User blog:MP999/Grn's Ridonculous Race, episode 4, part one

(Hey guys, subbing in for the Machine while he's busy. Let's keep this thing going!)

Don: Welcome back to the Ridonculous Race! Previously, we discovered that different contestants value different things; food and gold. While some were able to use their comedic appetites to great effect, others were too busy arguing to focus on the challenge. Weiss and Vegeta nearly lost had it not been for Fairy-Boy Link and Sponsor Sergeant Pepsi-Man struggling to polish properly. If only Link had paid attention to the shoe-shine boy from Twilight Princess, then this mute may have been able to keep it clean. See what I did there?

Pit: No, not really.

Goku: Yeah, me neither.

Don: Learn humour, you idiots. All right, it’s time for another installment of... the Ridonculous Race!

*Title sequence plays*

Don: Pit and Goku’s big stomachs landed them in the top slot last challenge; so they will be remaining as a team. The others, however, will be randomized. Again.

Vegeta and Weiss shoot wicked glances at each other as Don’s computer screen projected the team matchups.

Don: All right, we have...

Vincent and Lucas!

Inkling and Naruto!

Ringabel and Satsuki!

Katara and Mewtwo!

Superman and Deadpool!

Vegeta and Segata!

Big Daddy and Megaman!

Mario and Weiss!

Jar Jar and Kyousuku!

Superman: Great, just when I thought Bruce was the only one who had to deal with insane clowns.

Deadpool: Don’t say Batman’s identity out loud like that, they’ll hear you!

Superman: What? How... Who?...

Deadpool: And don’t get me wrong, I am happy to see you, but that is legitimate Kryptonite in my pants. Just in case you go beserk. Because, CONTINGENCY PLAN! I’M BATMAN! DANANANANANANANA!

As Deapool’s antics continue, Vegeta and Segata approach each other with their arms crossed, holding a stoic expression. They are not amused.

Vegeta: Listen here, pathetic human, just because our names can be considered similar does not mean you are in my league, got it?

Segeta doesn’t flinch as Don opens the portal.

Don: All right, I suggest you get ready to run! The next Don Box is dead ahead, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy to get to! And I really, REALLY insist you run fast, because we don’t exactly have permission to be competing here!

Weiss: Wait, wh

Don: Pit and Goku! GO!

Pit and Goku fly through the portal and instantly find themselves in a massive snowstorm... accompanied by jets flying everywhere and shooting lasers at giant robot camels.

Goku: Where is this place?

Pit: I... dddddonnnnttttt knooooow, buuuuuut ittttts sooooo cooooooldthhhhhh.

Goku: Coldth. I like that name! Let’s go, the box should be dead ahead!

As Goku jumps forwards, he stops to see Pit’s wings are frozen.

Goku: Fine, I’ll just carry you!

But as he bends down to pick up Pit, all the other teams empty out of the portal and trample them into the snow.

Goku: Hey, I thought we had more of a head start than that!

Don: Yeah, I wanted to give you that, but the show’s lawyers are highly suggesting we get out of here before we get too involved with the whole rebel insurgency thing.

Several teams get a quick head start. Thanks to defeating Cold Man, Rock is able to get a good head start and blast any scout droids that come his way, clearing a patch for Big Daddy who charges a path through the snow. Katara uses waterbending in combination with Mewtwo’s psychic to form a slide that instantly freezes over, giving them a fast mode of transport into first place.

Weiss: I don’t expect to be carrying both of us, okay? I know my ice, but you have to pull your own weight!

Mario: Don’t a-worry!

Mario hops into a Penguin suit and glides across the ice, leaving a shocked and frustrated Weiss using her glyphs to try and catch up to him.

Superman: This place almost reminds me of the Fortress of Solitude... let’s go, Wade... Wade, what are you doing?

The Man of Steel turns to Deadpool, who is frozen in awe and surrounded by pretty pink hearts.

Deadpool: I’ve waited my whole life to be here! We can walk!

Superman: Are you kidding me! I can just fly over this and around the fighters, but you want to WALK?

Deadpool: You just don’t appreciate the classics.

He gets shot in the head by a stormtrooper, blowing his cranium to bits, but his headless body takes out a pistol and downs the trooper before trudging off through the snow.

Don: It looks like our teams are off! Some quickly, some slowly, but hey, whatever works. Except being slow doesn’t work, so (Yelling at the teams without a speed advantage) GET YOUR REARS IN GEAR!!!

(Part two coming very soon)