User blog:AgentRedhead/Wario VS King Dedede

Wario VS King Dedede is a What-If? episode of Death Battle by AgentRedhead, featuring Wario from the Super Mario franchise and King Dedede from the Kirby franchise in a battle between greedy anti-heroes.

Description
They're bigger, they're badder, and they're ready for action! Which of these two money-hungry powerhouses will power through to victory?

Interlude
(*Cues: Wiz & Boomstick - Brandon Yates*)

Wiz: Some villains are despicable masters of evil, loathed by everyone around them. Some are former icons, now bent on destroying the hero by any means necessary.

'''Boomstick: And some are just douchebags in search of a quick buck. Like Wario, the treasure hunting rival to Mario.'''

Wiz: And King Dedede, the self-proclaimed King of Dreamland and friendly rival to Kirby.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a death battle.

Wario
(*Cues: Throwback Galaxy - Super Mario Galaxy 2*)

Wiz: Heroes can come in many shapes and sizes. Look at Mario, for instance. Instead of your regular knight in shining armor, he's just a simple, overweight plumber.

'''Boomstick: I dunno what's so simple about constantly beating a tyrannical turtle king, but you're not wrong. He's always ready to step up to whatever task he needs to do, especially saving the Princess.'''

Wiz: However, Bowser isn't the only villain that Mario's faced. One day, after saving another damsel in distress, he came back to find that his castle-

'''Boomstick: Whoa, whoa, wait. Mario lives in a castle?! Man, I guess picking up all those gold coins might actually be worth it. Where'd I put my metal detector?'''

Wiz: Anyways, when he returned home, he found sitting in his throne none other than the yellow-clad greed monger himself, Wario.

''Wario: I'm-a Wario! I'm-a number one!''

(*Cues: Greenhorn Forest - Wario World*)

Wiz: Wario is the polar opposite of Mario in many ways. Mario is a hero, who always fights to stop evil.

'''Boomstick: While Wario only fights people to see how rich he can get. He'll do just about anything to make money. Hell, even as a baby, he was born with a magnet, just to see what kinda spare change he could bring to him. But considering that he's one of the seven star children, it makes sense that he'd want a reward for saving lives. I know I would.'''

Wiz: Wario's greed is his main driving force, and it's usually how he ends up in all kinds of wacky adventures. Though it wasn't how he got started. While his lust of money is a pretty big reason, the other one is his undying jealousy of Mario.

'''Boomstick: Man, how big is Mario's shadow if he can fit somebody like Wario under it? He's gotta have some kinda reason for hating Mario just that much. Well, it turns out that the two of them actually grew up together, and one of their favorite games to play was Cops and Robbers. Well, it was Mario's, at least, considering that he played the cop all but once!'''

Wiz: While Mario did end up apologizing, Wario has held an undying grudge against Mario for over 20 years. Guess that's what happens when you don't play fair, huh? And it's this unyielding hatred of Mario that's resulted in more than a few fights with the plucky plumber. Luckily for Wario, he's got the skills and tricks he needs to keep up with him.

'''Boomstick: His main attack is the Shoulder Bash, where he charges forward like a bull, crushing stone with his sheer muscle. He can use his weight to pound the ground so hard, it causes earthquakes, or if he needs to, he can just unhinge his mouth and chew you up. I'd really hate to be his dentist.'''

Wiz: He also has several different transformations and abilities that he can use, like Spring Wario, which lets him reach high up places, or Flaming Wario, where his entire body is covered in flames, letting him reach faster speeds.

Boomstick: Talk about getting fired!

Wiz: But among his powers, two truly stand out. First, with a simple piece of Super Garlic, he can become Wario-Man, his superhero alter ego, increasing his strength and letting him fly around. Second, by concentrating his energy, he can unleash a devastating blast of energy that's so powerful, it makes people pass out at the mere mention of its name. This is... The Waft.

Wario releases the waft, which sends him soaring into the air, leaving behind a mushroom cloud.

Wario: Ooh, spicy!

(*Cues: Wario's theme - Mario Strikers Charged*)

Wiz: Yes, he really weaponized his flatulence. And the worst part? He's really good at using it, too. By using the waft, Wario creates a gas so noxious, it stuns anyone who inhales it, causing them to become dazed. He can even inhale so much energy, that he can cause an explosion.

(Camera turns to Wiz and Boomstick.)

'''Boomstick: Hey, do you think maybe I could do the waft, too? I did have some extra beans for lunch, y'know! Here goes!'''

Wiz: Wait, Boomstick, don't! You're standing right next to-

(Boomstick lets out a fart, right next to an open flame, creating a small explosion.)

Wiz: Ah!

'''Boomstick: *Coughs* Oh, shit... Think I'm feeling dizzy...'''

Wiz: Anyways...

(*Cues: Black Jewel's Showdown (Phase 2) - Wario World*)

Wiz: Using these skills, Wario's accomplished some pretty impressive feats along his vast treasure-hunting career.

'''Boomstick: He's strong enough to lift and throw a T-Rex weighing about 10 tons. He's quick enough to keep up with Mario, who's been able to pilot the Star Diver at Mach 375, and he's survived being burned alive, crushed, and frozen just fine. And remember that massive tennis court explosion?'''

Wiz: This explosion took place inside of Peach's Stadium, and it was made up of many different bombs and bullet bills inside of Bowser's ship. Based on the size of the tennis court in comparison to the explosion, we can determine the explosion must have been worth 2.4 megatons.

'''Boomstick: Talk about going out with a bang! That'll teach you not to play with fire. Uh, or bombs.'''

Wiz: But despite all this tremendous power, Wario isn't perfect. His win-loss record in Cops and Robbers could tell you that. And beyond that, his greed and jealousy can often cloud his judgment, forcing him to make some pretty stupid decisions.

'''Boomstick: Like that one time he drew on public property to make Mario look stupid, and then was chased by the cops, or when he thought the best way to pay for pizza was to start his own micro minigame company, instead of just selling the stuff he already had. What a hoarder.'''

Wario: D'oh I missed!

Wiz: But even with his weaknesses, Wario is a cunning and greedy powerhouse, who won't stop until he gets his way.

''Wario: That'll do it, the money's as good as mine! Those saps fall for it every time!''

*Wario laughs, before beginning to choke.*

King Dedede
(*Cues: Title - Kirby Triple Deluxe*) Wiz: The country of Dream Land is a place filled with peace and tranquility, and houses some of the most fascinating creatures in the universe.

'''Boomstick: Not to mention adorable! Look how cute those Waddle Dees are!'''

Wiz: But as with most countries, it has a ruler. But not just any ruler, either. This is a tyrant, a leader with an iron clad determination to have his way over Dream Land. This, is King Dedede.

King Dedede laughs.

(*Cues: King Dedede theme - Super Smash Bros Brawl*)

'''Boomstick: That's their king? A fat penguin? Why couldn't it have been something cooler, like an eagle or a vulture? Those, I could understand.'''

Wiz: It is a bit odd that a penguin of all creatures is their leader. You'd think he'd be better fit to rule a country somewhere a bit colder. Then again, Dedede isn't exactly your average bird. If he even is a bird.

'''Boomstick: Look, he waddles around, he has a beak, and he's kind of an asshole. He's definitely a bird. And a bird you don't wanna mess with, on top of that! Especially since this guy's got a whole army at his beck and call whenever he needs them.'''

Wiz: He may be powerful now, but that doesn't mean he started out that way. In the past, the Triple D was a big old bird with a kingdom to rule, all for himself. But soon, everything would change, with the arrival of an adorable little baby alien, named Kirby. After the Pink Puffball showed up, the King’s popularity did a figurative dive into the toilet. It was then that he knew what he had to do: Like any captain facing mutiny, he would overpower Kirby, and be rid of him once and for all.

'Boomstick: Kinda like that Evil Queen from Snow White'', except instead of an old hag and a pretty princess, it's a fat bird and a pink puffball. Actually, now that I think about it, Kirby also climbed a huge beanstalk to get to Dedede one time. And there was also that one game dealing with mirrors... Uh, hey Wiz? You sure the Kirby games aren't just, y'know, fairy tales on drugs?'''

Wiz: Well, they do come from Japan, so it's hard to say. However, if there’s one thing that’s even more insane than the adventures he goes on, it's the abilities that he uses to face his enemies. After going through some presumably intense physical training, Dedede now has incredible strength, speed, and durability. He can easily smash through solid rock with either his body or his giant hammer. However, if there’s anything crazier than his newfound physical prowess, it’s his other, more bizarre abilities. To put it simply, they’re absurd.

'''Boomstick: Absurd? How about awesome?! Get this: By taking in a deep breath, Dedede can actually inflate himself. Then, with a single jump, he can finally do what all penguins have dreamed of doing forever, and actually fly! Your nerdy science stuff can suck it, Wiz! There's no strings attached to this hot air balloon!'''

Wiz: But this makes no sense! How is a penguin, let alone an obese one like him, able to fly? He's not an alien like Kirby or Meta Knight, so how does he do it? It’s an affront to science!

'''Boomstick: That’s the beauty of videogames, Wiz. They don’t have to make sense! Anyways, this tubby bird has a lot more tricks up those baggy sleeves of his. For example, remember that hammer of his? Well, it's not just any hammer. It's a hammer that's capable of shooting out ice to freeze his enemies. Or if he wants to go the complete opposite direction, he can use the hidden jet boosters to increase his firepower. Literally! Damn! Where can I get me one of those hammers?'''

Wiz: In your dreams, most likely. But that hammer, despite all its features, is not the most impressive weapon at Dedede's diverse disposal.

Death Battle
(*Cues: Gourmet Race - Super Smash Bros Brawl*)

Next Time on Death Battle!
(*Cues: Ending Flourish - Team Fortress 2*)

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