Yamcha vs Captain Falcon

Description
Dragon Ball Z vs F-Zero! These two are both flamboyant, cocky, animal-spirited, mercenaries, and have some crazy cool special attacks! But when they enter the ring, can Yamcha manage to tear the Bounty Hunter to shreds, or will Captain Falcon punch the Bandit into next week?!

Interlude
''Wiz: Flamboyancy. This trait, used by many characters throught fiction, displays a character over dramatizing everything they do. But when given the spirit of a fearsome animal...''

'''Boomstick: ... and when they're gunslinging or sword fighting mercenaries, they're obviously one of a kind!'''

Wiz: Yamcha, former Desert Bandit, and the second Z Fighter.

'''Boomstick: And Captain Falcon, current bounty hunter, and a legendary F-Zero pilot! He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!'''

''Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills, to find out who would win... a Death Battle.''

Yamcha
(Cues DBZ Budokai 3 Opening Theme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZThbdtFEo0 ) Wiz: When you're alone in the desert, there's a little chance of survival, and a high chance of death by dehydration.

'''Boomstick: But in one certain desert... this desert bandit is the one likely to kill you!'''

Yamcha: Yeah, check this out!

Wiz: Yamcha of the desert was once a mercenary who stole precious items from stranglers with his floating shapshifting cat-thing, Puar.

'''Boomstick: That was, until the one fateful day when Goku & friends showed up, in need of crossing the desert. Seeing their multiple valuables, Yamcha tried to steal from them until...'''

Yamcha: AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!!

'''Boomstick: ... until he accidentally saw Bulma naked. Did I mention, he has a fear of hot women? That fear must really suck.'''

''Wiz: This fear of women is likely due to... well... his little exposure to other humans of any kind. And since he's a man, a fear of men would be very unlikely.''

'''Boomstick: Anyways, by kicking Goku's ass and then getting his own ass kicked right back, Yamcha decided to join Goku and Bulma on their journey! He even hooked up with Bulma!'''

''Wiz: But that didn't last too long. As Bulma warmed up more and more to women, he began to flirt with them too. And then Bulma ditched him for... Vegeta.''

Boomstick: Y'know, the dick who mocks Yamcha every second?

Yamcha: Don't look down on the Great Yamcha!

Vegeta: You call yourself a fully fledged warrior?

''Wiz: Yamcha is actually a versatile fighter. He's good with fist fighting, swordsmanship, and long-ranged fighting.''

'''Boomstick: That's right! For one, he's a great martial artist! His attacks don't do much damage, but he likes attacking with his sharp claws, which cause irritating wounds to wear down foes!'''

Wiz: When it comes to up-close special attacks, Yamcha's most famous and powerful is the Wolf Fang Fist.

(Plays https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXvWtheJWmA Starts at 0:07, ends at 0:28)

'''Boomstick: Yeah! Using a combination of slashes, Yamcha's prey are caught in a deadly combo! After all the claw slashes and kicks, Yamcha finishes with a powrrful punch from both hands!'''

''Wiz: In the Dragon Ball days, Yamcha even carried around a katana. This katana was so powerful, that it could slice off a Great Ape's tail in one slice.''

Boomstick: Which is pretty freaking cool by the way.

''Wiz: For energy special attacks, Yamcha has the Kamehameha Wave. Taught to him by Master Roshi, Yamcha can blast out a large blue beam of energy at his foe.''

'''Boomstick: Also for energy, Yamcha has the Spirit Ball! With this attack, Yamcha creates a yellow energy ball in his hand, that does major damage! With his hand, he can even control its movement! Super Spirit Ball is a stronger version of this!'''

Wiz: After being killed by a Saibaman—

Boomstick: Like a bitch.

''Wiz: —Yamcha went to King Kai's planet, and was trained by him in the ways of Kaioken. Kaioken X1 not only engulfs you in red aura, but it also increases the fighters stats ten times over. There are stronger Kaiokens, but Yamcha's body would not be able to handle those.''

'''Boomstick: But, this guy's still got a ton of faults. For one, he's way too cocky and overconfident! He underestimates foes and that leads to his downfall.'''

''Wiz: When trying to match Vegeta, he put himself in 300x Earth gravity, and completely failed. Granted, that would completely obliterate a human's body and yet Yamcha still managed to lift his arm and even stand for a few seconds.''

Boomstick: While he's hated by many, Yamcha is indeed a very powerful character!

Captain Falcon
(Cues Mute City Theme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeseKjHRMRo )

''Wiz: The F-Zero Circut is one of the most dangerous races in all of fiction. Racers come in hovercrafts that can travel even faster than the eye can see.''

'''Boomstick: But some humans can keep up with the races! Hell, a human races in the F-Zero Circut! And his name is... Cap—'''

Wiz: —Douglas Jay Falcon.

Boomstick: Wait, what the hell?!

''Wiz: Yes, that is his real name. But, Douglas normally goes by his racer alias, Captain Falcon.''

'''Boomstick: Yeah, now we're talking! This guy's a legend!'''

Wiz: Commonly found in his racer, the Blue Falcon, Captain Falcon rides around in this thing at over 2000 mph.

'''Boomstick: And yet he can stay focused at all times! Hell, he was the champion of every race he's entered!'''

''Wiz: But while he's a racer by day, he has another profession. Bounty Hunting. Every chance he's given, Captain Falcon tracks down baddies and shoots them down with his trusty laser blaster.''

'''Boomstick: Yeah, that's right! He has a laser blaster! Just look at this thing! http://archive.kontek.net/f-mode.planets.gamespy.com/media/scans/f-zero1.jpg '''

''Wiz: And that gun gives him the long range he needs, as he is lacking projectiles in the rest of his moveset. Speaking of that moveset...''

(Plays https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irdivdQySos Starts at 0:25)

'''Boomstick: Fuck yeah! We're finally talking about the Falcon Punch! Trust us, this move is devastating! Even at full health, a person would be knocked out of the park with this attack!'''

Wiz: Considering Falcon's hand catches on fire when he punches, either the Falcon Punch has his hand move at 25,000 mph to ignite the hydrogen in the air, or he can just manipulate fire.

Boomstick: But likely the former, because of his next attack, the Fslcon Dive, which had him leap into the air, latch onto a foe, and blow them the fuck up!

Captain Falcon: Yes!

Boomstick: And the Raptor Boost has Captain Falcon rush forwards with his flaming fist, than uppercut the opponent as hard as he can!

''Wiz: The Falcon Kick is a Falcon Punch-like attack, but Falcon... well... kicks instead. Actually, its a flying kick, launching him forward and unleashing a flaming kick. A variation is the faster and weaker electricity-based Falcon Kick.''

'''Boomstick: Trust me, Falcon is strong! He punched out a giant R.O.B. that tens of Pikmin couldn't even make flinch! His attacks were even seen throughout the galaxy! And the fact that he laughs at 2000 mph makes him inhuman! This guy's insane!'''

''Wiz: Captain Falcon is a lover of mobility. His suit is skin tight, allowing for flips and twists all over the place. But his love for power is huge, as not only does he have the Falcon Punch, but the Mighty Falcon Punch, while it takes longer, does twice as much damage!''

Boomstick: Hell, his Knee thrust is devastating if it connects, causing major knockback and electrical damage!

Wiz: And connecting that attack isn't even that hard.

'''Boomstick: Buuuuut, Falcon isn't too experienced. All he has for fighting is Smash, after all! And his attacks are very predictable, especially the Falcon Punch!'''

Wiz: Still, Captain Falcon is one to be feared.

Fight!
"Hut! Ha! Hiya!"

CRRRRRASH!

One tree down, only about over nine thousand to go!

"I can't believe Master Roshi is making me cut down this tree all by myself... With my bare hands!" The desert bandit, Yamcha, whined, as he watched a large oak slam across the ground.

"He said it was a good form of toughening up! Besides, punching down the trees is a lot faster than cutting them down individually with a giant machine!" His cat, Puar, explained to him.

After quite a while, three quarters of the trees were punched to the ground. Yamcha wiped sweat off his face, then popped out a Senzu Bean, and threw it into his mouth.

"Welp, that's enough for today. It was also my last Senzu Bean..." Yamcha began. That's when, suddenly, he heard the sound of some sort of car racing towards him... And it was coming in quick.

"WHOA!" Yamcha blurted out, narrowly avoided the blur of blue that was travelling at 2000mph.

The speeder swerved back around, blasting towards Yamcha again.

"This guy's either a bad driver, or he's trying to kill me... or both!" Yamcha quickly sidestepped, but this time, he grabbed hold of the car and lifted it into the air.

"Scram!" Yamcha yelled, lowering the racer at a high speed, smashing it across the ground. Yamcha did this many more times, until it was just a pile of rubble.

"Looks like my training finally paid off!" Yamcha remarked. But that's when, suddenly, a figure leaped out of the car parts and landed in front of Yamcha with a scowl.

"Name: Yamcha... Wanted, dead or alive... Reward: 700,000 Galactic Credits... Now, that's not bad at all..." The man, named Captain Falcon, mumbled.

"What did you just say to me?!"

"I'm telling you to show me your moves, bandit boy!" Falcon shouted. After he said that, he got into the Super Saiyan position, and fire surrounded him, before he stood back up and the fire faded.

"Don't fight him, Yamcha! He looks strong, and your trainings not done!" Puar pleaded.

"I don't have a choice... He'd catch me if I ran..." Yamcha thought. But he wore a smile, got into his fighting position, and said "Oh, yeah! Watch this, Puar, I'm gonna win!"

FIGHT!

Falcon goes up to Yamcha, catching the bandit in the face with a few punches. Yamcha immediately jumped backwards to avoid furter harm, than leaped right at Falcon and scratched him across the face.

Blood squirted out of Falcon's face, and he recoiled, but the bounty hunter came back quickly, by jumping into the air and sticking out his knee.

Yamcha caught the knee midair, than threw Captain Falcon into a nearby tree.