User blog:Friendlysociopath/Short Stories

A series of tales without rhyme or reason, rules and physics are cast aside as chaos reigns...



Nobody expected a garbage truck to roll up to the bank- but then again- nobody had expected a lot of what would occur on this rainy day. A large man stepped from the truck and stretched his shoulders underneath a patchy duster. He took a moment to glance around, noting the lack of people in the area. Hellboy lowered his arms, revealing his buffered horns and red skin to the world, along with a ton of rain.

He shook his head from side to side, scattering water from his sideburns as he cursed under his breath, "Where's all the damned people?"

An earpiece squawked to life in his ear, "No idea Red, take care though, whatever's causing havoc at the top floor is getting some odd descriptions from the people phoning it in." Hellboy looked up as he heard a new chorus of screaming break out on the higher floors- along with a desk being thrown through a window and into the street.

Hellboy chuckled, "They're playing our song." The hulking figure broke into a run, shoving through the revolving doors and walking up to the metal detector. Two human guards stand on either side, clutching at their sidearms as they look up at the ceiling, where screams continue to sound. Hellboy drew the Samaritan and held it up in the air.

"Sorry boys, you've got the wrong tool for the job." Both guards looked straight at him as he walked through the detector, causing it to blare at the obvious weapon. They both started to reach for him but flinched as the ceiling trembled a bit and the screams kept going. After a quick series of looks between the large red demon and the dust sifting from above- discretion won out over valor and they both fled the building. Hellboy recalled the desk emerging from the 5th floor and decided on the elevator. If it hasn't killed anyone yet- it's probably not going to. The unabated screaming insisted this premise held promise.

He idly hit the '5' button and whistled as the elevator ascended. "Abe- any idea what we're looking at?" Silence followed, causing Hellboy to frown and tap his earpiece, "Abe? Ahhhh piece of junk..." Hellboy shrugged again, flexing his massive right hand as he waited to the quiet little tune the elevator kept playing. As the 5th floor button 'dinged' he raised his hand- ready to fight the first thing that he saw when the doors opened.

In hindsight, he'd forgotten what humans did when scared. No sooner had the doors opened than a veritable flood of mouth-breathing accountants and bankers stormed into the elevator- each and every one shrieking at the top of his or her lungs. Hellboy was carried into the back and only by thrusting his larger hand forwards and grabbing at the doors did he prevent himself from having to take the trip all the way back down.

He took a moment to catch his breath before stalking across the large room the humans had just abandoned. Large desks complete with computers lined the room- a dozen on each side. Far in the back, lights flickered and a heavy set of wooden doors stood ajar. The floor was eerily quiet once all the screamers had gone. Hellboy noted a lit cigar on one of the desks and plucked it up to smoke it. Fake shit- but still good in its own way. Deciding he'd killed enough time, Hellboy took the rest of the floor at increasing speed until he was almost at a jog. He reached the doors and cautiously pushed them open to see what was in there.

It was a little furry blue... thing. Hellboy was honestly puzzled- it looked like no demon, fey, or spirit he'd ever come across. It was also sitting at the computer and rapidly typing away- which was almost out of the question. Eldritch abominations had been rather slow to process new technology- let alone use it as quickly as this little guy was doing.

"Hey- pal." The little blue guy turned to look at him, extremely large eyes regarding him without making a sound. Its ears stuck straight up, signalling alarm at Hellboy's presence. Hellboy cautiously continued, "Listen, humans are a bit skittish around weird things like us, and I'm frankly tired, cranky, and have a bit of a crick in my back. So what do you say we do this the nice- peaceful-"

The thing turned back to the computer and was typing away- completely ignoring him. Hellboy sighed, "Course it's not easy." He reached forwards with his Doom Hand, "Alright little guy- c'mere before I-" In the blink of an eye, the beast spun around and bit Hellboy's giant stone hand. "AHHHHHHHH SHIT! "