Paul Blart vs. Yandere-Chan

Paul Blart vs. Yandere-Chan is a what-if? episode of Death Battle. It stars Paul Blart from the Godly Paul Blart Mall Cop and Yandere-chan from Yandere Simulator.'

Description
Paul Blart vs. Yandere, it's a battle between these two fighters who fight to protect what they hold hear to themselves who will be able to land a hit in this battle of legends!?

Interlude
Paul Blart...

Yandere-Chan...

Both are legends striding to protect what they love dear in their respected environment now a question that will be answered who would win this Death Battle...

Paul Blart
Serving justice is his name, saving the Mall from crooks is his game.

'''Enter Paul Blart, a obese family man with girl problems with nearly joining the Police Force but was kicked out due to his obesity he was forced to pick door number two which was... Mall Cop.'''

Everything was going smoothly for Blart until one fateful Black Friday he unfortunately hired a crook who went psyche and took over the entire mall, surprise, surprise being the protagonist of a low budget film Blart stood up to this crime and through some real good luck managed to defeat all crooks and won the girl of his dreams... until a week late he got divorced.

Bummer, never even got to Second Base.

Paul's equipment varies from multiple gadgets you'd find lying around, with this he's got his iconic mode of transport: The Segway with this he can scale large distances without having to walk sparing him mostly a lot of energy.

'''But it doesn't stop there, he's also got a Glue Gun which is quick-sticking and is almost impossible to escape one downside though... it's not tested and can backfire if given the chance and then there's his marble gun which can fire and spurt but it only fires once but it's sure got to hurt.'''

He's even got himself a bottle of hot sauce capable of blinding an opponent and his most iconic weapon a cop has to offer: A Taser which can paralyse enemies with up to 10,000 volts which can kill a person if given the chance.

'''Surprisingly for a man of his... weight he's quite the durable one like being able to take a hit from a Horse that sent him FLYING and left a clear dent on the car upon impact can take punches from multiple thugs, survived falling through a window not to mention he survived a attack with a bird and is quite a pro at Guitar Hero.'''

Indeed if he needs to think up a quick strategy Blart always regroups and plots his next basic plan of attack perfect for confusing foes not to mention his speed-

-Laughter is heard-

Alright enough Shit, Blart's fucking terrible at his speed and always needs to take long breaths to regain his energy but in short bursts he deals quite the hit.

Needless to say Blart has dealt with deadly thugs, time and time again with little to no payoff.

'''But Blart has his fair share of huge weaknesses, like we said he can tire easily and is hypoglycemic meaning he has to refill himself with sugary items every couple of hours with that he's also... kind of an idiot.'''

After all this is the guy who mistook Alcohol for Lemonade and even when he knew what it was kept drinking anyway.

'''Jesus... but if there's a mall that needs saving you know who to call, possibly the Ghost Busters more than this guy.'''

''Paul Blart: What are you trained to do? Nothing...''

Yandere-Chan
Little is known about her overall backstory seeing as her game is still in development we'll try to uncover most of her as possible.

'''Well what we do know is that her name is Ayano Aishi her Mother was a Yandere and her Grandmother was a Yandere I wonder who her Great Grandmother was... Guess it runs in the family huh?'''

A Yandere's main purpose is to win over her crush's hear whether if it means crushing them in the mix as well, Yandere-Chan's whole namesake is resolved around winning her Senpai's heart.

I think we're becoming Weeaboo's every second we look into this.

Agreed with that Yandere-Chan seeks to kill whoever is going soft with her beloved Senpai even those who are closest to her will feel her ungodly wrath with her vast assortment of Weaponry.

'''Yandere-Chan carries around a Knife capable of stabbing people no brainer right? How about I tell you she's got a FUCKING KATANA BLADE capable of slicing through students like lettuce bet she'd make a wicked burger.'''

Yandere's also got a Circular Saw which is meant for slicing and dicing her enemies into pieces with relative ease and her scissors which are just scissors and her parcel knife which in hind-site acts like a normal knife.

Ayano's strength is mediocre for a person of her stature with this she can carry corpses around with no effort without triring and can run around the school without said tiring either.

She can also move Dumpsters around with some difficulty and for a schoolgirl is quite notable for clearing up her tracks of killed victims with her mopping skills and keen mind for the police to not notice this quite a feat for someone like her.

Speaking of feats Yandere-Chan has killed a fair amount of people in her time, with this she's outtracked herself from the police multiple times, won Senpai's heart over time and always eliminated her rivals who try getting mushy.

But this also leads to one of her greatest downfalls of which Yandere-Chan is completely insane from whom she kills and it causes her to get more ruthless not to mention violent.

And her Durability is not to intimidating she can be overpowered by her teachers and is suspecting of being killed easily if given the chance she's still human and all that she's kinda a glass-cannon if you think about it.

Still whoever gets in the way of Yandere-Chan's heart and her Senpai may they hope that their death is a quick one.

Yandere-Chan: -Yandere-Chan laughs violently-

Prelude
Alright, the combatants are set it's time to settle this debate once and for all...

It's time for SCHOO- I mean MALL- Err, DEATH BATTLE!

Pre-Fight
Location: Paul-Fall Mall-Call

It was a lovely day in your average All-American mall, crowds were buying whatever they could get their cash on, kids were getting lost in the hoards and off course Mall-Cops were on patrol and a certain Mall-Cop was none other than the legend himself Paul Blart, just another day in the mall of course for someone like him.

Looking around on his trusty segway It seems that it was a more foreign here today as unfamiliar faces were everywhere in Japanese uniforms searching around their new environments trying to ask for directions in their best english possible Blart seemed refreshed to not see the same face over and over especially that elderly lady.

Blart zoomed across the top floor looking for any bad-goings happening without knowing it was happening right behind his back as one of the foreign students with a black ponytail watched over from the other side of the mall spying on a teen talking with a green-haired female babbling nonsence at each other with flirt in her eyes it seemed to sicken the student causing her to gag.

As the two finished chatting with a giggling remark from the greenish female the school-girl made her move on the unknowing victim beginning to stealth up on her behind the crowd of shoppers before in one quick snare she lunged at the student and dragged her into a back-passage with a muffled scream drawing attention from Blart who wasn't too far away.

"Mall Senses tingling..." Replied Blart as he drove to investigate.

Within the cutoff part of the mall the girl revealing herself none other than Yandere-Chan still had her grip on the girl still kicking to retaliate within this conflict she pulled out her knife ready to go for a quick kill with that she had to sacrifice her hand that was holding the girls mouth shut giving out a gasp of air the green-haired female replied with "Is this the end of Midori Gurin?!" she yelped "Who's going to help with Yandere Dev! Yandere Dev!" replying once more.

Confused by that statement Yandere-Chan resumed to her killing and raised her knife while holding the student Midori by the neck close to the wall going in for a head-jab the girl could only help but close her eyes finally with a swift jab-

BEEP BEEP!

Before she could react a loud, honking sound was heard not far away from the cutoff causing the Yandere to look around and see a basket-ball thrown straight at her causing the impact of the hit to send her flying back and let go of her victim and landing on her backside with that the school-girl makes a hasty retreat "I'll never forget you obese savior!" before flashing out of sight into the crowd of the mall.

Tending to her injuries the Yandere raised herself off the ground to stare at the imposing Mall-Cop who was ready to go on his Segway revving his accelerator with a visible lollipop in his jaw "I don't think killing is the way to go madam." he replied sternly within that sentence Yandere-Chan picked herself up along with her knife looking back at Blart with insane eyes.

Finally, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-HAAHAHAHAHAHAH-HAH~!" with a laugh from the imposing Yandere she knew she wasn't going to be taken in easily, Paul got himself ready for the mission of his life positioning himself on his Segway with anticipation "Have it your way then"

Yep, just another day in the mall.

FIGHT!
Paul charged with force but the Yandere managed to evade this assault and made haste to lure Blart, the Mall Cop complied following the girl into the large plaza, in hot pursuit trying not to mow down any people along the way "Hey get back here, this is a violation of the law!" yelled the Cop chasing after the school-girl determined.

But what he didn't know is that Yandere-Chan was waiting for Paul in plain sight waving towards him with a happy smile "Now you're mine!" Blart responded as he went full speed ahead at the Yandere but what the Mall Cop didn't know is that the Yandere was right behind an escalator following with one step to the right-

WHOOOOO!

Paul along with his Segway were sent lunging into the air with the cop looking like a whale during this eventually falling into a large ball-pit full of toddlers, luckily nobody was hurt... execpt Paul's ego.

Yandere-Chan slid down the escalators arms and balanced herself on the ground with knife in hand, as soon as this went into full view every Toddler jumped out of the ball pit frantically with Blart just recovering, looking up he saw a raised knife, with his reactions Blart dodged out of the way of this attacker, hopping out of the pit at the cost of leaving his mode of transport.

The Yandere turned around to face his readied combatant and went for a lunge, however Blart took this head on and within contact Yandere pounced- and got send flying back due to Blart's sheer blubber but screeched her shoes back on the floor just in time "I guess all those thanksgiving dinners really payed off.." remarked Paul looking back.

However the Yandere wasn't down yet, looking around to see her knife wasn't a viable weapon to use anymore (Yet again, it was sent flying) she got out her second needs of killing: Her Katana.

Throwing herself at Blart who's eyes narrowed upon glancing upon this weapon started to flee from the scene with Yandere-Chan hot on his tail it seemed she wanted him dead at this point. While they weren't looking multiple people picked up interest on this scene and began gathering around before the two left.

Running around made Blart quite tuckered out.

With little options left he decided to regroup and made a left around the mall with the Yandere still behind him now slashing the Katana at anyone unlucky enough to get in it's way, "Sheesh, it seems she has some boy problems." spoke Blart before making his way into a closed shop with blue-background.

As the two entered it seemed all the lights were out combined with the fact Blart was nowhere to be seen, stalking around the isles of the store she seemed to notice large scurrying noises around her looking around with sharp vision she began pacing around seeing if she could smell out this rat, until.

Squisssssssh.

Yandere-Chan seemed to step into something sticky and wet, glancing down it looked as though she stepped in... a lollipop? All of a sudden the lights flashed on in the store to see Blart on the outside of the shop glaring behind The Yandere with albeit shaking in his bones holding a odd kind of weapon "Revenge is sticky you know that?"

Before unloading a assortment of marbles onto the floor below, gutted Paul jokingly looked up to see Yandere-Chan giggling before giving a charge towards the Mall Cop once more, in retaliation Blart threw the now empty "Marble Gun" at Yandere-Chan and took off once more.

Though along the way Yandere-Chan seemed to trip on some of the marbles in the end but it was just a minor misconception as soon afterwards she caught up with the cop who was now starting to slow down upon reaching a large water fountain with some delinquents making haste as they ran away from the sight of the killer.

Blart stopped at the fountain and turned around to glance at a determined Yandere coming in for a diagonal slash at Blart, but with his quick reactions he managed to evade the strike by crouching the strike and pushing the school-girl away causing her to stumble back and ram the lard cop into a wall holding him by the meaty neck going in for a forwards slice.

"WAIT!" Paul replied, before the Yandere stopped momentarily "Hang on just give me a second." Blart responded as out of his pocket he picked out a red bottle from his trousers "Hm?" went the Yandere looking as the cop undid the lid and took a whiff at the contents inside "Ah, still fresh... wanna smell?" went Blart handing out the bottle to the girl politely with a glance she knew what it was it was hot-

Before she could finish her analysis Blart threw the bottle at her eyes causing hot sauce to get caught in her eyeballs like pepper-spray "AAAAAAGH!" the Yandere threw herself back letting go of the Mall Cop frantically trying to cut at thin air, just as that happened,Blart went for a running start and tackled her, causing her to lose her Katana as it slid away on the ground.

Picking himself up Blart hopped up ready to contact other Mall Cop members on his radio before The Yandere in a fit of rage grabbed him by the neck and together they rolled around on the floor in a deathlock of sorts trying to get one another off each other.

Eventually Blart managed to kick the teen off and rolled himself upright to a Yandere-Chan now bloodshot in the eyes getting out her most deadly weapon: The Circular saw revving it up before giving a harsh laugh "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" she laughed loudly gaining nearly the entire malls attention... even Senpai himself noticed.

"FOR SENPAI!" she roared before charging at the cop for possibly the final time, trying to go in for a hit on Blart, but the cop being a quick thinker decided to... run around the fountain like a looney in the olden cartoons yet again with the Yandere now lusted to take this idiot down, Blart now cornered not too far away from a couple of pipes turned around to see the schooler slice her saw at Blart who then ducked for the rotating blade to connect with the piping with harsh steam hissing out onto her face.

With a loud scream she still tried to slash at Blart with the saw even though she was now in blind rage however Blart managed to outright punch Yandere-Chan away "I know I'd never hurt a girl, but you're the one that deseves quite the punishment." snickered the cop before going at the recovered Yandere who tried slashing again and again.

Finally this chain was broken after the two threw a couple of strikes at each other, it seemed that Blart was getting the upper-hand until-

SKHIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT!

The Yandere safisfyingly rammed the saw into Blart's elbow with immense force causing audible bone to be heard cracking from the spinning blade, Blart now in pain managed to pull the blade out just in time before things got brutal. Grabbing a hold of her saw-holding arm Paul took this moment to go behind the girl and picked her up by the waist before performing....

SUPLEX CITY!

Smashing Yandere-Chan on her head causing her to writhe in pain with Blart to dizzily get up to see his opponent struggle to keep their balance getting up "Ffff... ff" she went in a daze before trying to get one last slice in with her saw, but Blart with a minor scrape evaded the attack and swatted the blade out of her hand to which it fell into the fountain with a large splash causing the water to electrify.

Finally with one final kick to the stomach Blart got out his most """useful""" weapon in his storage: The Glue Gun, aiming it at the now tired Yandere who was huffing and puffing now onto her parcel knife she went in for one final slash in a burst of inhuman speed however Blart replied with simply-

"Next time just stick to what you know best... being a student." before with a loud splat noise Yandere-Chan's feet were glued in place on the shiny mall floor. Confused, enraged and tired her only futile efforts were to slash at the already dried glue without knowing Blart had in his hands... a Taser. Paul then went in for the kill as in a short amount of time impaled Yandere-Chan in the stomach causing electricity to flow rapidly around her, soon enough she started shaking violently screaming in pain loudly with the whole Mall watching until suddenly...

SPLAT!

Yandere-Chan's head was sent flying up into the air soon to the awaiting fountain where it floated and shocked all around blood starting to pollute the fountain, not too far away we see The Yandere's once mighty body motionless as is slumps to the floor still shaking from the high voltage of the Mall Cop's taser.

Everyone was silent as they saw The School-Girl's body lying down dead, some were remorceful some were grateful oh well, you can't win them all can you? I guess not then.

Walking away Paul spoke to himself in a heroic tone for his victory, "Don't mess with my mall..." Yep, just another exciteful day at the Mall for Paul Blart himself.

K.O.!
Senpai is looking at Yandere-Chan's head with a horrified look on his face before turning away to his new green-haired "Friend" before the two start walking away happily "This truly is the best day for Midori Gurin!" replied the girl cheerfully.

Meanwhile, Paul was on his radio before trying to get his lodged Segway out of the Ball-Pit replying with "Oh yeah, clean up on Isle 3." before returning to trying to pull out his mode of transport.

Results
Police Brutality!

Yandere-Chan was a surperior fighter advantage in terms of close-range weaponry combined with her wit but Paul exceeded her in everything else with his long-range equipment, superior experience and better durability it's what ultimately gave him the win.

If anything while Yandere-Chan can kill multiple people this requires planning and a lot of prep and the more people she kills the more lusted and insane she becomes if anything Blart would most likely be taunting her to make her even more paranoid.

A lot of Blart's weaponry could slow down and even take out Yandere-Chan if given the chance alonside Paul's extensive experience with dealing with people like Yandere herself it was made this fight even more straight forward.

And if anything Yandere-Chan's still in development making her choices of fighting quite limited for the time being but for now Blart had what she didn't and that was actually being complete (A complete waste of time.)

Ultimately what tipped this fight in Blart's favor was his sheer durability and skill at fighting like one time he survived being kicked by a horse to a car with little to no injury, that is physically impossible without breaking a couple of bones, but not for Blart.

In the end Yandere-Chan just was shocked by not being noticed.

The Winner is Paul Blart, Mall Cop.