Super Smash Bros. 64 Battle Royale

Super Smash Bros. 64 Battle Royale is a What-If? episode of Death Battle, pitting the twelve playable characters in Super Smash Bros. against each other.

Description
''SUDDEN DEATH! GO!''

Interlude
Wiz: Super Smash Bros., one of the greatest and most beloved fighting games in existence.

'''Boomstick: Where you can take all your favorite Nintendo characters and have 'em beat the crap out of each other! Mario, the legendary plumber, Donkey Kong, the moon-punching gorilla, Link, the hero of Hyrule, Kirby, the world-eater, Pikachu, the electric rodent, Samus Aran, the galactic bounty-hunter-'''

Wiz: Fox McCloud, the space pilot, Yoshi, the hungry cute dinosaur, Jigglypuff, the sleep-inducing singer, Captain Falcon, the racing bounty hunter, Ness, the child prodigy, and Luigi, uh, Mario's brother.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: It is our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win in a Death Battle.

Mario
Wiz: There is no video game character more famous, more iconic, more well-known than Mario.

'''Boomstick: A fat, dirty plumber who's high on shrooms all the time is more famous than any other video game character? Yeah, that makes sense.'''

Wiz: In Smash, Mario is often recommended as a beginner character because of his all-around stats. But if you think Mario is average, then you are wrong.

Boomstick: Mario's moves in Smash are the Fireball, the Super Jump Punch, and the Mario Tornado.

Wiz: All of these moves are useful in their own regards, and none of them do too much damage but are still solid attacks. Mario is also an excellent jumper, being able to jump over three times his own height. His physical strength is also far beyond anything average, being able to lift and throw stone castles, punch apart bricks, and even constantly swing Bowser by his tail.

'''Boomstick: But Mario is not perfect. For starters, he always seems to have his Princess get taken away, but that aside Mario's just kinda boring. He doesn't really get anything special.'''

Wiz: But between his sheer versatility and the wackiness of his games, Mr. Nintendo might just score himself a victory.

Mario: Let's-a go!

Donkey Kong
Boomstick: In the very first game Mario was in, Donkey Kong appeared alongside him as the main antagonist of the game Donkey Kon-

Wiz: Actually, Boomstick, that-

'''Boomstick: I get it! It's actually Cranky Kong! You've only told me like 10 times.'''

Wiz: Yes, that's true. Donkey Kong started out as Mario's rival, but now it seems like they're friends.

'''Boomstick: Now Donkey Kong prefers to go on quests to get his bananas back, employ young monkeys as sidekicks, and... punch the moon out of orbit.'''

Wiz: Yep, Donkey Kong actually did that. Donkey Kong's original Smash moveset was the Giant Punch, which at max power and velocity can punch the moon out of orbit like we just discussed, the Spinning Kong, which he can use to fly horizontally and suck in opponents like a tornado, and the Ground Smash, where he pounds the ground and creates shockwaves.

'''Boomstick: Also, Donkey Kong is capable of warping reality! And his moon-punching feat makes him a star-buster!'''

Wiz: Ugh, don't tell the audience THAT, Boomstick. Neither of those are true.

'''Boomstick: Oh. I read that somewhere online at 3AM while I was drunk and thought it was true.'''

Wiz: Anyway, Donkey Kong also possesses above-average speed and durability. Because he is a gorilla, his acrobatic ability is also very impressive. And he's pretty smart too.

'''Boomstick: However... DK's not perfect. He's of above-average speed and durability, but isn't exactly a speedster or a tank.'''

Wiz: But his sheer power may just be enough to crown him the victor.

Donkey Kong plays his bongos.

Link
Wiz: Throughout generations and generations of the mystical land known as Hyrule, there was always one hero being reincarnated as the one who'd save Hyrule-

'''Boomstick: And it's... Fairy-boy!'''

Wiz: What'd I tell you about Link being a fairy?

Link pulls the Master Sword.

Kirby
Wiz: The most terrifying thing you can think of. An eldritch horror capable of eating entire worlds. A master warrior of the galaxy. Someone that very few have beaten in a proper fight.

'''Boomstick: Uh... Kirby?'''

Kirby: Hiiiiii!

Pikachu
Wiz: The very mascot of Pokemon itself, Pikachu had to be the cutest thing that the franchise could have to offer. So why not give it to the main character of the anime?

Boomstick: Man, fans today will never know that Pikachu was kinda a dick.

Pikachu: Pika pikaaaa~

Samus
Wiz: In the void of space, there is a warrior unlike any other. Trained on the Planet Zebes, Samus Aran is truly one of the most feared fighters in the galaxy.

Boomstick: Am I the ONLY one who didn't know she was a chick at first?

Samus fires a charge shot at a target.

Fox
Wiz: After the expert pilot James McCloud met his end against the evil Andross, his son, Fox, was sent to take him on with his team - Star Fox.

'''Boomstick: He's a fox... named Fox. How clever.'''

Fox: Come on!

Yoshi
Wiz: The evil Kamek was going around, spreading evil magic everywhere when Baby Mario was sent to a mysterious island inhabited by mysterious green dinosaurs.

'''Boomstick: These adorable, hungry monsters were known as... Yoshi.'''

Yoshi: Yoshi!

Captain Falcon
Wiz: In easily the most sadistic and disgustingly-cruel race ever, F-Zero, there existed one racer who was more iconic-

Boomstick: And more AWESOME!

Wiz: -Than everyone else. That racer, Captain Douglas Falcon.

Captain Falcon: Yes!

Jigglypuff
Wiz: See this weird, cute puffball thingy? This is Jigglypuff, a Pokemon who can put you to sleep just by singing.

Boomstick: How the hell did this thing get in Smash?

Jigglypuff: Puff!

Ness
Wiz: In the year 199X, a boy named Ness was sleeping when a meteorite crashed right next to his house. He went to go inspect the mysterious crash, and suddenly he was informed by the mysterious Buzz Buzz-

Boomstick: That's just a bee.

Wiz: Actually, no, it's, uh, I don't know.

Ness: Okay!

Luigi
Wiz: Oh look, we almost forgot Luigi.

Boomstick: Yeah, that happens to this guy a lot.

Wiz: He's Mario's brother... and for whatever reason, he's always getting left in the dust.

Luigi: Leeet's-a gooo~!

Trivia
Who would you be rooting for? Mario Donkey Kong Link Kirby Pikachu Samus Fox Yoshi Captain Falcon Jigglypuff Ness Luigi