User blog:Fedora Lord Para 348/TOTAL DRAMA PARABATTLE: Episode 1, Part 1

(It's a summer sunny day, on a big uncharted island. Wiz and Boomstick are standing on the shore of a beach.)

Wiz: Welcome to Total Drama Parabattle, a reality show that takes 26 characters from Fedora Lord Para 348's Death Battle series, and puts them in a game filled with dangerous challenges, difficult conditions, drama, and a grand prize of one million dollars!

'''Boomstick: Buuuuuut the way the American tax system works, that only ends up being around 992,000 dollars. But hey, that's still a lot of money! So, now we wait for our combatants to roll in! This season, it's winners versus losers! First up, Team Winners!'''

Wiz: Lloyd Irving!

(Lloyd Irving jumps from out of a large cruise ship and lands on the sand)



Lloyd: Yeah! This is gonna be fun! (He tosses his swords up into the air and sheathes them.)

Wiz: Let's hope this enthusiasm lasts, Lloyd.

Boomstick: Madoka Kaname!

(Madoka Kaname shyly walks out of the cruise ship and approaches Wiz, Boomstick, and Lloyd)



Madoka: H-hi guys... (quietly) looks like I'm being introduced early...

Lloyd: It's alright, Madoka. You'll get used to it.

Wiz: Vash the Stampede!

(Vash jumps out the window of the cruise and does a front-flip on the way down, but lands on his face as he pulls himself back up.)



Vash: Hey everyone! (He smiles and waves.) Just looking to make some friends and have fun, you know?

Lloyd: ...You're so tall... reminds me of Regal.

Wiz: Morrigan Aensland!

(Morrigan flutters her wings, levitating her down onto the ground)



Morrigan: Hiya, Wiz and Boomstick~! Good to see you again~.

Boomstick: I like this one!

Morrigan: (Turns her head around, then grins as she looks at Lloyd)

Lloyd: (Blushes) Oh, me?

Morrigan: Hi. You're a cutie, aren't you?

Lloyd: I, uh... I've never been called that before...

Morrigan: (Giggles) What a shame.

Boomstick: Maka Albarn and Soul Eater!



(Maka Albarn and Soul Eater walk onto the shore, side-by-side.)

Maka: You remembered what I told you, right?

Soul: Yeah, yeah. Sure. I got all of it.

Maka: (Angrily huffs) I hope you mean that...

Soul: Hey, don't get all mad at me!

Madoka: You two are cute.

(Maka and Soul both blush, going silent as they look away from each other.)

Wiz: Gambit!

(No one appears)

Wiz: I said, Gambit!

(Still no one appears)

Wiz: Where is he?

(Someone taps on Wiz's shoulder. He turns to see Gambit smoking a cigarette and standing behind him, wearing a grin.)



Wiz: Aaah! Where did you come from?

Gambit: Sacrebleu, monsieur. (He puts out his cigarette.) You should learn to check your peripheral vision, no?

Boomstick: Sorry Wiz, I saw him come up from behind and I couldn't help but watch!

Wiz: Ugh, whatever...

Morrigan: (Looks at Gambit) Oh, another cutie, I see~!

Gambit: (Looks at Morrigan) My, looks like we've got ourselves a femme fatale, no?

Lloyd: (To Madoka) Whoa, this guy's pretty stealthy.

Madoka: Yeah, I didn't even see him on the cruise!

'''Boomstick: Anyway. Excalibur!'''

(Excalibur dances his way out of the cruise)



Excalibur: Ah, this reminds me of the 12th Century. Would anyone like a story about it?

Wiz: Now's not the time, Excalibur-

Soul: Oh great, not this guy again-

Excalibur: FOOL! (Hits Soul over the head with his cane)

Maka: Hey! Only I can hit Soul over the head like that!

Lloyd: That's going to get irritating...

Vash: Well, he's probably nice-

Wiz: Raven!

(Raven slowly levitates herself out of the cruise, landing on her feet as she scowls.)

Raven: (Sighs) I didn't even sign up for this...

Boomstick: That's impossible, otherwise you wouldn't be here!

Raven: I swear, when I get home, Beast Boy is not getting off scot-free.

Vash: Well, it could be worse, right?

Raven: (Glares at Vash, who backs up)

Boomstick: Metal Sonic!



(Metal Sonic does a spin jump out of the cruise and lands on his feet)

Metal Sonic: (Turns his head around toward the others as his eyes glow red, but he says nothing.)

Maka: ...This guy's probably dangerous.

Soul: Ah, he's probably just all hype and no actual danger.

Excalibur: Please, he is nothing compared to EEEEXCAAAALIBUUUUURRRRRRRRR!

Madoka: ...I don't want to anger him...

Metal Sonic: (Turns toward Madoka, who backs off)

Wiz: Gilgamesh!

(Gilgamesh walks out of the cruise, holding a chalice of wine while marching in a regal fashion.)

Gilgamesh: Hmm, it's rather sunny... I wouldn't want to get my face sunburned, would I?

Morrigan: (Flies toward Gilgamesh) Hi there, you're a pretty good-looking guy~.

Gilgamesh: (Grins) I just set foot on the island, and already someone is acknowledging my beauty... I'm off to a fantastic start.

Maka: (Grits her teeth) I don't like this guy, already.

Soul: Yeah, he looks like a bit of a stuck-up prick.

Maka: You've got that right.

Gambit: He believes he's more attractive than moi?

Vash: Hey guys, can't we all just get along?

'''Boomstick: What would be the point of the show then? Anyway. Doomsday!'''

(Doomsday rushes out of the cruise and gives an ear-splitting roar)



(Lloyd, Madoka, Vash, Maka, Soul, Morrigan, Gambit, Raven, and Gilgamesh all cover their ears.)

Metal Sonic: (Turns his head toward Doomsday as his eyes glow red)

Doomsday: Who sent me here?! Superman?!

Gilgamesh: Shut up, you abhorrent abomination.

Doomsday: (Roars as he grabs Gilgamesh by the hair.)

Gilgamesh: Unhand me, you pathetic creature!

(Doomsday roars again, but then sets him down as he appears to calm down.)

Morrigan: That's right, sweetie. You be nice to Gilgy here~.

Maka: ...She's already giving him pet names?

Raven: I'm already disgusted even more. I want to get out of this stupid place.

Wiz: We have contracts for this reason exactly, Raven. Sailor Moon!

(Sailor Moon jumps out of the cruise as Moonlight Densetsu plays, and she strikes several poses.)

Sailor Moon: In the name of the moon, I shall punish you!

Gilgamesh: Are you doing that "cosplay" thing?

Sailor Moon: What? No! I'm a real superhero! A magical girl!

Madoka: Hey, I'm a magical girl too!

Sailor Moon: ...What? You don't... look like one.

Madoka: ...B-but I am...

Sailor Moon: Oh, uh... I'm sorry...

Vash: So you're a hero who fights against crime too, huh?

Sailor Moon: Yep! Fighting evil by moonlight! Winning love by daylight! Never running from a real fight! I am the one named Sailor Moon!

Gambit: Why, you're quite the looker, aren't you, petite? (He smiles at Sailor Moon.)

Sailor Moon: (Blushes) Heh, thanks! (Quickly turns away) Nononono, I have Mamoru! I can't let him charm me like that...

Boomstick: And our last member of Team Winners, Flandre Scarlet!

(Flandre flutters down onto the ground too.)



Vash: Wait, I remember you! You beat me in our fight!

Flandre: (Smiles at Vash) Yep, that's how I got on Team Winners! Say, shouldn't you be on Team Losers?

Vash: Well, uh... I guess I could be, but no...

Gilgamesh: Yes, didn't he originally lose his first fight?

Vash: Hey, the referee said-

Morrigan: Oh my... cheating is never a good thing to do... I'm hurt.

Vash: No, please, you have to listen to me! I won a fight!

Flandre: Yeah, yeah. Excuses, excuses. Remilia would love this.

Wiz: Alright, Team Winners! Lloyd, Madoka, Vash, Morrigan, Maka and Soul, Gambit, Excalibur, Raven, Metal Sonic, Gilgamesh, Doomsday, Sailor Moon, and Flandre, you guys can all stand right by Boomstick here. Now, as for our next team, Team Losers! First up, Kirito!

(A worn-down wooden boat floats by, and Kirito pulls himself onto the shore.)



Kirito: Sorry, am I late?

Wiz: You arrived on cue, didn't you?

Kirito: I guess. (He looks at the sky) Much different from SAO, isn't it?

Lloyd: Hey, I remember you! We fought! Twice!

Kirito: Yeah, yeah. It's why I'm on Team Losers.

Flandre: Unlike someone! (looks at Vash)

Vash: Hey!

Kirito: I just want to get this all over with. Who's next?

Boomstick: Pit!

(Pit jumps out of the wooden boat and lands)



Pit: O-oh, hey guys. I-is Lady Palutena watching? Hi Palutena! Yeah I'm gonna try to win this one for you! At least I think I am...

Kirito: Who are you talking to?

Pit: Oh yeah, uh. I get anxiety when Lady Palutena isn't talking to me, so when she's not around, I pretend she is.

Maka: Aw, poor thing.

Soul: Pfft. Mama's boy.

Maka: (Maka-chops Soul.)

Soul: Ow!

Flandre: Ha! He misses his dear Palutena so much, he can't function without her! Remilia, if you're watching, this just got much better!

Wiz: Next up, Sonic the Hedgehog!

(A blue blur rushes by, then stops right by Wiz and Boomstick.)



Sonic: Sonic's my game, speed's my name- aw man, my first line and already I've screwed it up! Can I try that again?

Wiz: Sorry Sonic, but this is live!

Sonic: Darn. Anyway, what's up everyone?

Lloyd: Whoa, this guy's fast!

Gilgamesh: Stating the obvious, are you not?

Lloyd: ...You're beginning to piss me off, you know that?

Gilgamesh: I've been known to do that to lesser individuals.

Madoka: W-wow, you're so fast! And you're a hedgehog.

Sonic: Yep! Fastest thing alive!

Madoka: Wow, you're so cool!

Gilgamesh: Shut up, mongrel! He's on the other team.

Madoka: O-okay...

Metal Sonic: (Eyes redden at Sonic.)

Sonic: Oh, I see you're here too. This should be interesting.

Boomstick: Tabuu!

(Tabuu levitates down, his foot just inches away from the ground.)



Tabuu: ...

Lloyd: Does this guy ever talk?

Kirito: He didn't while we were on the boat...

Madoka: Maybe he's just shy?

Morrigan: Maybe I can invoke some emotion in him-

(Tabuu glares at Morrigan.)

Morrigan: ...Or not.

Excalibur: How would a conversation between this man and Metal Sonic go down?

Metal Sonic: (Eyes redden at Tabuu.)

Tabuu: (Glares at Metal Sonic.)

Gambit: ...Just like that.

Wiz: Goku!

(Goku walks out of the boat, winding up his arms.)



Goku: Whew, that was quite a ride! Nice to get some fresh air here! Now- (stomach rumbles) Heheh, does anyone have any food?

Madoka: Oh, hey Goku!

Goku: Madoka, good to see you! It's been a while, hasn't it?

(Goku and Madoka shake hands.)

Morrigan: Oh, why isn't this sweet? Winner and loser, getting along with no problems.

Goku: (Looks at Morrigan's chest, but doesn't even seem affected in the slightest) Hey, who are you?

Morrigan: Name's Morrigan, Aensland. I'm one of the strongest demons on Makai.

Goku: Oh, cool! I'm Goku, and I like to fight! (Looks at Doomsday) Huh, that guy looks strong.

Morrigan: ...It didn't... work on him?

Boomstick: Samus Aran!

(Samus jumps out of the boat, in her power suit.)



Samus: ...This is the place?

Wiz: Yes it is! This is where you will be staying for the next few weeks!

Samus: ...I see.

Vash: Oh, hello! You're Samus?

Samus: That is my name.

Vash: Oh, cool!

Samus: ...

Vash: ...Aren't you going to ask me mine?

Samus: No. I never heard your name; I assume it's important. Names can't just be given out.

Vash: O-oh, I guess that's true.

Raven: ...Huh. This one actually makes sense.

Wiz: Ruby Rose!



(Ruby dashes out of the boat and appears next to Wiz and Boomstick.)

Ruby: Hi everyone! I'm Ruby! And I'm so excited! Everyone I came here with had such cool weapons or powers, and I'm excited to see everyone else's!

Maka: Soul. It's Ruby.

Soul: Oh, her. She's probably mad at us...

Maka: Soul Perception tells me she's not... but she could just be masking her soul. Be on your guard.

Soul: Right.

Ruby: Maka! Soul! It's been too long! (She hugs them both tightly) I've missed you guys!

Maka: ...Really?

Ruby: Yeah! You guys were so cool!

Excalibur: Ruby, I have known these two even longer. But first, would you like to hear my story?

Ruby: Aw, you're so cute! Yes, I'd love to hear your story!

Gilgamesh: (To Vash) She's going to get irritating real quickly.

Vash: Why? She has so much energy in her.

Gilgamesh: That's exactly it...

Sonic: Heh. I like this girl.

Lloyd: ...And that's why we try to limit our sugar intake.

Ruby: Hey, I heard that! And come on, I only had... (counting on fingers) Okay, so I still had two or three... or eight cookies today. But that's not a lot!

Raven: Explains why you're so hyper.

Ruby: That's what my sister would say if she were here. She's so cool. So strong and brave and fun...

Metal Sonic: (Eyes redden at Ruby.)

Ruby: O-oh, I'm sorry! D-did I say something wrong?

Metal Sonic: ...

Ruby: ...I'll just back up now... (Backs into Doomsday, bumping into him.)

Doomsday: (Roars at Ruby.)

Ruby: Aaaah! (Drops Crescent Rose on accident) I'm so sorry! I... didn't mean to upset you... (Turns away) One day I'll have to take him on... (She picks up Crescent Rose) It'll be you and me again, Crescent Rose!

Doomsday: ...I'd eat that girl for breakfast if she was worth fighting.

'''Boomstick: Hey, no eating people for breakfast here! But anyway, next up is Alucard!'''

(Alucard walks out of the boat with a wide grin.)



Maka: ...Didn't Kid beat you?

Alucard: Please, little girl, I only lost because he had two busty blonde girls with him. I could have handed that kid's ass to him on a silver platter if I wanted.

Vash: Another red-clad gunslinger, huh?

Alucard: (Turns to Vash and grins.) I guess there are two of us then, hmm?

Ruby: Wow, another one?

Vash: I don't think we've met, Ruby?

Alucard: (Looks at Ruby, then at Maka) Hmm, they both have scythes. Bitches love scythes, I guess.

Maka: Are you calling me a bitch?!

Soul: Are you calling her a bitch?! Because only I can call her that!

Maka: Oh shut up Soul!

Alucard: You two make a cute couple. Ah, reminds me of the police girl and her massive tits.

Maka: (Blushes upon hearing the first sentence, then turns away and turns a fuming red upon hearing the second) Harumph! Not all girls can be super busty like Tsubaki...

Wiz: Whoa, before things get too heated, let's introduce, Cinder!

(Cinder jumps out of the boat and lands on his feet.)



Cinder: Oh, this is going to be so much fun. (He chuckles.)

Sonic: Y'know, I run fast, but this guy's on fire!

Cinder: (Laughs) Oh, I should have thought of that one! The fact that I didn't think of it first... it burns!

Ruby: Oh, when my sister gets all fired up, she says she burns too!

Cinder: Right, right. Why don't you go play with the other kiddies and leave the adults alone?

Ruby: ...What?

Vash: Hey, you shouldn't talk to her that way!

Cinder: Hmm, right, right.

Morrigan: Ooh, these other boys have been pretty cute, but you're just so hot.

Cinder: (Looks down at Morrigan's chest. Her breasts are basically in his face.)  S-speaking of hot... I should probably go wait over there.

Goku: Wow, he's so strong he's on fire! That's cool!

Cinder: ...It's not cool, it's hot!

Boomstick: Mega Man!

(Mega Man jumps up, becoming a blur as he descends and his eyes light up.)



Mega Man: You are Wiz and Boomstick.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: It's our job to analyze your relationships, tactics, and skills to find out who would win... Total Drama Parabattle.

Mega Man: Judging by a scan of everyone here-

Metal Sonic: (Turns toward Mega Man and his eyes glow red. Mega Man quickly stops.)

Sonic: What's wrong, Mega Man? Metal Sonic got your tongue?

Mega Man: I am a robot, I do not require a tongue to speak.

Sonic: It's an expression.

Wiz: Danny Phantom!

(Danny Phantom flies out of the boat, invisible, then materializes in front of everyone.)



Danny: Hey guys! Danny Phantom, number one ghost fighter in the house!

Mega Man: This is not a house, it's an island-

Sonic: It's an expression, Mega.

Danny: ...Another scythe girl, a big monster, a robot, and- (looks at Morrigan) Whoa...

Morrigan: (Giggles) Why, you look a little young... but of course that's not an issue~.

Pit: H-hey! I know what you did to Dark Pit! Palutena, you know too, right?

Gambit: (Lights a cigar) I know just what's going on here.

'''Boomstick: We're almost done here! Next up, Laharl!'''

(Laharl jumps up and lands on the ground, his impact making a crater in the sand.)

Laharl: Bow down to Overlord Laharl!

Gilgamesh: If anyone deserve the title of Overlord, mongrel, it is myself!

Laharl: (Bursts into laughter) You?! Pfft, listen to this guy!

Sailor Moon: Laharl, you're back I see.

Laharl: Yep! If I couldn't beat you in a fight, I can definitely beat the hell out of you in- (Turns his head to look at Morrigan. He begins to panic as he sees her gigantic breasts.)  Aaaahhh! (He hides behind a tree, and is now breathing heavily.) B-big... boobs... Big... b-boobs... flashbacks... no... get away from me!

Maka: ...Does he have a fear of large breasts?

Soul: I dunno. Seems like a pretty weird fear to have.

Morrigan: Aw, poor baby. Is he afraid of my large assets?

Gilgamesh: "Overlord", huh? I doubt any true overlord would have a fear of something like a woman's anatomy.

Laharl: Oh shut up you arrogant prick.

Flandre: Oh, the irony.

Cinder: (To Gilgamesh) He should be glad he was never in my game!

Wiz: And finally... Esdeath!

(Esdeath stomps on the sand, causing some grains to fly up. She is wielding a chain-whip in her right hand.)



Esdeath: Hmm... this place. It reminds me of where Tatsumi and I got stranded. I've been on the front of the boat, so I haven't yet met everyone. Except Cinder.

Cinder: Ah, Esdeath. The one woman who's so hot, yet so scary. But also, cold as ice.

Ruby: Ooohh, like Weiss!

Esdeath: (Struts toward Wiz and Boomstick) So, is this where I meet the rest of the weaklings?

Kirito: Let's see you beat a death game where anyone can die.

Esdeath: Please, dear. (Whispers in Kirito's ear) I've done quite a bit of that.

Kirito: ...I see.

Gilgamesh: How dare this mongrel refer to me as a weakling?

Wiz: Anyway, meet Lloyd, Madoka, Vash, Morrigan, Maka and Soul, Gambit, Excalibur, Raven, Metal Sonic, Gilgamesh, Doomsday, Sailor Moon, Flandre, Kirito, Pit, Sonic, Tabuu, Goku, Samus, Ruby, Alucard, Cinder who I guess you've already met, Mega Man, Danny, and- wait, where's Laharl?

Laharl: (Pokes his head out from behind the tree) It's okay, just one big-boobed woman. It's okay. I can deal with one busty lady- (Looks at Esdeath and her massive chest, then flies into a panic again) WAIT NO I WASN'T PREPARED FOR THIS!

Esdeath: ...You're afraid of breasts?

Gilgamesh: You missed a rather long discussion we had.

'''Boomstick: Anyway, if you recall. Team Winners is Lloyd, Madoka, Vash, Morrigan, Maka and Soul, Gambit, Excalibur, Raven, Metal Sonic, Gilgamesh, Doomsday, Sailor Moon, and Flandre! Team Losers is Kirito, Pit, Tabuu, Goku, Samus, Ruby, Alucard, Cinder, Mega Man, Danny, Laharl, and Esdeath!'''

(Everyone goes with their respective teams. Lloyd and Madoka are standing together, as with Morrigan and Gambit.  Gilgamesh, Raven, Metal Sonic, and Doomsday all are standing apart from everyone else, but closer to their team than the other one.  Sonic and Mega Man are standing together, as with Cinder and Esdeath, and Goku and Alucard.)

Wiz: Right there is the Confessional. (Points to an outhouse.) That looks like a worn-down outhouse. But there's a camera in there. And that's where you will go when you want to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets to the world. Everyone back home will know, but no one here.

''Raven: So I guess I'm the first to use this thing. Anyway. I hate this place already and want to go home. For some reason, Lloyd sounds a lot like Robin though...''

''Vash: Wow, so much harshness and cruelty here... I just want to make friends!''

''Laharl: Whew, so good to be away from those boobs! This is going to be a long few weeks...''

''Esdeath: I am going to wrap this little competition 'round my finger... one by one, I will eliminate them all.''

Wiz: Now, in one hour, we will all meet in the forest, where you guys will all face your first challenge!