a disc. The Melee Player could only watch as the huge entity spun around at an incredibly velocity, and within attoseconds, the galaxy tore right through the Genwunner's body and cut him straight in half! The force of the galaxy knocked the Genwunner off of the edge of Final Destination.

With a grin, the Melee Player looked downward. The Genwunner was gone... or so it seemed. He scratched his black, razor-sharp five-o'-clock shadow as he waited for whatever the Genwunner's next trick would be.

When suddenly, a horrible, ear-piercing shriek let out from below the Final Destination.

The Melee Player looked upward as a gigantic shadow cast on him from above.

And he stared into the eyes of a monster as he looked up at the absolutely wretched fusion of the Genwunner and a Mewtwo.

(Cue Pokemon Red and Blue - Gym Leader Remix)

Except larger than even Ridley as he towered over the galaxy, his eye eclipsing the Melee Player in size.

"YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD DEFEAT ME?!" The Genwun-Mewtwo asked, his voice booming across the megaverse. The force of the sound waves alone knocked the Melee Player to the edge of Final Destination as he gripped onto the ledge, about to plummet into the abyss below.

The Melee Player gulped as he looked down in fear.

No... he could not... lose at Super Smash Bros. Melee.

With a forceful pull, the Melee Player pulled himself back up as he drew a blaster pistol like Fox's once more - except this time, there were. No. Limits.

"I HAD A REVIVE, SON!" The Genwun-Mewtwo shouted out. He stood up, absolutely towering above the no-longer-frightened Melee Player. The Genwun-Mewtwo pulled his arm back as he hurled a black-purple ball of concussive, psychic, world-destroying energy at the Melee Player.

Knowing exactly how to handle this, the Melee Player raised his hand up again as the blue light of the Reflector shone once more. Unfortunately, this time the Genwun-Mewtwo's shadow ball was too much for the Reflector as it broke through the hexagonal light, shattering it into pieces upon the ground as the Melee Player was launched backward.

However, the Melee Player's determined face did not falter as he aimed his pistol at the Genwun-Mewtwo.

"THAT WEAK BLASTER ISN'T GOING TO WORK ON ME!!" The Genwun-Mewtwo boasted, chortling with his madness of power. "GO BACK TO PLAYING SUPER SMASH BROS. MELEE!"

(Cue https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-lmaPnnD4g Rawk Hawk's Theme - Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door])

The Genwun-Mewtwo opened up his gigantic mouth as a muscular, yellow hawk seemingly made completely out of paper emerged, doing an acrobatic frontflip before landing on the ground. "Hey Melee Player!" shouted the Rawk Hawk. "You need to learn your place!"

Rawk Hawk dashed at the Melee Player at an alarming speed, catching white-hot fire as he charged. Before the Melee Player could react, Rawk Hawk delivered a brutal beatdown to him, bruising his skin and breaking his bones all over.

It was as if taking hits from all sides of the multiverse at once.

The Melee Player screamed out in agony, before a he heard a voice call to him from beyond.

"Come on!" He heard the voice of Fox McCloud in his head, as he saw Fox appear right before him, glistening in a golden light. This, the greatest character in all of Super Smash Bros. Melee, who made Sheik, Falco, Jigglypuff, Marth, and Captain Falcon all look like scrubs.

And now he was telling the Melee Player to keep going.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

The Melee Player let out a battle cry as he aimed his No-Limits Fox Blaster at the Glitz Pit champion - and with just one shot, fired out a singularity beam which reduced everything it touched to something less than completely nothingness. Before Rawk Hawk could react, a purple-blue beam hit him square in the face as the beam removed him from existence entirely.

(End music)

The Genwun-Mewtwo was speechless. But... how? That was how to end any Melee Player, right?

The Melee Player jumped back onto the ledge of the Final Destination as he pointed his blaster at the humongous face of the Genwun-Mewtwo.

"You forgot one rule, Genwunner," the Melee Player began. "Mewtwo sucks in this game."

The Genwun-Mewtwo let out an ear-piercing shriek as he fired a continuous volley of shadow balls from his hands. An endless barrage fired out at the Melee Player, each one being at least the size of Jupiter, at most large enough to engulf our entire universe.

Oh, and there were at least 42,069,348 of them.

With a sigh, the Melee Player pointed his No-Limits Fallacy Singularity Fox Pistol at each of the Shadow Balls (huehuehuehue balls) and opened a continuous stream of fire upon each of them, neutralizing each one before the could hit him. Unbeknownst to the two of them, the collisions between the Melee Player's gun and the Genwun-Mewtwo's Shadow Balls tearing up the entire hyperverse at hand.

Somewhere, the Living Tribunal was weeping.

As blackness and other nothingness appeared all around the two, it was growing apparent that the Genwun-Mewtwo was running out of power, and the Melee Player's gun was running out of ammo.

But this fight had to end somehow.

(Cue Fountain of Dreams - Super Smash Bros. Melee)

"I WILL NEVER LOSE TO THE LIKES OF YOU!!!" The Genwun-Mewtwo screamed, his bellowing voice echoing out all across the nothingness that remained. "I AM A GOD! I AM EVERYTHING!  I AM YOUR LIFE!  THE ONLY ONE ABOVE ME IS SATOSHI TAJIRI-SAMA!  THE GREATEST LIVING BEING IN THE SUPER-MEGAVERSE!!"  With a swing of his arm, the Genwun-Mewtwo charged up what little energy he had left and fired it out in the form of another Shadow Ball-

-Which the Melee Player jumped over, dodging the hit completely.

The Melee Player let out a laugh as he aimed his No-Limits Fallacy VS Battles Wiki Bullshit Plot Armor Raindrops Move-Predicting Freeze Hook Metal and Titanium Universal Rosalina Fox Blaster at the faltering Genwun-Mewtwo. "Also," The Melee Player began. "Shadow Ball wasn't even introduced until Generation Two."

The Genwun-Mewtwo gasped out in power as he slowly began to shrink down. Of course, since he was so fucking huge, it was nearly impossible to tell, but I assure you he was. His heart skipped a beat as he began to profusely sweat oil and Mewtwo-energy. "BUT... HOW...?"

The Melee Player laughed. "You forgot the most important rule of all." The Melee Player shot the Genwun-Mewtwo square in the face as an absolutely gigantic beam of black-purple fired form the Fox Pistol at his face. The Genwun-Mewtwo screamed out in pain and agony as he began to shrink down just a bit faster.

"BUT GENERATION ONE IS THE BEST!!!" the Genwun-Mewtwo screamed out as chunks of his flesh and bone melted off and fell into the abyss and onto Final Destination.

Then, the Melee Player turned his body around as he pulled out an absolutely massive planet shaped like Fox McCloud's head - it was a planet infinitely bigger than the hyperverse itself. Then, with almost no effort, threw the colossal Fox head at the Genwun-Mewtwo, whose moment of complete vulnerability had left him open as the colossal Fox head collided with his body.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

Whiteness. Everything disappeared from the known hyperverse. The Genwun-Mewtwo had been reduced to a negativity, to a quantum mechanic which, simply put, wasn't there.

All that had remained was a gigantic Fox head, and a lone Melee Player standing next to him.

K.O.!

The announcer, somehow alive, came back to announce the Melee Player's victory.

THIS GAME'S WINNER IS...

FOX! (like it always is)

Of course, there was a lot left to do... a huge hyperverse to clean up. Small price to pay for being the absolute best in Melee.

Results
Wiz and Boomstick had been completely wiped from existence, in awe at the absolute lunacy that had taken place. Because they were unable to talk about the results, I guess I had to take over.

Anyway, from the beginning the Melee Players had a pretty distinct edge in most places. While Melee Players and Genwunners are both absolutely idiotic in their own regards, and they're closed-minded to an extreme, Melee Players have one big edge: Competitive play.

Genwunners have never really been competitive, except with other Pokemon generations. In a completely subjective manner. Their argumentative and rude qualities stem from not really liking a generation of Pokemon, due to Pokemon designs. Something which cannot be objectively measured.

Melee Players, on the other hand, they are competitive. They know their game's mechanics, and they own that skill. The Genwunners sometimes forget how flawed and glitchy Generation I really is.

Also, Melee Players are far more cooperative with each other than Genwunners are with each other. Melee Players form crews, they discuss strategy, they help each other out. Genwunners just make memes and talk about how much they hate trash and ice cream Pokemon.

But finally, Genwunners might see Mewtwo as a Pokemon that is so incredibly powerful that no one could stand up to it. Which is what Generation I always presented it as, and it almost was in the games. After all, the Psychic-type was so incredibly broken that they had to add in two new types in the next generation just to balance things out.

But in a game like Super Smash Bros. Melee, Mewtwo was never good. And against someone like the Melee Players, who are extremely talented strategists and tacticians, the Genwunners' closed-mindedness is what really cost them this match.

I, Fedora Lord Para 348, declare the Melee Players... the winners.