Thanos v. Doomsday

Intro
Fans have debated this for a reasonable amount of time, so let's make it happen

Intro
Wiz: No matter what, every universe has some ridiculously powerful character

Boomstick: And lots of comic fans have wanted to see these two battle to the death!

Wiz: Thanos, the mad Titan

Boomstick: And Doomsday, the one who killed Superman. He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a death battle!

Doomsday

'''Boomstick: Hundreds of thousands of years ago, before Kal-El’s people came to rule, the planet that would be known as Krypton was a deadly wasteland. Alien monsters ran rampant, killing everything in sight. Only the toughest could survive. The only law was the law of natural selection. Wiz would have loved that place.'''

Wiz: One rather eccentric scientist who did love the place was the alien scientist Bertron. Fascinated by the endless cycle of life and death throughout the universe, Bertron sought the planet’s extreme environment as the laboratory for his experiment: to create the ultimate life form. What he created, however, was no black hedgehog. It was a monster he named “The Ultimate”.

Boomstick: Now of all the deadbeat fathers in comics history, Dr. B deserves the award for the biggest asshole to his children...

Wiz: Well, he wasn’t the real father. The creature he experimented on was born by in-vitro fertilization, a process which...

'''Boomstick: Shut the hell up. He threw the newborn baby out into the Krypton wilderness, and surprise, surprise, it was dead in a matter of minutes. But that didn’t stop Bertron at all; instead of making another child, he gathered the remains of the first and basically cloned them to make the same one again; just a bit stronger. Remember, kids: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.'''

Wiz: This process he repeated for over forty years. Every time the infant died, its successor would have evolved to better resist what had killed it before. With each rebirth, it was a little stronger. A little more durable. A little faster. A little smarter. And finally, after a little over four decades, it became the top of the food chain. It could kill any being on the planet it deemed a threat. It could survive.

'''Boomstick: And it also turned out that each incarnation retained the memories of the previous one. Being designed to adapt to and kill threats, the beast murdered the fuck out of Bertron. After all, the guy had killed him over ten thousand times. Take that, abusive fathers everywhere!'''

Wiz: Bertron’s wish for the ultimate life form had come true. The Ultimate needed no food or air; it could survive off of solar radiation like the later Kryptonians. It had immense super strength, rock-hard skin, could leap miles in a single jump, and had enhanced senses. These traits would only grow over time, because the scientist was so successful in reincarnating the Ultimate that its most dangerous weapon is its adaptability.

'''Boomstick: After forty years of being killed and being brought back to life with a counter to what killed him, this monster no longer needed science to resurrect. He could do it on his own. With the agony of his prior deaths still fresh in his mind, The Ultimate set out from Krypton by stowing away on a ship, and made his journey into the universe with a hatred for all life.'''

Wiz: And because of the destruction he brought with him wherever he went, all life he encountered would give him the name: Doomsday.

'''Boomstick: And he didn't start out small! This guy's first target was Darkseid's wife! After killing her and causing so much destruction that the planet's atmosphere turned toxic, the supposed powerhouse of Apokolips decided to run away like a little bitch.'''

Wiz: Claiming that the planet's newfound poison properties made it useless to him, but Darkseid does have reason to fear Doomsday. His ultimate attack, the Omega Beam, has no effect on the monster because of his resistance to energy projection. Same goes for the Astral Force, another power on the cosmic level. This came about as a result of his first defeat outside of Krypton against The Radiant, guardian of the planet Catalon.

Boomstick: Wiz, you're forgetting the part about the Green Lantern massacre...

Wiz: We'll save that for the feats section.

Boomstick: Got it

Wiz: The Radiant killed Doomsday with a massive blast of energy that leveled nearly a quarter of the planet in the process, and the people of Catalon shot his shackled body into space where it eventually crash-landed on Earth, in an eerie echo to Kal-El.

Boomstick: And, as you all know, that’s when all Hell broke loose.

Wiz: The battle between Superman and Doomsday was massive, causing billions of dollars in property damage all across the west, and it lasted days; no foe had matched the Man of Steel in strength without the use of kryptonite before.

'''Boomstick: And at the end of this clash of gods, there was no winner. Each beat the other to death with their own fists in the bout of the millennium. The end of Doomsday was also the end of the world’s greatest superhero, and the aftershock was felt everywhere. But it wasn’t long before both were alive and kicking again, thanks to Kryptonian technology and, well, the ability to not stay dead.'''

Wiz: Doomsday would return to menace Earth many times since his first arrival, each time more dangerous than the last thanks to his adaptive abilities. Each new method the Justice League used to defeat him would be countered in his next appearance.

'''Boomstick: Tougher skin to avoid being beaten to death by Supes again. Closing ear canals to defend against sound guns. Protruding bones to protect his vital organs. Mind shit to stop telepathy!'''

Wiz: Doomsday has adapted to be immune to paralysis, can breathe fire to combat Martians, and has a healing factor that allows him to return to the living after being reduced to nothing but a skeleton. He does have limits to merely developing powers on a whim, however. Doomsday has never been able to fly, but his super speed and leaping prowess do more than enough to make up for that.

'''Boomstick: Although flight would certainly help when you’re floating around in space with nothing to do. Given that he doesn’t need food, water or oxygen, and can survive in wormholes unharmed, you’d think he wouldn’t be in a rush to get anywhere, but every second wasted when there’s killing to be done really makes this guy mad. Speaking of space travel, he encountered the planet Catalon and the Radiant again once. And holy shit, was the resulting battle a curb in Doomsday's favor. "You killed me! Me no like that!"'''

Wiz: An impressive feat, given that the Radiant is a being of pure energy and Doomsday was able to topple him with a shoulder-check. But Doomsday's resume doesn't end there.

'''Boomstick: Doomsday has defeated the Justice League with one hand behind his back, knocked Orion and Darkseid around like they were made of paper, and cut Superman’s Kryptonian skin using his bare bones. And let’s not forget when he massacred millions of Green Lanterns in a matter of days all on his own!'''

Wiz: After a guardian, in all his infinite wisdom, decided to give him a power ring. Which, was then promptly taken away and Doomsday was locked in a vortex. A better man vs army feat would be when he took on an infinite number of Gogs, weak alien warriors, in a battle that lasted over a century.

'''Boomstick: They took his ring?!?! *sighs* Probably for the best. He’s powerful enough on his own as it is.'''

Wiz: But he does have his weaknesses, first and foremost being Kryptonite.

Boomstick: Oh, of fucking course, the plot device villain is weak to the plot device rock.

Wiz: Boomstick, I thought you loved Doomsday.

Boomstick: I do, just not when you need to scrape the bottom of the barrel trying to find out how to beat him.

Wiz: After being injected with Superman’s Kryptonian DNA, Doomsday developed the same weakness to kryptonite. While it can’t kill him the way it can kill Superman, it can weaken him enough to pass out, which allows him to be controlled by the likes of Brainiac and Lex Luthor; beings who never could match Superman himself.

'''Boomstick: Every other method of defeating Doomsday is essentially throwing him into space, locking him in a constant-teleporting prison, or tossing him into entropy at the end of the universe. Given the circumstances, they aren’t things he can adapt to. Your biological success can’t just decide not to be somewhere. It’s almost always outside help that brings him back into play. Except for that one time he broke out of the Phantom Zone... by breaking the Phantom Zone.'''

Wiz: Doomsday’s speed being limited to his leg muscles has helped the advantage stay completely out of his hands on a number of occasions. In their first duel, and many subsequent, Superman held a slight advantage by remaining airborne, until Doomsday figured out how high he could jump. His inability to teleport has also kept him locked away for months and even years on end.

'''Boomstick: And despite all his powers, he’s never mastered energy projection. He is able to reflect it back at the people who try to use it on him, and he can “cancel it out”, but he is unable to produce blasts on his own, restricting him to melee combat.'''

Wiz: Not quite. Doomsday is, somehow, able to kill beings just by walking past them. In a 20-minute stroll through Africa, he made wildebeest an endangered species.

'''Boomstick: This may be linked to his ability to secrete poison, yet another inexplicable power he developed. His toxin is deadly to the likes of even Wonder Woman and Superman.'''

Wiz: Try as he might, adapt as he might, he has never fully nourished his desire to kill all Kryptonians. Superman, sometimes on his own, but mostly with help, always finds a way to put him down. But, with his already insane strength backed up by the force of biology itself, Doomsday is arguably the greatest threat to the universe to ever exist.

'''Boomstick: Because each time you deal with the problem, you also make it worse. Thanks a lot, Bertron.'''

''Doomsday picks up Superman by the head and begins repeatedly punching the tired hero in the abdomen. Each punch is more brutal than the last, and one final blow causes blood to spray on to bystander Lois Lane's face.''