Tales Protagonists Battle Royale

Pre Episode
Cue Music 1

'Luther: You know guys... We've scheduled this episode like like five months back... What the hell took us so long to get to this?'

'''Theodore: Technical difficulties, the massive scale of the fight, the unpredictable strike of inspiration, the heroic drive of our hearts... the list goes on, really.'''

Nova: Better late than never, right? Besides, now that we've actually managed to calm the raging masses-

Alice: We might have picked up a few detractors after the last-

Nova: Ah, that's not important.

Rena: I wouldn't exactly say so when we still have a sizable horde waiting around outside the HQ...

'Luther: Eh, you can't please 'em all. Though we could certainly try... I just know all the ladies out there are gonna get a kick out this on- WOAH!'

''Alice: Heh, you're right. I'm already getting a kick out of this episode.''

'Luther: I should've seen that one coming... Just start filming already. '

... Um Theo, you're line's up next-

'''Theodore: Wait, the prologue's already about to end? How unjust! I barely even got a single line in-'''

Rena: Hey, you can blame the time restraints for that. Now come on, we've got our first Battle Royale in years to work on!

'''Theodore: Huh. It really has been years since the last one, hasn't it? Why would Wiz and Boomstick delay such a stupendous event?'''

Nova: You can call and ask later, now hurry up! I don't wanna miss the E3 livestreams!

'Luther: Wait, that's TODAY?! Then what are we waiting for? Let's go go go!'

Description
This What If Death Battle features Lloyd Irving from Tales of Symphonia, Luke Fon Fabre from Tales of the Abyss, Cress Albane from Tales of Phantasia, and Yuri Lowell from Tales of Vesperia.

The Tales series is well known for having many skilled swordsmen and none are more iconic then these four brave heroes.

Interlude
'''Theodore: It's truly amazing to see the amount of weapons the world of JRPGs has to offer. But therein the lies the issue for any and all aspiring heroes: What shall I arm myself with in order to combat the forces of evil?'''

Luther: In many cases, our beloved protagonist will opt for the simple blade, a classic tool that just about anybody can use.

Alice: ALMOST anybody, that is...

Luther: It was an accident, I swear!

Nova: Either way you slice it, most RPG franchises out there are guaranteed to have some sort of swordslinging main character backing them up. Case in point: Namco's long running Tales of series!

Luther: Anyway, as a general rule of thumb, we won't allow these swordsmen to use any Fell Arm weapons and we'll try to avoid spinoff titles as much as possible.

Theodore: Introducing Cress Albane, the Eternal Swordsman of an epic Phantasy!

Nova: Okay, you're kind of stretching it with that wordplay...

Rena: Lloyd Irving, the Symphonic Twinblade!

Alice: Luke Fon Fabre, the Abyss Bound Replica.

Luther: And Yuri Lowell, the Dark Enforcer of Brave Vesperia.

Nova: I'm sure you already know our names by now, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win...

Everyone: A DEATH BATTLE-

Theodore: ROYALE!

Alice: I don't think we really needed that last part.

Theodore: But it sounded cool, right?

Cress Albane
Cue Music 2

Luther: Cress Albane-

Rena: I thought his name was Cless?

''Alice: I can't believe I'm saying this, but this time, you're both right. Depending on the translation you go by.''

Nova: Hmm, I dunno. Cress sounds more like the name of a toothpaste brand than a JRPG protagonist if you ask me.

Theodore: Regardless of such a controversial one letter difference, Cress's origins are the very definition of humble.

Alice: I'd say unremarkable may make for a more fitting term.

'''Theodore: He was one of the first great JRPG heroes, you simply must start out somewhere. Cress spent a peaceful seventeen years in the simple town of Toltus. When suddenly-'''

Rena: No! My beloved peasant village! Right at the beginning of the game too!

Luther: Yeah, Cress's hometown just HAPPENED to be under attack while he was on a simple hunting trip with his good friend Chester Burklight.

Nova: Soon discovering that the purpose of this attack was to retrieve his family's mysterious MacGuffin, the two best friends immediately swore revenge upon the bastards responsible.

Cue Music 3

''Alice: He has been training under his father for most of his life, who just happened to be a master swordfighter, so I'd say Cress is more than qualified for the job. In fact, Cress left such an impact, that the majority of his moves have gone on to be shamelessly copied off by countless other Tales characters further down the line.''

'''Theodore: But you guys have to admit that's exactly why these moves are so iconic, right? Anyway, Demon Fang-'''

Alice: Which basically translates to the Tales version of the Hadoken.

Theodore: Unleashes a blue shockwave of energy along the ground-

''Alice: I wouldn't call it too groundbreaking, seeing as how anyone can pull it off. And there's a shitton of variants of this move out there too. ''

'Luther: I propose a drinking game! Take a shot for every playable Tales character that's able to use some form of Demon Fang. Bonus points if it's the main character. Even a dog can do it! Just don't use alcohol if you value staying alive. Or not. Who am I command anyone?'

Theodore: Well to be fair, it is usually the first move that most swordsmen learn...

Luther: Equally iconic is the Shoryu- I mean Tiger Blade.

Nova: Nice save there.

Luther: It's a two stage attack consisting of a vertical jumping slash followed by a descending slash.

Rena: Sword Rain's definitely my favorite of the bunch! It's like Chun Li's Lightning Leg attack! But with a sword instead!

''Alice: Beast is a savage move that unleashes a short burst of energy in the shape of a lion's head... Damn, I can't think of nay Street Fighter comparisons for this one.''

Nova: Rising Phoenix transforms Cress into the shape of a phoenix before divebombing any unsuspecting bastard below! ...So shouldn't this just be Descending Phoenix instead?

'Luther: Swallow dance is basically a poor man's version of the Tanza... Tatsi... Blanca-'

Alice: Tatsumaki Senpukyaku.

'Luther: How the hell does anyone say that so fast? Regardless, it's a simple series of two rising kicks that's great for combos.'

Rena: So uh... does Cress have any attacks that weren't blatantly "borrowed" from him?

'''Theodore: Why yes there is, good friend! No hero worth their salt could ever go into battle without a signature move!'''

Cue Music 4

Nova: As the game went on, Cress learned a selection of powerful Artes known as the space-time attacks! Chief among them is an awesome teleporting move called... Lunge?

Alice: Real creative name there, Namco.

Theodore: I'm pretty sure they screwed up the translation with that one, because the official name is Eternal Slasher, which sounds a lot more badass!

''Alice: Yeah, well speaking of translation errors, what could possibly be more embarrassing than this out of context photo? (PS: The correct translation was supposed to be Ragnarok)'' Nova: How could ANYONE screw that up?! So uh... what's the deal with this whole Kangaroo War anyway?

'Luther: Oh, that? Let me just preface this by saying that Tales of Phantasia is filled to the brim with time travel.'

Nova: Time travel?! Not agaaaaaaiiiiiiinnnn!

Luther: Relax, it's not as bad as Blazblue and Kingdom Hearts.

'''Theodore: Now you see, the evils of this game were all the result of an ancient king/wizard by the name of Dhaos, who just so happened to originate from a hundred years in the past. Naturally, the main goal of our noble party is to find a way to defeat this villain with the power of Time Travel!'''

Rena: In classic JRPG fashion, Cress's party spends much of the game locating and fighting against various elemental spirits, and that's where the space-time attacks come in!

Alice: The remaining Artes in this fabled selection include Chaos Blade, an attack that utilizes Cress's soul to release a large wave of energy, and Distortion Blade, a long ranged sword slash that does exactly what the name implies.

'''Theodore: Though despite what everyone at home may be thinking, our protagonist's ultimate attack is NOT a space-time Arte. Instead, the simply named Dark Blade is a last ditch attack that can only be used when Cress is on his last legs.'''

Rena: It's really just a flashy three hit combo that ends with both Cress and his victim being carried into the air. Pretty anticlimactic if you ask me.

Theodore: At least it's effective...

Nova: That's nice, but these moves are child's play when compared to Cress's ultimate weapon!

Theodore: By combining the Flameberge of Odin, the Vorpal Blade of Fenrir, and the Diamond Ring of Thor, Cress was able to form a pact with the Spirit origin to fuse these legendary items into the Eternal Sword!

'Luther: With it, Cress was able to break through a special Time Barrier that barred access to the final dungeon! There, the party was able to defeat Dhaos for the final time... But there was just ONE tiny problem with that...'

Nova: It turns out Dhaos was a good guy all along! Yeah, he kinda killed thousands of people over the years, but he did it all with intent of saving his own people! You see, Dhaos's homeworld was on the verge of death due to a severe lack of Mana, which is why all he really wanted was a Mana Tree seed from Cress's world!

''Alice: Gee, couldn't you have told us that BEFORE you resorted to mass murder?! Or at least before we killed your ass without a second thought?''

Rena: Not even the most well intentioned villains can escape the long arm of the plot...

'''Theodore: Heh heh... Not all heroes can be perfect, right? At least Cress made up for that by having the Goddess Martel save Dhaos's world...'''

'Luther: You're certainly right about Cress's imperfection. While he is something of a jack of all trades as far as Tales swordsmen are concerned, he doesn't quite exceed in any category either.'

Nova: Cress does struggle when it comes to ranged combat and his defenses are a bit on the low end of the spectrum, but he should be able to make up for these weaknesses with some well thought out space-time screwery.

Theodore: That's not a word, but it just goes to show why you simply don't f*ck around with the classics!

Cue Footage

Lloyd Irving
Cue Music 5

Nova: Alright, I've gotta ask: What's been running through the minds of Namco's creativity department? Do their games really need to have such ridiculous titles?

'Luther: Oh? How so?'

'''Theodore: Symphonia, Vesperia, Xillia, Zestiria, Berseria, LEGENDIA?! Come on, Bandai! You can't just add ia to the end of some random phrase and expect to turn it into a new word!'''

Rena: Oh, sure you cania! You've just gotta have some imaginatia!

''Alice: Stop. Just... stop right now.''

'Luther: What's wrong Allie? Are you lacking in creativitia?'

Nova: I'm about to start writing the script for Tales of Brutalia over your heads if you keep up that attitude.

'''Theodore: Well, I suppose that same mentality can be carried over to a country boy turned noble warrior by the name of Lloyd Irving. At first glance, Lloyd shows zero traits befitting the image of a true hero.'''

Rena: He's a bit of a dumbass, he sleeps in class standing up (which is actually quite impressive), incredibly short tempered-

''Alice: But he is best friends with the local Chosen One, so I guess that makes up for everything. ''

Theodore: Well, there's also the concept of Lloyd's extensive character devolopment-

Alice: Yeah we'll get to that later. ''What was the Chosen One's purpose? To go on an epic journey to regenerate the world alongside a close set of companions, visiting several elemental temples along the way. Why does this sound familiar all of a sudden?''

Luther: *imitating an old woman* Stay away from the Chosen One!

Nova: As you might expect, Lloyd would barge into this journey himself (and he'd also drag along his best friend Genis) when he was banished from his hometown after accidentally provoking a violent attack on the village. Nice job breaking it, hero.

Cue Music 6

Theodore: Well if there's anything Lloyd's good at, it's the fine art of dual swordsmanship!

Rena: I'm all for carrying multiple weapons at once, but why'd he decide to go with two blades?

Nova: If one sword grants you the power of a hundred warriors, than surely two swords would double that power, right?

''Alice: Conglaturation. You've learned basic multiplication.''

Theodore: Well there's that and it just looks cool.

'Luther: Yeah, Lloyd may not be brightest tactician in the world, but he's actually quite brilliant when it comes to combat and leadership. His flashy fighting style is one that emphasizes swift strikes and great combo potential above all else!'

Rena: I'm sure you all know the Shotoclone style Tales moves by now, right? Cause Lloyd's one of the best practitioners of the art! Everyone say 'em with me!

Theodore: Demon Fang!

Nova: Sonic Thrust!

Theodore: Oh, that move was actually new to Symphonia...

Alice: Tiger Blade.

Theodore: That delivery was weak!

Luther: Sword Rain!

Rena: Aaaannnd Beast!

Cue Sound

'Luther: Bloody Hell! You just blew a hole in the wall!'

''Alice: Huh. Neat. That last one actually activated.''

Rena: Coooool!

Nova: All accidents aside, Lloyd is perfectly capable of chaining any number of moves together in rapid succession, though he may not be the most creative fighter in the series.

'Luther: Yeah, no kidding! Like at least 50% of his moveset consists of variations of Tiger Blade, Sword Rain, and Tempest. Especially those last two!'

'''Theodore: If it ain't broke don't fix it, or in this case, just retool it! Besides, you simply must admire the pure skill that must go into any form of Tempest, in which Lloyd cartwheels through he air like a human helicopter!'''

Cue Footage

Nova: And how the hell does that move work? Lloyd's not just shifting his trajectory in mid flight, but he literally jumps again as if he landed on an invisible trampoline!

Alice: Perhaps it would be best if you don't examine this too deeply.

'Luther: Lloyd's also responsible for introducing Rising Falcon to the series, a move leaps into the air before divebombing... Why does that sound familiar?'

Nova: And why is this not called Descending Falcon?!

Cue Music 7

'''Theodore: Okay, so Lloyd's more than willing to borrow a ton of moves from previous heroes, but there's still much more to the man than meets the eye! Lloyd draws his power from an Exsphere, a shiny little gemstone that pushes its owner's fighting capabilities to their absolute limits!'''

Rena: Sounds cool right? It sure as hell is, until the party found out what these MacGuffins are actually made of: dead people! Ironically enough, Lloyd's own Exsphere was created from his dead mom, taking the term "with you in spirit" as literally as possible!

Luther: And of course you say that without even a hint of remorse...

'''Theodore: Lloyd may appear to be a simpleminded fool, he is in fact one of the vilest manipulators in video game history! Why, you may ask? Well..'''

Alice: Oh, and the writer is too cheap to use any video footage, so we'll just have to settle for this. 'Luther: I'll never look at coffee the same way again! On the bright side, this little stunt was able to let Lloyd figure out that something was REALLY wrong about Collette's little pilgrimage.'

Nova: Yeah, it turns out our beloved Chosen One here was steadily losing her humanity over the course of the journey so that the bad guys could turn her into an angel.

Rena: But wait, it gets even worse! Once the party finally reached their final destination, the Tower of Salvation (Rhyme not intended), they were betrayed by the local mysterious badass and Colette was turned into an emotionless puppet!

Nova: And do you remember the whole concept of regenerating Sylvarant? It all comes at the detriment of another world by the name of Tethe'alla.

Alice: All these gigantic plot twists and we've barely even reached the game's halfway mark.

'''Theodore: From that point, Lloyd's party came face to face with such hardships as rampant racism, energy conservation, even more elemental Spirits, and an entire organization of evil angels! This arduous journey would eventually come to a head when Lloyd defeated his father in an epic duel and in order to wield the Eternal Sword-'''

'Luther: Alright, slow your ass down Theo! I think you might've lost the audience at this point... And when you say Eternal Sword, you don't-'

Nova: What, didn't you know? It turns out Tales of Symphonia is a distant prequel to Tales of Phantasia!

Rena: So wait, does this mean the Eternal Sword Lloyd uses is the exact same blade that Cress has? Cause we're in for one hell of a time paradox if that's the case!

''Alice: I believe a bit of convoluted backstory will be necessary to explain this. The Eternal Sword was originally created thousands of years ago by the Spirit Origin. It was here when the fabled Hero Mithos Yggdrasill used the blade to split apart the very world of Aselia into Sylvarant and Tethe'alla.''

Nova: Now can I just cut in to say that Mithos is the most batshit insane SJW in video game history?

'''Theodore: Unfortunately, that statement is actually quite accurate. Granted, putting an end to discrimination is a very noble cause, but the events of Mithos's journey have had a rather adverse effect on his psyche to say the least...'''

Luther: I guess that's what happens when you misinterpret your sister's dying wish as turning everyone in the world into a bunch of identical blank slates.

Nova: That's not to say that any of Mithos's companions were any better, especially Lloyd's dad Kratos Aurion.

'Luther: Lloyd's... dad? From over a thousand years ago?'

Rena: Oh, he got turned into an angel so he could live on much longer than an ordinary human, until he eventually did his business with Lloyd's mom. And we all know how that turned out.

Alice: Father of the year, everybody.

Luke Fon Fabre
Cue Music 8

Nova: Ah, is there anybody around who doesn't want to get a taste of the life of nobility?

Luther: It definitely sounds like a dream come true, but they're in for one hell of a surprise when they find out that so many members of this profession are a bunch of stuck up asshats.

Alice: Enter Luke Fon Fabre, a spoiled, sheltered man with the heart of a seven year that perfectly fits the image of a self centered noble.

Nova: The heart of a seven year old, eh? Fooooooreshadowing!

'''Theodore: Oh I don't know, I'd say his shitty attitude is actually quite justified in this case. As the son of an influential duke of the kingdom of Kimlasca Lanvaldear, Luke was apparently kidnapped by the rival Malkuth Empire at the ripe age of 10.'''

Rena: Oh look, the incident completely wiped Luke's childhood memories and he's pretty much been imprisoned in his manor ever since.

'Luther: But bloody hell, what happened to this guy's hair in those seven years?! It looks ridiculous!'

Theodore: As they say, the higher the hair, the closer to god.

'Luther: Um... Who even says that?'

''Alice: It means he's obviously the main character. So, after a good seven years of boredom, monotony, and mysterious headaches, Luke's life would be turned upside-down when he least expected it.''

Nova: What started out as a basic day of political drama and sword training would soon turn into the start of an epic journey when a mysterious waif broke into the mansion and tried to murder Luke's master!

Rena: Luke intervened right away, only to be brutally murdered by an assassin who was probably a hell of a lot stronger than him in hindsight!

...

'''Theodore: That would have been the realistic ending, but instead, the two were accidentally thrown right into the middle of a neighboring country. Now miles away from home with naught but a simple blade and a mysterious girl by his side, Luke would be forced to face the outside world head on.'''

Cue Music 9

'Luther: Despite being a spoiled rich kid with zero knowledge of the ways of the world, Luke is far from defenseless. Now at first glance, his fighting style might look extremely impractical-'

Alice: But with the help of master swordsman Van Grants, Luke's been training under the Albert Style of swordfighting for as long as he could remember. It's a fairly versatile form of combat that trades a bit of attack speed for some extra power behind every swing.

Nova: Even so, Luke kind of sucked at fighting at first. Sure, he was doing well enough to survive when was just starting out, but when the time came for him to start killing fellow humans, he kind of chickened out of the deal.

Rena: Pfft. Wuss. There wasn't even any blood.

Alice: Don't worry folks, this IS an RPG, which means that our fiery red head here was only able to grow stronger as time moved on.

Rena: Just like every other Tales character, Luke has access to a myriad of special attacks known as Artes. We know they're special attacks because he feels the need to SHOUT OUT THE NAME OF HIS MOVES every single time!

Luther: ...I THINK you just popped an eardrum.

'''Theodore: Luke can sweep his targets into the air with Fang Blade, leap down on an unsuspecting foe with Havoc Strike, knock a victim off his feet with Raging Blast, and... stab people with Sonic Thrust... Did that really need to be a special attack?'''

'Luther: At least Luke has a better option in the form of Rending Thrust, which incorporates a sweet uppercut at the end of the attack. Speaking of uppercuts, Luke can use Demon Fist... which is nothing more than a reskinned Demon Fang now that I think about it...'

Nova: Don't get too worried now, because Luke's Arcane Artes are what truly allow him to shine!

Alice: Naturally, we've got the cheap artificial extensions to his moveset in the form of Base Arte combinations (but I've gotta say, all those Raging Blast combos look quite impressive), but Luke still has enough unique moves to make up for that.

Rena: Light Spear Cannon is a powerful thrust that's great for combos and knocking a victim up into the air!

Theodore: Luke has another basic stabbing move with Lightning Blade, but this one calls lightning down from the sky to strike down evil!

Luther: Swallow Fury is a flashy combo that turns Luke's target into an airborne ladder-

Nova: I'm pretty sure you mean stepladder-

Luther: Not now Novs! -while absolutely shredding through HP the entire way.

''Alice: Guardian Field... is one of the worst moves I've ever seen. Oh sure, Luke can hit enemies all around him and heal his allies with it, but it's sooooo slow! And he can't even use it to heal himself! What a freakin' ripoff!''

Nova: Yeah, Luke's better off sticking with Devil's Inferno and Slag Assault instead. They're just as slow, but they're a hell of a lot stronger, and they've even got the added benefit of elemental affinities!

Theodore: Speaking of elemental affinities, these easily make for Luke's biggest trump cards in battle!

Cue Music 10

Nova: You see those little white circles that pop up whenever any sort of elemental move is used in battle? Those are called Fields of Fonons, otherwise known as FOFs-

Rena: Even in my Tales games, F.O.E!

'Luther: You're one letter off, Rena. And uh, what's all this talk about Fonons?'

''Alice: Strap in, ladies and gentleman. We're in for one hell of a long ride.''

Nova: Fonons are the basic building blocks of life in all of Auldrant. They're small vibrations of sound and energy that-

Rena: Uh... I think you lost me at building blocks.

Alice: In a nutshell, Fonons are basically a fantastic substitute for atoms.

Theodore: It gets a little more complicated than that, but Fonons are divided into seven distinctive elements: Darkness, Earth, Wind, Water, Fire, Light, and Sound.

Rena: Wha- Sound? What kind of lame element is Sound, anyway?

Luther: By your powers combined, you shall give rise to Captain Lorelei!

Nova: No... that's not quite how it works...

''Alice: We'll be here all month if we're really gonna go in depth with Fonons, so let's just get back to FOFs. As we've already pointed out, the use of any elementally affiliated attack will create a small white circle in that attack's general area.''

Theodore: They may not serve a real purpose at first, but enough attacks of the same element will force that circle to change color, giving Luke access to all sorts of flashy new attacks within the newly created Field of Fonons!

'Luther: And Luke's not the only one capable of creating these fields. Every participant of a given battle can actively take part in creating FOFs, whether they realize it or not!'

Rena: Sweet deal! With all these awesome abilities at his side, Luke's journey back home must have been a real breeze, right?

Nova: Bwahahahaha! Oh, that's not even close to how things went! When we said Luke knew nothing about the outside world, we weren't kidding. Hell, he didn't even know that he was supposed to pay for food at a store, which ended up in everyone's favorite redhead getting his ass arrested!

''Alice: If it's any real condolence, Luke managed to get back home eventually... only to be sent off on a diplomatic mission to a far away mining town.''

'Luther: And let me tell ya, this guy really knows how to put the ass in ambassador! For... obvious reasons.'

'''Theodore: Luke's situation would only take a turn for the worst once he finally reached his destination of Akzeriuth. There, he found out-'''

Nova: Luke, I AM YOUR FATHER! Bwa ha ha!

Rena: Nova, you're a chick. How does that even work?

'Luther: No no, wrong plot twist! At least not yet.'

Rena: Oh yeah, now I remember! Instead of saving the people of Akzerituh, Luke accidentally destroyed the entire place, killing thousands of innocent civilians in the process!

Luther: ...Would it kill you to show some tact?

Alice: Yeah, Zidane's Curse sure hit Luke hard, but it gets even worse from there.

Nova: After what couldn't have been more than a couple hours, Luke then found out that he was a REPLICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

'Luther: Ah, dammit! My ears are still ringing from Rena's last outburst...'

Theodore: Needless to say, Luke was pretty dismayed over the situation, which is why he soon renounced his jerakass ways, gave himself a much needed haircut, and set out to become a true hero!

Rena: But I'm kinda confused now. Who exactly is Luke's dad now that we know he's just a Replica?

'Luther: Technically speaking, Master Badtou- I mean Van Grants would fit the bill. You know, the game's main villain? He did create Luke after all.'

Alice: You know, I love how we're just spoiling the shit out of these games.

Rena: Most of these games are over ten years old, Allie! I don't think any nerds are gonna be raging at us now.

Nova: Luke's haircut didn't exactly do a lot of favors for his fighting style, but it's at this point when Luke can access his first Mystic Arte: Radiant Howl! It's a simple pillar of energy that's most effective at point blank range, but you can bet it's gonna hurt like hell when it connects!

'Luther: So Luke can use magic too, huh? Is that some sort of special Replica power?'

'''Theodore: It may not traditionally classify as magic, but Luke does have one more trump card up his sleeve, and it's a real doozy. A phenomenon known as a Hyperresonance is an ability that uses the Seventh Fonon to tear apart or reconstruct the Fonons of just about everything in the general vicinity.'''

Rena: Translation please!

Alice: It's a fancy form of matter manipulation.

Rena: Sweet!

Alice: And perhaps the best way for Luke to harness this power is the Key of Lorelei, a blade created by the eponymous aggregate sentience of the Seventh Fonon itself.

Luther: There's just one issue: The technique usually requires two Seventh Fonists in order to activate.

Nova: Does anyone wanna guess who the exception's for?

Theodore: Indeed, our tale's protagonist is capable of unleashing such devastation on his own, but that's not all!

Rena: Like an hour or so after Luke defeated his "original" Asch... Uh, spoilers. The latter was killed by a group of faceless mooks because SOMEONE didn't think far enough ahead to give him a proper weapon to hold off the crowd!

Cue Footage

Alice: Luke was then given the power of a Second Order Hyperresonance, a previously unthinkable and naturally form of the power with the added benefit of neutralizing Fonons.

'Luther: To top off this moveset, the Key of Lorelei grants Luke access to his second Mystic Arte: Lost Fon Drive. Luke can only use this move on his last legs, but... I think we'll let Luke speak for himself on this one.'

Cue Footage

Yuri Lowell
Cue Music 11

'''Theodore: It goes without saying that not all heroes are cut from the same cloth. Such is the case with an ordinary young man by the name of Yuri Lowell.'''

'Luther: And... You're SURE that's a dude, right?'

'''Theodore: Yes, I'm positive this time. But I will admit, he's in serious need of a haircut.'''

Nova: Yeah, but that name isn't exactly doing him any favors. After all, Yuri does mean-

'''Theodore: I believe the audience would prefer to figure that out on their own (or not), thank you very much! '''

Rena: What does Yuri mean? I've never really heard-

Theodore: Sorry Rena, but we simply must remain within the realms of a PG 13 rating!

'Luther: Yes, PG 13... That's coming from the SAME show that played Operation with Donatello's body, turned Wolverine into swiss cheese, cut the goddman Batman in half, completely annihilated two Charizards, turned Hazama into-'

Nova: Alright, we get it!

'''Theodore: Well, Yuri's living conditions are arguably just as unfortunate as his name. Having lived lived in the Lower Quarter of the Imperial Capital of Zaphias for his entire life-'''

Alice: I see the Midgar Principle is in full effect here.

Luther: Yuri, alongside his best friend Flynn Scifo wished only to change their corrupt empire from within and bring happiness to the people.

Nova: At first, the reasonable solution was to join the ranks of the Imperial Knights and work their way up from the bottom of the rankings.

Rena: It didn't exactly work out.

Theodore: Yuri left the order in disgust upon realizing the corrupt nature lying within and decided to settle for a a simpler life protecting the Lower Quarter.

''Alice: That is until a mysterious thief made away with the MacGuffin responsible for his home's water supply, unknowingly thrusting Yuri into an epic JRPG journey? His first destination? The easily escapable castle dungeon.''

Luther: There, he met none other than the princess-

Nova: Oh, the audience is not supposed to know that yet!

'Luther: What do you mean? It's completely obvious!'

Rena: Whatever way you look at it, Yuri's pretty prone to thinking with the wrong head. Hey, I don't know you, but I'm just gonna go ahead and risk my life for you anyway!

'''Theodore: Just like a true hero! '''

''Alice: Ah, but allowing the local White Magician Girl to join the party comes at a cost: In this case, it's instant fugitvism. Ain't that a great way to start your your journey?''

Cue Music 12

'''Theodore: That's not even a word, but luckily, Yuri's more than ready to kick some serious ass along the way with nothing but his sword! And also axes! Which he wields no differently than his blades... How the hell does he spin them around like that...'''

'Luther: Much like Lloyd, Yuri draws his power from a neat little bracelet called a Bodhi Blastia. It pretty much serves the same purpose as an Exsphere.'

Nova: Yuri's spent some quality time training with the Imperial Knights beforehand, but let's be honest here, that fighting style was probably boring as all hell. Which is why Yuri fancies himself as more of a self taught fighter, though he has taken some inspiration from the Knights as well.

''Alice: It's a pretty unorthodox fighting style which incorporates some punches and unnecessary blade twirling into the mix. ''

Rena: Unnecessary? I think you mean badass! Have you seen the Artes at this guy's disposal? There's a shitton of them out there!

'Luther: Oh yeah, Yuri definitely has one of the most versatile and extensive movesets in the entire series! You've got your usual ranged shockwave with Azure Edge and a new incarnation of Tiger Blade with some martial arts mixed in, but the majority of Yuri's moveset is anything but standard.'

Nova: But do we REALLY have to got through every last move this guy has? We'll be here all day at this rate!

''Alice: Oh don't worry, the writer had the same idea (that, or he's just taking the lazy route) so we'll just cover the moves that matter, like my personal favorite: Final Gale. Yuri has to take a moment to start up, but this blade of wind can really shred your defenses if you're not careful.''

Theodore: Yuri has the elements of surprise and precision on his side with Ghost Wolf, in which he swiftly phases through a foe to deliver two unexpected slashes!

Rena: Did we mention how much this guy loves twirling his sword yet? Cause Shining Fang, Severing Fang, and Dragon Swarm are a devastating series of moves that do just that!

Nova: I'd say that he really loves to spam those moves, but that would be a massive understatement.

Luther: That's not to say Yuri's an entirely original swordsman, cause he has a blatant copy of Beast in the form of Lone Wolf Charge and he straight up stole Raging Blast and Dhaos Blast from Luke and Dhaos respectively.

''Alice: Yuri has his own version of Guardian Field, but don't worry, this one's actually useful! It comes out instantly and it can actually be used as a recovery tool! Like it was originally supposed to be!''

'''Theodore: We haven't even reached the halfway mark as far as Yuri's moveset is concerned, but we'll leave off right here. We haven't even talked about his Altered Artes yet, which are a set of "spinoff attacks" based off of already existing moves.'''

''Alice: Yeesh, you'd think we were playing Guilty Gear as opposed to a JRPG at this point. What's next, are we gonna cover Yuri's Hyper Combos too?''

Nova: You're not that far off the mark Allie, since Yuri's Burst Artes are the next items on our extensive list!

Rena: But in order to explain Burst Artes, we're going to have to cover Overlimit. Attentive viewers may have possibly noticed that we've neglected to mention that all this time.

Luther: That's because every Tales character is capable of using it, but the damn mechanics keep changing with every game!

Theodore: So we had to wait until the last minute to start analyzing such a tide turning detail?

Cue Music 13

''Alice: Don't blame me. I'm not the one responsible for this clusterf*ck of a script. Just think of Overlimit as a Super Gauge that you see in most fighting games that fills up over the course of a battle.''

Nova: Luckily for us, there are a number of universal concepts that we can apply to the entire cast. We've got increased stats across the board, increased resistance to staggering, and most important of all, access to a fighter's strongest attacks: The Mystic Artes!

Luther: And believe me when I say Yuri gets one of the most chilling creeds in the history of video games with his ultimate attack!

Cue Footage

Theodore: I take great pride in having memorized every line of this mantra!

Rena: Yuri in particular gets one extra benefit from Overlimit: access to the Burst Arte Divine Wolf, a brutal Hyper Combo with plenty of elemental variations to its name!

'Luther: Yeah, there's no denying that Yuri Lowell is a badass both on and off the battlefield. So, what kind of crazy plot twist is our hero in for this time?'

'''Theodore: That's just the thing, Luth... Yuri's actually more of an anti hero, a dark vigilante willing to take any means to ensure that justice comes to all! Why would I say that exactly?'''

''Alice: Because Yuri's more than willing to straight up murder someone if he thinks they're a big enough threat to society! ''

Rena: I prefer to think of it as a justified execution.

Nova: Oh yeah, those two assholes had it coming, but no good deed ever comes unpunished. For Yuri, the punishment was truly unspeakable... Luther: What the f*ck is this abomination?!

Rena: Ah, sweet! The bounty went up by ten thousand gald!

'''Theodore: Yuri was already a wanted convict beforehand, but the brutal homicide of two important political figures was more than enough for his name to skyrocket into infamy. Then again, Yuri's still a JRPG protagonist, so of course he's got all the time in the world to redeem himself.'''

Nova: This process of redemption just happened to involve political intrigue, rescuing our afformentioned princess by an obviously corrupt Imperial Commandant, and experiencing an obligatory Seventh Inning Stretch after getting knocked off an important plot tower.

''Alice: You'd probably expect the game to be over after all the build up that went into Alexei but nope! It's time to stop the apocalypse now!''

Rena: No pressure though. You've still got as much time as you want to wander around completing sidequests. I'm sure Duke and the Adephagos can wait.

'Luther: But does everyone remember the handy chunks of Blastia used in just about every piece of technology in Terca Lumireis? It turns out they were kinda bad for the planet all along!'

Nova: As much as that revelation sucked, this gave Yuri's party the perfect opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. With the use of a unique blade called the Vesperia No. 1, they would convert every Blastia Core in the world into spirits so that they could convert Aer into Mana.

Rena: Did you just say Aer? with an e instead of an i?

Nova: Oh yeah, we completely forgot about the planet's source of magic... But screw it, Aer isn't important to the battle whatsoever!

'''Theodore: But what does this plan mean for Yuri himself? Well, it allows him to use a second Mystic Arte called Tenshu... Kou... How do you even say-'''

''Alice: It's Tenshou Kouyokuken, an attack that was NEVER localized thanks to the Japanese exclusive PS3 version, a decision that exudes salt to this very day. What were you thinking, Namco?''

Rena: Eh, I like the unofficial translation better anyway. With Heavenly Bladewing, Yuri creates a massive blade in the shape of an angelic feather to cleave his enemies in two!

Theodore: As an added bonus, he gets to use an even BIGGER form of this attack to destroy the Adephagos after climbing an absurdly long final dungeon and defeating the game's misguided final boss!

'Luther: Is it any wonder that this dude's one of the most popular Tales characters ever? Hell, his badassery alone was enough to allow him to survive getting thrown across the town of Halure by Segata Sanshiro... WITHOUT exploding on impact!'

Rena: Wow, seriously?

'''Theodore: You didn't hear? Yuri made into the Project X Zone duology alongside many other iconic heroes over the course of Sega, Capcom, Namco, and Nintendo! It may or may not be canon, but that's still one of the greatest honors you could wish for!'''

Luther: I don't think it was canon...

Alice: Yet we still couldn't even get a Tales character in Smash...

Nova: Even so, Yuri has gone on to show that you don't need to be some sort of chosen one, a member of nobility, or have any sort of special title to save the world! And he doesn't even care about taking credit for it either! Man, talk about a wasted opportunity.

Theodore: You can revel in your greed after this episode has finished, Novs.

Cue Footage

Post Episode
What is your favorite Tales game out of the four represented here? Tales of Phantasia Tales of Symphonia Tales of the Abyss Tales of Vesperia Who would you root for in this battle royale? Lloyd Irving Cress Albane Yuri Lowell Luke Fon Fabre Who do you think would make the best Tales representative for Super Smash Bros? (Hypothetically speaking) Lloyd Cress Yuri Luke