Heavies Battle Royal!

Tons of damage, but maybe some of these guys could get a running trainer or somethin'...

''Video Game Heavies Battle Royal! is a What-If? Death Battle featuring The Heavy from Team Fortress 2, Zarya, Bastion and Winston from Overwatch, and as a special character, we have.. Markiplier?! Well, I guess he's a strong, f...freaking slow guy.''

Description
''Whether you want to be really slow or really powerful, these guys will always be there for you. Easy targets for Snipers and hard targets for others.''

Intro
Wiz: Why are we doing this again?

'''Boomstick: Because I'm freaking crazy! That's why today we have the Russian bear killer, The Heavy from Team Fortress 2.'''

Wiz: Zarya..

Boomstick: Also Bastion..

Wiz: And then Winston..

'''Boomstick: And why the heck is Markiplier on here? Because once he's drunk he's crazy, slow and powerful?!'''

Wiz: Sure.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win.. a Death Battle.

Heavy
Boomstick: Once, in a long time ago called 2007, there were three games all in a box that was orange!

Wiz: And in one of the games, Team Fortress 2, featured a face that gamers today all recognize: The Russian Heavy Weapons Guy.

'''Boomstick: And this guy is pretty impressive! Once he killed freaking bears! BEARS! He's like the slower version of Vladimir Putin!'''

Wiz: Yes, Heavy has killed bears '''in the comics, which ARE technically canon. '''He has several miniguns that we'll let him use. Boomstick, tell them.

Boomstick: Let's see, he has his normal minigun, Natascha, the Brass Beast, and the Tomislav.

Wiz: And he doesn't only have miniguns. He has a shotgun and other several secondary weapons, like the Sandvich, Dalokohs Bar, and the Family Business.

'''Boomstick: And he has melee weapons, too! He has his own fists, a Golden Frying Pan that freezes enemies into statues, and his Killing Gloves of Boxing, which all do a base damage of 65 and a Critical Hit damage of 195.'''

Wiz: And here are his weaknesses, and here's a real well know well: his speed might be the most dangerous thing for him. He's probably the slowest person here.

Boomstick: The Killing Gloves of Boxing has 20% slower swing rate, the Family Business does -15 damage, if he drops his Sandvich or Dalokohs bar the enemy can pick it up, and speaking of those two, eating them takes atleast 5 or 6 seconds and the recharge takes about the same time.

Wiz: Even though the Tomislav has no spin-up sound, it has a 20% slower firing rate, the Brass Beast has a 50% slower spin up time and has a 60% slower move speed when deployed, and Natascha does 25% less damage and has a 30% longer spin time.

Boomstick: But no matter what, don't go messing with this Russian strongman.

''Heavy: Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe..Maybe. I have yet to see one who can outsmart bullet.''

Zarya, Bastion and Winston.
Boomstick: I hope you all know this is a lot faster then having you read a ton of different segments and (Thel) us having to write a longer script.

Wiz: Aleksandra Zaryanova is one of the world's strongest women, a celebrated athlete who sacrificed personal glory to protect her family, friends, and country in a time of war.

'''Boomstick: She has a Particle Cannon that can shoot a short range beam of destructive energy. She can also throw an explosive charge to strike multiple opponents.'''

Wiz: She also has a Particle Barrier that protects Zarya from incoming attacks, and it will transfer the energy to her weapon, making it more dangerous and being able to fire a longer beam. After her ultimate is charged, Graviton Surge causes to come closer and it causes even more damage to them.

Boomstick: Once a frontline combatant in the devastating Omnic Crisis, this curious Bastion unit now explores the world, fascinated by nature but wary of a fearful humanity.

Wiz: Bastion has a submachine gun that can headshot and is good in close-far range. He also has a stationary form, called Configuration: Sentry, that is devastating in close-medium range.

'''Boomstick: And his big bad, Configuration: Tank, he can turn into a slow tank which will devastate his opponents. He can also repair himself, but he cannot move or do anything, except, well, repair himself.'''

Wiz: Next we have Winston, the scientist gorilla. A super-intelligent, genetically engineered gorilla, Winston is a brilliant scientist and a champion for humanity's potential.

Boomstick: Winston has a Tesla Cannon that fires a short-range electrical barrage, but only as long as he holds down the trigger.

Wiz: He also has a Jump Pack that helps him get to hard to reach places and Winston's barrier projector extends a bubble-shaped field that absorbs damage until it's destroyed.

Boomstick: And just so you know, this is a Free-For-All, which means they won't be working together, but even by themselves, they're dangerous forces.

Winston: Imagination is the essence of discovery.

Zarya: Together we are strong.

Bastion: Sh-Sh-Sh!

Markiplier warfs his way into Death Battle!
Boomstick: Good thing we're doing him while he's drunk.

Wiz: Were there any times he was even drunk?

Boomstick: I dunno.

Wiz: Anyways, Drunkiplier is supposedly a force to be reckoned with, as he's a crazy, powerful beast. Well, there's not really much to explain here, I guess.

'''Boomstick: Well, not that he's that really fast, like most drunks. Also, you really never know what he's doing, and neither does he..'''

Drunkiplier: *burp* Oh, a cow!

Pre Fight
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set! Let's end this debate once and for all!

Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Death Battle
''Bastion slowly walks into Coaltown, near the entrance where the Tank comes in and easily kills some Scout robots. Zarya comes in one player spawn and Winston comes from the other, Heavy standing near the building right in front of Bastion and Drunkiplier slowly walks from the Robot Car-Thingy to the battlefield. ''

Zarya: Winston, I know what you hear for. I will get it first.

Winston: Not if I deal with it.

Heavy: Ha! These babies are no match for Heavy!

Bastion: Whoo-Vweeeeeeee!

Drunkiplier: Don't worry, mom, I'm comin'.. *burp*

Zarya: Urrrgh!

Winston: Hmmm!

Heavy: Ahahahaha!

Bastion: Sh-Sh-Sh!

Drunkiplier: *burp*

FIGHT!

Winston runs, knowing Bastion is somewhere.

Heavy goes near Zarya and starts firing his normal minigun.

''Zarya jumps down and starts shooting at Heavy, turning on her barrier, absorbing the minigun's bullets. Heavy realizes his fueling her and he stops shooting and backs up. She shoots the laser but Heavy moves away. Her barrier ceases and he starts firing again, but Zarya drops his Particle Cannon and tackles Heavy, beating him up. He gets his Killing Gloves of Boxing out and beats her, until she has 5 health left, and he almost shoots her with his shotgun but she runs away, with no way of healing. Heavy then finds her and finally finishes her off with a K.O. from his Killing Gloves of Boxing.''

Fighters Remaining: 4

Meanwhile..

''Winston finds Bastion and starts shooting at him, but it took a long time to find him so Winston's ultimate is charged up and he uses Primal Rage, running after Bastion. Bastion manages to hold back Winston long enough with his submachine gun and uses his Ultimate and blows a hole in Winstons head with his cannon.''

Fighters Remaining: 3

''Drunkiplier slowly walks to Heavy, drinking more alcohol and grabs his empty bottles, one in each hand, and smashes them both on Heavy's head, leaving him with 150 health. He then grabs the Tomislav and starts shooting 'till Drunkiplier is atleast 6 feet away, and he eats the Dalokohs Bar while he's still walking, and he starts shooting Natascha and Drunkiplier is finally killed after 37 bullets have entered his head.''

Fighters Remaining: 2

''Bastion sees Heavy coming and gets his submachine gun out, his Ultimate 93% charged. Heavy then shoots Ganymede with Natascha, enraging Bastion and shooting rapidly at Heavy, who is eating his Dalokohs Bar, healing himself. As soon as his Ultimate reaches 100%, he turns into the cannon again, causing Heavy to get out the Brass Beast, causing Bastion to have only 103 health points left. He then shoots an explosive tank shot at Heavy, who dodges, but he shoots 5 more in 5 seconds, causing Heavy to get shot 3 times, the explosive shots finishing him off.''

Fighters Remaining: 1.

Results
Boomstick: I guess Robots are better than humans!

Wiz: The reason Bastion had won was that he was in the background long enough so that other fighters had died and he got his Ultimate charged up in time.

Boomstick: I know you're saying, right now, 'But Wiz, Boomstick, how did Bastion even dodge Primal Rage?' well, I've seen King Hippo dodge attacks, loser, so this robot can!

Wiz: Heavy was too slow for Bastion, and can't even take many rockets from Soldier, so we doubt that he could take many shots from Bastion.

Boomstick: Also, Heavy's fists do more damage than Zarya's, so we could say that after a ton of damage, she would run because she wouldn't have a chance.

Wiz: And Drunkiplier, he.. He didn't stand a chance.

Boomstick: I guess humans couldn't stand a chance.

Wiz: The winner is Bastion.

Next time on Death Battle..
The Sniper reloads his sniper.

Ana aims.

Widowmaker shoots.