Talk:Jimmy Rex/@comment-27517770-20170330124915

BABYLON, Sumeria (Reuters) -- A king who is cursed by falcons has ordered a ziggurat to be erected in honor of Marduk. The king expects it to take many rains. "I'm not looking for a rush job," he tells assembled scribes, "the falcons aren't going to stop haunting me any time soon."

The ziggurat is expected to repel falcons through its four giant artificial ears, wrought from copper and inscribed with dragons sacred to Marduk. These ears will gather the four winds of the earth so that a team of priests may hear the windwick of a falcon's feathers. "They like to sneak up on me," says the king, "they get off on it. So many times I've suddenly looked up, only to be slathered in falcon cum. Why do they do this"

Expert falchiognosts remain baffled. The leading theory is put forward by a holy hermit who lives in the desert:

"Lord Ninylachar is under a geas," speaks the hermit from his burrow, "a geas to pluck the pinfeathers from the Roc whose urine is the sweet Euphrates. He was placed under this geas when still a child, with the dying breath of a crone his father ordered murdered. The falcons will only get hornier."

When asked to explain why the son was cursed instead of the father, the hermit refused to answer. A scarab rolling the dung of a aurochs suggested that it was an ill season for further inquiry.

When completed the new ziggurat is expected to be visible for two days walk beyond the city walls. Merchants in the adjacent bazaar are eager for the increase in revenue: "I got my baubles a shinin'," bubbles Andin Yrsag, a trinketmonger. "I shine em and shine em. Dip em in goatwax and polish. The scent of the daystar is heavy with my wares aheee!" Gylna Dzinitir agrees: "Lentil-cakes sweetened with grape and caramelized shallot are a real seller's market right now and the new ziggurat promises to reinforce that trend. I'm looking to expand upscale, maybe sell barley-crusted sheep's tongue? I've got a feeling "meat and grains" is the new paradigm for hungry pilgrim fulfillment services."

The king seems aware of the joy of his merchants. When informed that a celebratory ox had been burned as an offering to the gods, he smiled and fingered a talisman of Marduk's dragon. "May the smoke of the righteous strangle the sight-orbs of the falcon," he proclaimed.

Four minutes later a falcon appeared and began masturbtating; two squads of archers were dispatched. The falcon escaped with the aid of a decoy of itself made from cum.