Puss In Boots vs. Demoman



Puss In Boots vs. The Demoman is a comedic "What-If?" Death Battle.

Interlude
Wiz: DC VS Marvel, Pokemon VS Digimon, Naruto VS Bleach, Disney VS Dreamworks, and Star Wars VS Star Trek are all huge rivalries that have gone on for years but one rivalry stands over all the rest. And that is one of the most bizarre matches ever conceived from Death Battle.

'''Boomstick: Puss In Boots, The Bounty Hunter of Far Far Away

Wiz: and Demoman, from Team Fortress 2.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle

Puss In Boots
Wiz: Far far away in a distant land there lays a great kingdom filled with many myths and legends that exceed expectation. This great kingdom goes by the name of…..…..Far Far Away. Outside this unoriginal named kingdom however there is a pub by the name of The Poison Apple where the vilest of villains spend their days drinking and causing mischief.

'''Boomstick: One of this pubs most infamous visitors is a bounty hunter whose name is feared throughout the land. He is deadly with a blade in combat and so quick that you won’t have known what hit you until it is too late. This description is pretty badass but it just too perplexing sometimes to understand how this bounty hunter of a cat can have gotten so well-known. '''

Wiz: He might not be what you expect an bounty hunter to be but Puss In Boots has definitely earned his outlaw title and right to be the tetartagonist of the Shrek franchise having taken part in many wild adventures through the years.

'''Boomstick: This little kitty cat has visited a lot of places, like the giants castle in the sky and the Fairy Godmothers factory, and has fought a variety of enemies such as knights, fairytale villains and even Shrek himself throughout his career. In my eye, this guy is a far better animal sidekick than the Eddie Murphy donkey ever was.'''

Wiz: Even when he was just a child, Puss managed to defeat a large bull singlehandedly and survive a drop from a bridge located several meters above the ground. His achievements only grew from there. '''Boomstick: Speaking of his past, why does he wear boots anyway? '''

Wiz: It was actually the incident with the bull that gave him his boots as well as his sword and hat. To go more in detail, we must look at the origin of Puss In Boots. Puss grew up at an orphanage in the Spanish town of San Ricardo along with his best friend Humpty Dumpty.

'''Boomstick: Hold on a minute! Are you saying that a talking cat and an egg with arms and legs both grew up in the same town and not one of the townspeople even raised an eyebrow at this? '''

Wiz: It’s not that strange since giant dragons, talking donkeys, and people who can change reality with magical contracts exists in this world.

'''Boomstick: That’s true. That world is just so bonkers crazy after all. '''

Wiz: As to what I tried to say before; Puss and Humpty were obsessed with finding the magical beans that would take them to the giant’s castle and the golden goose. They spent most of their youth stealing as many beans as they could. This gave the two a bad reputation but everything changed for Puss when he saved an old lady from being run over by a bull. He became the town hero overnight and as a reward he received his signature boots, sword, and hat.

'''Boomstick: It all went to hell though after Humpty, out of jealousy, tricked Puss into committing a bank robbery forcing the cat to flee from his home and be branded an outlaw. It was during his time away that Puss became who he is today: a swashbuckling “ladies” cat voiced by Antonio Banderas of all people.'''

Wiz: Puss is a very capable swordsman. He is easily able to defeat opponents much larger than he is with his excellent sword skills and incredible agility. He practically dances around his foes until they give him a very good opening that he can strike at with maximum precision.

'''Boomstick: Even if we take away his sword, this kitty has many more tricks up his claws. Literally as he fights both with his claws and sword in battle. Seeing as his claws are sharp enough to cut glass, you don’t want to step on this cat’s tail. '''

Wiz: None of these are his most dangers weapon however. In reality, Puss has something up his sleeve which paralyze and hypnotizes his opponents in their tracks giving him the perfect opportunity to finish them off. He has used this skill of his many times to get out of sticky situations.

'''Boomstick: There is no way that this cat can do that to me. I am ready with my shotgun so.. (Sees an image of Puss cute face complete with his adorable big eyes)… Ah you’re so cute that I could just kidnap you and take you home……….… Dam it. I got myself caught in his cute kitty maneuver.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">Wiz: While taking off his hat and giving his opponents a long stare with his big eyes does not seem that dangerous at first, its cute nature is almost impossible not to awe at and this has cost a lot of people their lives. It’s one of Puss most dangerous skills for a reason.

<p class="MsoNormal">'''Boomstick: When you think about it, Puss is kind of superhuman in what he has accomplished. He has climbed a huge beanstalk into the sky, jumped from building to building with ease, been buried alive and gotten out without a scratch, and, most absurdly, he has climbed on top of a giant goose and led it out of San Ricardo. It’s no wonder he got back the support of the townspeople. He is a freaking super-cat. '''

<p class="MsoNormal">Wiz: Like most heroes though, Puss has one fatal flaw which has nearly gotten him killed at several occasions and it makes itself apparent when you realize what Puss is.

<p class="MsoNormal">'''Boomstick: Puss is a cat and therefore shares several things in common with the rest of his species. He hates water and can easily be distracted by small lights on the ground. But that’s not even the worst thing. That would be the hairballs that he can cough up at any time therefore making him an easy target. That was how Shrek beat him after all. At least he doesn’t go around clawing at the walls and pooping wherever he pleases like my own cat so that’s something. '''

<p class="MsoNormal">Wiz: He also has a habit of being overrun when dueling several opponents at once. Do not make the mistake of underestimating this cat though because of his flaws. He has defeated a lot of powerful opponents and Shrek would have joined them in the afterlife if it weren’t for the fact of unfortunate timing for Puss and the ogre being protected by plot armor.

<p class="MsoNormal">Boomstick: I kind of wish that Shrek would have gone bye bye there so that we could have avoided the train wreck that was Shrek The Third.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wiz: Never get in his way when he is on a mission if you don’t want to feel the cold steel of the sword of Puss in Boots around your throat.

<p class="MsoNormal">''Puss in Boots: You made the cat angry. You do not want to make the cat angry!''

Demoman
Wiz: In the year 1850, an extremely wealthy entrepreneur passed away, leaving his family land and business to his two sons. But like brothers are prone to do, they ended up fighting over each other's land right off the bat.

'''Boomstick: This went on for decades, and then the brothers began recruiting mercenaries to literally wage war. And that's when things really got out of control.'''

Wiz: Each hired gun contributed with their own specialized expertise.

Boomsticks: The Pyro burn people into crisps, Scout knocks skulls out with a bat, the soldier blasts and jumps with a rocket launcher, the Medic heals people with a healing ray, etc.

Wiz: But none can be a more dangerous as the Demoman.

Demoman: [Slurred] "...yer arses arse and I'm the grass man, punk yeah ya havin' heathen."

Boomstick: As the same to me, Tavish Finnegan DeGroot was an orphan that was great at creating explosive.

Wiz: Boomsticks you don't make bombs...

'''Boomstick: Yeah I could. here I just created one with just sticks and rocks.'''

Wiz: Oh o-.. wait what?!? Take cover!!!!!

(explosion)

Wiz: Oww. (Falls on the ground.)

(2 hours later)

Wiz: Anyways, Tavish went to join Team Fortress for money and Beer.

Boomsticks: (Opens Beer) yup, my type of guy.

Wiz: He was given a explosives gun so he could shoot sticky projectiles, and reguler projectiles and sticky jump.

Boomsticks: I couldn't awesome enough, until he got a Goddamn sword somehow.

Wiz: As the Demoknight, Tavish can use a sword and shield slicing through his opponants and block against other projectiles.

'''Boomsticks: For his special, Demoman drinks a beer and can go completely insane with one glowing eye slicing people bit to bits. Now the glowing eye part actully reminds me of someone.'''

Wiz: Demoman also most likely charges at his opponites which is useful against close opponants like Pyro or Scout but not against far foes like Sniper or Soldier.

Boomsticks: He survived getting half of his face from a cast while blown up by a rocket.

Wiz: His reguler bombs are bouncy and could bounce out walls for a sneak attack.

Boomsticks: Stickymines could attach to opponants and useful for stick jumping though it does cause damage when he falls.

Wiz: Now with everything in had, Travish still lacks brains as well.

Boomsticks: Our drunkish friends could mostly get drunk, and his insanit may as well turn against his teammates.

Wiz: Bu still this demolition is one tough son of a #%*& you don't want to mess with.

Demoman: " <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:sans-serif;font-size:12.8px;font-weight:normal;">What makes me a good Demoman? <span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:sans-serif;font-size:12.8px;font-weight:normal;">If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn't be sittin' here, discussin' it with you now would I?"

Pre Death Battle
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all.

Boomsticks it's time for a Death Battle!!!

DEATH BATTLE
DeGroot Keep:

At the moment only one person was inside but he was sleeping on the floor of the castle.

Besides him were a couple of leather boots, a sword, and a hat decorated with a fluffy yellow feather. He looked like any regular cat with a cape strapped to his back but to those who knew of his reputation; he was a force to be reckoned with. The cats name was Puss In Boots. Already been sent to Military School by Shrek to know what it's like to be TRULY a hero.

Meanwhile outside the keep, the RED team are fighting against the BLU team as usual, till Puss hears a loud explosion from outside.

Unknown man: MY AARM!!

Puss In Boots: Uugh… Really? Can't they blow each other up somewhere else?

Puss then looks out the window to see a sea of crimson gore splashing around the battlefield, and sees a RED Scout with a briefcase full of papers. He's been shot in the lower back by a BLU Sniper, and calls out for Medic.

Puss In Boots: That man needs help! Don't worry kid, Puss In Boots is on the way!

Puss runs out to the warzone and helps drag Scout inside.

Scout: I need a doctor... I've been shot...

Puss In Boots: I'll go get one! I need a doctor! Is there a doctor in the house?!

The Scout pulls out the briefcase and hands it to Puss.

Scout: ...H-here. Take, the briefcase... Take it, to the Intelligence Room...

Puss In Boots: But, where is the Intelligence Room?

Scout: Down the hall, upstairs, you can't miss it... Now, go... Hurry.

Then, the BLU team rushes after Puss from outside.

BLU Heavy: Go go go!

BLU Soldier: ATTAAAACK!

Puss runs down the halls with the briefcase over his head, guess Puss is as strong as his heart. Puss makes it to the Intelligence Room, but the door was shut by a black, Scottish man with battle gear on.

Demoman: Yer like a little bunny... scurryin' around, eatin' up yer lettuce and berries!

Puss turns to face him, and glares.

Puss In Boots: If I'd know any better, you'd be already dead from blood loss. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Why don't you scurry along with your toy guns. I have serious work to do.

Demoman: Don't come wide with me, ye pint-sized mutt! I killed the bloody Loch Ness Monster! I ain't afraid of six wee men!

Puss In Boots: Look Amigo, you don't want this fight. I'm a very busy cat and I don't want to-

Demoman: Yer a devil! Yer wicked! And you'll burn fer- (belches) Everyone, damn it... (sobs after falling face first, then falls asleep)

Puss just stares in confusion, then realizes that Demoman must be drunk.

Puss In Boots: Well, that was easy. Might as well put this where it belongs.

Puss places the briefcase on the desk, alerting the intercom that BLU team has failed.

Demoman: Wha--?

Demoman gets up, now in a fit of anger, points at Puss and demands a fight.

Demoman: Ya' bleedin' idiot! Yer a back-pokin' snake, and by God you'll die like one!

Puss In Boots: So, if that's how you want to play it... En Garde!

With that, Demoman charged at Puss with his sword, The Eyelander. The battle between man and beast had just begun.

FIGHT!

(Spyro: Year of The Dragon - Buzz's Dungeon)

As their swords clashed against each other, sparks began to appear around the two. Puss and Demoman didn’t even notice, however due to the intensity of their fight. They were like two destructive forces of nature pushing against each other as they parried and attacked with their swords. The battle had just started and already the tension was high in the air.

Demoman: I hate you campers; everybody bloody hates you!

Puss tried to stab Demoman but he easily evaded the blade and then went in for a counterattack. Puss tried to block with his sword but cursed mentally as his sword had gotten itself stuck in the ground due to his latest attempt to slice Demoman. Demoman definitely used this chance to his advantage.

Demoman: They're goin' ta bury what's left of ye in a soup can!

Puss however had other ideas as he parried Demoman sword with his own claws. This caught Demoman off-guard and gave Puss the opportunity to grab the sword and throw it into Demoman. But Demoman manages to dodge it before clumsily falling backwards down the stairs.

Demoman: [Slurred] Thankfully I already don't remember this.

Before running after him, Puss dragged his own sword out of the wall and licked his paws where he had caught Demoman's sword. He then ran down the halls and out the door where the battle began earlier, searching for a sign of his opponent.

Puss In Boots: You claim to have honor Demoman, but you still run and hide instead of confronting me. That’s the way of a coward, and not a warrior.

Suddenly a sticky bomb was shot at his direction, and Puss runs away before it explodes.

Demoman: [Evil laugh] See! [Funny Face]

Demoman continues to fire multiple sticky bombs at Puss as he dodges them one-by-one.

Puss In Boots: Enough! Let’s take this somewhere else amigo.

Before Demoman could fire another round, Puss used a sticky bomb to jump high into the air and land behind him.

Demoman: It's lads like you that give war a bad name!

Puss In Boots: Come and get me then, if you dare.

Demoman: Leeeeet's do iiiiit!

(Team Fortress 2 - ROBOTS!)

Before Demoman could chop Puss into pieces with his sword, the cat managed to grab a wrench and proceeded to throw it at his right kneecap. Demoman screams in agony, looses his balance and falls off the ledge to the ground below.

Puss In Boots: Sayonara Scotsman.

Demoman: [Slurred] Ooooh, I've reeallly hit rock bottom.

The battle did not end there though as Demoman crawls for safety, Puss jumps down and walks toward him.

Puss In Boots: You’re lucky. I will give you that. You could have won our little duel right here and now, but instead you cower from me? You are a strange man, but nonetheless, but I must also admit that you are a worthy opponent. If things were different, we might have made good rivals but enough chatter. Let’s finish this battle once and for all.

But Demoman has a trick up his sleeve, he pulls out a Scrumpy bottle and smashed it over Puss' head. With that, the opponents charged at each other, determined to finish this battle once and for all. Demoman dodged, the two's sword strikes, but a third managed to get through his defenses forcing him to parry it. The impact between the swords sent the Demoman sliding backwards a bit but before Puss could slash at him again with his sword; Demoman took a deep breath before thinking of a strategy. He dodged right behind Puss, but the cat managed to block the attack just in time before going on the offensive once again.

Demoman parried all the attacks with excellent precision, but Puss managed the same thing when Demoman got tired of blocking. It was at this time that Puss decided to unveil his greatest weapon. The battle had gone on long enough and Puss knew he needed something special to take down the Demoman.

To get some distance in order to use it, Puss avoided the next of Demoman's sword strikes to best of his ability and then kicked Demoman in the face when an opening appeared. The cat used this opportunity to get some distance between the two and when the Demoman got back his bearings, he raised an eyebrow in confusion.

Puss was just standing in front, having taken of his hat, and giving Demoman a stare that could melt the heart of even the most coldhearted of warriors. This method had gotten Puss out of a lot of tight situations and given him the win over several skilled opponents before. Demoman was no ordinary warrior though. He was too drunk to know what was real or not.

Demoman: [Slurred] ...yer arses arse and I'm the grass man, punk yeah ya havin' heathen. I'm drunk!

While at first, caught staring into those adorable eyes, Demoman takes a swing at Puss with his Eyelander. He was a mercenary of the BLU team, and fought several wars. There was no way that’s such an adorable face would be his undoing. Besides, he's a drunken cyclops.

Puss was completely caught off-guard as Demoman sent a barrage of quick sword strikes his way. How he had avoided getting affected by his greatest weapon, he did not know but such thoughts could wait for another time. He had to survive this battle first.

Puss In Boots: I don’t know how you managed to escape, but I shall still be victorious in this battle with or without my greatest we...(starts coughing uncontrollably).

(Team Fortress 2 - Right Behind You)

Demoman watched with curiosity as Puss started to cough so much that he fell to the ground immobilized of doing anything else than try to stop coughing. He was still holding his sword in a strong grip and he was at least trying to get up on his feet. He did know the battle was over though, and so did Demoman.

Puss coughs up a hairball and Demoman looks at the viewer and laughs hysterically.

Demoman: Ohh, I'm gonna beat ya so hard, you'll have a twitch!

Suddenly Demoman shrieks in pain as Puss jams his sword into Demoman's left leg.

Demoman: Medic! Help!

Then Puss dropkicks Demoman in his injured knee and gives Demoman no time to register what's about to happen, as he swings down with his sword through his neck, decapitating him.

Puss In Boots: You were a worthy opponent. Maybe even the toughest one I've ever faced. I bid you, farewell. [Bows before his fallen enemy]

The battle finally came to a close as Puss walks away out of the Degroot Keep and into the setting sun. And it pans over to the BLU team, standing there all this time with mouths a gape.

Engineer: What dumb son of a bitch cast that?

KO!

- Puss arrives back at home with Shrek and Donkey.

- The BLU team just stares at Demoman's corpse, all battered beyond belief.

Results
<p class="MsoNormal">Boomstick: Well, there's something you don't see everyday.

<p class="MsoNormal">Wiz: This really could've gone either way. Demoman appears to be the toughest competitor against Puss In Boots, which means other factors played the biggest roles in determining the victor. Ironically, it was thanks to Puss In Boots' master swordsmanship and cat-like reflexes that he was able to deal the final blow. And as his battle with Shrek shows, size doesn't matter.

<p class="MsoNormal">'''Boomstick: It made him quick on his feet and slick enough to slide through the toughest cracks. And going after that injured leg was enough to put Demoman down.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">Wiz: Several factors allowed Puss to win. By spending the first half of the fight avoiding Demoman's attacks, he was able to keep his stamina up until he could come up with a plan. Demoman was too blinded by his stupidity to think clearly, so he made a few mistakes; that sticky grenade launcher may have been useful later on if he hadn't dropped it. Puss In Boots' keen senses helped him defeat Demoman easily. Really, though, the key to his success was his ability to quickly form a strategy exploiting Demoman's weakness (Which was a broken leg).

<p class="MsoNormal">'''Boomstick: He would definitely have a hard time catching the cat because of his puny size. It was just too bad he didn’t have a can of tuna or a dog nearby.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">Wiz: First off, there is the hairballs that he can cough up at any moment. Sure it happens randomly and wouldn’t necessarily happen at all during this battle but if it did; and how in the hell did Demoman laugh at that and accidently give Puss the opening he needed? Well, let's say he had too much to drink.

<p class="MsoNormal">'''Boomstick: Also when you look at Puss' cute face, the inhabitants of Far Far Away isn’t exactly the smartest lot of people. If a single guard with no importance to the story at all could withstand Puss cute face, then Demoman should have no problem doing the same.'''

<p class="MsoNormal">Wiz: Demoman's military training may have gotten Puss grounded, but it is rather obvious that it was the cat that was the true winner.

<p class="MsoNormal">'''Boomstick: Looks like Demoman just got Pussy-whipped! '''

<p class="MsoNormal">Wiz: The winner is Puss In Boots. Who are you rooting for in this battle? Puss In Boots Demoman Did the correct swordsman win this battle? Yes No